Today, my husband invited a couple of his college friends over... - FML

By Anonymous - 11/1/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, my husband invited a couple of his college friends over for dinner. While we were in the middle of eating, one of them asked loudly, "Hey, whatever happened to that fat bitch you dated in your third year?" We've been dating since his second year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40529

You deserved it

3842

Tweet

Share

Understandable

Noise

Toxic parents

By Wetarse - 15/3/2017 11:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was laughing at the new granite stool sculpture our work put in the office garden. I said to my colleagues for a laugh that I'd be the first to sit on it. Turns out it was a bird bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2139

You deserved it

4320

Tweet

Share

By embarassed - 14/1/2011 10:11 - United States

Today, I got off work and checked my makeup in the mirror once I got in my car. I had a huge piece of spinach on my front tooth that no one told me about. I work the front desk of an upscale hotel and have been greeting guests all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27820

You deserved it

5321

Tweet

Share

By stupid useless criminal - 21/11/2017 19:00

Today, I saw a young child passed out unattended in a hot car so I smashed the windows to rescue him. After waiting with him for 30 minutes, his mom came out and called the cops on me. I officially have a probation violation and the mom went home free. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5423

You deserved it

526

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/10/2018 12:00

Today, I hit someone’s car and got arrested for a DUI. I had to tell my parents so they could remove me from the insurance. My mom's response in the background after I told my dad was "I knew it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1117

You deserved it

4196

Tweet

Share

By never again - 30/11/2019 01:00 - United States - Bakersfield

A real orgasm

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I like, but I had to pee really bad. It got really wet down there, and he thought I squirted. I peed everywhere. I let him believe he made me squirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2189

You deserved it

648

Tweet

Share

By James - 26/8/2011 18:29 - Canada

Today, I got into a heated argument with my mom, because apparently I'm an idiot for not sharing her belief that chickens are mammals. She has a university degree in this stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31533

You deserved it

3685

Tweet

Share

By My spit everywhere - 30/12/2016 07:48 - United States - La Grange Park

Today, I went to the dentist. She had a tool that sucks up saliva, and put it in my mouth. She told me to close my mouth, and I did. Turns out she forgot to turn it on, causing my saliva to go all over my face. I had to sit like that for the rest of the visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19832

You deserved it

1746

Tweet

Share

By MyLifeSucks - 15/4/2013 22:11 - United States - Houston

Today, my mother accused me of stealing pills; she looked all over my room and couldn't find them. When she went back to the pantry, she saw them on the shelf below where they were supposed to be. She then accused me of putting them there while she was searching my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45875

You deserved it

2790

Tweet

Share

By tailgaterhater - 17/8/2009 04:44 - United States

Today, a girl was tailgating me, even though I was going at speed limit. Annoyed, I drove 10 mph under the speed limit, and every time she honked, I went 5mph slower. Too bad she got the last laugh... I was pulled over for "reckless driving." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20941

You deserved it

47211

Tweet

Share

By whydoidothis - 3/10/2014 11:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my colleague and I played yet another wonderful game of 'Tapeworm or Toilet Paper?' in the homeless shelter's toilets we were asked to clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33432

You deserved it

3965

Tweet

Share

By poururheartout - 27/7/2018 20:30

Nice.

Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3173

You deserved it

353

Tweet

Share

By homealone - 3/5/2012 04:39 - Canada

Today, my parents left on a trip. I wanted to invite my girlfriend over for a few days so we could spend them together. Then my grandparents turn up, "just for a few days, until your parents return, so you won't be alone in this big house." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28673

You deserved it

3787

Tweet

Share

By thanks a lot asshole - 26/9/2020 17:02 - United States

One law for thee, another for me

Today, I went to visit my father. His new wife has hoarded out our childhood home nearly to the point of it being unliveable. That’s pretty funny, considering my dad used to literally beat us if our rooms weren’t clean or we left dishes in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks

353

You deserved it

19

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 12/2/2009 06:00 - United States

Today, I went to a movie with my boyfriend. In the lobby, I asked why the glasses were not working. I said, "Do they only work inside the theater?" My boyfriend replied, "3-D glasses just work inside the movie, everything else in the World is pretty much 3-D." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13397

