Miscellaneous: Today, my grandpa was wearing flip flops and white socks. He... - FML

By dayum - 10/12/2009 21:03 - Mexico

Today, my grandpa was wearing flip flops and white socks. He entered my restroom, and the moment he did it, I realized there was no toilet paper left. I felt too ashamed to interrupt his dump, so I waited for him to ask for paper, he never did and came out without socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 890

You deserved it 5 517

Stop talking!

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Coherence dude, do you have it?

By Darcy - 26/10/2011 06:58 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 390

You deserved it 4 538

By heytherexo - 05/04/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, while showering, my 3 year old son comes to the bathroom and puts on all my makeup. Once I got out of the shower, I got a camera I had and took a few adorable shots. Afterward, I sent the images to all my friends and family. Then I realized the reflection on the mirror was me fully naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 863

You deserved it 93 137

Good bye!

By Anonymous - 19/01/2020 20:00

Today I was walking around the mall and I saw my crush from high school. He came up to me and instead of talking to him I burped, and he just walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 705

You deserved it 705

By DENTALITY - 23/05/2015 11:06 - Norway

Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 999

You deserved it 3 641

By wheresthelove - 30/12/2009 05:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home to find my Dad cheating on his new wife of six weeks. With my own mother who was supposedly dating "a real catch". Should I be happy that my parents love each other or pissed off that they're both whores? I can't decide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 834

You deserved it 3 040

By Anonymous - 18/03/2011 16:14 - Netherlands

Today, I was worried about passing an exam, so I hid a note under my skirt. When the guy next to me was finished, I had to get up so he could leave. With no time to hide the note, I stood in front of the entire class, hand over my crotch, looking as if I had to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 647

You deserved it 71 532

By smh - 13/05/2012 22:30 - United States - Sacramento

Today, if you live in California, you might have seen a crazy drunk guy naked in front of a McDonald's, waving at everyone. Yeah, that was probably me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 235

You deserved it 36 281

By Live Sweet - 25/04/2013 05:33

Spicy

Today, I finally hooked up with the guy that I have been in love with forever. If there is such a thing as soul mates, this guy is it. He's my best friend in the whole world. It was the worst sex I have ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 492

You deserved it 14 706

By sasd32 - 06/03/2009 19:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, I called a potential employer. I left a message asking him to return my call. When he did, my drunk friend answered my phone with "I make a sexy-time with my mother in-law." I called him back twice immediately to explain. No answer. That was my last hope for a decent job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 014

You deserved it 8 848

By sadness - 12/10/2012 02:48 - United States - Metairie

Today, the guy I'm dating came into the same restaurant where I was eating. He was with a girl. He sat at the table next to mine and didn't even bother to say, "Hi." I guess I'm single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 309

You deserved it 2 266

Weirdo geek freaks out

By katw - 10/03/2021 02:01

Today, I went on a first day with a guy. It went well up until he saw my phone, loudly declared that I was ‘gross’ for having an iPhone, and then stormed out. I’m on a family plan and if it were my choice, I would have got an Android. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 203

By Rehab - 11/02/2010 19:58 - United States

Today, I was looking through my computer's history to find a website I had visited. I found an online forum where my son was discussing how to inject Oxycontin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 323

You deserved it 3 717

By Anonymous - 24/07/2019 05:00 - United States - El Paso

Today, I was cutting potatoes. I was cutting them slowly, being careful, but my mom told me to cut faster, that I wouldn't cut myself. I cut myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 416

You deserved it 357

Creeper Alert

By "of fucking course" - 05/09/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 996

You deserved it 862

By welptimetoburntheplacedown - 11/08/2014 15:02 - United States - Louisville

Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 184

You deserved it 3 652

Delusional

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 11:02

Today, my sister made serious plans to move to another country to be closer to the married man she's having an affair with. She thinks this will force him to leave his family. I know who will have to listen to her whining when she is sitting all alone in a different country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 86

By failedfather - 16/12/2013 16:34 - Australia - Ferntree Gully

Today, I had to tell McDonald's that my 11-year-old son thought it would be funny to take a dump in the urinal. I then had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 230

You deserved it 13 781

By Abby - 17/10/2018 08:00 - United States - Watertown

Today, my employer gave me a gift to celebrate the one-year anniversary of my hire date. It would have been a really nice gesture if they weren't laying me off at the end of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 795

