Today, my house got broken into. Thankfully they didn't steal...

By WTFwhywouldyoudothat - 22/8/2011 22:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my house got broken into. Thankfully they didn't steal anything. They did, however, move things around into strange places and mess up my underwear. I have severe OCD, so this is probably worse than if they had taken everything. FML

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Miscellaneous

Trip Advisor says no

Boom, headshot

Alexa, play "Leave Me Alone" by New Order

By dantko - 1/1/2014 05:04 - United States - Dearborn

Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2012 07:00 - United States - Valencia

Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML

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By Josie - 5/6/2012 04:27 - United States - Florence

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend. There's a short cut to my house by jumping a fence but he insisted that we take the long way because, "Girls don't jump fences." To prove him wrong, I jumped the fence. I fell and broke my leg. FML

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By monster in law. - 17/12/2014 07:35 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML

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By anonymous - 20/2/2010 01:47 - Ireland

Today, while in bed with my game obsessed girlfriend, she told me I was a "noob" in bed. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2017 00:00

Some people are just lazy

Today, while working, I saw a man napping under a tree. He was still there 3 hours later. Turns out he was dead. FML

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By oaksac191 - 26/10/2010 16:50 - United States

Today, while working at a hospital, I told a patient to smile for the camera when taking an xray. His response was, "I have Bell's Palsy and haven't smiled in 5 years." FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2009 20:05 - United States

Today, I got home from college. Since I haven't seen my parents in almost a year I sorta expected them to come meet me/pick me up at the airport. Nope. What did I get instead? A text from my dad saying, "I hope you have a key." FML

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By bamrd - 1/7/2016 01:20 - United States - Boulder

Today, my university is capable of sending me two diplomas in short succession due to a clerical error, but can't recognize that I've graduated and won't be taking classes with them in the fall. FML

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By ohman - 17/7/2009 17:29 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML

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By fuckingtrollingskankwhoreshitwankcuntfuck - 13/7/2013 17:33 - United States - Enfield

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when a girl came out of nowhere, screaming at me for cheating on her, and saying she was dumping me. I've never seen her before, and she was almost grinning during her little act, but my girlfriend believed it, and I'm now single. FML

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By Moth_Balled - 15/12/2015 04:50 - Australia

Today, my wife knelt down in front me to give me a blowjob. As she took my underwear off a moth flew out of them. I've got no idea how it got there but I was cock-blocked by a moth. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/1/2014 20:35 - United States - New Iberia

Today, I puked up an anti-nausea pill. FML

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By douchetard - 26/3/2009 07:37 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML

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By deven - 29/8/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I saw a fight so I went over to try and break it up. Someone thought I wanted to join in, so he gave me an unexpected whap in the happy sacks, and I also got a bloody nose for my troubles. FML

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By #201 - 5/2/2009 13:23 - United States

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

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By diesel444 - 23/8/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2015 17:54 - United States

Today, I found out that aside from being savagely overworked and treated like shit for zero pay, another one of my responsibilities as an intern is to take the blame for my boss accidentally posting a link to a porn site on the company's Twitter account. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 17:11 - Belgium

Today, I wanted to try my mom's new lipstick. I opened it, baffled, examined it carefully. That's when it started to vibrate. Obviously, that wasn't a lipstick. FML

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By iloveyoutoomom - 8/6/2011 13:03 - France

Today, my mom had an appointment with my teacher after class. She never showed. My teacher ended up driving me home. FML

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By pinky - 6/1/2010 18:12 - United Kingdom

Today, my 5 month old son decided that my lip ring was a toy. Thinking it would be ok, I let him touch it. He got his finger caught and pulled his hand back. The lip ring is still in, but now I have a huge gaping hole in my face. FML

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By Mintilou - 8/4/2016 03:17 - United Kingdom - Wednesbury

Today, like everyday, I got on the train heading back from my university campus in Preston. Usually, it takes 20 minutes. When I sat down, I realised it was a non-stop service to Glasgow and the doors had closed. It took me 7 hours by train and a lift from my best friend at 2 a.m. to get home. FML

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By cauteriseme - 1/1/2011 15:37 - United Kingdom

Today, as the clock struck twelve for the new year, I was in the bathroom having a nosebleed. FML

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By Mdrk783 - 2/9/2009 08:41 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a co-worker who I really liked. One thing led to another and we ended up going to her house and hooked up. Once we'd finished, I noticed another co-workers ID on the floor by her bed. I asked her about it and she said he must have dropped it there last night. FML

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By wormsick - 6/12/2009 09:16 - United States