You deserved it

134647

Tweet

Share

By krray - 11/3/2017 22:00

Suspense

Today, I was walking up the stairs with my lunch behind a heavy co-worker. His arms were full, and step by step, as we went up the stairs his pants dropped a little further. By the time we reached the top, his knickers were below his knees and it was a full moon. I prayed he wouldn't fart on my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4841

You deserved it

665

Tweet

Share

By stinky - 12/12/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, my coworker friend told me she was going to the restroom. Soon after, I did the same. Once in the stall, I could smell a stench emanating from the next one. I yelled, "Ew, you stinky bitch" and sprayed air freshener under the partition. As I left the stall, my friend walked into the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11007

You deserved it

46560

Tweet

Share

By Username - 16/12/2011 06:31 - Canada

Today, I hit a new low when I caught myself eating the chocolates that were meant to be part of my boyfriend's Christmas presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9610

You deserved it

33118

Tweet

Share

By wowsucks - 30/1/2010 09:40 - United States

Today, I realized that the only reason my boyfriend has been coming over to hang out at my house for the past two months is because my little brother has an N64. I have become a third wheel to their mario kart dates. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29736

You deserved it

4073

Tweet

Share

By Nick - 20/3/2009 16:45 - United States

Today, my wife of over 20 years told me she wants a divorce because she wants "a change in life". She has had the same mullet hair cut since '84. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80100

You deserved it

9090

Tweet

Share

By queenmabby - 16/1/2019 12:00

Today, for the first time ever, I was able to have a good hair day without blow drying it or using product. Or so I thought. The first words my mom spoke to me when I came downstairs were “Go fix your hair.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

2103

You deserved it

211

Tweet

Share

By hopeless romantic - 14/8/2014 15:06 - United States - Dayton

Today, I realized my dog looks at me with way more love in his eyes than my own boyfriend does. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42066

You deserved it

5494

Tweet

Share

By unfortunate - 30/6/2013 04:45 - United States

Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50023

You deserved it

3171

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/8/2011 07:13 - United States

Today, I wanted to show my teenage daughter what we did when I was her age. We used to breakdance, so I stuck on a Grandmaster Flash track, and tried some old moves on the living room floor. I spun out of control, smacked my head into a wall and pulled a back muscle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13284

You deserved it

41036

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/4/2009 06:07 - United States

Today, my 8-year-old sister learned how to type her name into a phone using the number key-pad. I later found my phone on the kitchen counter with all my contacts under her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67808

You deserved it

9798

Tweet

Share

By lizann - 3/4/2012 05:39 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, for the second time this week, I had to ask my 27-year-old husband to stop peeing on the toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23381

You deserved it

4643

Tweet

Share

By customerservicesucks - 26/5/2010 04:26 - Canada

Today, I spent half an hour on the phone with a woman who was yelling at the top of her lungs, sobbing uncontrollably and hyperventilating. She also told me if she had a heart attack and died from crying, it was all my fault. Why? I told her she needed her receipt to have her T.V. repaired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34887

You deserved it

2996

Tweet

Share

By justine - 13/12/2009 16:53 - United States

Today, I went to see a play. I'm pregnant, so I always need to pee. At intermission, I ran to use the bathroom, but there was a really long line. I asked the woman in front of me if I could pass her. She responded, "You don't look pregnant!", and lectured me about lying while I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43833

You deserved it

3057

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/8/2014 14:18 - United Kingdom - Paignton

Today, a potential customer was looking at a treadmill at the fitness warehouse I work at. Once he was done testing it out, I asked him if he'd like me to order it for him. His reply? "Nah. I only had a go on it 'cause it looked like fun. Hey, but you could order one for yourself, huh, chubs?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44784

You deserved it

5283

Tweet

Share

By Colormered - 12/1/2010 15:08 - France

Today, I spent all day organizing a list of electronic parts for my boss. I found the easiest way was to color problem parts in the spreadsheet red and okay parts green. After I finished at the end of the day, I found out my boss is red-green colorblind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32283

You deserved it

3558

Tweet

Share

By fiftyno - 1/10/2012 15:02 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31741

