Miscellaneous: Today, my house was raided for drugs. I had to find out my father...

By thehumanshield - 05/08/2011 08:41 - United States

Today, my house was raided for drugs. I had to find out my father is a drug dealer. The cops then told me this wasn't their first time here, but it was the first time I was home to see it. They said it was nice to finally meet me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 072

You deserved it 2 788

Miscellaneous

Compromises

Best teeth in the game

Faint praise

By ugh - 09/01/2013 01:01 - United States - Saint Clair Shores

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 708

You deserved it 3 203

Smells like… victory

By Anonymous - 23/10/2009 16:12 - United States

Today, they're pumping out the septic system in the building next door. I'm three months pregnant, suffering from morning sickness, and can smell everything within a three-mile radius. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 223

You deserved it 3 815

By Braxam - 15/06/2011 16:42 - United States

Today, I was walking to class, when a kid came up behind me and smacked me in the face a few times until I fell to the ground. I rolled over and he said, "Oh shit! Wrong person, my bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 510

You deserved it 3 612

By In Pain - 11/01/2012 08:03 - United States

Today, I had gum surgery. I can't laugh. I can't smile. I can't talk. I can't eat. All I can do is wait for the pain medication to kick in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 628

You deserved it 2 627

By ryjacs - 03/06/2011 20:22 - United States

Today, I received an email from my potential employers at the zoo, saying that they won't be hiring me. This wouldn't be so bad if they didn't keep sending me the same email every two hours to remind me that I am still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 672

You deserved it 2 843

By Anonymous - 07/03/2012 06:29 - United States

Today, I was cooking and I burned my thumb. I had some first-aid burn spray, so I sprayed it on. I went outside to smoke a cigarette, and when I flicked my lighter, my thumb went up in flames. Turns out that first-aid burn spray is flammable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 290

You deserved it 45 967

Bratz

By Anonymous - 15/06/2016 15:07 - United States

Today, my bratty sister shoved me overboard during a boat ride. Not ten seconds after being pulled back on board, I got an earful of abuse from my parents. My sister is the family favorite and they refuse to believe that I didn't "provoke" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 708

You deserved it 894

By ooblie - 08/12/2010 08:22 - United States

Today, after receiving a lovely massage from my boyfriend, I was lying topless in bed beside him. Just as I was thinking this would be the perfect opportunity for some intimacy, he looks at me and says, "my mom is SO awesome." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 827

You deserved it 3 984

By russianfail - 04/12/2013 16:24 - United States - Dallas

Today, I'm not getting paid 400$ per month because I failed my Russian language proficiency test. Russian is my first language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 386

You deserved it 16 651

By Anonymous - 10/05/2015 13:47 - United States

Today, I was feeling pretty, so I wore a skirt for the first time in years. Two hours later, my thighs hurt from slapping together so much. I no longer feel pretty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 592

You deserved it 5 232

By blububble412 - 22/01/2015 03:46 - United States - Sierra Vista

Today, we had a drug search at school. After the search, we went back inside. My bag was open, and my lunch was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 954

You deserved it 2 449

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 04:52 - United States

Today, a guy rang my doorbell, yelled "Happy Halloween" and then threw a bunch of leaves that he'd lit on fire at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 927

You deserved it 2 753

By StinkyandStupid - 15/03/2012 17:49 - United States

Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 637

You deserved it 38 028

By petty petty petty - 08/09/2017 16:00

Today, my mom yelled at me for fighting with my younger brother. Not because she wanted us to stop, but because my brother couldn't find a good comeback to my argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 394

You deserved it 248

By gp28 - 18/02/2010 20:08 - United States

Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 862

You deserved it 3 991

Felt cute, might delete later

By nopanties - 04/03/2013 05:11 - United States - Durham

Today, my boyfriend ripped my panties trying to get them off. Not off me, off himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 732

You deserved it 6 425

By kady - 04/01/2010 20:16 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was holding my hair back while I threw up. The smell then reached him and caused him to throw up in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 867

You deserved it 6 615

By bpruitt95 - 31/12/2012 06:46 - United States - Pitkin

Today, I was at a party. Everyone was drunk, and I happened to overhear someone say, "Where's that guy in the black jacket? I'm going to beat his ass!" I wouldn't have thought anything of it, had I not been the only one wearing a black jacket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 420

You deserved it 3 418

By Anonymous - 22/01/2012 14:17 - United States

Today, I noticed a man in my neighborhood waving at me. I don't talk to him often so I excitedly waved back. Turns out he was trying to warn me of the car about to hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 878

You deserved it 4 435

By drivencrazy - 06/07/2010 16:42 - United States

Today, while driving, a girl on her cellphone cut me off. A second later, another person behind me on a cellphone rear ended me. Her excuse was, "I'm sorry, you weren't there a minute ago!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 836

You deserved it 2 926

HealthCare for all

By oopsbaby - 11/03/2020 18:00

Today, I found out that my girlfriend stopped getting her birth control weeks ago so she could afford a new Nintendo Switch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 646