Today, I found out my diet and exercise plan wasn't nearly as effective when it comes to weight loss as I had originally thought. It turns out what really accounts for all the weight I've been losing is tape worms. FML

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By huulo - 16/11/2010 10:07

Today, I was getting ready for the school swimming carnival and was running very late. I reached for my deodorant and sprayed it on. It was only when I was at the pool that I realized I had accidentally grabbed the spray tan and covered my underarms in it. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2014 05:05 - United States - San Diego

Today, I came home to find out my roommate sold my PS4, because, "You don't use it anymore." FML

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By carrottop - 7/1/2011 12:12 - Australia

Today, I finally found out why my fish were dying in their tank. My younger sister had been spraying detergent in there because she wanted "to make the fish smell like lemons". FML

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By scot - 2/9/2012 15:38 - United States - Granby

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend in the bathroom, we heard a knock at the door, then her father's voice. I had to fake constipation noises until he left. FML

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By "mindy12182" - 29/12/2018 17:00 - United States - Des Moines

Today, while doing my disabled client's makeup I got my period. I'm hoping that she didn't notice a red stain on her white bedspread when I stood up. FML

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By ummmmEW - 13/2/2010 00:04 - United States

Today, I was riding the bus. Suddenly, it appeared to start to snow inside the bus, and I assumed a window was open. When I looked up however, I discovered the girl in front of me putting her hair up in a ponytail. The so-called "snow" was coming off of her head. FML

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By buggyluv - 30/6/2016 15:50 - United States - Edwardsville

Today, at my new job, a coworker offered to help me mop the floors since she wasn't busy. I ended up getting written up by my boss for supposedly being too lazy and making other people finish my work. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/12/2010 06:38 - Iraq

Today, I had to pull guard duty. I had to guard the latrine because somebody likes to stuff whole toilet paper rolls in the toilet to clog it. Only six more months in Iraq. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2015 07:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, at the swimming pool, I thought it'd be funny to sneak up on my 5-year-old daughter underwater and surprise her. I grabbed her by the sides, and she shrieked. A moment later, a brown cloud erupted from her swimsuit. Cue screaming and a mass panic from the other kids. FML

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By xxxchelsiexxx - 6/2/2011 06:02 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my two friends. My hair was hanging over my upper lip, making it look like I had a big mustache. "Hey, look guys!" I said. "I have a mustache!" "I know," they both said without looking. I'm a girl. FML

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By Elizabeth Ann - 21/9/2018 14:00

Today, after months of planning, I finally got my first tattoo: my cat's paw print. I love it so I showed my friends pictures. One said it looks like poop and the other said it looks like I have a disease. FML

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By -____- - 5/10/2013 21:28 - United States - Seattle

Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML

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By Johna Richardson - 30/7/2017 20:00

Today, after my boyfriend ignored me for hours playing video games, he gave me some attention for a little bit. When I tried to run my fingers through his hair, I missed and punched him in the face. FML

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By LoveStinks - 18/8/2016 10:56

Today, I asked a girl what time she'd like me to pick her up for our date tonight. She didn't know what I was talking about. It seems like, after months of sweaty palms, nervous smiles, and awkward sentences, I only dreamed she said yes to going out. FML

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By sex sent me to the Er - 15/10/2019 14:00

Life imitates bad art

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Feeling goofy, I thought it’d be funny to try to reenact that horrible sex scene from the movie Showgirls. I threw my body back, but completely lost my balance and smashed my head on the headboard. I ended up with a bad concussion and a huge hospital bill. FML

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Top comments

By MagicallyFat | 12

#3164872 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:51

This might have been possibly done by someone you know. A prank perhaps? Either way sorry to hear :(

By claras100 | 5

#3164870 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:50

The money you didnt use in buying stuff back will have to be used for therapy. Fyl

COMMENTS

By claras100 | 5

#3164870 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:50

The money you didnt use in buying stuff back will have to be used for therapy. Fyl

morganrules123 | 10

#3164973 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:58

At least you have something to do this weekend!

enonymous | 8

#3165100 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 9:20

15 that's easy. Consuela... As long as you got lemon pledge...

hellogoodbye1996 | 6

#3165136 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 9:31

I have OCD too and I know how it feels. I would probably kill myself if that happened to me.

YourEvilHero | 12

#3165232 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 9:58

I'd rather have a mess then missing items. try and find out who did it, like someone said it seems like a friend.

aFatFuck | 0

#3165285 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 10:13

At least you don't smoke weed... this would not work out well for a paranoid conspiracy theorist.

