Love: Today, my life became a lot more depressing. A while ago, some... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 138

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 1 752

18/10/2015 17:06

Today, my life became a lot more depressing. A while ago, some friends and I founded a "Forever Alone" club, because all of us were single at that time. I'm now the only member left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 262

You deserved it 3 075

Taking stock

Walk the line

Triage

29/04/2015 16:06

Today, my sister's kitten walked away from his litter box, jumped onto the table, looked me dead in the eyes, then peed directly onto my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 037

You deserved it 3 319

03/03/2013 16:05

Today, I found out my girlfriend can do Heath Ledger's "Joker" voice perfectly. I'm not sure if I should be scared or impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 980

You deserved it 6 923

22/08/2011 19:35

Spicy

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 565

You deserved it 46 612

10/12/2011 16:45

Today, I got my first driving lesson from my dad. We traded seats, I started the car and his entire lesson was, "Go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 360

You deserved it 3 963

11/08/2011 20:11

Today, I asked my dad if I was a planned baby. He asked me if the crazy drunken party he and my mom had nine months prior to my birth counted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 315

You deserved it 5 008

Wait, what?

By The Bosnian - 15/10/2020 02:02

Today, after I applied and interviewed for a technical position in IT two weeks ago, they informed me that I didn't get it, because I'm "too technical." How the hell is that even possible? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 190

You deserved it 79

Lunch Special

By Luisa - 09/01/2020 01:00

Today, we have nearly no food in the house. My husband went shopping with the kids and returned with a sack of tomatoes. Time to make lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 990

You deserved it 221

07/02/2010 18:58

Today, I found out that, if timed just right, the alarm function on my phone can be disabled by a text message. And my dad has an impeccable sense of timing. I was 20 minutes late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 950

You deserved it 3 250

11/09/2013 16:57

Today, I was watching a movie on TV. One of the characters has the same name as my dog, and when his name was called, my dog got so excited that he jumped face-first into my TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 968

You deserved it 4 421

12/12/2009 07:28

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend gave me my first compliment in months. Apparently my body spray makes me smell like a stripper. He then asked me if he could "park the beef bus in tuna town". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 828

You deserved it 4 309

16/12/2016 09:43

Today, the lip balms I ordered online finally arrived in the mail. After trying one out, my lips had an allergic reaction. It's a 4-pack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 789

You deserved it 1 009

08/01/2011 20:35

Today, I had to point out the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" sign at my work to an extremely old, seemingly intoxicated man wearing an ill fitting speedo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 451

You deserved it 2 480

30/03/2015 01:09

Today, I lost hundreds of dollars in gift cards. Robbed? No. Mugged? Don't think so. My roommate threw them away after he got water on them, thinking that it rendered them unusable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 418

You deserved it 2 585

30/06/2009 16:17

Today, I went to my 7 year old son's school for a conference with his teacher. When I got there, the teacher said "she adored me for who and what I am". I was puzzled. Turns out my son told his class that I am a "lesbian American." Wrong. I'm Lebanese-American. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 928

You deserved it 3 915

The planets made me do it

By c…… - 12/10/2021 08:00

Today, my sister wrecked my car, then blamed it on, "Mercury being in retrograde." FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 57

Silver linings

By see lie - 31/07/2019 16:00

Today, we recently found out I'm infertile, and I thought we were both devastated, until my partner posted a drunk video to Facebook, basically celebrating that we will never have, "crying, nappy-shitting, soul-sucking, bank account-draining little sods." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 192

You deserved it 339

27/12/2011 08:30

Today, I tried to open the door with my mouth because my hands were full. I chipped a tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 244

You deserved it 45 894

Who's the loser?

By thomasthedankengine - 02/06/2021 15:59

Today, I was at a family friend's house for a gathering. I grabbed my food and started heading towards the patio. Unfortunately, I didn't make it to the patio, as there was a glass door in my way that I didn't see. My sophomore year crush saw everything, along with her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 226

Covid depression

By Bhrugu - 03/05/2021 11:32

Today, after a month of online school due to the second wave of Covid in India, I discovered that I have lost the ability to enjoy most of everything I used to. I can't enjoy reading, eating, music, or everything else. The doctor says it's anhedonia. I'm not depressed, or at least that's I think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 98

01/01/2012 08:31

Today, I told my mom I was going to a New Year's party. She told me to be back by midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 933

You deserved it 3 359

17/07/2014 02:49

Today, I was waiting in a line, texting on my phone. I hear what sounded like a sneeze and said, "Bless you" to the man in front of me. He gave me a dirty look as I began to smell something awful. It wasn't a sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 207

You deserved it 4 782

19/05/2013 21:27

Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 212

You deserved it 3 903

27/02/2011 21:46

Today, I went to my first ever high school party with music, drinks, and dancing. Within a few minutes of taking my first ever shot of tequila, I was in the worst pain in my life. My parents were called and I had to be taken to the hospital. I'm alcohol intolerant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 966

You deserved it 13 952

Golden child

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 19:02

Today, my mum went and told everyone she only went to the doctor after being ill because my brother told her to. It was me who'd been telling her for weeks to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 76

The other stage of grief

By Anonymous - 06/10/2020 05:03

Spicy

Today, I found out the girl I’ve been seeing for a few weeks is freaky. At her grandad's funeral, she got so upset she had to leave the room, only to drag me into the priest's office for a quick blowjob. Apparently, death turns her on. I had oral sex at a funeral. I’m going to Hell for sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 478

12/01/2012 20:16

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend's Marine dad walked in on us fooling around naked. Now we can only hang out with "parental supervision". Oh, and I have to record my visits on a clipboard by the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 722

You deserved it 39 979

31/05/2015 07:06

Spicy

Today, I'm so deprived of intimacy that I got a raging boner when a waitress called me "hun". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 575

You deserved it 5 363

This is war!

