Today, my husband of ten years was playing the Sims. I asked... - FML

By Anonymous - 31/5/2009 17:36 - Poland

Today, my husband of ten years was playing the Sims. I asked him about the house he built. Apparently, it was his dream house, and he recreated himself as a Sim so he could live in it. Then I asked him where the wife was. There was no wife. It was his happy place. FML

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Trust

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Gas giant

By Hannah - 17/6/2011 21:24 - Ireland

Today, I made the long drive to work, got out of the car, and realised that I'd forgotten to put shoes on before I left the house. FML

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By katta2009 - 29/8/2010 11:29 - United States

Today, my grandmother died. No one called me to let me know she passed. I found out because people kept writing RIP on her Facebook wall. My siblings and I weren't even mentioned in her obituary with the other grandchildren, but they did remember to mention her dog. FML

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By uneek14 - 23/6/2009 14:19 - Canada

Today, while reading some chemistry notes I came across the term "solid water". Completely stumped, I asked myself, "What the hell is solid water?" Then I heard my little cousin say "ice." I'm a 4th year science major in university. He still checks the closet for monsters. FML

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By Sydney - 15/1/2013 23:16 - United States - Houston

Today, I told my mom we get Monday off due to Martin Luther King Jr. day. She then insisted that I had to go to school because that is "only for black people." FML

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By nadalada - 18/2/2009 08:06 - United States

Today, My boyfriend gave me a gift card for $32 to a local salon. I thought the amount was kind of random, but when I went in I saw that the bikini wax was $32. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/2/2010 20:04 - United States

Today, I walked outside, slipped, busted my head, and had to get 7 stitches. Turns out my son thought it would be funny to spray the sidewalk with water last night so it would freeze. He got a laugh, and I spent over $100 on the stitches. FML

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By agstone - 9/8/2017 23:15

Today, at 2:47 am, my mom woke me up in a panic screaming about smelling gas and the house blowing up. Twenty minutes, two fire trucks, and a traumatized dog later, it was just the neighbors burning their mail. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2010 20:39 - Denmark

Today, my dad borrowed my new iPad to amuse him while he was in the shower without my knowledge. The iPad is now completely ruined, and my dad is refusing to buy me a new one. He says, "How was I to know that it wasn't waterproof?" FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2014 06:56 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I discovered that one of our cats is super creepy. He humps the blankets on my mother's bed while staring at her while she's sleeping. FML

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By kellym - 22/4/2009 03:24 - Canada

Today, I called my husband and he told me that he was going to invite his friend Jeff over that night. I told him I would prefer that he didn't come over. He took it to mean that I wanted to spend time with him and came home with flowers. Then had to tell him I was leaving him. FML

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By elizio - 4/8/2015 11:59 - United States - Trenton

Today, I went to a high school reunion. An old friend I hadn't seen in a while suddenly came up to me and gasped, "Oh, thank God!" I was about to greet her and catch up when she added, "I'm not the only one who gained weight!" FML

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By welted - 1/1/2010 05:21 - Canada

Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML

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By kaitlintaylor - 7/11/2010 21:24 - United States

Today, my family went to a football game. It was a little cold, but then it started to rain. I wasn't dressed for rain and I'd left my umbrella in the car. My dad wouldn't let us leave our seats for the whole game. FML

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By Nicky13Na - 12/9/2017 23:15

Today, I hit the six-year mark for daily vomiting. All the doctor can say is that it's psychological. FML

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By :-( - 17/7/2013 05:22 - Australia - Rozelle

Today, I finally convinced my mum to take me to a psychologist. As soon as he sat me down and asked me how I was doing, my mum burst into tears and went on a rant about how her life is terrible and she regrets everything. I was asked to sit in the waiting room. She used up my whole hour. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 20:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss said he's worried about our network, because "Wifi's all in the air. People could spy on us from anywhere!" I sarcastically said "My god, you're right!" and suggested switching to tin-foil ethernet cables to stop the signal escaping. He told me to do it ASAP. This moron makes five times my salary. FML

