Miscellaneous: Today, my husband of ten years was playing the Sims. I asked... - FML

By Anonymous - Poland

Today, my husband of ten years was playing the Sims. I asked him about the house he built. Apparently, it was his dream house, and he recreated himself as a Sim so he could live in it. Then I asked him where the wife was. There was no wife. It was his happy place. FML

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Serious times

Coherence dude, do you have it?

All for nothing

By TheHezzer - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered the hard way that all the scare stories I'd heard about rats getting into pipes and finding their way into your toilet are, in fact, true. FML

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He prefers the dog

Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML

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By Shan007tjuuh - Netherlands

Today, I got up at 4:30 am, went to my job as the newspaper guy. Nobody was there to open the door, it was raining and I was freezing. I decided to wait, because I really wanted my salary. At 6 o'clock my boss opens the door and says, "Oh, it's you. Well, you're fired. We can't pay you anymore." FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, at the dinner table my parents were talking to my younger sister about her new boyfriend and how they should be taking it slow. My sister then pointed out that that's not what I do. My dad said, "Believe me I know- your sister's easier to get into than community college." FML

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By CrimsonAmaryllis - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, after two and a half hours of travel, it was finally my stop on the train. I politely waited for a group of women to get off first. They took so long to move that the train doors closed. I shouted at one through the door to call the conductor. She watched and smiled as the train departed. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I took a friend out for what I thought was date. After dinner was over and I paid, she pulled the bill out and wrote her name phone number on it for the waiter. FML

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By Eternal_Babyface - United States

Today, I was talking to a friend and bemoaning the fact that my new coworkers keep mixing up my gender. She looked at me critically and said, "Yeah, until you can grow a decent beard, people are going to keep thinking you're an intern or a butch lesbian." FML

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By always-the-responsible-one - Canada

Today, I just spent half an hour cleaning up my little brother's puke after he got drunk for the first time. All the people who bought him drinks are still out partying and having a good time, while all I can smell is whiskey, Chinese food, and whatever else was in his stomach. FML

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By porcelainleigh - United States

Today, I got engaged. I called my mom and told her. "You didn't say yes, did you?" she said. Afterwards, I told my dad. "Uh, Congratulations. But, I have questions." Thanks guys. FML

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By conbon123 - United States - Beaverton

Today, my dog became scared of his own food bowl. He now barks for ages every time he sees it. FML

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By cheersdaddy - United Kingdom

Today, my dad was given 2 VIP tickets to see my favourite band in concert next week. You can now find them on eBay. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to run outside, only to smack straight into our sliding glass door. Just a few hours beforehand, my mom put up a strip of colored tape to stop this from happening. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML

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By no action Jackson - 27/9/2020 20:02 - United States - Hesperia

What a wanker

Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating. I thought it was hot and asked if I could join in. He threw me a disgusted look and screamed that I’d ruined the whole mood. Now we’re both unsatisfied. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I found out that when my room-mate agreed to babysit someone's two year old kid for money, what he really planned on doing was dumping it with me. The kid won't stop crying and screaming. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Castle Rock

Idiots on bikes

Today, as I pulled to a halt at a stop sign, a cyclist ripped through the air, slammed straight into my fender, and almost launched over my car. I ended up being cited for reckless driving. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Medina

Today, I woke up on my boyfriend's bedroom floor. When I asked him why I was there, he said I'd gotten too hot, so he rolled me off his bed. I have the flu and a fever. FML

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By Nightbird827

Today, a police officer pulled me over. He asked me where I was headed, so I jokingly replied, "Probably to jail after you run my name". He laughed and took my information, only to then arrest me for unpaid parking tickets I never received. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2021 08:02

8 out of 10 dentists

Today, my 45 year-old sister blamed my parents yet again for losing one tooth after the other because they did not tell her to brush her teeth before going to bed. It's general knowledge, honey. And somehow, I still have all my teeth. FML

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By Neglected - United States - Wimberley

Today, I told my husband it would be great to spend an evening with a bottle of wine and a pile of blankets on the balcony of our cabin during the cruise. He decided it would be great to ditch me and go out gambling. FML

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By yes, yes it does :( - United States

Today, I was waiting on a Canadian tourist at work, and he bought some of the most expensive stuff on the menu. I was excited about maybe getting a big tip, so I casually said that in the USA, waiters make most of our money off tips. The guy just snorted, "Sucks to be American, eh?!" and left. FML

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By dieders - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up and opened my curtains to see my gardener up a ladder in front of my window tending to the plants growing up the side of the wall. This would've been fine if his ballsack wasn't hanging out his shorts. FML

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By Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I got a ride in a friend's car. As I sat down, her younger brother started laughing hysterically from the backseat. In between giggles, he admitted he peed there a few minutes ago. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Muncie

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. After breaking the news to my parents, I heard my dad mutter when I left, "Damn it, I liked her better than him." My mother didn't protest. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I pulled an all-nighter to finish rereading my set work for my English exam. I managed to finish earlier than expected and decided to get some sleep. I then promptly slept through my alarm and missed my exam. FML

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By sal - 27/9/2020 05:02 - Canada

Unloveable

Today, I adopted a cat, thinking it would make my life a little less lonely. Within an hour, the cat ran away. Not even animals want to be around me. FML

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By r1has - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, while chopping green chilies, I accidentally rubbed my eyes. It currently feels like Satan pissed hellfire straight into my right eye. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was hanging out with my brother and his friends. While we were walking to the store, there was a loud snap. Everyone jumped. My bra had snapped, and I had to hold back tears of pain and pretend I was just as confused as they were, while they searched for the source of the sound. FML

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By ewwy - United States

Today, I returned a friends jacket after borrowing it. I made sure to wash it and keep it clean. When he went to put it on, a pair of my granny panties fell out of the sleeve. FML

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By batman - 4/7/2020 02:02

How do magnets work?

