Miscellaneous: Today, my landlord sent tree cutters to take down a tree in our... - FML

By iheartnjdevils - 12/01/2011 19:42 - United States

Today, my landlord sent tree cutters to take down a tree in our front yard. I didn't realize their job included walking around the house and gratuitously staring at me through the window as I dressed. My boyfriend won't complain because he's afraid our rent will go up in retaliation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 525

You deserved it 7 901

Sorry…

Walk the line

Sounds lovely

By Ted, E. Vic - 01/05/2016 05:39 - United States

Today, my roommate admitted he spent his half of the rent money on a tattoo. It's all good though, we're just gonna get evicted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 112

You deserved it 1 713

By hell - 14/11/2015 21:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got called into work on my day off. I ended up being written up for being 15 minutes late to a shift I didn't even have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 815

You deserved it 1 762

By creepedout - 20/07/2015 03:00 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I received a text with my last name spelled wrong. A short conversation revealed he got my number from me, through Tinder. I don't have an account, but he insisted he knew that I like it 'hard and rough'. He knew my first name. I still don't know how he got my phone number or name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 950

You deserved it 2 325

By shortyybrooke - 24/08/2017 04:30

Today, my wife sat beside me on the ledge of the bathtub because she wanted to make out. I was on the toilet. Shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 181

You deserved it 394

By big_bail - 03/04/2015 23:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out I wasn't invited to the annual family reunion. The reason? Everyone thinks I'm "creepy" because I'm the only adult who will go out and play with the kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 574

You deserved it 2 503

By bluewinter - 23/05/2009 10:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my best friend's birthday party. After about 15 minutes, I noticed a girl, possibly one of his sister's friends, wearing the same shirt as me. I am a 23 year old bloke. She didn't look a day over 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 055

You deserved it 9 685

By waymoreiwanted - 15/02/2014 03:21 - United States - Ashland

Spicy

Today, I opened up a snapchat from my best friend. I received a full and detailed view of her and her boyfriend having sex. All I wanted to know was how her Valentine's Day dinner went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 830

You deserved it 9 586

By Mik - 08/06/2011 03:05 - United States

Today, I was bored. Some people would've called up friends to hang out. Not me. I had the sudden urge to make an entire Excel Spreadsheet on how much I've spent on iTunes, month-by-month. I'm not sure what's worse, that I got really into it, or that I've spent nearly $800.00 on iTunes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 112

You deserved it 32 107

By PangolinScholar - 25/01/2014 00:34 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I found that I conduct so much static electricity that I'm periodically given a shock by my headphones as I walk with them on. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 36 254

You deserved it 4 300

Desperate times, desperate, dumb measures

By WTFiswrongwithme - 03/03/2020 00:01

Today, I was so desperate for human interaction that I asked a deaf girl in my class if she liked music. I actually signed it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 854

By anon - 12/04/2015 10:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 16 year old daughter convinced her little sister that I am a robot. Now every time I try to talk to her she starts crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 793

You deserved it 2 473

By doglover - 03/11/2009 18:11 - United States

Today, a Milkbone commercial came on TV. At the end of it, they whistle and throw a Milkbone across the screen, prompting my 100lb German Shepherd to leap off the couch and run head on into my new plasma screen TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 053

You deserved it 4 747

By nowbrokevaper - 19/11/2016 18:47 - United States - Pomona

Today, I found out that my boss, who had promised me a raise, is not promoting me. He says I don't have the right 'vibe' and I'm not 'relaxed' enough for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 310

You deserved it 777

The road to hell, good intentions, all that jazz

By Anonymous - 06/07/2020 05:01

Today, in the process of leaning over the sink to close the drain so my diamond earrings wouldn't fall in as I put them on, I dropped my diamond earring down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 137

You deserved it 656

Carry her home

By Anonymous - 16/05/2014 19:02 - Canada - Gander

Today, I helped an elderly woman push her grocery cart around the store, and look for her vehicle after she'd paid. After we spent ages wandering around trying to find her car, she remembered that she'd taken the bus today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 290

You deserved it 4 311

By Anonymous - 09/01/2010 05:58 - United States

Today, my sister and I bought new cell phones. We both wanted the same phone in red, but the guy told us that there was only one red phone left. Flirting with him, I said "You should give the prettier sister the red phone." My new phone is black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 173

You deserved it 44 294

By Anonymous - 30/06/2019 16:06

Spicy

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I started to put my hands down his pants and jokingly said, "Sorry, I'm not very good at hand jobs." He replied, "I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 805

You deserved it 712

By nanall - 04/06/2012 07:19 - United States

Today, my 24-year-old brother tried to convince me that Hogwarts is real, because there is no way a person could have written that based on imagination. My parents agreed with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 137

You deserved it 4 491

By sigh - 30/08/2009 23:35 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were starting to get in the mood. I get on top of him, lean down to kiss him, and he begins to laugh. Puzzled, I ask him why. He tells me that when I'm naked and on top of him, I remind him of a cow, with 'udders' . Offended, I go to get off. 'No no' he protests, 'a SEXY cow'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 558