You deserved it 302

By Anonymous - 23/04/2009 02:22 - United States

Today, I spotted one of my friends using the ATM outside our school's university center. I crept up behind him, grabbed his shoulders abruptly, and shouted in my best deep man-voice, "Give me all your money!" Turned out to be a poor, unsuspecting freshman. He gave me his money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 900

You deserved it 74 114

By Anonymous - 21/04/2009 02:24 - United States

Today, I was going home with the tomato plant I just bought in my cup holder. The smell of it was filling the car and I love the smell so I picked it up and took a wiff. A few moments later I got pulled over. Apparantly, the cop saw me sniff it and thought I was smelling a marijuana plant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 354

You deserved it 8 380

By Natasha - 29/10/2015 08:58 - United States - Seattle

Today, I got so desperate for cash that I decided to start selling my used panties online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 658

You deserved it 7 228

Going well, isn't it

By theproblemboblem - 29/04/2021 14:00

Today, after weeks of begging my boyfriend of almost two years to have sex with me, he told me to find someone else to fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 311

You deserved it 243

By Mitch - 19/07/2012 17:36 - Puerto Rico - Bayamon

Today, while I was working my shift at the store, my girlfriend appeared and asked to talk to me. Once we were alone, she burst into tears and started sobbing. Turns out someone's dad died in her favorite TV show and she wanted some comfort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 275

You deserved it 3 428

By Anonymous - 01/09/2017 20:00

Today, I put a magnet on my brand new car. I got rear-ended by someone who was trying to read it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 122

You deserved it 838

By mags - 16/02/2009 15:05 - United States

Today, I told my dad I was leaving to get some beauty sleep. He looked at me laughing and said "See you in a decade." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 351

You deserved it 6 790

By Anonymous - 28/09/2011 16:30 - United States

Today, while at work in the service department of a car dealership, I sat in the driver seat of an old man's car to get the mileage. He'd just pissed in the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 359

You deserved it 2 640

By Classicmen - 19/06/2010 18:53 - United States

Today, is the first weekend I have off this summer. Instead of letting me see my friends, my dad printed out a practice SAT exam. I've already taken the SAT. He just "doesn't want me to get rusty". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 861

You deserved it 3 587

Too much of a good thing

By Anonymous - 14/09/2020 17:02

Today, after my girlfriend warned me she has the condition hypersexuality and like a fool I thought I’d landed on my feet, or on my back as it were, do you have any idea how bad sex is when you have it between 5 and 10 times a day for over a year? It’s basically a chore at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 752

You deserved it 614

By foolishgirl - 25/02/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 867

You deserved it 73 921

By wedding leper - 23/01/2016 05:25 - United States - Tucson

Today, I woke up after a two-day drive to go to my cousin's wedding. The view is beautiful, there's mountains everywhere, and my new backless dress is gorgeous. Too bad the hotel has bed bugs and my whole body is entirely covered in bright red bumps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 451

You deserved it 1 561

By cockblockedbyFB - 06/06/2015 13:01 - United States - San Antonio

Today, like every other day, my wife doesn't have time for sex because she's too busy on Facebook. Then she bitched me out because "we never have sex anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 730

You deserved it 3 101

By ChelseaRae - 06/07/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, I was flipping through a magazine and saw an ad that had the line "No corn, no wheat, no soy", all of which I'm severely allergic to. I got so excited at the prospect of having a food I could eat, I fell out of my chair. I then realized it was an ad for dog food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 434

You deserved it 5 525

By hatemyjob - 25/02/2010 22:29 - United States

Today, I was working as a cashier at a restaurant. When I receive $50 and $100 bills I am required to have a manager check to make sure they are not counterfeit. Every manager I found yelled at me to find another manager because they were busy. Frustrated, I just accepted the bill. It was fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 477

You deserved it 6 662

By monster in law. - 17/12/2014 07:35 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 203

You deserved it 3 412

By kat, ACT - 20/12/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, while driving, we pulled up at a set of traffic lights next to a huge truck with live animals inside. Curious as to exactly what animal, I wound down my window to see if I could hear them, just in time for the truck to take off and cow shit to fly in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 430

You deserved it 11 629

By not impressed - 09/10/2015 18:27 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 196

You deserved it 4 574

By Mylifesintatterssendhelp - 12/11/2018 03:00

Today, I went to a tattoo artist to get what I thought would be really cute, elegant finger tattoos. I left with wobbly, blobby messes all over my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 458

You deserved it 2 655

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Top comments

MasterShake1100 0

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Friday 5 August 2011 16:17

Imagine how that conversation would go. "oh hey we're just searching your house for drugs. Oh your his daughter? Oh it's nice to meet you! Yeah we come her often." FYL

genesisnirvana 11

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Friday 5 August 2011 16:29

This is how the Should have gone. 1st cop: He's your old man? OP:Yes... 1st cop:Hey Frankie, over here!Come meet his kid! 2nd cop:Hey kid how you doing, we've been dying to meet you.Been here about 5 times never met you. *pats OP on back* 1st cop:See you soon kid.We'll be back.

