Love: Today, my husband and I are still having a dumb fight over remodeling.... - FML

28/09/2012 06:09 - United States - Portland

Today, my husband and I are still having a dumb fight over remodeling. He's decided to take an immature route and pretends to be asleep whenever I walk into a room so he doesn't have to talk about it. Earlier, he pretended to fall asleep at the dinner table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 305

You deserved it 3 983

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

The step before rat-licker

Let it all out

08/07/2011 08:41 - Singapore

Spicy

Today, my extremely paranoid boyfriend called me a whore and threatened to break up with me, all because he had a dream in which I had sex with my ex. I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 404

You deserved it 7 851

27/09/2009 00:40 - United States

Today, I was at a baseball game. I was eating my nachos when all of the sudden I woke up in the hospital, with my dad sitting next to the bed. Apparently, I was hit with a foul ball. He kept the ball for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 637

You deserved it 3 174

15/06/2015 02:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was drying myself with a towel after a shower when I noticed a bad smell. After running out of toilet paper last night, one of my friends decided to use my clean towel to wipe herself instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 611

You deserved it 2 395

13/05/2009 04:39 - Korea Republic of

Today, while teaching English in Korea, my boss gave me a birthday present from her and all of my co-workers. It was a really fancy box. It had very nice wrapping. It had a pretty bow. It was kind of heavy. It was 6 bottles of dandruff shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 830

You deserved it 8 546

Stop talking, stop talking now

By Username - 17/07/2011 15:21 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to endure a long story about how and why my brother shaves his pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 631

You deserved it 4 832

12/04/2016 15:44 - United States - Ridley Park

Today, I overheard a coworker talking about going to what sounded like a dentist's appointment. As she left later, I jokingly said "Remember to open wide!" Turned out her appointment was with her OB/GYN, not a dentist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 301

You deserved it 7 694

24/11/2014 18:47 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I decided to check out a dating site, when I stumbled across my ex wife's profile. She'd had it for four out of the five years of our marriage. And no, it didn't rate us as a good match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 744

You deserved it 3 842

10/11/2008 12:06 - France

Today, I gave my son a bollocking for losing a very important paper that I needed for work. I've just found it in my right pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 453

You deserved it 59 561

09/07/2012 21:26 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my car waiting my shift to start. I must've fallen asleep because I woke up to a call from my boss firing me. I was in the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 033

You deserved it 23 428

15/03/2019 00:00

Today, the company that was supposed to clear our apartment's parking lot never showed up. I almost got frostbite in my fingers trying to shovel someone's car out since my gloves got soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 818

You deserved it 239

25/08/2015 17:44 - United Kingdom - Saint Leonards

Spicy

Today, I shaved my pubes while staying at my senile grandma's place. I guess I didn't clean up properly, because she found some hair and insisted someone must have broken in while we were out and used the shower. I had to play along to spare myself embarrassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 489

You deserved it 7 173

22/08/2014 06:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me pictures of him and his family on their trip in Florida. He accidentally included a picture of a girl sleeping in his bed, naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 791

You deserved it 4 016

17/05/2009 13:21 - United States

Today, I was in the dressing room of my favorite store. While looking in the mirror at a shirt I really like, the fire alarm went off. In a panic, I ran out of the store like everyone else. The sensor went off on my shirt and I was banned from the store for attempted theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 549

You deserved it 4 796

12/01/2018 09:00 - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, I was fired from a job I didn't know I had. That is to say, the company hired me but didn't tell me, so when I didn't show up for work two days in a row, they called and claimed job abandonment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 206

You deserved it 280

Am I a joke to you?

By Devo - 12/08/2021 19:01

Today, I received a wedding invitation. It was from my ex-girlfriend, who left me for my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 51

23/05/2014 21:25 - United States - Jarrell

Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 086

You deserved it 4 663

23/08/2017 13:00

Today, my family and I were going to start moving into our old house, and the large two hundred year old tree decided to move in too... through the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 468

You deserved it 196

08/09/2011 10:00 - United States

Today, I heard on a TV show that it's possible to fit a standard light-bulb in your mouth, but it can't be removed afterwards. I just had to try this out. And then visit the local hospital to get it removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 324

