Intimacy: Today, my husband and I caught our 12-year-old son "experimenting"...

By bigmouthedmommy - United States - San Francisco

Today, my husband and I caught our 12-year-old son "experimenting" with a 5-foot tall stuffed Mickey Mouse. He even made sure to rip Mickey's pants off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34451

You deserved it

3986

Favorite

Intimacy

Vulture

Season finale

You just had to be special

By monsterinlaw - United States

Today, my obnoxious mother-in-law berated me in front of my husband's family for still working while pregnant. She says I'm harming the baby by not quitting. I'm only 4 months pregnant and I work as a nurse at a hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35117

You deserved it

2626

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Darwin

The Conversationalist

Today, I was so bad at maintaining a conversation that the only way for the other guy to put up with me was to drink. He was the designated driver. He would rather risk drinking and driving than being sober around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1210

You deserved it

363

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wanted to take my girlfriend to a nice dinner before prom. Her parents followed her in, and joined us to "keep an eye on me." They interrupted all our conversations, ate an expensive meal, then got up and walked out when the waitress brought the $95 check, leaving me to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59607

You deserved it

4452

Favorite

By Unlucky - Australia - Cairns

Today, I realized that at 20 years old I already have noticeable wrinkles around my eyes. But to balance it out, my chronic acne keeps me looking youthful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32857

You deserved it

3006

Favorite

By P DarklyKira - 18/5/2020 23:00

Bunged up

Today, after weeks of quarantine, I can finally go to the hospital to get my haemorrhoid surgery, which was confirmed. I have a big internal one. I didn't not consult with the same doctor as before, but he didn't even do a check up inside and told me, "You have nothing, go home." I can't shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1595

You deserved it

150

Favorite

By Camera - United States - Rancho Santa Margarita

Today, I had to get a colonoscopy. Which wouldn't have been so bad if they had removed the camera from my rectum before waking me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31331

You deserved it

2163

Favorite

By Sam - 7/5/2021 02:01

Risky business

Today, my girlfriend had one of her seizures during foreplay. She’s fine, but I’m not, she had my penis in her hand and while seizing she squeezed it so hard she ruptured some blood vessels on the inside. I'm now walking bowlegged and on medication to stop me getting erections that might cause more damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1411

You deserved it

Favorite

By CoCo - France

Today, my girlfriend came home with new condoms: Manix Endurance containing a numbing gel designed to help me "last longer". FML

I agree, your life sucks

40050

You deserved it

11517

Favorite

By The Soul Of A Damned Queef - United States - Dublin

Today, after telling my husband he can send me dirty texts any time, he sent me one from work. It said, "Babe when I get home, I'm gonna go 9/11 on your pussy ;)". I'm still not sure he understands why that was so offensive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32448

You deserved it

6527

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my husband cancelled our internet and cable package because we’re having money problems. I work from home and need the internet to do so. I guess getting a job of his own wasn’t an option. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2740

You deserved it

304

Favorite

By 909 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to Lidl to buy the cheapest jaffa cakes I could. They cost 35p. When I was eating them later on I put the plastic wrapper onto the side. When I'd finished eating my jaffa cakes I went to pick up the wrapper... The dog had eaten it. Cost me a £150 vet bill. Most expensive jaffas I've ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27927

You deserved it

8512

Favorite

By justfat - United States

Today, I was standing on a balcony smoking a cigarette when I noticed a woman giving me strange looks. When I put the cigarette out and went to walk inside she said "You shouldn't smoke while you're pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68657

You deserved it

15576

Favorite

By david - United States

Today, I decided to smoke a cigarette while I was driving to work. I was also eating french fries during the drive. I had never realized how much a cigarette feels like a french fry. In conclusion, cigarettes don't taste very good when you bite into them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14134

You deserved it

111188

Favorite

By all5fingers - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28527

You deserved it

3226

Favorite

By Not Engaged - United Kingdom - Stourbridge

Today, my long-term boyfriend said that if we ever finally get married, his ex-girlfriend will definitely have to be a bridesmaid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34423