You deserved it 5 392

Nice try

By fyourlife - 21/10/2009 19:53 - United States

Today, while working as a cashier, I was flirting with this cute girl. When I asked her if she had her store card she said, "No", paused, then said "Can I give you my number?" I said, "Sure, that would be awesome, do you want mine?" She said no. I didn't know I could just enter the card number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 864

You deserved it 37 096

By megmo7 - 04/10/2010 08:24 - United States

Today, my roommate who stays out til 4 or 5 in the morning each night got her key to the dorm fixed. I've been having to stay up nightly to let her in (my normal bedtime being 12:00) How'd they fix it? Turns out it was never broken she was just putting the key in the slot wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 366

You deserved it 4 446

By Idi - 09/12/2008 12:54 - France

Today, I arrived right on time for my train. Only problem, it was the wrong station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 113

You deserved it 8 435

Hurry up

By lauren_rox - 08/11/2009 17:50 - Canada

Today, I was waiting at home for a phone call. While I was in the bathroom, the phone rang. I quickly stopped my business and ran out of the bathroom with my pants round my ankles. I leaped over the couch, tripping and then stubbing my toe while hopping to the phone. It was a telemarketer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 368

You deserved it 13 665

By blah - 10/04/2009 10:17 - United States

Today, I had a bunch of parties while my parents were out of town. I made sure to clean up absolutely everything, I even vacuumed the stairs. As they pulled up, I noticed all of the trash bags filled with beer cans blocking their way into the garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 529

You deserved it 80 521

By anon - 18/03/2011 12:36

Today, I finally got the courage to say to my boyfriend that I feel invisible and ignored. To this he said 'You aren't invisible, I mean, look at that nose.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 443

You deserved it 7 664

By dom - 08/09/2010 06:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend yawned while I was giving him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 239

You deserved it 33 765

By MrTandy - 16/09/2011 02:38 - United States

Today, I was working when I delivered the standard "Hello, how are you?" to a customer. He took the opportunity to tell me about his deceased wife, his estranged children, and his anal tearing. After a while, I tried to help someone else, and he complained to my manager. I was written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 545

You deserved it 3 684

Stranger Danger!

By tried to help - 07/10/2019 00:01

Today, I was going into a store and saw a woman roughly handling a screaming toddler. I kept walking, until I heard the kid scream, "Help! You’re not my mommy!” I called 911 and stood behind the car to keep her from taking off. The cops arrived to see me fending off blows from a very pissed off grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 876

You deserved it 524

By Funless - 18/08/2010 16:52 - United States

Today, I was invited to a party, but I didn't attend because my boyfriend would be disappointed with me. Instead, I spent the night with him watching movies. At the end of the night, he broke up with me because I wasn't fun enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 527

You deserved it 7 551

By youknowyoureoptimisticwhen - 08/11/2015 16:45 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I went to McDonald's. I was unaware of the Monopoly contest that they were holding. I was also unaware that you have to get 3 stickers of the same colour to claim your prize, and that it's not that easy to win a Jeep Cherokee. Taking down my Facebook post was awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 623

You deserved it 20 058

By zaynemaliksvagina - 24/06/2015 17:10 - United States - Shrewsbury

Today, I was having a rough day, so I decided to go to the movies to unwind. 15 minutes in, some assmunch behind me said "This movie sucks!" then dumped his drink over my head and ran out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 313

You deserved it 1 872

By cocacoola - 11/07/2011 14:24 - Iceland

Today, the couple downstairs decided they wanted to try a home birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 682

You deserved it 4 294

By :/ - 20/02/2011 18:44 - Canada

Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 048

You deserved it 109 420

By some band player - 10/03/2014 02:09 - United States - Highland Park

Today, I had a music duet in front of a crowd and 3 judges. I play tuba and my partner plays the saxophone. He burst out laughing in the middle of it because one note that I played sounded like a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 218

You deserved it 4 596

By Fauna - 09/05/2019 04:00

Today, I started to make a protein shake to have a healthy breakfast. It exploded. Turns out, my mom lost the rubber gasket and put the blender back, so it looked ready to use. By the time I cleaned it all up, it was time for me to leave for work. I'm now eating chips from the vending machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 619

You deserved it 149

By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 23:21 - United States

Today, I rented a copy How To Train Your Dragon for my young son to watch. I put the DVD in, hit play without paying attention, and went off to make lunch. A few minutes later, my son ran into the kitchen screaming. Apparently, there was a mix up at the rental store and I got a copy of Saw IV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 438

You deserved it 11 825

Childlike

By Anonymous - 03/08/2020 20:01

Today, I asked my fiance for some attention. He licked my cheek and attached himself to my leg. He's 34 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 454