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By goodsister - 14/10/2009 08:09 - Canada

Today, I was yelled at and humiliated by my otherwise awesome brother-in-law for my supposed lack of effort in the planning of a baby shower for my very pregnant sister. The kicker? Her huge, break-my-bank semi-surprise baby shower has been in the works for a month and is happening this weekend. FML

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By - 22/5/2019 02:04

Today, it's been so long since my wife has been interested in me intimately, I became aroused when a woman touched my arm while talking to me. FML

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By AloneForChristmas - 25/12/2018 16:00

Today... I live in dorms and found out everyone is leaving for Christmas break. I also found out my student loan didn't go through so now I cant afford to go visit my family that lives over 7hrs away. I guess I'll be spending Christmas alone in a dorm room... FML

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By CircleBruise - 8/6/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, I was playing my guitar and singing on the street corner. I did earn money, when some guy threw a quarter out of his car window for me. It hit me in the face. I now have a circle shaped bruise under my eye. FML

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By MaggotMother - 20/4/2013 10:51 - United States

Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML

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By monkey2069 - 13/5/2014 13:58 - United States - Elgin

Today, a lady handed me a $10 tip on a $45 bill. I was happy with it, since it was more than 20%, until she came back in and said, "I'm sorry I gave you the wrong amount." I handed it back to her and then she gave me a dollar. FML

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By Florida Girl - 9/3/2019 12:00

Today, I met my boyfriend’s parents for the first time today and learned that his mom is from the same area as my dad. Before I could tell a funny story of my dad’s senior prank, his mom said during her senior year, some asshole spray-painted their school mascot on their football field. That was my dad’s senior prank. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2013 17:03 - United States - Gladewater

Today, my boyfriend admitted to me that the reason he won't have sex with me is because "condoms are too expensive." FML

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2012 02:42 - United States

Today, I found out that my desk is perfectly placed so that my boss can shoot me with a Nerf gun from his office. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2012 14:16 - Australia - Sandringham

Today, I realised that I only get dandruff when I'm stressed about having dandruff. Which is whenever I have dandruff. FML

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By stinky car - 16/8/2013 03:18 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I went on a new medicine. One of the listed side-effects was "anal seepage" and I spent the better part of the day laughing with my coworkers about how it's "not a real side-effect". I found out that it really is while stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the way home. FML

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By Gregory - 28/11/2008 10:28 - France

Today, while shopping for a pair of shoes, I saw a pair I really liked lying around, so I sat down to try them on. Then, a man came up to me and pointed out that they were actually his shoes. FML

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By Nikki - 18/3/2009 03:15 - United States

Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML

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By asdfghjkl - 19/4/2009 02:44 - United States

Today, I bought a brand new flat screen TV. When I brought it home it didn't work. Furious, I walked into Best Buy and yelled at a guy in a tucked in blue polo and khakis. I asked him why it didn't work and he said he didn't know. I kept screaming. He didn't have a nametag. He didn't work there. FML

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By Motha - 9/4/2014 05:17 - United States - West Jordan

Today, my obsession with saying "your mom" reached a new level when my anatomy teacher asked what I did with my pencil. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/1/2017 16:38

Today, I went to Walmart with all my birthday money, which I had in a wallet with my permit and everything else. I was sat on a bench looking for items for my iPod Touch However… I left my wallet behind. Turns out an old couple stole it. I got my shit jacked by grandparents. FML

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By creditwhore - 24/2/2010 19:13 - United States

Today, I decided to apply for a credit card to help build up my credit rating. It seemed smart since I'm a 24 year old college graduate. I was rejected for not having a credit history. Being rejected turns out to hurt your credit history. The irony of my predicament is too great for words. FML

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By Judgeisalwaysright - 1/3/2016 08:57 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, while at a big speech and debate tournament, I corrected the judge's use of the word "podium" instead of lectern, because that's what my debate coach had told me was the correct usage. Well, she didn't take it too well and neither did my partner. Or my debate coach. FML

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By bruh - 28/3/2017 20:00

Unexpected

Today, I asked my girlfriend to prom. Instead of saying yes, she broke up with me. FML

