Love: Today, my husband and I are still having a dumb fight over remodeling.... - FML

By unhappy wifey - United States - Portland

Today, my husband and I are still having a dumb fight over remodeling. He's decided to take an immature route and pretends to be asleep whenever I walk into a room so he doesn't have to talk about it. Earlier, he pretended to fall asleep at the dinner table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25289

You deserved it

3981

Tweet

Share

BO Central

Bunch of bankers, the lot of them

Keep your enemies closer

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was invited to a birthday dinner at a restaurant. As I was leaving, I get a text from the birthday girl's boyfriend saying that it was cancelled. Hungry, I decided to go to that particular restaurant anyway. Turns out the party wasn't cancelled. Half the party just didn't want me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43450

You deserved it

4253

Tweet

Share

By WhyMe - United States

Today, I called the car repair shop to complain to the manager about their tow driver who keeps making sexual passes at me. The girl taking my call started crying and said that their driver was her husband. I'm being sexually harassed, my car is dead, and I think I just ended a marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52498

You deserved it

4293

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36589

You deserved it

5944

Tweet

Share

By Star_Wars_Lover - United States - Dallas

Today, my husband got a vasectomy. My mother-in-law is extremely upset that he only gave her one grandson. Guess my other son doesn't count. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14676

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1630

Tweet

Share

By Aginsafa - United States

Today, at work my boss told me I have been late, under-productive, and using up a lot of sick days. He says my job is on the line. My reason for barely showing up at work: I've been on maternity leave for 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38345

You deserved it

3670

Tweet

Share

By brittney242 - United States - Stow

Today, while at a night club, I was wearing a brand new outfit that I absolutely loved. I was enjoying myself until I felt something wet drop onto my head and body from above. It was puke from a drunk guy in the V.I.P. section. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8537

You deserved it

631

Tweet

Share

By iheartkanye

Today, my little sister was rhyming words with "truck." When she came to "fuck", I told her never to say that word again because it was bad. She ran around the house screaming it. I'm in trouble for being "a bad influence." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1596

You deserved it

201

Tweet

Share

By TheLifguard95 - United Kingdom

Today, I thought that working as a lifeguard I would be saving lives, rescuing people and things along those lines. What do I get told to do on my first shift? Clean all the fecal matter and hair out the pool. I almost threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14849

You deserved it

1659

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I was using a disabled toilet. I'm disabled partly because of spinal problems. While I was doing my business, the whole toilet fell to the floor, leaving me sitting in a puddle of my own urine and smashed porcelain, with even more spinal problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2362

You deserved it

90

Tweet

Share

By ThanksMom - United States - State College

Today, while taking out the trash late at night with my mom, a group of people drove by and decided it would be funny to turn around and chase us up the driveway in their car. Before I even realized what was happening, my mom was already halfway to the house yelling back, "You're on your own!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

13465

You deserved it

1296

Tweet

Share

By future missing person maker person thingy - Canada - Lloydminster

Today, after saving up for weeks, I bought myself an iPad. Because mine is better than the one my parents bought my ten-year-old brother, he got pissed and threw it into our pool. I'm now grounded for getting angry and calling him a bastard in the aftermath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41096

You deserved it

2715

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my boyfriends birthday and I saw he was logged in on ooVoo. He sent me a request to video chat so I decided to take off all of my clothes to surprise him. Little did I know, his entire family was at his house and at the computer because he, "wanted to show them what a great girlfriend I am." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27075

You deserved it

75519

Tweet

Share

By nazirah4shizzle - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39192

You deserved it

3461

Tweet

Share

By cinderella - Netherlands

Today, I found my beloved hamster dead in her cage. Later that day, my boyfriend told me he already noticed that she was dead last night, but did not feel like telling me because he was afraid I wouldn't feel like doing it anymore that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33306

You deserved it

4459

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Art

Today, I was at my job as a fitting room attendant and I checked a woman and her young son in. After several minutes, they left, saying there was lipstick on the mirror. Not only was it all over two mirrors, but also on the wall, the floor and the carpet. The whole place smelled of lip-balm and I was left to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1642

You deserved it

123

Tweet

Share

By fattypatty - United States

Today, it seems I do, in fact, have an addiction to food. My employer has put on a weight loss challenge with a 1000$ prize, and on day 5 of 100 I'm already lying to the calorie counting app I installed on my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4939

