Today, my husband and our 4-year-old daughter were watching My... - FML

By Frozen Delight - 24/2/2019 22:00 - United States - New York

Today, my husband and our 4-year-old daughter were watching My Little Pony. When her favorite character angrily screamed, "You're going to love me!", she looked at him with a perplexed look. My husband then responded, "And THAT'S how I met your mommy!" FML

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Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

You snooze, you lose

Business savvy

By meat is meat - 7/10/2019 02:07

Alexa, play "Meat Is Murder" by The Smiths

Today, my girlfriend went on yet another long-winded rant about how dogs are family and should be treated as such, whilst stuffing her face with ribs. I asked her what the difference was between a dog and the pile of pig parts on her plate. Her only response was to call me a monster and dump me. FML

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By -__- - 26/12/2015 13:41

Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML

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By mortenp - 22/9/2011 04:44 - United States

Today, the shy girl in my class decided to bring a cake to share with everyone, since it was her birthday. Excited about the cake, I got everybody to sing "happy birthday" for her, only to realize too late that nobody in the class know her name, myself included. FML

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By stupiddrunk - 1/3/2011 01:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

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By hh - 5/12/2014 21:13 - United States - Clear Lake

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house to break up with him. When I got there, I got sent on a scavenger hunt that ended with him proposing to me. FML

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By anonymous - 8/9/2015 12:35 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got a date after being alone for the past 2 years. The girl who my friends set me up with began asking my monthly income, my current occupation, and asked if I have a credit card account. FML

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By Jackal - 20/8/2019 12:00 - United States - Trumbull

Today, I found out the time I'd requested off for a trip in 2 months, that my boss said that I could go on, wasn't fully processed, just in case he decided I couldn't go. He told me the second part after I'd bought no refund tickets for shows for both me and my girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/5/2020 02:00

Deception

Today, I found out my roommate has been cheating me out of hundreds of dollars when I finally obtained records of the past year's electric bills, which are in her name. FML

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By insomniac - 19/6/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, I was finally going to fall asleep at a decent hour. Having insomnia, I generally get about 2 hours of sleep. Right as I'm about to fall asleep, 5 firetrucks decide to drive right in front of my house with the sirens/lights on. FML

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By WittyMoron - 8/1/2020 01:00 - United Kingdom

Shooting!

Today, I was out shooting pigeons with my brother. I decided to climb a tree to get a better view of where they were flying in from. As I perched on a branch and surveyed the skies, my idiot brother mistook me for a pigeon and shot me in the leg. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 20:00

Surprising

Today, my younger sister had some friends over at ours. I was in the shower but was horrified to realize my clothes and towel were gone. Figuring that she took them, I tried to make it to my room without being seen, but one of her friends came up to use the bathroom. She saw everything. FML

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By MissAggravared - 19/11/2014 08:27 - United States - Meridian

Today, I met my sister's fiancé. I would have been happier for her if he hadn't been mine a month ago when I introduced them. FML

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By A. - 14/10/2010 07:15 - United States

Today, out of all the cars in the parking lot, mine got struck by lightning. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2013 21:53 - Netherlands - Drachten

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I wouldn't give her a new iPhone 5 for free to replace her broken Nokia, which she threw out the window in "blind rage". I felt awful having to thank her for calling. Sadly, this is a daily event. FML

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By Augh. - 9/10/2009 02:30 - United States

Today, I discovered that the school I transferred from last year is closing. All the people that I so happily escaped from and left behind at that school will now be flocking to my new school senior year. Faaaantastic. FML

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By Muchacha22 - 20/6/2016 17:25 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my work directory was updated to reflect my recent promotion. Due to lack of space, they abbreviated the title. I'm now listed as "Sr Anal". FML

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By elfy2 - 3/3/2011 02:49

Today, while riding the bus to a really important job interview the child sitting next to me threw up in my lap. His mother then told him to wipe his mouth. He used my sleeve. FML

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By Mike Messenger - 5/10/2013 13:51 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I moved into a new house, I couldn't help but notice a car alarm going off, so I investigated my neighbors. Turns out it's their bird. It imitates chainsaws, car alarms, and much more. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2014 08:37 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me via Twitter. FML

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By faceless_sailor8 - 31/8/2011 16:25 - United States

Today, my wife compared me to Sid the sloth from Ice Age. Same smile, same eyes, same belly, same big feet. FML

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By idiot says pussy - 21/1/2014 17:43 - United States

Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2011 14:31 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I was excited because of all the wall posts I got on Facebook. Then I saw I got a "Happy Birthday" from the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with. FML

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By isthisajoke - 15/1/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was told that my mom and her new husband have named my new born brother "Titan". FML

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By Tyler - 3/9/2012 09:37 - Australia - Killara