By Kilimanjaro - 03/04/2012 04:41

Today, the war against the pigeons on my veranda reached a new level. To try and get them to clear off, I gave my window pane a short, sharp knock. It broke into several shards, and not one of the totally oblivious birds moved. Pigeons 1, Me 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 002

You deserved it 6 034

26/08/2017 18:30

Today, at the dentist, I was just supposed to get three small cavities filled. I walked out with a referral slip for the endodontist. Hello, root canal. Fuck you, genetics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 297

You deserved it 280

01/11/2013 23:55

Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 871

You deserved it 56 114

22/06/2016 04:27

Today, I managed to fracture my shoulder blade and dislocate my shoulder, just by falling off a deckchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 904

You deserved it 1 264

02/04/2009 05:35

Today, I passed the girl I like a note asking her out, signed Mark H. She picked it up, read it, turned around and asked me, "Do you know who Mark H. is?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 666

You deserved it 7 895

24/02/2011 06:39

Today, I went to my son's high school play. The moment I arrived at the auditorium, I shouted out his name to let him know I made it. Thinking I was a student, a teacher yelled, "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Scared out of my mind, I quickly obeyed, to mass giggling from the kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 915

You deserved it 36 731

13/02/2017 08:00

Today, I had a near-death experience. Went to print a document and a lizard shot out of the printer right out at me. Gives a whole new meaning to a Canon printer, a fricking lizard Canon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 515

You deserved it 563

Frozen

By Scarred for life - 13/03/2020 08:00

Today, while volunteering at a senior care center, I witnessed a woman begin to remove her trousers. Then she began tearing apart her diaper. She then began to explore her body. I was unable to stop her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 543

You deserved it 128

14/07/2019 16:00

Today, I got to wake up to a text from my boyfriend that said, "U got competition." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 967

You deserved it 173

03/09/2015 16:30

Today, my mom called me a druggie after she found out I smoked weed once. She's now threatening to sell my car, tell my boss, and ban me from seeing my fiancée. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 177

You deserved it 3 903

Hot and… greasy

By cortanaisahobot - 19/07/2012 20:29

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 505

You deserved it 6 187

25/01/2013 05:25

Today, I led a class of grade-two pupils on an excursion to the zoo. When we went to see the lions I was put in a position where I had to explain to seven and eight year olds why one lion was "bouncing" on top of the other one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 530

You deserved it 3 167

29/08/2012 15:01

Today, my car was towed for the second time in front of my own house. They tried to tell me it was because they didn't think I lived there anymore. The person who had it towed had just spoken to me not three hours before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 068

You deserved it 1 686

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Top comments

yenze 18

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Monday 19 October 2015 9:35

That club could be a great way to meet people. Invite singles over and turn it into a party.

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Monday 19 October 2015 9:34

Sounds like you're the President of Isolation Island.

Comments

Send a private message

Monday 19 October 2015 9:34

Sounds like you're the President of Isolation Island.

Estrangement 25

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Tuesday 20 October 2015 6:39

The leader of Loner Land.

yenze 18

Send a private message

Monday 19 October 2015 9:35

That club could be a great way to meet people. Invite singles over and turn it into a party.

Send a private message

Monday 19 October 2015 14:15

and charge a fee..

Send a private message

Monday 19 October 2015 16:42

Or just serve food. If everyone knows that your parties are delicious, you'll have a full house in no time! You can even make it a singles potluck! Keep your chin up Lena! Who knows what is in store for you! Good luck, and have fun!!! :)

Send a private message

Monday 19 October 2015 9:36

Don't worry you'll find someone special sooner than you think Don't feel discouraged(:

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Tuesday 20 October 2015 9:45

I just don't really get why being single is a bad thing. Or a depressing thing, rather. I enjoy my "me time" Sure, one day I'd like to have someone by my side. But why rush?

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Monday 19 October 2015 9:37

Your band name would be The Lonely Island

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Monday 19 October 2015 9:42

At least u are ready to mingle..

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Monday 19 October 2015 9:56

Relationships home and go, you won't be the only member forever OP

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Monday 19 October 2015 14:16

One will eventually stick though... Kind of like dog poo to your shoe

aimbug 42

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Monday 19 October 2015 10:04

Open it up to more singles. Best way to meet people (:

yenze 18

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Monday 19 October 2015 13:15

That's great advice wish somebody said it sooner.

aimbug 42

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Tuesday 20 October 2015 0:49

Oh sorry. I just saw your comment. Great minds think alike (:

yenze 18

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Tuesday 20 October 2015 6:45

That they do my friend

coraline123c 23

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Monday 19 October 2015 10:07

Thats no problem, all you need are some more single friends to join the club ! And if not that then good things come to those who wait !

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Monday 19 October 2015 10:13

love is not a mystery, it's everything - dj common sense

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Monday 19 October 2015 10:14

*cats meow excitingly*