Miscellaneous: Today, my house got broken into. Thankfully they didn't steal...

By WTFwhywouldyoudothat - United Kingdom

Today, my house got broken into. Thankfully they didn't steal anything. They did, however, move things around into strange places and mess up my underwear. I have severe OCD, so this is probably worse than if they had taken everything. FML

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Miscellaneous

There's no helping some people

Healthy relationship

Toxic people

By anonymous - Canada - Boucherville

Today, while I was volunteering at the homeless shelter, one of them "accidentally" kissed me. It felt like my face was being sucked by a vacuum. FML

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By chairlee - United States

Today, I stepped on a piece of glass and sliced my right foot open. Hobbling to get my first aid kit, I tripped and stepped on a pair of heels, and sliced my left foot open. FML

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36895

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By kmf - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to get hot and heavy in my truck at our favorite park. We start going at it and we were both butt naked when I see a car pull into the lot. Not only is it a cop car, but the first thing the cop asks my girlfriend is "Are you being held against your will?" FML

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46651

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By caitiexob - United States

Today, I found a note in my locker from a really hot guy asking me to prom. I went up to him saying how excited I was to go. He said "Oh you got the note?" and slipped it into the locker next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45182

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By gibbette - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his buddies that the main reason he got into video game modding was so he could put a virtual version of me in his games and "shoot the fuck out of that bitch". FML

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55463

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By Not Gay - United States - Williamston

Today, I found out the reason my crush has been talking so openly to me. Not because she likes me back, but because she thinks I'm gay. FML

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30035

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By chubbs - United States - Vacaville

Today, after waiting 2 hours for my landlord to leave so I could take a shit in peace, I sat down on the toilet. The doorbell immediately rang. It was my landlord, who wanted to let me know that he had just backed into my car. FML

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50067

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the girl I like came over to my house to watch a movie. We had seen pretty much every movie that I suggested, so we ended up watching The Lion King. I forgot how sad that movie is, because once Mufasa died I started bawling my eyes out. FML

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44022

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By wallbanger - Australia

Today, my seven-year-old sister came to stay at my house for the night. She usually just sleepwalks. But tonight she sleep-peed in my clean clothes basket. FML

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27381

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By 2yearsofHotSexThenThis - New Zealand

Today, after not having sex for nearly a year and a half, an opportunity arose. I couldn't get it up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I forgot my key inside my apartment. My boyfriend suggested we ask a neighbor to open it. I explained we don't all have the same key, to which he responded, "Well how come they all have the same doorknobs?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was looking at my wedding photos. The photographer moved onto the "candid" shots and thought it would be cute to have pics of us making out at the reception. I have blonde hair. The girl in the picture did not. FML

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By Acidic Donut - United States - Brookfield

Today, I hid my parents' booze since I'd always thought their shitty behavior was due to drinking too much. Turns out they're just assholes. FML

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55599

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By blah - United States - Frisco

Today, I found out my father didn't have a rare brain disease, and that he was just an alcoholic. I've been taking care of him every time his "brain disease" acts up, for 2 years. FML

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20492

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By random - Canada

Today, I was approached by a police officer who instructed me to move because I was "threatening the elderly". I was sitting on a park bench in front of an old folks home. FML

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33377

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By wookieewhosshe - United Kingdom - Sutton Coldfield

Today, my building's fire alarm went off. Unfortunately, this coincided with sexy time, and the loud alarm made me jumpy, making it extremely difficult to untie my naked boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2012

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350

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By koolkat9 - United States - Albion

Today, my boyfriend told me that my mom paid him to date me. FML

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40923

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By sore - France

Today, I woke up with bruised nipples because apparently my boyfriend likes to excessively play with them while I sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24600

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. She was completely embarrassed (as was I) and she flew out of the room. My boyfriend, on the other hand, still wanted to finish. FML

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12326

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By bitch - United States - San Diego

Today, I dumped my boyfriend. To celebrate being newly single, I wanted to watch some shows on Netflix. My now ex-boyfriend had already changed the password. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2269

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By SFBEL - Belgium - Leuven

Today, after being a resident DJ at a local club for over 4 years, I got fired. Not because I'm bad at what I do, but because my boss thinks I'm not 'having fun like the other DJs'. And by 'having fun' he means that I don't drink enough. I got fired for not being an alcoholic. FML

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32575

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By Humbug - United States

Today, I checked my email after a week of no cell reception or internet while I was stuck at a family holiday cottage. There was an email offering me the RA job I've been trying to get for almost a year, telling me congratulations and to reply by Friday if I accepted. Last Friday. FML

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31551

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By bruh_im18 - United States - Metairie

Today, I found out the 28-year-old I am dating is actually 48. FML

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12917

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2544

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By meandme - Canada - Fort Vermilion