You deserved it 134

By Anon - 09/10/2013 05:21 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I asked my friend to crop me out of her profile picture on Facebook because I look terrible in it. She responded that she wasn't going to, because it made her look better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 810

You deserved it 5 481

By happyeffingbday202 - 02/04/2009 23:12 - United States

Today, was my 16th birthday. Needless to say, I was delighted when my friends presented me with a birthday card in a homeroom. I pretended to be surprised and exclaimed, "Aw, you guys really shouldn't have!" They didn't. It was our teacher's birthday. They just wanted me to sign the card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 925

You deserved it 5 253

By why? - 01/01/2013 05:41 - United States - Hackensack

Today, my dad has decided to that as a New Year's resolution, he's going to strive to wear pants less often. It's only been an hour and I can already tell it's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 914

You deserved it 2 376

By Can't Win - 09/09/2012 15:01 - United States - Palatine

Today, my car keys decided to play hide and seek. Good news: I found them under my bed. Bad news: it was after my job interview was scheduled to start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 036

You deserved it 6 525

Classic

By Anonymous - 21/07/2020 23:01

Spicy

Today, I caught my sister in bed with my girlfriend. I’m not sure what’s worse, the cheating, the fact I’ve never managed to make my girlfriend moan like that, or the fact this is the second girlfriend she’s stolen from me in the last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 517

You deserved it 305

No thanks

By Anonymous - 26/02/2020 20:00

Today, I ask the guy that I like if he want to go to lunch tomorrow at a local restaurant. He answer that he doesn't like their food. I think that's is a no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 511

You deserved it 300

By PaePae - 14/06/2019 21:31 - United States - Columbia

Spicy

Today, I found out that I'm sensitive to the NuvaRing. It felt like I was a buffet for fire ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 625

You deserved it 143

By Radbaby - 20/06/2018 01:30

Today, nearing the start of what I was hoping to be a relaxing week off, my air conditioning system died. A replacement system will be in the $7000 range, just the amount I'd finally saved for my dream vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 904

You deserved it 254

By Anonymous - 22/12/2009 18:02 - United States

Today, I discovered that my bed has a flea infestation. I discovered it after sleeping naked in it for about an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 574

You deserved it 5 977

By KereKris - 01/12/2016 19:18

Today, I wrote a bad review for a pizza place after their pizza gave me food poisoning. Now, they won't stop calling me, begging me to take my review down in exchange for free pizza. I have tried to tell them that I wouldn't eat their pizza again even if I got paid to do so, but they won't listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 505

You deserved it 1 370

By janused - 18/02/2015 17:17 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my dad still refuses to repay the loan I gave him. I've just barely managed to pay my bills, and I'm now so poor that I'll have to survive the next 3 days until my next paycheck by eating the only thing left in my fridge: a jar of cheese whiz. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 839

You deserved it 3 614

By Anonymous - 19/02/2013 00:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 580

You deserved it 3 437

By gemtas5 - 21/09/2013 17:28 - Sweden - Malm?

Today, while sorting through my clothes, I found one of my ex's old sweaters. After a lot of thought and difficulty, I threw it out. I felt empowered, until my father later rifled through my trash and claimed the sweater for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 551

You deserved it 3 943

By JCC - 18/05/2011 10:57 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a three-year-old. She asked me what was wrong with my belly. I had to explain to her that I'm just fat. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 404

You deserved it 13 024

By Stupid - 22/04/2013 06:58 - United States - Post Falls

Today, after a few weeks of my friends pestering me to spend time with a mutual friend, I realized we had a lot in common. We both love shoes, peanut butter, and it appears that my boyfriend of three years is her boyfriend of four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 008

You deserved it 5 235

By Naomi - 10/11/2013 10:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my husband and I went for our 20 week scan and found out we're having a girl. The first thing he said to me was, "The next one better be a boy or I'm leaving you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 478

You deserved it 4 889

By mammasboy - 21/05/2013 18:30 - United States - Springfield

Today, my mom scolded me and threatened to ground me for coming home past midnight. Normally, it wouldn't be unreasonable, except for the fact that I'm 24 years old, and that my parents live with me, in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 839

You deserved it 5 346

By yelyah - 29/03/2012 16:19 - United States - Tolono

Today, I flew to Florida with my grandma. She tried to go through airport security with a pocket knife in her backpack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 581

You deserved it 2 169

By roselysunset - 29/07/2015 17:07 - United States - Cypress

Today, I came home to find my mom drunk. She asked me for a hug and then started crying, "Where's my daughter?" I'm her daughter. And her only child, as far as I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 688

You deserved it 1 610

Thanks, I hate it!

