Today, my landlord asked me to get rid of the flower boxes I...

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 92

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 40

08/08/2019 00:01

Today, my landlord asked me to get rid of the flower boxes I have at the window in the stairwell. Why? Because they are disgusting. Why are they disgusting? Because his cat keeps using them as a litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 466

You deserved it 138

Vulture

Walk the line

Chuds

01/05/2009 03:13

Today, I went for a hike with the local search and rescue volunteer group that I recently joined. I got lost and spent 5 hours wandering aimlessly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 775

You deserved it 15 014

17/01/2015 00:37

Today, I told my dog to give me the stick he had in his mouth so I could throw it for him. After I picked it up I realized it was a dried-out piece of shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 862

You deserved it 13 229

16/06/2014 22:49

Today, I had a job interview. It went really well until I couldn't figure out how to open the slide door to get out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 545

You deserved it 6 160

01/11/2009 22:18

Today, driving home, my girlfriend and I decided we were finally going to have sex. We got in the backseat, then I opened my condom to find it was already broken. We ended up playing connect four instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 613

You deserved it 5 636

11/02/2013 20:58

Today, with 24 inches of snow on the ground, it is raining like hell. The weight of the snow, now full of rain water, collapsed the roof over my living room. I was eating cereal in my underwear, in the living room, directly under the failure. I'm cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 948

You deserved it 3 829

06/08/2015 19:18

Today, feeling very self-conscious about my looks, I told my mom I felt ugly and wished I could be as beautiful as her. She only said, "Yeah, I'm pretty, I wonder what happened to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 967

You deserved it 3 131

22/06/2009 18:12

Today, I got a call from my son's second grade teacher. He happens to write and throw with both hands, and wanted to share this during show and tell. Apparently, he didn't know the word for this is ambidextrous, because his teacher told me, "Your son just told the whole class that he's bisexual!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 907

You deserved it 5 528

24/02/2009 23:28

Today, everyone at school was talking about some guy that did another girl while he was going out with someone. I started to spread the rumor myself, until someone told me that that guy was my boyfriend. The other girl was my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 241

You deserved it 28 174

15/12/2010 20:11

Today, I got a text just before class that my partner didn't finish their half of our 30 page research paper because "That class is stupid". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 767

You deserved it 4 081

19/10/2010 01:09

Today, I discovered my neighbors have bought a karaoke machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 387

You deserved it 4 070

14/02/2014 21:23

Today, the creepy guy I turned down for a date almost six years ago, sent me a box of rotting flowers with a note calling me a cunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 580

You deserved it 8 307

13/04/2015 10:46

Today, I heard my 2-year-old sister crying, so I left my room to comfort her. She looked at me, held my hand, escorted me back to my room and closed the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 588

You deserved it 3 067

Shit's going down

By oGxFoopFoop - 28/05/2020 20:00

Today, I was taking a shit in my friend's bathroom when his brother's girlfriend walked in. Nobody decided to tell me that the lock didn’t work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 378

You deserved it 150

30/04/2009 19:42

Today, my serious boyfriend was talking about how he wants to get engaged and married. I was really happy until he said he's excited mainly for the tax benefits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 347

You deserved it 4 328

22/05/2015 06:55

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 811

You deserved it 4 291

03/09/2015 19:54

Today, I had to create another signature. I have to use one at the bank and the other around my mother, so that when she tries to cash my paychecks the bank won't let her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 881

You deserved it 1 836

24/02/2010 01:26

Today, my husband actually was cleaning our bathrooms. I had to pee and the floor was wet in my upstairs bathroom. My wonderful husband told me to go downstairs. I did and sat on the toilet seat which felt wet. He forgot he had sprayed it with Tilex. Chemical burns on your butt are great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 363

You deserved it 3 277

Downhill

By worthless - 03/04/2011 00:51

Today, I was reading my boyfriend's online diary. It started off really sweet, saying he was in a wonderful relationship with me, and how he utterly adored me. It then slowly progressed into loathing and wondering what he ever saw in me, all because I have a low sex-drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 980

You deserved it 19 297

29/03/2012 15:19

Today, my grandfather proudly informed me that the dump he'd just took looked like a tiger claw. He announced this during dinner, and told us not to flush it until he could take a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 680

You deserved it 2 130

24/08/2009 16:43

Today, I corrected my mom in front of our family while she was ragging on my 12 year old cousin who got a piercing. She said, "You don't understand you don't have kids, but on the other hand you probably never will!" I have Polycystic ovary syndrome, she is right, I probably never will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 044

You deserved it 3 565

09/07/2015 21:12

Today, I had 3 teeth pulled. Due to the anaesthesia, my mom came along to drive me home. Halfway through my surgery, she decided to leave and go shopping with her friend. She even left a note with the receptionist, saying that I needed to take on my own adult responsibilities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 263

You deserved it 1 828

09/06/2009 05:27

Today, I had a date with this really cute guy. He invited me over to make dinner at his place. Eventually we end up in his bedroom to have sex. He pulls down my panties and says, "You need to shave that shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 317

You deserved it 70 193

No, not them!