Today, I saw a kid getting bullied; a girl was hitting him in the head. After having an inner struggle with what to do, I tried to stop them. Both kids then turned on me, and called me a "hippo". FML

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42601

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By Kitten

Today, my sister smashed a cup on my head because I told her she couldn't borrow one of my necklaces since she lost one and stole another. I was grounded for "antagonizing" her into doing it. FML

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3268

You deserved it

147

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By apparentlyhesbusy - United States

Today, my boyfriend of almost a year invited me over to dinner at his house. Before leaving, I called him to let him know I was on my way. Just as he begins to tell me he'll call me back, I hear another girl in the background say, "Why don't you just tell her you're busy?" FML

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39573

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2021 22:58

Worth it

Today, my mom thought it would be funny to wake me up with a monster mask on, holding a knife, and screaming, "I'm going to kill you!" My first response was to punch her in the face then kick her. Guess who's grounded for a month. FML

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1167

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By Anonymous - Finland - Vammala

Today, my girlfriend called me and said she needs to take a break from our relationship. Why? Her really clingy ex is really depressed about her dating someone else and he isn't ready to accept it. So she wants to take a break "for his sake" until he's over her. FML

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27858

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By annoyed - United States - Wyoming

Today, I finally got to attend the concert I have been anticipating for weeks. The band was great. The drunk guy sitting behind me yelling profanity and out of tune lyrics in my ear throughout the entire show, however, was not. FML

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23064

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By geeshock1987 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I just remembered that I changed my Gmail display name to "Rice Ball" out of privacy-paranoia a while back. I've been using this same email to apply to several professional jobs. FML

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17898

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By MyPoorEyes - Australia - Melbourne

Today, it was my first day working as a pharmacist. I quickly discovered that customers not only think that it makes me qualified to offer free medical advice, but they also have no qualms about showing me their various lumps, bumps, and vaginal leakages. FML

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33703

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By DoubledTrouble - United States - Washington

Today, my kids overheard me talking about cleaning the fuel system in our RV before we go to Disney World. They were so eager to get there, they decided they'd clean the fuel system themselves while I was at work, namely by pouring Tide into the gas tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15087

You deserved it

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By PiaNO - United Kingdom

Today, I was teaching a ten year old how to play piano. Halfway through the lesson, she made a minor mistake, which, trying to be a good tutor, I corrected her. She smiled up at me, paused, then slammed the key cover down onto my fingers. FML

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42202

You deserved it

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By anashaalmajiid - United States

Today, my dad and a construction worker were having a long talk. I heard the door slam, and assumed that this worker had left. So I yelled out "Hey dad what were you talking about? Did you talk slowly so the idiot could understand?" Turns out my dad was the one who had walked out. FML

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7864

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night. I ran into my dad carrying wine into another house. I didn't assume he was cheating until he saw me and said "I won't tell if you don't tell, please don't tell your mother". FML

I agree, your life sucks

86549

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after reading a sign at the airport, my 6-year-old son thought it would be funny to yell, "Daddy's got a bomb!" Airport security then tackled me to the ground. Oh, and I missed my flight and my mother's birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46354

You deserved it

3634

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By KayBee - 30/1/2021 02:00

Transference

Today, my psychiatrist of 6 years suddenly and out of nowhere told me I need to see someone else. She gave me the equivalent of the "it's not you it's me' speech." Actually her assistant told me via email. I basically got broken up with by someone I was paying a lot of money to talk to. FML

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766

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By ShandiPandiDerp - United States

Today, my phone charger caught fire. I was thankful to be there to witness it. I was not thankful for having been holding it while this happened, as my shirt caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12665

You deserved it

1103

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By Broke and Blonde

Today, I had an interview for a new position in my company. The head of HR decided to sit and I got so nervous that I just spouted gibberish for 45 minutes. Pretty sure I convinced her I’m not qualified for the position I’m currently in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1812

You deserved it

543

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to take a break. At least she gave me a parting gift. Lice. FML

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14147

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948

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Top comments

By MagicallyFat | 12

#3164872 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:51

This might have been possibly done by someone you know. A prank perhaps? Either way sorry to hear :(

By claras100 | 5

#3164870 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:50

The money you didnt use in buying stuff back will have to be used for therapy. Fyl

COMMENTS

By claras100 | 5

#3164870 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:50

The money you didnt use in buying stuff back will have to be used for therapy. Fyl

morganrules123 | 10

#3164973 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:58

At least you have something to do this weekend!

enonymous | 8

#3165100 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 9:20

15 that's easy. Consuela... As long as you got lemon pledge...

hellogoodbye1996 | 6

#3165136 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 9:31

I have OCD too and I know how it feels. I would probably kill myself if that happened to me.

