Today, my laptop plug got stuck in the wall outlet. I stood there... - FML

By aireun - 9/7/2009 05:33 - United States

Today, my laptop plug got stuck in the wall outlet. I stood there for 10 minutes violently trying to yank it out. My boss came in and screamed at me for making noise. I was angry, so I glared at him and yanked on the plug as hard as I could. It dislodged itself noiselessly and I fell over. FML

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Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

Rich people problems

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By Anonymous - 25/9/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Slumming it

Today, my mum and I were moving the last of  my stuff into my new flat when I heard some creaking. The sound was  coming from the bathroom, so I went to check it out. As I stepped  through the door, the floor collapsed and the bathtub and I fell  right through. FML

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By Lilah - 19/2/2012 00:29 - Canada

Today, I was showing off my sexy new lingerie set to my boyfriend. While we were getting frisky, he got really into things and ripped it completely off my body, destroying it. It cost me $110. FML

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By … - 28/6/2012 14:20 - United States

Today, after three months of them dating, I finally met the guy my best friend claims she's in love with. To my horror, she's dating the douchebag that I had a one-night stand with a week ago. FML

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By [email protected] - 25/12/2019 20:00

Just in case

Today, a customer threatened to kick my balls in if I didn’t give her a hot chocolate. I had already explained to her that it wasn’t working. She’s a regular so anytime I see her now I cover my balls just in case. FML

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By kate9871 - 4/10/2019 02:00

Mr. Nice Guy

Today, while driving home, a jeep hit the back of my car. When I got home and told my boyfriend, he acted concerned but still wanted to know what was for dinner. I think I have whiplash, can't stop shaking from the shock and he's practically already waiting at the dinner table. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2010 01:33 - United States

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for the chicken I bought four days ago. I finally found it - not in the refrigerator, not in the freezer, but in the trunk of my car, which now smells like a dead animal. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/7/2013 21:49 - Canada - Drumheller

Today, while arguing with my newly ex-girlfriend over how she cheated on me with a mutual friend, she tried to wash her hands of any guilt, saying that I was "selfish" and "just slut-shaming, really". FML

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By Anonymous - 12/8/2014 00:34 - United States - Columbus

Today, after months of dinners, coffees, drinks, and a few nights together, the girl of my dreams told me about this awesome guy she met yesterday. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2016 11:13 - United Kingdom - London

Today, an attention seeking weirdo who thinks she's my friend asked me who was going to be the maid of honour at my wedding. Knowing what she was really asking, I said I just want a small, non-fancy wedding with no bridesmaids. She broke down into a sobbing mess in front of me. FML

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By offended - 7/4/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, I was putting the finishing touches on my portrait of a young boy in art class. I asked my teacher if she could help correct the bad parts of my portrait. She said, "Well that would take all day and I just don't have the time." She was serious. I thought this was my best work yet. FML

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By Jenny - 28/12/2017 15:30 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I discovered the importance of having sex before marriage. We found out that my husband is gay on our wedding night. FML

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By angrypetowner - 29/3/2016 03:24 - United States - Warrensburg

Today, I tried to train my cat to scratch the scratching post by giving her a treat every time she used it, but she took that as getting a treat every time she scratched something. Now, not only does she scratch all my furniture, but she also meows for a treat while doing it. FML

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By queenariii - 28/6/2016 05:55 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I'm stuck in a ramshackle house that my aunt bought and moved everyone out to. Only one bathroom works, and she won't let us flush it because the house keeps flooding. Four people are stuck here with just one toilet filled with poop and urine, while she's been staying at a friend's house. FML

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By psd60 - 6/12/2012 07:18 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my dog died and I told my grandfather I wanted her to be cremated. I came home later to find him burning her in our barbecue pit. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2011 07:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I was pissed that I got a £60 parking ticket so rang my friend to rant about it. I then got pulled over by the cops for using my phone, and was fined £120. FML

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By blovesg - 7/4/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML

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By - 31/10/2015 12:36 - United States

Today, I went to a party with a friend. All I remember is passing out on the couch. About 10 minutes ago I was woken up by a bucket of cold water and thrown out by the guy who lives there. I'm still dripping and very cold, and I have no idea where the hell I am. FML

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By ihateloopholes - 21/6/2015 20:42 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I forbade a student in the writing seminar I instructed from continuing to present his disturbing poems about demons. He responded to this by convincing nearly every other student in the seminar to write and read out loud several of his poems. FML

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By sucker - 7/9/2019 17:01 - United States - Duluth

Alexa, play "I'm Not In Love" by 10CC

Today, I went on a date I was really enjoying. My ex-boyfriend called halfway through. When I answered, he told me he wanted to get back together and couldn’t stop thinking about me. I didn’t realize my phone was on speaker. My date heard everything. FML