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By Sickie. - 2/9/2010 16:03 - United States

Today, I had a stomach virus. I tried to make myself throw up to feel better. My long nails sliced open my throat from the inside, and I threw up blood. FML

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By SoftwareDev - 27/6/2017 02:00 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Should've stayed home, basically

Today, after getting booked off work for being sick, I go to work anyway. On the way home, I stop by a colleagues fairwell, being the paranoid type of guy I make sure my car is locked about 3-4 times and head in. Later I get home to find my laptop has been stolen from my boot with my medication. FML

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By dummy - 17/2/2012 00:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML

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By Kay - 20/10/2016 10:37

Today, at the register, I got a spontaneous nose bleed. The lady behind the counter apparently didn't do well with blood. Her face turned white, she passed out and fell with her head on the counter. FML

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By dirty deeds - 31/5/2020 14:00

Still better than the Cats movie

Today, my brother’s cat pissed on my brand new bed. He refuses to replace the mattress, and claims it wasn’t his cat. We only have one cat. FML

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Top comments

By derriduh | 0

#249180 - Monday 1 June 2009 0:59

Oh please, just because it's a domestic game doesn't mean that it's a domestic fantasy that he has built. Maybe he truly uses the game as a way to completely get away from EVERYONE. It's not like he replaced you with a stripper named Candi.

Everyone needs an escape, this could be like his forest of solitude.

By catacombhome | 0

#249148 - Monday 1 June 2009 0:55

He rules! It's obviously you who sucks since you are offended by a game.

COMMENTS

By kwight404 | 0

#249138 - Monday 1 June 2009 0:54

HHAHAHA DITCH THAT LOSER.
you dont deserve that! you should go make a fantasy house and fantasy boyfriend to make him jealous!! (:

Reply

omgcookeys | 15

#2935049 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 5:03

all men dream of being single and awesome, I, as a girl, wouldn't mind at all.

Reply

22cute | 17

#3574640 - Saturday 12 November 2011 5:22

#2 that's not the way marriage works.

By soiree_fml | 0

#249142 - Monday 1 June 2009 0:54

At least he didn't have a girlfriend who was your polar opposite. But still, fyl

By catacombhome | 0

#249148 - Monday 1 June 2009 0:55

He rules! It's obviously you who sucks since you are offended by a game.

By awsumelefants | 0

#249172 - Monday 1 June 2009 0:58

haha im sorry that sucks

By SasuNaru_fml | 0

#249176 - Monday 1 June 2009 0:59

LOL
Sorry, but you gotta slap him or something.

By derriduh | 0

#249180 - Monday 1 June 2009 0:59

Oh please, just because it's a domestic game doesn't mean that it's a domestic fantasy that he has built. Maybe he truly uses the game as a way to completely get away from EVERYONE. It's not like he replaced you with a stripper named Candi.

Everyone needs an escape, this could be like his forest of solitude.

Reply

flying_vegan | 0

#834708 - Monday 8 February 2010 14:42

I like that you spelt Candi with an i to avoid any confusion about her ever being anything other than a stripper :)

Reply

Ares81 | 1

#3774001 - Friday 23 December 2011 3:37

Fortress not forest

By pinkpikachu | 0

#249186 - Monday 1 June 2009 1:00

gg

By eggnogg | 0

#249187 - Monday 1 June 2009 1:01

my mum eats cheerios in front of the TV in her underwear

Reply

ring13 | 0

#2313112 - Friday 8 April 2011 6:48

WTF?!

By fireandice92 | 0

#249212 - Monday 1 June 2009 1:05

Ha! I'm a simmer myself, don't take it personally. He just needs some him time

By JoyHeart | 0

#249222 - Monday 1 June 2009 1:07

Why does he need a wife in his dream house? At least he didn't put a 'perfect woman' in it. Maybe this is his way of saying he needs you to back off and give him some alone time. I personally see nothing wrong with a wifeless house at all. If he'd made a perfect woman, then I'd be a little miffed, but since he didn't I suggest you not get offended by it.