You deserved it 67 654

09/05/2013 19:12 - Norway - Oslo

Today, my boyfriend bought me a silver necklace. I have a silver allergy, but I thanked him anyway and encouraged him to return it. I found out later that he knew about my allergy all along and bought it on purpose so he could return it, get a refund, and still look good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 289

You deserved it 5 000

15/11/2015 06:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I regret asking my neighbor to turn down his music last night. When I left for work, I found his car parked so close to mine that I couldn't squeeze between them. His wife's was parked the same way on the other side. They wouldn't answer their door and I ended up being late to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 360

You deserved it 2 219

01/08/2011 08:44 - United States

Today, it's my boyfriend's birthday. His sister and I filled the air vents in his car with confetti so when he starts the car, it would blow all over him. In the process we lost the keys. The keys cost $200 to replace. Happy Birthday! FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 934

You deserved it 38 624

Dammit

By Lvdkinda - 18/06/2009 18:34 - United States

Today, after a month of planning, I started to tease my boyfriend of 3 years about the wonderful anniversary plans I had made for us. It was a secret, so I let him try and guess. He said "As long as its not a spa day. that would suck I would never go." It's a spa day. That I've already paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 279

You deserved it 26 345

11/10/2013 11:45 - United States - Monroe

Today, after sending in my passport application for a trip to Paris, I got a letter from the state department saying despite them having my original birth certificate, I don't exist. Upon calling them, I was told that it only proves I'm a citizen, not that I exist. I pay taxes and have a mortgage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 405

You deserved it 2 700

24/04/2016 01:25 - United States - Hicksville

Today, my roommate's shopping addiction reached a whole new level. He bought a box of tampons just because they were 40% off. Yes, he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 359

You deserved it 1 294

Christmas is canceled

By Virginia6810 - 14/10/2019 02:00

Today, I got an email that my Amazon account was probably hacked, and they have gone ahead and canceled all orders that seemed suspicious. Two days ago I was celebrating that I'd finished Christmas shopping early. Never mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 690

You deserved it 143

28/10/2009 08:03 - United States

Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 101

You deserved it 7 907

26/12/2012 17:18 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my ex-boyfriend of over 4 years decided to turn up outside my house at 1am, drunk off his ass, to confess his love for me. When I told him I'd moved on and am happily engaged, he cried on the grass for an hour, then tried to steal my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 871

You deserved it 4 476

27/11/2010 02:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, after having a long and serious talk about maybe having a relationship, the guy I really like told me to send him a "sexy picture." I sent him a picture of me in a bra and a thong. He replied, "Yeah, you're hot!" and signed off after ten minutes of silence. I haven't heard from him since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 513

You deserved it 45 905

12/05/2016 03:03 - United States - Castle Rock

Today, I thought it would be nice to take my obese dog for a walk, since she hasn't had one in a long time. She was doing great, until we were about a mile from our house. She plopped down on the ground and wouldn't move. Nobody was home so I had to carry her all the way back to our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 802

You deserved it 5 424

10/06/2016 17:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to take a drug test for my new job, which I desperately need and which took me over a year to land. I got a shy bladder and couldn't pee. They marked me as non-compliant and revoked the job offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 632

You deserved it 1 293

18/07/2016 23:06 - United States - Zionsville

Today, I asked one of my teachers to write me a letter of recommendation for my top school. Even though I did fairly well in their class, I found out that they don't think that I'm very intelligent, but my "strong, work ethic" makes up for it. They mentioned it in the letter and submitted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 325

You deserved it 1 125

08/11/2017 05:00

Today, my little sister, who's still in high school, proved beyond a doubt she's better at my computer repair job than I am. She proved it in front of my customers and my manager, who brushed me aside and offered her a job as soon as she graduates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 694

You deserved it 1 046

17/12/2010 09:48 - United States

Today, after a week of insomnia, I finally managed to fall asleep. Thirty minutes later, my friends decided to bang on my door, yelling at me to wake up and party with them. I'm now wide awake and hallucinating from lack of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 954

You deserved it 3 956

22/11/2012 09:39 - United States

Today, I decided to go meet up with a guy that I met online for the first time. All he could talk about was how he expects me to "clean, cook, and submit" my body for sex at least twice a day when we get married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 560