By JacksWag4 - 16/08/2013 22:21 - United States - Romulus

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's last will and testament. My parents, as well as my brothers and sister, all inherited a nice sum of money. I got 69 cents, because, "young Jack always was an immature little shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 425

You deserved it 21 539

Rite of passage

By tortilla - 28/11/2020 16:58 - United States - Petaluma

Today, I got punched after telling my 11-year-old cousin that her period is "coming for her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 236

You deserved it 1 121

By SwAGkiLlS - 15/07/2012 15:12 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 869

You deserved it 5 040

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Friday 11 December 2009 1:48

HAHAHA!! that, my friend, is HYSTERICAL!!

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Friday 11 December 2009 1:49

one time this guy was at my house and he went to the restroom and i realized there was no toilet paper but he never said anything. Later i went inside and the tissues that were already in the trash then had poop on them. ppl are gross!!

Comments

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Friday 11 December 2009 1:39

That.. is gross. Is your grandfather senile?

pcakewafflebacon 0

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Friday 11 December 2009 1:41

how the hell is this an FML? this is a FHL.

my_fml_account 2

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Friday 11 December 2009 1:49

more like F his socks.

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Friday 11 December 2009 1:53

how does senility have anything to do with this? He wiped his ass with his socks since he didn't want to bother someone to ask or was to embarrassed. Do you think the grandfather threw them in the trash after wiping or flushed them down? cuz ure gonna have to pull that shit out if it gets clogged. FYL

AkihiroHattori5 0

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Friday 11 December 2009 2:25

More like ADSNOSR- a disgusting story no one should've read.

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Friday 11 December 2009 6:15

LMFAOOO!!!! thats seriously so digusting but so freakin hilarious at the same time!!! thanx 4 a laugh :D

brutallyhonest24 0

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Friday 11 December 2009 6:48

on the bright side,you now know what to do if such a emergency situation were to come up

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Friday 11 December 2009 7:04

If he was senile, he would have come out wearing socks.

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Friday 11 December 2009 10:07

This made me lol in real life . Well done sir, have a mustard sammich and a cookie.

LALALALagirrl 1

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Friday 11 December 2009 22:35

LMMMFAOOO nummber 45, AHAHA:)

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Monday 5 July 2010 9:48

He's not senile he's like macguyver!

Muscle_Car_Fan 0

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Tuesday 26 October 2010 7:53

win.

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 17:18

At least he wiped. :)

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Monday 25 April 2011 6:28

Dirty Mexican

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Sunday 20 November 2011 10:59

OMG!!! u need a plumber

Link5794 18

Monday 9 July 2012 21:24

I agree. Come on, socks with flip flops?

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Friday 11 December 2009 1:41

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Friday 11 December 2009 1:48

HAHAHA!! that, my friend, is HYSTERICAL!!

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Friday 11 December 2009 1:49

one time this guy was at my house and he went to the restroom and i realized there was no toilet paper but he never said anything. Later i went inside and the tissues that were already in the trash then had poop on them. ppl are gross!!

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Friday 11 December 2009 1:50

that made my day! I LOL'ed

allmidnighteyes 10

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Friday 11 December 2009 1:50

i lol'd at "dayum"

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Friday 11 December 2009 1:56

hahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahhahhahhahahahahahahhahhahahahhahahahhahahahhahah ur gramps is awesome

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Friday 11 December 2009 3:07

Yeah, your life is awesome to have an ingenuitive grandpa. If he had come out with socks that would be an FML.

childofadelphia 0

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Friday 11 December 2009 2:00

Ewwww lmfao at least he didn't use a towel or something like that, cause then you'd be fucked.

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 5:21

I think he was rather creative...

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Friday 11 December 2009 2:02

Not particularly life fucking, if you ask me. But I suppose no one asked me. :P

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Friday 11 December 2009 7:07

So STFU until you are asked.

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Friday 11 December 2009 2:02

dose anyone know why my penis is so small?

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 16

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 28

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 70