Today, I was walking down the street when I had a coughing fit. The next thing I know I'm being pushed about by a group of guys who were smoking, because they thought I was coughing deliberately to send them a message about smoking being bad. FML

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By LaLa - 9/1/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML

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By Icey_dan1 - 10/10/2010 15:16 - France

Today, I tried to jump between the train doors to make it in on time. And missed. FML

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By No2ndDate - 1/2/2017 22:00 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Owl be there for you

Today, I went on a date to an owl sanctuary. Today is also the day I discovered my all-encompassing fear of owls, as I cried and pissed myself in front of my date and 15 other visitors. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2011 05:50

Today, my Dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

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By z - 5/11/2009 17:20 - United States

Today, I re-joined a popular on-line dating service. I first signed up 3 years ago and was matched with a wonderful woman. After about a year, she broke up with me. I was devastated. After two years of trying to win her back, I decided it's best just to move on. Guess who they matched me with? FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2013 07:32 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, my sister sent me countless pictures of my boyfriend making out with different girls at a bar. His excuse? Photoshop. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2013 05:54 - United States

Today, I lost my virginity. Not only did my parents somehow find out, they posted about it on Facebook. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2019 12:00

Today, I needed to get blood drawn. Apparently, my veins are too thin and no blood would flow into the tube. I'm afraid of needles, and was just poked with some unsuccessfully, and I have to go back next week to try again. FML

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By tomuchtime - 2/6/2011 08:46

Today, my doctor told me I have tennis elbow in both arms. I don't play tennis, I just have way too much free time. FML

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By grrrr - 12/2/2011 19:00 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Feeling bad, I texted him a few hours later apologizing. He said it was fine and that he went ahead and picked up a girl from the mall. FML

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By BigBangCheater - 1/4/2012 10:08 - United States - Loves Park

Today, I had my first free night in months. I spent it doing homework and watching TV. I had set my Facebook status to say I was spending time with the boys from The Big Bang Theory, then fell asleep. I woke up later to an angry text from my boyfriend thinking I was cheating on him. FML

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By Corn-ed-Teeth - 30/4/2019 18:00

Today, I bit into a barbecue-ed corn cob, forgetting I had a filling on my chipped front tooth. I re-chipped it. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2015 05:44 - United States

Today, after about a year of keeping it a secret from my girlfriend, I told her about my foot fetish. She said "EWWWWWWWW!" and left. She's ignoring my calls and has changed her relationship status to single on Facebook. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2018 01:30

Today, the only parking spot available at the supermarket had some shopping carts in it, so I got out of my car and moved them. As soon as I finished, a lady stole the spot. When I confronted her, she maced me with pepper spray and walked off. FML

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By southernluxe - 4/9/2011 09:36 - United States

Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML

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By anonymous - 18/12/2016 03:15

Today, my pregnant sister has apparently always loved my boyfriend's name and wants to give it to her child. She expects me to break up with my boyfriend so "it doesn't get weird." FML

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Top comments

By definte | 8

#7773513 - Monday 25 February 2019 7:13

is it wrong that I know exactly which episode and character this is?

By RichardPencil | 28

#7773508 - Monday 25 February 2019 6:52

You married a Brony? Does that make you a Pega-sister?

COMMENTS

By Gofuckyourself | 24

#7773487 - Monday 25 February 2019 4:10

Teach em' young

By davidfong | 14

#7773490 - Monday 25 February 2019 4:35

Yes teach them young, women are property they are good for house work, taking care of kids and for fucking.

Reply

Sonotsuave | 33

#7773496 - Monday 25 February 2019 5:32

Would you stop trolling all FMLs trying to get everyone agitated. Fuck off

By RichardPencil | 28

#7773508 - Monday 25 February 2019 6:52

You married a Brony? Does that make you a Pega-sister?

By definte | 8

#7773513 - Monday 25 February 2019 7:13

is it wrong that I know exactly which episode and character this is?

Reply

mccuish | 17

#7773523 - Monday 25 February 2019 7:52

It’s not wrong since I also know which episode it is and which pony says it.

Reply

thelittlem | 15

#7773667 - Monday 25 February 2019 13:18

nope. I know it too

Reply

melisssa87 | 30

#7773685 - Monday 25 February 2019 14:24

I can still sing the theme song to it

Reply

Chloe555_fml | 27

#7774912 - Thursday 28 February 2019 7:29

No because Fluttershy is the best pony.

By Julie Orfield | 4

#7773571 - Monday 25 February 2019 9:33

Lighten up, honey.

By TxKitten79 | 10

#7773801 - Monday 25 February 2019 18:11

OMG. That's friggin hysterical!!!!

By Jennifer Heinlen | 7

#7773815 - Monday 25 February 2019 19:09

Better now than after I do. keep your head up.