Kids: Today, my little sister randomly came up to me and said: "Aww,...

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 21:54 - United Kingdom - Southend

Today, my little sister randomly came up to me and said: "Aww, don't be sad. Even ugly people can get boyfriends." She then smiled, patted my back, and walked off. I wasn't actually sad before, but I am now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 214

You deserved it 3 085

Kids

Good kid

Stop talking!

Health? Care? Never

By stanky - 19/06/2015 14:47 - United States - Columbus

Today, I was about to leave for my honeymoon with my new husband, when he saw my deodorant in my bag. He picked it up and asked what it was. When I said it was deodorant, he gave me a confused look and said "girls don't wear deodorant". He actually believed that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 253

You deserved it 2 970

By Anonymous - 22/05/2010 23:22 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 550

You deserved it 47 005

By Anonymous - 16/01/2011 02:33 - United States

Today, we were celebrating my birthday and my boyfriend thought it would be funny to shove my face in the cake. While the candles were still lit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 894

You deserved it 3 676

By kp - 17/10/2011 00:47 - Australia

Today, I found ants all over my chocolate, but I'm so addicted that I just wiped them off and ate it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 860

You deserved it 58 656

It's up there somewhere

By Anonymous - 15/09/2021 06:57 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, it was the first time my fiancé and I have been able to have sex in the daytime for ages. We have 2 kids under 2 who take up most of our time, so when we had the opportunity, we grabbed a condom and pounced. Everything was going well until he pulled out… and left the condom inside. Now we can’t find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 323

You deserved it 181

By miewann - 03/03/2015 19:06 - United States - Mount Holly

Today, I got fired from my new waitress job after 2 shifts. They said I wasn't experienced enough to handle the fast pace. I thought I'd been doing well so I asked my friend who works there what really happened. Apparently not showing my boobs enough at a family place was grounds for dismissal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 117

You deserved it 2 555

By Anonymous - 24/10/2011 09:47 - United States

Today, marks the fourth straight night that my girlfriend has screamed and cried in fear, scratching and kicking me in her sleep. The reason? I took her to see Paranormal Activity 3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 927

You deserved it 51 170

How does that work?

By Denise - 26/07/2020 17:00

Today, the girl I hired and trained took my director's position. She's not even been there a month. I didn't do anything to lose it, they just decided she was more qualified. At least I was good at picking employees I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 350

You deserved it 100

Coach Class

By GetFuzzy - 18/10/2019 12:00

Today, I was on the phone with my diet coach. I was telling her how I lost 3 pounds this week. I was saying this while eating a bag of chips, a beer in my hand and cooking a 3-meat pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 1 936

By ohmy. - 27/12/2010 17:52 - United States

Today, my husband yawned in the middle of our wedding vows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 423

You deserved it 7 130

By SwoopingEagle - 09/06/2017 20:00

Today, my co-workers were laughing at me because I couldn't throw paper into the bin, regardless of how close I was. Annoyed, I tried to prove then wrong by angry throwing paper into the bin that was no less that 1 cm away from me. I missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 793

You deserved it 1 280

By Unknown - 30/06/2014 01:05 - United States

Today, I found out that the lump under my carpet that I stomped on to flatten was actually a dead frog that had gotten caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 863

You deserved it 7 185

By Anonymous - 03/04/2011 15:14 - United States

Today, while bending over to get the brownies I was making out of the oven, my husband slapped my butt. I fell into the oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 649

You deserved it 6 409

By syl - 11/02/2010 06:18 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 206

You deserved it 5 199

By iailwkrb - 26/02/2009 16:08 - United States

Today, while babysitting, the oldest little girl who is 7 went through my purse. She pulled out a half empty bottle of lube. She asked what it was and I told her lotion. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, the bottle was empty and there were 4 kids covered in lube. Then their mom came home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 749

You deserved it 27 913

By Anonymous - 02/11/2010 16:26 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was the first time in four months since our baby was born, that I could really enjoy it. After we finished up we walked into the livingroom, where my white faced brother was sitting. He said we left the baby monitor on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 679

You deserved it 37 206

Please leave

By Anonymous - 10/06/2019 22:00

Today, I went on my first date in over a year, and my best friend popped up at the restaurant uninvited. To make it worse, she pulled up a chair right in between us and started an argument with the bartender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 876