Bijaglo 3

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Friday 5 August 2011 16:16

Maybe you should follow in the family business.

garrettsgirl 0

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Friday 5 August 2011 16:25

That funny on every single level haha srry OP

MizzErikaHart 8

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Friday 5 August 2011 16:27

I agree. Its like awesome, epic, and a lil sad all at once.

Jimster1712 0

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Friday 5 August 2011 16:30

FYL!! and ur dad didnt share any of the drugs with you? shame on him! what a terrible father you have!!

CathyCraaazy 8

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Friday 5 August 2011 16:37

Or maybe he shouldn't follow in the family business, since his dad doesn't seem to be very good if he keeps getting raided ..

jayalexander 7

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Friday 5 August 2011 16:52

OP's dad is a California mob boss

andres19 0

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Friday 5 August 2011 17:03

I would have a talk with your father. I'd first mention that if you are going to be a dealer than one must at least know how to keep from getting raided. Secondly, I would demand a reason for why your father never told you and therefore caused you to go out and buy from shady dealers.

lydia_is_gayyy 1

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Friday 5 August 2011 17:25

Drug dealers aren't as cool as nuke dealers, like me. I'm on America's Most Wanted. I was right behind Osama Bin Laden. Now I'm first. So I think I'm the badass.

LaughinStock 16

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Friday 5 August 2011 18:42

Lol my house got raided twice my stuff was everywhere. They had my airsoft guns lined up on my desk making it seem like they were real. My door was busted in and my whole house was just blah. :( l feel for you op it's pretty fucking crazy

YessyxD 8

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Friday 5 August 2011 19:35

47 - You're more like The Dumbass!!!! The most wanted guy is Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzman. Now if you're talking about ATF it's actually Daniel Perez.

VeroAnne 11

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Friday 5 August 2011 19:39

And he didn't share with you? What kind of a father is that??? No I'm jk, fyl I'm sorry .

fanceh 10

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Friday 5 August 2011 19:49

"aww, they seem like nice people."

cldean24 4

Friday 5 August 2011 20:31

I doubt daddy was slinging a little pot.

enonymous 8

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Friday 5 August 2011 22:19

If they are there so much can you ask them where the remote is... I cannot find that thing anywhere...

tatababe 1

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Saturday 6 August 2011 0:53

Awe at least the cops were sweet about it trust OP I know how you feel

Gourmet_Taco 0

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Saturday 6 August 2011 12:58

This could be an episode on Breaking Bad lol

RealChinese 7

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Saturday 6 August 2011 14:36

He keeps getting raided but apparently he hasn't been to jail yet. So I'd say he's doing pretty well for himself.

MasterShake1100 0

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Friday 5 August 2011 16:17

Imagine how that conversation would go. "oh hey we're just searching your house for drugs. Oh your his daughter? Oh it's nice to meet you! Yeah we come her often." FYL

MJangel18 2

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Friday 5 August 2011 16:22

How do you know it's a girl?

MasterShake1100 0

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Friday 5 August 2011 16:27

I can dream can I? Lol

SirObvious 1

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Friday 5 August 2011 19:11

Let your hats fly as high as your dreams master shake!

jaderosaley 0

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Tuesday 18 October 2011 3:53

I thought it was a girl too

Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20

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Friday 14 July 2017 15:50

Uhh... Nice to meet you too officer...

Nanall 15

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Friday 5 August 2011 16:18

That does suck, but you never wondered where that money came from?

SadinSherman 16

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Friday 5 August 2011 16:22

I am thinking the dad would have invented a cover story

shovels 0

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Friday 5 August 2011 16:31

Most people assume that their parents have normal jobs and that they're not drug dealers. Maybe that's where s/he thought the money came from.

brokenangelexy 13

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Friday 5 August 2011 17:02

I agree with Cathy he isn't very good at it if he gets his house raided regularly

jarico75 1

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Friday 5 August 2011 17:06

He must be good if they don't find enough evidence to arrest. I would think OP would have notice if dad had been jailed a few times.

rattusrattus 18

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Friday 5 August 2011 17:53

"Daddy's on a business trip... for the next few years... well, you know how the corporate world is sweetie..."

MaRi3_ZaN3 0

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Saturday 6 August 2011 0:35

i agree with 43.

AlwaySunny 0

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Monday 8 August 2011 8:51

thanks for the input 89

pieintheface 0

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Friday 5 August 2011 16:19

Do they come by often? They could come over for dinner

otb113 7

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Friday 5 August 2011 17:19

And for desert: special brownies.

slimjimboy 0

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Friday 5 August 2011 17:38

I wasn't hungry when I came home but now I ate this brownie I am starving.

NoodleBurger 0

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Friday 5 August 2011 18:08

I sincerely hope you used your manners, and made the nice cops some java. u_u

goin4Ayog 0

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Friday 5 August 2011 16:19

Thats fucked up

KaintukeeBob 13

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Friday 5 August 2011 16:19

The worst part is, you've had to buy them through middlemen, at twice the price! Really, your father should be ashamed. Also, these must be very polite 'raids' if the searches were so unobtrusive that you never noticed their aftermath, and they never found enough to put your dad away.