Today, I found out I was qualified to go to a magnet school. My mom threw the papers away, claiming she thinks I shouldn't be with "rich and snobby" people. She grew up as a rich snob and has a fortune waiting for her when her parents die, and she brags about it. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I spent the first day of the new year helping out at an old folks home. I was assigned to watch over a group which includes the delightful Earnie; an 83 year old delusional man who sees absolutely no problem with showing off "what the good lord gave him" every chance he gets. FML

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By Embarassed - United States

Today, while at a school anti-drugs assembly, the speaker asked everyone to stand up if they knew someone who had died of an overdose. As I stood up, my friend hit me in the side, making me laugh. I stood frozen under accusing glares while the speaker bitched me out for a good 5 minutes. FML

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By itchyyet - Australia - Hawker

Today, a friend who visited me a week ago with "allergy rashes" told me that it's actually scabies, and she hopes I didn't catch it from her. It takes 2-6 weeks for the symptoms to show and I can't use the medication for it anyway because I'm pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML

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By Anon - United States - Twinsburg

Today, I got so used to using this FML app while going to the bathroom that when I opened it, I accidentally peed a little. FML

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By protoplasm stole my seat - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML

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By LarissaT18 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, the highlight of my day was when I figured out that my little brother's toy dump truck could actually dump stuff out. I'm 18. FML

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By AbsolutelyEffed - United States

Today, I woke up at 5 and studied for my 9:30am exam for 4 hours. When I left my dorm at 9, it was dark outside. Turns out I slept through the entire day and woke up at 5pm. FML

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By splooge - United States

Today, I was in bed next to the boy I loved, he had just came and passed out immediately afterwards. I reached over to look at my phone but grabbed his instead and saw a text message from his ex-girlfriend that read "I love you too." FML

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Top comments

By derriduh | 0

#249180 - Monday 1 June 2009 0:59

Oh please, just because it's a domestic game doesn't mean that it's a domestic fantasy that he has built. Maybe he truly uses the game as a way to completely get away from EVERYONE. It's not like he replaced you with a stripper named Candi.

Everyone needs an escape, this could be like his forest of solitude.

By catacombhome | 0

#249148 - Monday 1 June 2009 0:55

He rules! It's obviously you who sucks since you are offended by a game.

COMMENTS

By kwight404 | 0

#249138 - Monday 1 June 2009 0:54

HHAHAHA DITCH THAT LOSER.
you dont deserve that! you should go make a fantasy house and fantasy boyfriend to make him jealous!! (:

Reply

omgcookeys | 15

#2935049 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 5:03

all men dream of being single and awesome, I, as a girl, wouldn't mind at all.

Reply

22cute | 17

#3574640 - Saturday 12 November 2011 5:22

#2 that's not the way marriage works.

By soiree_fml | 0

#249142 - Monday 1 June 2009 0:54

At least he didn't have a girlfriend who was your polar opposite. But still, fyl

By catacombhome | 0

#249148 - Monday 1 June 2009 0:55

He rules! It's obviously you who sucks since you are offended by a game.

By awsumelefants | 0

#249172 - Monday 1 June 2009 0:58

haha im sorry that sucks

By SasuNaru_fml | 0

#249176 - Monday 1 June 2009 0:59

LOL
Sorry, but you gotta slap him or something.

By derriduh | 0

#249180 - Monday 1 June 2009 0:59

Oh please, just because it's a domestic game doesn't mean that it's a domestic fantasy that he has built. Maybe he truly uses the game as a way to completely get away from EVERYONE. It's not like he replaced you with a stripper named Candi.

Everyone needs an escape, this could be like his forest of solitude.

Reply

flying_vegan | 0

#834708 - Monday 8 February 2010 14:42

I like that you spelt Candi with an i to avoid any confusion about her ever being anything other than a stripper :)

Reply

Ares81 | 1

#3774001 - Friday 23 December 2011 3:37

Fortress not forest

By pinkpikachu | 0

#249186 - Monday 1 June 2009 1:00

gg

By eggnogg | 0

#249187 - Monday 1 June 2009 1:01

my mum eats cheerios in front of the TV in her underwear

Reply

ring13 | 0

#2313112 - Friday 8 April 2011 6:48

WTF?!

By fireandice92 | 0

#249212 - Monday 1 June 2009 1:05

Ha! I'm a simmer myself, don't take it personally. He just needs some him time

By JoyHeart | 0

#249222 - Monday 1 June 2009 1:07

Why does he need a wife in his dream house? At least he didn't put a 'perfect woman' in it. Maybe this is his way of saying he needs you to back off and give him some alone time. I personally see nothing wrong with a wifeless house at all. If he'd made a perfect woman, then I'd be a little miffed, but since he didn't I suggest you not get offended by it.