You deserved it 151

By Anonymous - 03/01/2010 16:35 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling with the lights off. It was 1AM, and I'd just finished watching a scary movie, so I was a little paranoid. I was about to fall asleep, when an eerie light lit the room. I jumped, got tangled in the sheets, and hit my head against the bed frame. Where'd the light come from? Not a space ship. Not someone breaking in. It was my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 541

You deserved it 29 117

By ThanksDog - 05/06/2016 21:26

Today, after months of planning the perfect night with my brother, who was coming home for 2 weeks from the military, he cancelled because he "missed his dog". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 421

You deserved it 1 494

By Username - 14/07/2011 20:09 - United States

Today, I walked in on my father and brother attempting to harmonize their farts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 266

You deserved it 5 735

Landmine

By Anonymous - 03/04/2021 00:30

Today, my sister told everyone she doesn't get mad at people anymore, and just accepts it. Today is also the day she folded laundry and threw my clothes around my room. Still not mad, just passive aggressive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 93

By Anonymous - 05/01/2010 20:16 - United States

Today, I picked the treadmill next to an old man so I could feel better about myself. He ran faster and longer than I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 040

You deserved it 36 461

Whoops

By chubbs - 28/05/2014 21:07 - United States - Vacaville

Today, after waiting 2 hours for my landlord to leave so I could take a shit in peace, I sat down on the toilet. The doorbell immediately rang. It was my landlord, who wanted to let me know that he had just backed into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 157

You deserved it 3 763

By ellieowenie - 29/07/2012 08:11 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 683

You deserved it 3 410

Vandals!

By volvo_owner - 10/02/2021 02:01 - Germany - Harsefeld

Today, I wanted to go shopping in my new car that I bought just a month ago. When I stepped outside, I saw someone had smashed the driver side's window. They didn't even steal anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 49

By honeymoonisover - 28/06/2009 16:05 - United States

Today, my husband of one week lost his wedding ring while we were preparing for a dinner party. After a thorough search and no luck, I started to cry. He told me to quit being a drama queen because we had guests. He then got drunk with his friends, puked on the patio, and called me a bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 370

You deserved it 11 743

By forgottendaughter - 17/01/2010 14:41 - South Africa

Today, my father asked me to never contact him again. The reason? His "new" family doesn't know I exist and explaining that he has a 28 year old daughter to his wife and his other children would be "awkward". I have siblings that I will never meet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 794

You deserved it 2 558

By disgusted - 16/03/2012 09:02 - United States

Today, I found out that my old roommate used to clean her goldfish bowl with my toothbrush. We lived together for six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 118

You deserved it 2 129

By pon-3 - 22/06/2012 21:13 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time. Their justification for giving me up for adoption was that I wasn't conceived at the ideal time for them. Apparently, the ideal time was six months after the adoption, when they conceived the first of my two brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 869

You deserved it 2 304

Freak out!

By Anonymous - 05/10/2019 00:01

Today, I woke up with a high fever. My two year-old decided today was the day she would have one of the largest tantrums she’s ever had and threw yogurt all over the newly-refinished floor, my fiancé, myself and our cat Sebastian. Sebastian was not impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 416

You deserved it 177

By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 23:26 - United States

Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 174

You deserved it 51 234

By Fml - 12/04/2013 05:05 - United States - Lynn

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex; I know that some women are great multitaskers, but I'm guessing it was a bad sign when she started to go over the shopping list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 116

You deserved it 14 571

By thathottchickk - 13/12/2011 22:43 - United States

Today, I volunteered to cater an event at school. A little girl asked for a big slice of cake so I gave it to her. She then puked everywhere and her parents blamed me and made me clean it up. The little girl sat there smiling at me while I cleaned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 259

You deserved it 3 685

Check before crossing

By Randy Savage - 02/02/2009 16:29 - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked if her friend Alex from high school could join in with us and we could have an amazing threesome. As a horny dude, how could I say no? Turns out Alex is also a guy's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 886

You deserved it 71 066

By Anonymous - 14/12/2014 01:14 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my vegan girlfriend openly admitted that she'd let me die if she had to choose between saving my life or an animal's. She actually seemed confused as to why that upset me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 784

You deserved it 4 370

By Anonymous - 05/05/2012 07:08 - United States

Today, it was my wedding. Everyone showed up, except my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 242

You deserved it 3 205

By Anonymous - 04/03/2017 00:00

Today, my biology teacher asked the class a question, so I raised my hand and after I gave my answer, my teacher said, "You know, you have a voice for radio. It's very deep." I replied with "Do I? Thanks!" He added, "You also have the face for radio." The whole class laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 240