You deserved it

4099

Tweet

Share

By WhyMe? - 1/3/2011 13:24

Today, I told my boyfriend I was leaving him because he's cheating on me. He then told me he will die without me. When I said that I didn't care, he said 'OK. I'll kill myself!' and then held his breath in attempt to suffocate himself. I can't believe I dated this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54012

You deserved it

14950

Tweet

Share

By 2ndgenoration - 17/5/2014 21:56 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, my grandmother told me that since my dad was a mistake, I too am a mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50492

You deserved it

4185

Tweet

Share

By sleepy2010 - 8/3/2010 14:46 - United States

Today, I started my spring break. My college is letting the students stay in the dorms for break, so I figured that staying here would mean getting more sleep than going home. Not so much. The fire alarm has been going off every 20 mins since 7:30am because they're "fixing" it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25463

You deserved it

3582

Tweet

Share

By thebrokentardis - 22/9/2014 06:45 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike to work. In the hospital, every single nurse lectured me about how I wouldn't be here if I wore a helmet, which I'm sure would be really helpful to my broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42542

You deserved it

5269

Tweet

Share

By notsoskinny - 18/4/2009 16:13 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I gained a few pounds and thought I looked fat. He replied that I looked the same and that I shouldn't worry because he likes fat girls. I never thought I was fat before this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48832

You deserved it

18566

Tweet

Share

By Single4Life - 5/7/2009 02:40 - United States

Today, my friend told me that she gave my number to a guy I've liked for a while. I asked why and she just said "He's just going to have to tell you himself." I got hopeful and really nervous. A few hours later he calls. Turns out, he's called to try and get a date with my gay friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39770

You deserved it

3307

Tweet

Share

By unengaged - 14/11/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of six years broke up with me for a girl he's known for less than 72 hours. Why? He wanted someone pure. I lost my virginity to him five years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46142

You deserved it

4194

Tweet

Share

By Steiner - 5/11/2013 21:26 - United States - Troy

Today, my relatives won't acknowledge my existence unless I'm posting a picture of my cat. They only talk about the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38204

You deserved it

3397

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/6/2019 00:17

Today, after I got pregnant 22 years ago and my husband became way too overprotective to the point where he became a right pain in the ass, I’m now accidentally pregnant again. It turns out my now 22-year-old son is almost as bad as his dad was. Now I’ve got two of the sods to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1470

You deserved it

502

Tweet

Share

By inthefamily - 23/10/2012 13:29 - United States - Washington

Today, my fiancé's stepfather asked me how my teaching job was going. I replied heatedly that I've never taught, and then complained bitterly to my fiancé about how his family still doesn't know me. Turns out his stepfather has early onset dementia, and that I'm an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10504

You deserved it

36121

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By machiko_fml | 0

#1956423 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 23:53

Either you lost major weight to where they can't recognize you, or he was cheating on you with a fat woman.

By furburger | 0

#1956502 - Wednesday 12 January 2011 0:08

A pimp-ass husband's response: I married that cow and fucked the weight off her, like a boss. How's your brisket? (said loudly)

COMMENTS

By zacharytk72 | 5

#1956393 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 23:49

HAHA wow fyl

Reply

titanic12beth | 0

#1956511 - Wednesday 12 January 2011 0:09

ok maybe THEY just came to the conclusion that you were a fat bitch and your husband tried to stand up for you. maybe they meant 1st year, whatever the case, you're not fat or a bitch anymore.

Reply

skiier4life | 1

#1957137 - Wednesday 12 January 2011 7:07

it'd be funniest if he said, "I married her!"

Reply

KoRnLeader | 0

#1957240 - Wednesday 12 January 2011 8:56

winnnzzzzx!!!11111111

Reply

unfortunate_13 | 5

#1957408 - Wednesday 12 January 2011 9:41

this fml must have been followed by a very awkward silence

Reply

5h1Ft3R | 0

#1957632 - Wednesday 12 January 2011 10:56

haha sucks to be you OP

Reply

Yes_I_Own_It | 0

#1958126 - Wednesday 12 January 2011 13:02

awwww:( you're the fat bitch. that sucks. sorry

Reply

doctor_itsmylife | 3

#1959893 - Wednesday 12 January 2011 23:01

so either you were a fat bitch (which is good if now you are not one anymore) ORRRR he cheated on u with an ugly bitch. so which one?