You deserved it

3079

Favorite

By kallens - United States

Today, I was putting a wristband on a little boy's wrist so he could swim in the waterpark. Just before I finished, he coughed all over my hands and arms. I finished and looked up at the boy just in time for us to make eye contact and for him to cough directly into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24703

You deserved it

2506

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend went to the aquarium. We were noticing the fishy smell, and I had made a comment about it. Then my boyfriend slowly, and seductively whispers into my ear, "It sort of reminds me of how you smell." FML

I agree, your life sucks

61132

You deserved it

13719

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was hanging out with my brother and his friends. While we were walking to the store, there was a loud snap. Everyone jumped. My bra had snapped, and I had to hold back tears of pain and pretend I was just as confused as they were, while they searched for the source of the sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29445

You deserved it

2978

Favorite

By ps3isbetterthanme - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up and my boyfriend was already awake. Feeling in the mood I slipped off my nightdress and looked him in the eye. He looked me up and down, smiled seductively, reached over... and turned his PS3 on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25775

You deserved it

4286

Favorite

By kenz - 17/12/2020 20:01

He's fine

Today, I wanted my boyfriend to come over for a backyard wiener roast. Because it was so hot outside, he told me he didn't want to. Eventually, I talked him into it telling him it would be fine. He's now still asleep on the couch with heat stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

250

You deserved it

1081

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my roomate's cats pooped on the floor again. He refuses to clean it up saying it will be easier to clean in 48 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29840

You deserved it

2682

Favorite

By yeah okay then - United Kingdom - Brentwood

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML

I agree, your life sucks

21879

You deserved it

2104

Favorite

By fml_anon - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to spend a depressingly long time convincing my 29-year-old husband that our house isn't haunted and that the door slammed shut because it was windy outside. I repeat, "29-year-old husband" and "haunted". It's like I'm married to a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16974

You deserved it

4179

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, after I took my first set of exams, my professor posted on Twitter, scoffing at how stupid one student's answer was. The answer he quoted was one that I wrote. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50923

You deserved it

10212

Favorite

By cheeseburglar_9000 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I learned that if not for my grandfather gifting my dad $200, I would have been named Anthrax. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36684

You deserved it

2844

Favorite

By college kid - United States

Today, I found out that the day I moved out of my parents' house, they invited my whole family over and had a party to celebrate the fact that I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32156

You deserved it

5348

Favorite

By Kate

Today, my 5-year-old cousin came over. We were on the trampoline in my backyard when he fell off and started crying and screaming. While I was trying to comfort him, my mom came out yelling at me for "pushing him off the trampoline" and grounded me for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5339

You deserved it

363

Favorite

By sheyshey0413 - United States

Today, I realized that my boyfriend will only have sex with me if I am on my stomach and not revealing my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46891

You deserved it

6917

Favorite

By BX - Netherlands

Today, I found out the hard way that if you spontaneously begin to lose weight, you may have cancer, not an increased metabolism. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37937

You deserved it

1788

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I found out that my obese son, who is on a health-mandated diet and exercise plan, gorges on junk food whenever he has the chance. His logic? "It won't make you fatter if you crap it out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45513

You deserved it

6817

Favorite

By visn - United States

Today, a real estate agent showed my house to some buyers. I found out when I exited the shower, fully nude, to them in the hallway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45835

You deserved it

5265

Favorite

By stuckonrepeat - United Kingdom

Today, I received the results of the exams that I re-took in order to improve my grades. I got exactly the same grades as before in all four exams. Point for point identical. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17349

You deserved it

19495

Favorite

By bg4545 - United States - Whittier

Today, for some reason that is unknown to me, I accidentally referred to my girlfriend as "my ex-girlfriend." To her face. Needless to say, my statement became true afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12415