YourEvilHero | 12

#3165232 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 9:58

I'd rather have a mess then missing items. try and find out who did it, like someone said it seems like a friend.

aFatFuck | 0

#3165285 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 10:13

At least you don't smoke weed... this would not work out well for a paranoid conspiracy theorist.

Keyman1212 | 14

#3165306 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 10:18

I would rather my things be stolen, then moved around.

xDefendPopPunkx | 14

#3165798 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 13:32

Oh man these comments are killing me. Please guys put the letters in alphabetical order. Please, it's CDO, the letters have to be in order it's only right.

CreeperIRL | 14

#3166150 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 15:40

At least they didn't leave you any mixed up skittles or m&m's.... That woulda really sucked....

dre_bro11 | 12

#3166165 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 15:44

54, aren't people slack! First they put an 's' in lisp, now they're writing 'OCD' in the wrong order.

hippityhopp | 2

#3166372 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 16:12

That is very dumb because if that was the case every word you wrote or made would have to be in alphabetical order not just OCD...

xDefendPopPunkx | 14

#3166915 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 18:00

For crying out loud 75! I just asked you to please put things in the correct order. Yet you go and write the incorrect version of CDO. Don't my pleas mean anything to you?

hollenbackam | 12

#3167060 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 18:42

llo :P

enonymous | 8

#3167692 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 20:08

54 I need you from now on to put every word of your sentence in alphabetical order otherwise you're speaking greek to me

xDefendPopPunkx | 14

#3167840 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 20:38

KO 94, I iwll aekm erus ot do ahtt fmor now no. Aaabecihllpt deorr is aimnoprtt :)

rallets | 22

#3168066 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 21:42

"nothing seems to be missing but there is now a lava lamp"

rallets | 22

#3168093 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 21:46

"nothing seems to be taken, however, there appears to be a lava lamp"

foxman47 | 3

#3168393 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 22:25

97- I'm pretty sure "L" come before "W" and "S" comes before "U"... You failed

xDefendPopPunkx | 14

#3169005 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 23:36

Dyslexia, so sue me.

zendaddy0 | 0

#3169937 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 2:19

Well if you are 99.99% shure nothing was taken theres nothing to worry about

zuzupetalsYO | 11

#3169945 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 2:22

I think you know the person who did this. Someone is messing with you.

jder69 | 0

#3170829 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 5:51

canadianbabe hit me up

hellogoodbye1996 | 6

#3171449 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 6:49

Lmao 108 troll.

NoWarranty_fml | 14

#3171585 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 7:25

You're gonna make my eyes bleed if yoy keep writing like that

nolarboot | 10

#3172478 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 11:34

Anyone notice the OP's name? Priceless. Also, sucks about your stuff, but at least it's all still there.

xDefendPopPunkx | 14

#3173186 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 14:42

Lol 122, I'm pretty sure I'm not a troll. I'm 100% human. Not an ounce of troll in me. A little goblin maybe but no troll. ;)

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#5736580 - Thursday 31 October 2013 15:06

the CDO shit is the stupidest shit I ever heard. so many whiney little brats have "OCD" sometimes you just like things neat. it's not necessarily OCD.

By MagicallyFat | 12

#3164872 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:51

This might have been possibly done by someone you know. A prank perhaps? Either way sorry to hear :(

forest1wolf | 9

#3166090 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 15:13

That's what I thought

curley18 | 3

#3166332 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 16:06

That's what I thought!

MareNostrum | 0

#3166438 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 16:22

Well...I believe Manson's followers did this in houses before they started murdering people. Looks like you're in the clear, but your famous neighbours better watch their backs.

sarah_loves_yuh | 0

#3171710 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 7:56

Sorry, this has nothing to do with the FML, but I'm loving your profile picture!! :P

vegeta922 | 2

#3177364 - Thursday 25 August 2011 14:22

Thinking the same thing.

By DelilahLoyla | 1

#3164876 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:51

In this case, they most likely knew you.

WIZchild | 0

#3166877 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 17:52

I think it was the gieco gecko..hes very nifty

thepersonyouknow | 9

#3500440 - Thursday 27 October 2011 22:53

did anyone else think of paranormal activity?

By quadder | 0

#3164878 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:51

Your friends played a prank on you

Majstr | 23

#3165450 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 11:16

They did it for teh lulz. :)

By iAmScrubs | 19

#3164881 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:51

I always had a feeling that the dude from Extreme Makeover: Home Edition broke into houses.

By Skankles | 0

#3164886 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:52

Ah! I feel your pain. But at least you have your belongings!

By jellybeans4833 | 7

#3164890 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:52

they know you so well they did that on purpose.

By marinus_fml | 19

#3164900 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:53

What the fuck. Who would break in and do that? I'm pretty sure you just have friends with humor who played a trick on you :)

+1 for your hilarious friends.