Reply

Sexy_Lexi_Gonz | 0

#1961280 - Thursday 13 January 2011 9:16

that really hurts

Reply

nicole1784 | 0

#1963053 - Thursday 13 January 2011 17:47

are u the fat bitch or did he cheat on you with a fat bitch?

Reply

forever2life | 0

#2758731 - Saturday 25 June 2011 22:48

when I read it I was like "LOL" haha

Reply

justynicole | 0

#3099551 - Saturday 13 August 2011 10:14

Congrats on losing so much weight! :)

Reply

Futacy | 29

#4929039 - Thursday 13 September 2012 22:56

I'm sort of confused, is OP the fat bitch or did her husband cheat on her with another fat bitch?

By froggermea | 5

#1956399 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 23:50

maybe they were talking about the OP and maybe she was so fat that when she lost weight they didnt recognize her lol

Reply

backdownbreh | 0

#1956694 - Wednesday 12 January 2011 1:05

oh shit really. that's the point of the FML dumbass

Reply

x_missystaceey | 0

#1956716 - Wednesday 12 January 2011 1:14

hahahha !!!

Reply

froggermea | 5

#1956748 - Wednesday 12 January 2011 1:50

dont have to be suck a jerk !

Reply

afallingstar | 22

#1956884 - Wednesday 12 January 2011 3:20

or her man was cheating then and she never knew...

Reply

Uscdrew1 | 7

#1956963 - Wednesday 12 January 2011 4:56

39, it also means that the OP's husband could've cheated on her.

Reply

Flamehog9 | 0

#1958965 - Wednesday 12 January 2011 14:45

don't have to be "suck" an idiot.

Reply

froggermea | 5

#1958971 - Wednesday 12 January 2011 14:51

lol wow. i failed on that.
39 u dont have to be SUCH a jerk!
lol thats better

Reply

EmperorChowilio | 21

#5977877 - Tuesday 17 June 2014 2:29

That or he cheated on her #39

By kelvinlauky | 2

#1956401 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 23:50

fyl.. lol

By machiko_fml | 0

#1956423 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 23:53

Either you lost major weight to where they can't recognize you, or he was cheating on you with a fat woman.

Reply

traze | 7

#1956542 - Wednesday 12 January 2011 0:17

Yeah...one of the two... is the explanation.

Reply

macskapingvin | 0

#1956555 - Wednesday 12 January 2011 0:19

Well done, you can understand English.

Reply

traze | 7

#1956601 - Wednesday 12 January 2011 0:35

( ? _ ? )(・￣・?)

Reply

apppiiee | 5

#3115484 - Tuesday 16 August 2011 1:03

I see what you did there..

By doublewide420 | 0

#1956425 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 23:53

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

percawesome | 0

#1957391 - Wednesday 12 January 2011 9:38

Husband...

Reply

RUSH777 | 0

#1959584 - Wednesday 12 January 2011 20:19

You're an idiot. if she WAS fat, she obviously isn't anymore.
You intellectually impoverished bigot.

Reply

TimeDisposalEngi | 14

#1961021 - Thursday 13 January 2011 7:46

You're not exactly prime real estate either, bud..

Reply

irockfendergirl | 0

#1961797 - Thursday 13 January 2011 11:58

102- That's what I was thinking. He's so quick to call someone fat, but he really needs to look in a mirror first.

By neondeath | 0

#1956438 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 23:55

1,000,000,000,000nd!!! WOOOT!

By TXCandy | 3

#1956442 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 23:55

dnt let those bastards in ur house anymore!

By bobkim302 | 0

#1956459 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 23:59

Wow! You never know what someone is going to say.

By perdix | 29

#1956462 - Wednesday 12 January 2011 0:00

He wasn't cheating -- he was "keeping his options open."

Evidently, the OP ended up the big winner in the long run, nosing out the bitch. Or maybe, the big loser, seeing what assholes he hangs out with.

Reply

Laxinitup | 18

#1956848 - Wednesday 12 January 2011 3:09

Dang, too bad some people beat me to it that he was cheating on her in college with a fat bitch! That or else she was fat and now is skinny; either way hilarious.

By ckjacques53198 | 0

#1956476 - Wednesday 12 January 2011 0:03

who talks like that? Some people suck