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By ahddib - 14/10/2010 02:13 - United States

Today, I started making love to my wife as soon as the kids were occupied. She just laid there the whole time and never responded, except for a few times to say "Ouch." FML

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By ... - 29/11/2008 11:50 - France

Today, well actually last night, I did a full striptease for my girlfriend to "You can leave your hat on". When the song was over, I was then completely naked, she says to me : "Maybe we should have closed the shutters!" FML

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By dane - 29/6/2010 18:07 - United States

Today, I bought a used car from a friend of mine. After getting the car home and further inspecting it, I found one of my wife's earrings in the backseat. FML

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By little_star78 - 13/11/2013 11:08 - United States - Bloomfield Hills

Today, I tried to put the little girl I babysit in timeout for lying to me. I was about to sit her down when she made a mad dash for the basement stairs, slipped on the wood floor, and fell down them. She told her parents and everyone at the ER that I had thrown her down the stairs. FML

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By Decker - 14/2/2010 01:04 - United States

Today, I went to a crowded Walmart with a hot new girl I'm dating. It was raining and we had to park far from the entrance. As soon as we get out of my car, she starts sprinting to get out of the rain. I run to catch up and slip on a metal plate, and do a reverse superman onto my ass. FML

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By NeitherHrotsvitNorErkembaldus - 29/7/2016 21:21 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I learned that the hardest part of marrying a historian is choosing baby names. His top choices derive from two Roman magistrates, two abbesses, a tenth-century author, and an obscure Greek official. I already let him name our pug, for whom he chose the name "Tertullianus." FML

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By T.C - 23/1/2010 12:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my happily married father has been hiring escorts on-line for 3 years. FML

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By Darkness162000 - 8/1/2010 00:21 - France

Today, I found out that while I was on vacation my neighbor had let my brother into my apartment. I don't have a brother. FML

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By WTF - 12/9/2013 23:08 - United States - Plainfield

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She later put on Facebook that, "Today was a great day!" FML

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By Jessika - 7/8/2009 09:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I finished a ballet class with a group of seven-and-unders. Afterwards, a new student's mother came up to me and thanked me, saying she was glad that her daughter had a "role model with a, ahem, fuller figure" and "not to worry about my weight." I have never thought I was fat before. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2013 16:45 - Barbados - Bridgetown

Today, my husband and I arrived in Barbados on vacation. We visited a club, and they had a selection of drinks with weird names. My husband ordered one called the Raging Bitch, flicked his finger towards me, and said to the barkeeper, "Might as well get something I'm used to." FML

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By InsaneIdiots - 7/6/2019 04:10

Today, after recovering from surgery, I was leaving the clinic when a bucket of red paint was thrown at me, and a woman shouted that I was a murderer. I replied, "Sorry, would you like me to ask the doctor for my ovarian cyst back so I can pretend it was a fetus?" She hit me with her handbag. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/4/2016 18:50 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I overheard a "friend" talking about me and my recently deceased dog. He said: "Only time I've seen someone get that upset over someone dying, they were fucking each other. Just sayin'." FML

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By Salaryman - 15/2/2009 06:21 - Philippines

Today, I was instructed by my boss to welcome the 2 new foreign business partners since I am the only one who could speak their language. When they arrived I greeted them in their language. One of them scratched his head and asked his companion in plain and clear English, "What did he say?" FML

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By The captain - 21/8/2011 23:09 - Canada

Today, I found out what it's like to get brain-freeze while recovering from a head injury. FML

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By hairless - 30/7/2010 06:45 - Australia

Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML

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By lorena_v - 10/11/2017 05:00

Today, I screamed at the top of my lungs in the middle of a math test because I saw a spider that wound up being a hairball. My teacher was incredibly sympathetic, taking off only five points for "disrupting our working environment". FML

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By K123 - 6/6/2011 05:22 - United States

Today, I got a text from my ex-boyfriend telling me he still likes me and might love me too. Later I asked him if he really meant it and his response was "I don't know. I was high." FML

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By Anonymous - 30/6/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, I called the police regarding people speeding down my street because I was worried for my young kids. On the way home from my daughters ballet class I got pulled over 2 houses away from my house and got a $150 speeding ticket. FML

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By Isabelle18 - 19/7/2009 14:14 - Canada

Today, I was walking to work when I saw an empty pop can. Angry at whoever left it, I kicked it out of the way. Turns out it wasn't empty; it was filled with hornets. I had to run 2km to work while being attacked by a giant swarm of wasps. FML

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By Jeri - 26/2/2010 12:55 - United States

Today, I begged my husband to take me to the ER cause my stomach hurt so bad I thought I was gonna die. He told me to go sit on the toilet and stop being a drama queen. I drove myself to the hospital just in time for my appendix to burst. I almost died because my husband was busy playing xbox. FML

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Top comments

By applebranch | 0

#381708 - Thursday 9 July 2009 13:01

Dude YDI for "making noise" when trying to pull out a plug. Pulling plugs out should be a SILENT ACTIVITY.