You deserved it

18464

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my crush was walking up to me and I put my earphones in, playing hard to get. When I heard him say something about a date I take an earphone out and say, "Oh, I didn't see you there!" His response, "They're not connected to anything," holds up the end of my earphones and walks away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13366

You deserved it

131742

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, in the senior class I teach, I asked my students who had traveled outside of the country, excluding Canada and Mexico. One student raised his hand and proudly stated, "Arizona". He wants to be a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33932

You deserved it

3392

Favorite

By Rush Snake - France

Today, I tried to play with my Wii using the TV remote. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8136

You deserved it

31486

Favorite

By drunk - Australia

Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8240

You deserved it

40786

Favorite

By Lil Bro - United Kingdom - Smethwick

Today, after months of trying to make my girlfriend orgasm, she finally did. It was with my brother. I'll definitely knock next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17569

You deserved it

1571

Favorite

My long-distance partner came to visit me for the weekend. When he arrived he seemed moody and tired, and refused any kind of physical contact. Upset, I asked him what was wrong. Turns out he's mad for coming to see me because I've put on weight, making the trip a waste of his time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3532

You deserved it

447

Favorite

By Lydlsis - United States

Today, while shopping, I suddenly got the terrible urge to use the bathroom. I already had several items and my 5-year-old niece in tow, so I hurried to checkout. I ended up pissing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21661

You deserved it

4587

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By loserman67 | 35

#6261412 - Monday 13 April 2015 14:28

So he slipped Mickey his "Minnie"?

By mattzawesome | 28

#6261407 - Monday 13 April 2015 14:24

I don't think I can look at Mickey Mouse the same way anymore...

COMMENTS

By mrlawlor7777 | 26

#6261405 - Monday 13 April 2015 14:23

Was it a small world after all?

pugpuggy | 21

#6261541 - Monday 13 April 2015 16:37

I'm sorry. That was terrible.

psychopolarbear | 28

#6262238 - Tuesday 14 April 2015 5:43

As long as they don't take him to a Disney Park, they should be fine.

magicdust95 | 31

#6704404 - Thursday 20 October 2016 15:51

I bet it was his favorite thing to play with even as a kid

By mattzawesome | 28

#6261407 - Monday 13 April 2015 14:24

I don't think I can look at Mickey Mouse the same way anymore...

Killswitchknot | 20

#6262142 - Tuesday 14 April 2015 3:35

Just imagine how OP and her husband feel.

fortune789 | 17

#6262219 - Tuesday 14 April 2015 5:27

"Haha! Hiya fella!"

By xXCIPHERXx | 8

#6261408 - Monday 13 April 2015 14:24

wow you deserved that

rdenkewicz | 11

#6261781 - Monday 13 April 2015 20:36

How is this deserved...unless her son is secretly a 12 year old dog?

oroxsnyder | 8

#6262116 - Tuesday 14 April 2015 2:52

i guess because they walked in on him, but i disagree that was totally an fml

By fiveforfighting | 26

#6261410 - Monday 13 April 2015 14:26

Well he is 12, time for "the talk"

By MrConcise | 34

#6261411 - Monday 13 April 2015 14:26

He is known for Tugboat Willie.

By loserman67 | 35

#6261412 - Monday 13 April 2015 14:28

So he slipped Mickey his "Minnie"?

The_Podfather | 16

#6262155 - Tuesday 14 April 2015 4:02

*slow clap*

By Cads1 | 24

#6261414 - Monday 13 April 2015 14:29

I thought the talk was the birds and the bees, not a 5ft stuffed toy and a young boy.

By kinky44 | 28

#6261415 - Monday 13 April 2015 14:29

Should've at least bought him a Minnie Mouse doll.

fluffee123 | 2

#6265847 - Saturday 18 April 2015 5:49

Doesn't matter, kids a furry, they have I kill it

By pepsiman404 | 12

#6261417 - Monday 13 April 2015 14:30

that's my fetish. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).

By imyy | 20

#6261418 - Monday 13 April 2015 14:31

Have a talk with him ASAP...that's definitely not appropriate!