Keyman1212 | 14

#3165306 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 10:18

I would rather my things be stolen, then moved around.

xDefendPopPunkx | 14

#3165798 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 13:32

Oh man these comments are killing me. Please guys put the letters in alphabetical order. Please, it's CDO, the letters have to be in order it's only right.

CreeperIRL | 14

#3166150 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 15:40

At least they didn't leave you any mixed up skittles or m&m's.... That woulda really sucked....

dre_bro11 | 12

#3166165 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 15:44

54, aren't people slack! First they put an 's' in lisp, now they're writing 'OCD' in the wrong order.

hippityhopp | 2

#3166372 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 16:12

That is very dumb because if that was the case every word you wrote or made would have to be in alphabetical order not just OCD...

xDefendPopPunkx | 14

#3166915 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 18:00

For crying out loud 75! I just asked you to please put things in the correct order. Yet you go and write the incorrect version of CDO. Don't my pleas mean anything to you?

hollenbackam | 12

#3167060 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 18:42

llo :P

enonymous | 8

#3167692 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 20:08

54 I need you from now on to put every word of your sentence in alphabetical order otherwise you're speaking greek to me

xDefendPopPunkx | 14

#3167840 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 20:38

KO 94, I iwll aekm erus ot do ahtt fmor now no. Aaabecihllpt deorr is aimnoprtt :)

rallets | 22

#3168066 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 21:42

"nothing seems to be missing but there is now a lava lamp"

rallets | 22

#3168093 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 21:46

"nothing seems to be taken, however, there appears to be a lava lamp"

foxman47 | 3

#3168393 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 22:25

97- I'm pretty sure "L" come before "W" and "S" comes before "U"... You failed

xDefendPopPunkx | 14

#3169005 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 23:36

Dyslexia, so sue me.

zendaddy0 | 0

#3169937 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 2:19

Well if you are 99.99% shure nothing was taken theres nothing to worry about

zuzupetalsYO | 11

#3169945 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 2:22

I think you know the person who did this. Someone is messing with you.

jder69 | 0

#3170829 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 5:51

canadianbabe hit me up

hellogoodbye1996 | 6

#3171449 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 6:49

Lmao 108 troll.

NoWarranty_fml | 14

#3171585 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 7:25

You're gonna make my eyes bleed if yoy keep writing like that

nolarboot | 10

#3172478 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 11:34

Anyone notice the OP's name? Priceless. Also, sucks about your stuff, but at least it's all still there.

xDefendPopPunkx | 14

#3173186 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 14:42

Lol 122, I'm pretty sure I'm not a troll. I'm 100% human. Not an ounce of troll in me. A little goblin maybe but no troll. ;)

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#5736580 - Thursday 31 October 2013 15:06

the CDO shit is the stupidest shit I ever heard. so many whiney little brats have "OCD" sometimes you just like things neat. it's not necessarily OCD.

By MagicallyFat | 12

#3164872 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:51

This might have been possibly done by someone you know. A prank perhaps? Either way sorry to hear :(

forest1wolf | 9

#3166090 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 15:13

That's what I thought

curley18 | 3

#3166332 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 16:06

That's what I thought!

MareNostrum | 0

#3166438 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 16:22

Well...I believe Manson's followers did this in houses before they started murdering people. Looks like you're in the clear, but your famous neighbours better watch their backs.

sarah_loves_yuh | 0

#3171710 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 7:56

Sorry, this has nothing to do with the FML, but I'm loving your profile picture!! :P

vegeta922 | 2

#3177364 - Thursday 25 August 2011 14:22

Thinking the same thing.

By DelilahLoyla | 1

#3164876 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:51

In this case, they most likely knew you.

WIZchild | 0

#3166877 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 17:52

I think it was the gieco gecko..hes very nifty

thepersonyouknow | 9

#3500440 - Thursday 27 October 2011 22:53

did anyone else think of paranormal activity?

By quadder | 0

#3164878 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:51

Your friends played a prank on you

Majstr | 23

#3165450 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 11:16

They did it for teh lulz. :)

By iAmScrubs | 19

#3164881 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:51

I always had a feeling that the dude from Extreme Makeover: Home Edition broke into houses.

By Skankles | 0

#3164886 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:52

Ah! I feel your pain. But at least you have your belongings!

By jellybeans4833 | 7

#3164890 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:52

they know you so well they did that on purpose.

By marinus_fml | 19

#3164900 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:53

What the fuck. Who would break in and do that? I'm pretty sure you just have friends with humor who played a trick on you :)

+1 for your hilarious friends.