By woohoo420 - 04/04/2012 16:14 - United States - Chino Hills

Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 632

You deserved it 41 342

By Broguy - 06/07/2011 02:20 - Canada

Today, I called my phone company to get some answers about my phone bill. I was okay with being put on hold. In fact, I was on hold for so long, that the music stopped playing. When someone finally answered they told me to call back tomorrow. All my phones disconnected an hour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 084

You deserved it 2 924

By Ouchie - 07/10/2016 12:51 - Ireland - Celbridge

Today, in an effort to be more active, I jumped out of bed ready for a morning jog. Or, that was the plan. Instead, I twisted my knee so badly standing up, it's now locked, and I can't move it. So much for activity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 883

You deserved it 1 321

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Thursday 13 January 2011 0:16

if you are too stupid to close the damn blinds, then you have zero reason to complain

fearfulsymmetry 1

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Thursday 13 January 2011 0:22

OP, you're making this sound a lot more difficult than it has to be. Go change in another room that doesn't face the tree cutters. Preferably a bathroom. Put up curtains, blinds, shades, etc. You could hang a damn blanket in front of the window. This can be easily solved, I don't understand why your life is fucked. Also, why does your boyfriend have to complain for you? It's YOUR problem, YOU go complain. Does your boyfriend have to defend your honor or something?

Comments

yellowdaisy92 0

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Thursday 13 January 2011 0:12

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

thelastavailable 13

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Thursday 13 January 2011 0:22

You forgot to write the word "on" after "dump", right?

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Thursday 13 January 2011 0:45

Hahaha #12 I see what ya did thurr

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Thursday 13 January 2011 1:09

you are a stupid bitch like she is, he probly pays the bills and she just sux his dick. stupid bitch can't find another place to change?...or perhaps at another time? women

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Thursday 13 January 2011 3:02

I think it's time to call curtains on that relationship.

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Thursday 13 January 2011 3:20

Try an old custom that works wonders. Curtains. HERPADERP ydi

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Thursday 13 January 2011 4:37

umm so what?

tigrouficele2012 44

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Thursday 13 January 2011 4:38

Dear GOD, #57. *applauds*

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Thursday 13 January 2011 8:56

ghb

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Wednesday 2 May 2012 15:59

the alternative is that she summons the courage to complain herself

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Thursday 13 January 2011 0:12

Curtains?

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Thursday 13 January 2011 0:19

Yes, they saw past her curtains to see her beef curtains

takeapieandrun 9

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Thursday 13 January 2011 0:12

Lucky day for the those guys. :D

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Thursday 13 January 2011 0:13

put the workers on their place!

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Thursday 13 January 2011 0:13

Never mind. I decided I didn't like the comment I had here, but I have nothing interesting to put in it's place. babble babble.

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Thursday 13 January 2011 0:41

woot

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Thursday 13 January 2011 0:45

Omg I love you Sirin

thirdtesticle 0

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Thursday 13 January 2011 3:43

cool story bro

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Thursday 13 January 2011 10:29

wow cool story!!!!! why the hell do you post then?!

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Thursday 13 January 2011 14:55

Awesome username lol

IneffableLullaby 13

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Thursday 13 January 2011 0:16

Invest in some curtains if you don't like Peeping Toms.

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Thursday 13 January 2011 1:12

did you know that you are extremely cute?

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Thursday 13 January 2011 8:24

agreed!

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Thursday 13 January 2011 0:16

if you are too stupid to close the damn blinds, then you have zero reason to complain

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Thursday 13 January 2011 13:56

Exactly.

tigrouficele2012 44

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Thursday 13 January 2011 0:19

Close the shades/blinds/curtains. Don't have any? Change in another room. Seriously, it's not that hard.

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Thursday 13 January 2011 3:56

It's ooobviooouuus to see... OP enjoys dirty men staring at her.

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Thursday 13 January 2011 0:19

They were just trying to decide if those tree-trunk thighs you are sporting needed some work.

stronghand0331 17

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Thursday 13 January 2011 1:32

I think they were more worried about the wood that needed to be taken care of ;)

Mubus 0

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Thursday 13 January 2011 8:23

Win

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Friday 14 January 2011 10:15

hahahahah

fearfulsymmetry 1

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Thursday 13 January 2011 0:22

OP, you're making this sound a lot more difficult than it has to be. Go change in another room that doesn't face the tree cutters. Preferably a bathroom. Put up curtains, blinds, shades, etc. You could hang a damn blanket in front of the window. This can be easily solved, I don't understand why your life is fucked. Also, why does your boyfriend have to complain for you? It's YOUR problem, YOU go complain. Does your boyfriend have to defend your honor or something?

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Thursday 13 January 2011 1:13

I agree completely with #13.

Carpy 8

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Thursday 13 January 2011 11:28

completely concur 13

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Thursday 13 January 2011 11:29

Shes not smart enough to go in the other room or use something to block the window. I could see her needing her boyfriend. FHisL

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 18

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 148

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 102