You deserved it 565

By Emily - 06/07/2011 08:33 - Australia

Today, I got home to three boys riding bikes out in front of my house, smiling at me. I instantly thought they were checking me out, so I smiled sweetly at them. Turns out they were flaunting the fact that they just stole all 3 of our bikes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 592

You deserved it 12 229

By anonymous - 23/03/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, I was with my girlfriend and she was making me listen to one of her recordings for chorus. As I was listening to it a solo came on, and i turned to her and said "This is the worst F*ing solo I've ever heard in my life." Little did I know, it was her solo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 859

You deserved it 86 276

By sucks2suck - 19/02/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I told my parents I really missed them and wanted to come home for the weekend, I haven't seen them in months. They told me that was a bad idea and they couldnt fit me into their schedule. I asked what their plans were. They said they didn't have any yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 158

You deserved it 2 674

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Top comments

swagstatic 16

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Saturday 27 December 2014 5:27

You should of said "yeah, you're right, I guess you have a shot of getting a boyfriend"!

aireeahna 23

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Saturday 27 December 2014 5:26

Don't worry OP, eventually the ugly duckling will turn into a beautiful swan (:

SarahSehhati 40

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Saturday 27 December 2014 5:23

Little sisters are little brats do not let her ruin your day!

Just_A_Tree 20

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Saturday 27 December 2014 6:19

Little sis must know from experience. She knew this as soon as she got a boyfriend for the first time. But seriously though, nobody is ugly, we just fit the physical preference of others. Some people fit more of the populations physical preferences than others. But that don't mean you're ugly. Chin up. Confidence and being competitive is the most attractive thing of all, and if you got those, then you're better than a lot of girls in my opinion.

adrian1910 15

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Saturday 27 December 2014 8:22

My little sisters are nice and caring

WattledParsley 11

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Sunday 28 December 2014 2:37

24 no one gives a flying fuck

JayGatsby 25

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Sunday 28 December 2014 4:59

This FML is still and Fyl no matter OP's sister's age, but I feel that maybe if OP's sister is very young she might actually think that she is helping and just isn't very good at saying it using proper manners yet; however, if she is old enough to know that those words are hurtful then there is no excuse. Anyways, definite fyl OP, I'm sure that someday you'll be just perfect enough for one guy. Keep your head up high!

grimpeeper 13

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Saturday 27 December 2014 5:24

Pelt her with insults.

tiredteenager 16

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Saturday 27 December 2014 6:08

Two wrongs don't make a right.

pastel_fml 18

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Saturday 27 December 2014 8:24

But three lefts do.

BoaNikolaos 14

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Saturday 27 December 2014 11:05

Two wrongs do make a right as long as you win ;)

swaglesshipster 23

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Saturday 27 December 2014 5:24

Don't let people kill your spirits. Everyone is pretty in their own way ❤️

flowdaddygreen 4

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Saturday 27 December 2014 9:06

easy for someone as pretty as you to say some people aren't that lucky

Sober_CJ 10

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Saturday 27 December 2014 11:47

Absolutely, we are all unique. No one is the same, there is someone for everyone!

Amama_fml 30

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Saturday 27 December 2014 5:24

At least she cares for you.

aireeahna 23

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Saturday 27 December 2014 5:26

Don't worry OP, eventually the ugly duckling will turn into a beautiful swan (:

nitrog100 21

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Saturday 27 December 2014 17:37

That's not how that works. Like at all.

ashalayx 13

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Saturday 27 December 2014 5:26

aw, everyone is beautiful in there own way. youll find someone who loves you for you, petty or not on the outside.

Sober_CJ 10

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Saturday 27 December 2014 11:49

That's right, we are all unique in our own way. No one is the same, and there is always someone out there for you.

swagstatic 16

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Saturday 27 December 2014 5:27

You should of said "yeah, you're right, I guess you have a shot of getting a boyfriend"!

randomgirl1234 20

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Saturday 27 December 2014 10:39

have*.

tantanpanda 26

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Sunday 28 December 2014 11:45

#29, at least correct all of it. To be fair, if OP's sister is young enough, she won't understand the psychological damage she just caused. Some kids tend to speak blatantly without euphemisms. Now, if she's pretty old, like 10+, then she knows what she said. That's when the judgement should rain down on her. juuuust presenting the possible other side of the story.