You deserved it

2250

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I fell over on the bus. X-Rays revealed not only that I have been growing extra bones in my foot, but that when I fell, I crushed all of them. Doctors don't know how to fix bones that aren't supposed to be there, so they're just going to cut them out. Two days before Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40038

You deserved it

2707

Tweet

Share

By damnit. - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I was training a new girl at work. We're always told to find "common interests" with the people we are training to make it less awkward for them. Little did I know that our "common interest" would turn out to be my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32807

You deserved it

1889

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Cary

Today, I resorted to buying some expensive flowers and sending them to my boss anonymously with a mysterious love letter, just to get her to lighten the hell up and stop constantly harassing and berating me over every little thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24130

You deserved it

2474

Tweet

Share

By apparentlyunsexy - United States

Today, while dancing at my studio, our instructor was giving us all characters opposite of ourselves to portray in an improv solo. My friends got cool things like "creepy" and "vulnerable". I got "extremely sexy". FML

I agree, your life sucks

32114

You deserved it

3942

Tweet

Share

By fuckface moron - 20/6/2020 02:17

Face value

Today, it was was my first day back at work as an esthetician. My first client refused to remove her face mask so I could perform the service. She demanded I just do her forehead, and that she’d only pay a third of the price since she’s only getting that part done. I refused and was written up by management. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1484

You deserved it

245

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - India

Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive from the PC. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20437

You deserved it

25907

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girl and I were in bed trying to nap before class. She kept tossing and turning, obvious signs that she was having no luck. Sweetly, I ask her if there was anything I could do to help her relax. She says "you can tell me a story about your day, that always puts me to sleep". FML

I agree, your life sucks

60379

You deserved it

7930

Tweet

Share

By foreveralone - Australia - Wollongong

Today, I was working at the checkout of a nearly empty store, so I picked up an empty box, closed my eyes, and slow-danced with it to the 80s love ballad playing on the radio. I don't know what's worse, dancing with a box, or opening my eyes to see ten or so wary customers waiting to be served. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8849

You deserved it

34232

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and after 10 seconds he gave up and said "This is more tiring than I expected". FML

I agree, your life sucks

27180

You deserved it

3429

Tweet

Share

By winks - United States - Reno

Today, I got into a car accident that was my fault. The other driver was my professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9473

You deserved it

1693

Tweet

Share

By laurwitharawr - United States

Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46330

You deserved it

4410

Tweet

Share

By Smiley - Aruba - Oranjestad

Today, as always, I tend to smile and giggle when I'm nervous. I couldn't stop it from happening at the funeral of my friend's grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20888

You deserved it

3593

Tweet

Share

By bella - United States - Edinburg

Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them and told them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed 'cause I haven't gotten laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53932

You deserved it

5087

Tweet

Share

By yuckspider - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73188

You deserved it

7613

Tweet

Share

By Bulldogs09 - France

Today, I finally hooked up with the boy of my dreams at a party. Later, while on aim, I noticed one of his friends away messages was a quote from the guy's screen name, which said "I can't believe what I stick my d... In sometimes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46649

You deserved it

12423

Tweet

Share

By lovewedge - United States

Today, I was so drunk that my friends put me to bed during a party. Later I find out that while I was passed out two of my friends came in and had sex while I was in the same bed. They tried to use me as a prop. Now my friends call me the love wedge. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72865

You deserved it

23477

Tweet

Share

By Snow - United States

Today, while I was trying to take off my eye make up, I accidentally used nail polish remover. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20721

You deserved it

35010

Tweet

Share

By greatdriver...4 - United States

Today, I tried to back out of a spot in a parking garage. I did a 12 point turn, hit the car behind me and still didn't manage to get out of the spot. Everyone was staring at me, and the attendant had to come over and move my car for me. I have to park there every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11823

You deserved it

26641

Tweet

Share

By fock - Canada - Almonte

Today, I had to convince my 28-year-old boyfriend to take down his booger wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24231

You deserved it

5287

Tweet

Share

By xxlexi_lovexx - United States

Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend. His best friend called and said he just beat God Of War 3 and that my boyfriend could borrow it. He got up, got dressed, ran to his car and told me I could walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38145

You deserved it

6804

Tweet

Share

By waitforit - United States

Today, I thought it would be really hot to watch porn while my girlfriend and I were having sex. I got so hot and aroused that I came before the previews even ended. That was less than one minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20322

You deserved it

93506

Tweet

Share

By outsmartedbykids - United States - Lake Mills

Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51556

You deserved it

30772

Tweet

Share

By yamada - Singapore

Today, all the staff in my company were forced to attend an evening Chippendale show. Everyone in my department managed to think of a good reason to escape while I failed and no other choice but to go. I'm the only guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25413

You deserved it

6682

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/1/2021 08:01

This Charming Man

Today, I met what I thought was a decent guy, via an introduction by my pregnant friend. She's dating his brother. The guy was dropping my friend and me off, but on the way out of the door he slapped her on the butt and smiled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

709

You deserved it

76

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Ruler3000 | 17

#4981599 - Friday 28 September 2012 15:55

I'm curious if he went face first in food...