By lesp | 6

#381735 - Thursday 9 July 2009 13:18

What's the lesson today kids? Don't violently yank anything at work for 10 minutes. You're asking to get caught.

COMMENTS

By sarakthx | 0

#381674 - Thursday 9 July 2009 12:40

Hahaha! I do that.. but not.. angrily.

By my_fml_account | 2

#381676 - Thursday 9 July 2009 12:40

it took you 10 minutes to unplug a laptop? YDI

Reply

silvermoonstar3 | 2

#381827 - Thursday 9 July 2009 14:31

how could it possibly take 10 minutes? Next time, pull it straight OUT and not sideways. That's the only way I can think of. YDI unless you're 80+ years old, in which case you have an excuse.

Reply

applebranch | 0

#381860 - Thursday 9 July 2009 15:07

but still... WHY WERE YOU MAKING SO MUCH NOISE?

YDI

Reply

Maniacfive | 0

#382665 - Thursday 9 July 2009 20:53

The lesson is clear, when it takes you ten minutes of rage fuelled pulling to unplug a power cord... Lay off the roids.

Reply

killerviral | 0

#832471 - Sunday 7 February 2010 7:00

wouldn't u break the pronges on the cord?

Reply

BarDownDaily | 12

#3917871 - Saturday 21 January 2012 8:04

61- That's what I was thinking. It would have broke if you pulling with any force.

By Endymion_fml | 0

#381687 - Thursday 9 July 2009 12:45

Minor embarassment, maybe, but you really think your life is fucked?

By SimpleSimon | 0

#381693 - Thursday 9 July 2009 12:51

FYL, not for the embarrassment, purely for the fact that it took you 10 minutes to unplug something.

By applebranch | 0

#381708 - Thursday 9 July 2009 13:01

Dude YDI for "making noise" when trying to pull out a plug. Pulling plugs out should be a SILENT ACTIVITY.

By PleaseSayTheBaby | 0

#381710 - Thursday 9 July 2009 13:02

FIRST I DONT GET THIS FML, SECOND DONT BE A FAGGOT.

Reply

silvermoonstar3 | 2

#381828 - Thursday 9 July 2009 14:33

Ummm.. I don't believe anyone here was being a : a bundle of sticks b : a bundle of pieces of wrought iron to be shaped by rolling or hammering at high temperature or c: a bassoon.

Also, DON'T TYPE YOUR WHOLE POST IN CAPS.

Reply

plethora | 3

#381850 - Thursday 9 July 2009 14:51

You're a bassoon!

Reply

SuperSpore | 0

#382513 - Thursday 9 July 2009 19:49

Faggot means homosexual male.

Reply

KumoFF7 | 3

#382773 - Thursday 9 July 2009 21:55

Actually the real definition is what #20 just stated.
Some how the words been transformed into meaning something it has no relation to.

Reply

MR_OHCRAP | 0

#383029 - Thursday 9 July 2009 23:50

No it doesn't, faggot means a bunch of sticks or a cigarrette butt.

Reply

bbobe900000 | 0

#385023 - Friday 10 July 2009 20:07

actually, 'fagot' means a bundle of sticks. not 'faggot'.

but I like the bassoon comment :)

Reply

bbobe900000 | 0

#385027 - Friday 10 July 2009 20:10

nevermind, it can be spelled either way.

By lesp | 6

#381735 - Thursday 9 July 2009 13:18

What's the lesson today kids? Don't violently yank anything at work for 10 minutes. You're asking to get caught.

Reply

plethora | 3

#381767 - Thursday 9 July 2009 13:42

i c wot u did thar ;)

OP: What could possibly make it so difficult for you to pull the plug out of the socket? I'm baffled.

By kingkash | 0

#381736 - Thursday 9 July 2009 13:19

don't yank on cords... they're delicate

Reply

bishop186 | 0

#382115 - Thursday 9 July 2009 17:00

Don't tell him that, let him pay $30-50 for a new chord. YDI, OP.

By crazyasianlady | 0

#381758 - Thursday 9 July 2009 13:34

If you had silently yanked really hard in the first place, your boss wouldn't have heard you. Think of being in your house when you were yanking on something in your bedroom, hoping your mom wouldn't hear.

By tubaguy42 | 0

#381768 - Thursday 9 July 2009 13:42

k. and?