By Anonymous - 16/01/2021 12:01

Today, after there was only one family that hated me enough to beat me up when we were kids, and we still don't get along as adults, my youngest brother is now dating into that family, and one of my older brothers is dating into that family too. It's like some kinda sick curse, or karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 103

05/06/2015 13:42

Today, after telling my mom that I'll be going to Las Vegas with my dad for my 21st birthday, she started ranting about how my dad always wanted to abort me and that she was the only one who actually wanted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 692

You deserved it 2 269

03/06/2015 13:25

Today, I was working on a project in my schools library when a group of teenagers came in and began loudly talking and laughing. When I asked them to please quiet down, the librarian asked me to leave for being too loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 789

You deserved it 2 442

25/06/2013 04:22

Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 195

You deserved it 15 329

29/10/2012 21:45

Today, my family and I are sitting in our house while Hurricane Sandy is going on. My grandma is freaking out because she believes it's our recently deceased dog Sandy getting revenge for putting her to sleep and getting a new dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 449

You deserved it 2 768

20/10/2009 16:05

Today, I learned that if you make fun of a man for walking with a cane, you'd better be ready for him to hit you with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 328

You deserved it 171 698

20/11/2018 03:00

Today, I found a mouse nest. In my glovebox. Made out of the $450 in rent money I was going to give my roommate that I had stored in there earlier for safe keeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 542

You deserved it 745

13/11/2009 21:23

Today, after getting my car completely fixed after it being damaged for a year, I was driving and the entire side panel on the car fell off. The repair man forgot to put the screws back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 681

You deserved it 2 141

30/05/2015 01:34

Today, on my second day as a lifeguard, I locked myself out of the pool. My angry guests and I had to wait for 45 minutes for my manager to arrive and unlock the gate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 578

You deserved it 5 872

15/06/2012 23:31

Today, I visited my new doctor for the migraines I've been getting lately. Right from the start, I could have sworn the guy was on drugs. He just listened to my heartbeat, said, "Well Dave, it sounds like gallstones" and said they'll pass naturally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 582

You deserved it 1 927

17/04/2011 05:56

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to an ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and fuzzy. Now she sings the Star Wars theme when we hang out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 037

You deserved it 8 954

25/08/2019 02:02

Today, some asshat thought it would be funny to put a second lock on my locker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 536

You deserved it 135

26/07/2011 03:35

Today, I went shopping with my grandma. She went to the bathroom and was gone for a long while. I jokingly asked, "What happened, you fall in?" She did. She had shit all over the back of her shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 351

You deserved it 7 089

29/09/2012 20:34

Today, an incredibly rude woman came in for a hairdressing appointment. I had to put up with being yelled at and called a "clumsy bitch," a "pleb," and other insults for almost half an hour. When I finally managed to finish her hair, instead of tipping me, she spat at my feet and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 319

You deserved it 2 285

Awkwaaaaard

By notwhatithought - 21/08/2015 19:43

Today, the professor I've had a crush on informed me that there's only one way left I could still pass his course. Thinking this was an attempt to flirt with me, I told him I'd do anything he could imagine. He then looked confused when he asked me to write an essay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 217

You deserved it 33 506

30/08/2011 14:51

Today, I was on a train when we hit and killed a person. We were stalled for 4 hours. The guy sitting next to me asked what I did for a living, so I told him that I'm a vet tech. Then he showed me his infected elbow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 348

You deserved it 3 968

20/12/2013 08:45

Today, a man started a deep conversation with me at the bus stop about life, death, and the miracles of things we take for granted every day. I was really enjoying it until he looked at his watch and said, "Oh shit, mushrooms make me lose track of time!" and ran off into the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 087

You deserved it 4 903

13/01/2013 06:39

Today, while reading an erotic story I was more excited that the author used a conjunctive adverb than the sexual content in the story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 561

You deserved it 12 431

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Top comments

alycion 38

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Thursday 8 August 2019 8:11

His place so he’s going to put himself over you. Training the cat not to takes time and effort.

Yudith 20

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Thursday 8 August 2019 13:12

Bill your landlord for your replacement flowers.

Comments

alycion 38

Send a private message

Thursday 8 August 2019 8:11

His place so he’s going to put himself over you. Training the cat not to takes time and effort.

Yudith 20

Send a private message

Thursday 8 August 2019 13:12

Bill your landlord for your replacement flowers.

AmbrosiaFan 18

Send a private message

Thursday 8 August 2019 15:03

If you are following the lease, keep the flower beds but change what flowers they are. Find some that cats don't like and will avoid.