By matt98_fml | 13

#4981609 - Friday 28 September 2012 15:56

Throw a bucket of cold water on him to see if he "wakes" up.

COMMENTS

By ohSNAPyall | 26

#4981597 - Friday 28 September 2012 15:55

That's healthy.

Reply

boxbrandon11 | 20

#4981646 - Friday 28 September 2012 15:59

Don't cook for him next time

Reply

ProfessionalTrol_fml | 14

#4982043 - Friday 28 September 2012 17:51

That's a face/desk situation

Reply

nikkkkkiii | 7

#4982099 - Friday 28 September 2012 18:05

Two can play that game. Pretend to fall asleep every time he wants to have some "fun". That'll get him talking real quick.

Reply

Greendaycheese | 12

#4982660 - Friday 28 September 2012 21:28

!!

Reply

Adorlee | 11

#4983097 - Saturday 29 September 2012 0:58

I think he'll get in her pants regardless if she's sleeping or not

Reply

Dpac7 | 19

#5722955 - Sunday 20 October 2013 4:41

She doesn't really have to be awake for that.

By Ruler3000 | 17

#4981599 - Friday 28 September 2012 15:55

I'm curious if he went face first in food...

By matt98_fml | 13

#4981609 - Friday 28 September 2012 15:56

Throw a bucket of cold water on him to see if he "wakes" up.

Reply

folfg0 | 12

#4981951 - Friday 28 September 2012 17:21

Well his little game is obviously working. She's on here instead of arguing with him. Just thought I'd throw that out there. So who's the "child/idiot/etc" now? :P

Reply

emilyjgraham | 34

#4982183 - Friday 28 September 2012 18:35

still him because he's a grown man acting like a child. I'd want to complain to someone/something as well!

Reply

evilplatypus | 38

#4982875 - Friday 28 September 2012 22:54

37 - just because she's on here, doesn't mean she's not still arguing with him. Some people are capable of multitasking.

Reply

matt98_fml | 13

#4983388 - Saturday 29 September 2012 2:35

Or maybe she wanted to vent to us fmlers to get our point of view and show the comments all to her husband.

By perdix | 29

#4981612 - Friday 28 September 2012 15:57

More food for you!

When his little game results in a fat wife, he'll give up.

Reply

dougiewhale | 6

#4981955 - Friday 28 September 2012 17:22

Then the husband would have sex with the liposuction fat instead of OP.

Reply

LoveGuru69 | 0

#4983625 - Saturday 29 September 2012 4:22

give him a blumpkin and he will start treating you with more respect. Trust me, i know from experience ;)

Reply

Snazzy_Snaz | 17

#4985129 - Saturday 29 September 2012 16:57

81- that's so fucking gross

By theamazingone_12 | 7

#4981613 - Friday 28 September 2012 15:57

He needs to grow up and you need to remodel the house! If he dosent want to input his ideas ohhh well hes had lots of chances

By Donat96 | 20

#4981626 - Friday 28 September 2012 15:58

Narcolepsy is a serious condition.

Reply

bossroyd | 4

#4982066 - Friday 28 September 2012 17:59

Just pretend to fall asleep during sexy times with him and see how he feels

By Yaen | 18

#4981639 - Friday 28 September 2012 15:58

Genius.

By FuzzyJack | 15

#4981642 - Friday 28 September 2012 15:58

Just start remodeling without him. He'll stop acting like a kid soon enough.

By nanpooo | 6

#4981644 - Friday 28 September 2012 15:58

Give him a rude awakening. He might stop pretending to be asleep. Although it might result in him doing something else stupid...

By RpiesSPIES | 27

#4981657 - Friday 28 September 2012 16:00

That's the best strategy to get out of things you don't want to do :)

Reply

ZiplockP | 0

#5001937 - Thursday 4 October 2012 0:40

I just slept through your comment.