You deserved it 6 161

12/07/2011 01:12 - United States

Today, I met a really nice guy. He was funny, handsome, and we were both into each other. He told me his name, and when I replied with mine, it came out sounding like "I'm a bear." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 887

You deserved it 16 330

26/12/2016 16:06 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, despite driving extremely slowly and cautiously, we slid off the road due to ice and snow. The car hit a rock and the airbags deployed. We were in my 3-month-old car because the engine in my husband's truck blew last week. Merry Christmas to us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 672

You deserved it 802

12/12/2013 18:00 - United States - Mogadore

Today, I got back the essay I wrote about how my country's education system is fucked. At one point, I made a spelling mistake. My teacher wrote a note about it, basically calling me illiterate and telling me to pay attention in school instead of whining about it. She misspelled "school". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 570

You deserved it 4 509

22/07/2011 04:11 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 388

You deserved it 4 220

25/10/2009 16:09 - United States

Today, I was walking down the hall from the livingroom. I overheard my mom telling someone how proud she was of her baby girl and how much she loved her. I thought she was referring to my first ever all "A" report card. Turns out my new kitten used its litter box correctly for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 995

You deserved it 3 570

16/08/2011 16:16 - Canada

Today, I found out that if I don't get fillings in at least ten of my teeth within the next year, I could lose them all. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 416

You deserved it 42 966

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Friday 28 September 2012 15:55

I'm curious if he went face first in food...

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Friday 28 September 2012 15:56

Throw a bucket of cold water on him to see if he "wakes" up.

Comments

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Friday 28 September 2012 15:55

That's healthy.

boxbrandon11 20

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Friday 28 September 2012 15:59

Don't cook for him next time

ProfessionalTrol_fml 14

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Friday 28 September 2012 17:51

That's a face/desk situation

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Friday 28 September 2012 18:05

Two can play that game. Pretend to fall asleep every time he wants to have some "fun". That'll get him talking real quick.

Greendaycheese 12

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Friday 28 September 2012 21:28

!!

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Saturday 29 September 2012 0:58

I think he'll get in her pants regardless if she's sleeping or not

Dpac7 19

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Sunday 20 October 2013 4:41

She doesn't really have to be awake for that.

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Friday 28 September 2012 15:55

I'm curious if he went face first in food...

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Friday 28 September 2012 15:56

Throw a bucket of cold water on him to see if he "wakes" up.

folfg0 12

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Friday 28 September 2012 17:21

Well his little game is obviously working. She's on here instead of arguing with him. Just thought I'd throw that out there. So who's the "child/idiot/etc" now? :P

emilyjgraham 34

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Friday 28 September 2012 18:35

still him because he's a grown man acting like a child. I'd want to complain to someone/something as well!

evilplatypus 38

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Friday 28 September 2012 22:54

37 - just because she's on here, doesn't mean she's not still arguing with him. Some people are capable of multitasking.

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Saturday 29 September 2012 2:35

Or maybe she wanted to vent to us fmlers to get our point of view and show the comments all to her husband.

perdix 29

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Friday 28 September 2012 15:57

More food for you! When his little game results in a fat wife, he'll give up.

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Friday 28 September 2012 17:22

Then the husband would have sex with the liposuction fat instead of OP.

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Saturday 29 September 2012 4:22

give him a blumpkin and he will start treating you with more respect. Trust me, i know from experience ;)

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Saturday 29 September 2012 16:57

81- that's so fucking gross

theamazingone_12 7

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Friday 28 September 2012 15:57

He needs to grow up and you need to remodel the house! If he dosent want to input his ideas ohhh well hes had lots of chances

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Friday 28 September 2012 15:58

Narcolepsy is a serious condition.

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Friday 28 September 2012 17:59

Just pretend to fall asleep during sexy times with him and see how he feels

Yaen 18

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Friday 28 September 2012 15:58

Genius.

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Friday 28 September 2012 15:58

Just start remodeling without him. He'll stop acting like a kid soon enough.

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Friday 28 September 2012 15:58

Give him a rude awakening. He might stop pretending to be asleep. Although it might result in him doing something else stupid...

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Friday 28 September 2012 16:00

That's the best strategy to get out of things you don't want to do :)

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Thursday 4 October 2012 0:40

I just slept through your comment.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 55

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 143