Intimacy: Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a... - FML

By thatssickkk - 17/02/2010 06:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 419

You deserved it 2 701

Leave us alone

Dysfunctional

Simps gonna simp

You tried at least

By oreosaretoocool - 05/12/2016 19:10 - United Kingdom - Cardenden

Today, I finally gave my mum an expensive designer dress I spent months saving to buy for her as she had been very depressed. However she has gained so much weight from stress eating she ripped it when trying to put it on, and now won't talk to me because, "I wanted to make her feel fat". FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 579

You deserved it 1 124

Workers of the world unite

By Anonymous - 19/06/2021 19:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, the day before I was supposed to go back to work after I got sick, ended up in the hospital, and primary doctor put me on medical leave, I got fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 61

By thecatlady - 27/02/2013 07:12 - Australia - Kambalda

Today, I realised the extent of my wife's cat obsession when I received an $850 bill for the air conditioner she leaves on for our 5 cats while we are at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 716

You deserved it 4 285

By well great. - 17/05/2013 22:28 - United States - Pascagoula

Today, my friend told me she'd lost her notebook filled with crucial notes for our finals. She asked if she could borrow mine and copy my notes. She then lost my notebook too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 039

You deserved it 11 896

Alexa, play "Tailights Fade" by Buffalo Tom

By Anonymous - 28/11/2021 13:59 - United States - Fredonia

Today, I got pulled over for a broken taillight. When I rolled down the window, the cop asked me if I was smoking crack. When I told him I didn't do drugs, he didn't believe me since he could detect a foul odor coming from my car. I'd just passed gas big time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 129

S❤️ed

By andinpublictoo - 29/10/2021 22:59

Today, and for the first time in my life, I was unable to trust a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 201

By Anonymous - 22/01/2011 09:03 - United States

Today, a friend and I saw some deer outside my car. Since we were both leaving for college the next day we wanted to do something memorable so we decided to chase the deer. Turns out the deer wanted to chase us too. We ran for over five minutes screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 752

You deserved it 54 015

By Anonymous - 24/08/2011 08:03 - United States

Today, my aunt and uncle stole $584 from me, since I'm moving out. Their reasoning? I stole things. When I asked what I'd stolen, my aunt looked me straight in the eye and said "Milk Duds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 342

You deserved it 3 282

By Tampax - 30/09/2014 18:46 - Spain - Cuenca

Today, my hand was stung by a wasp. It has resulted in all my fingers being swollen and therefore much bigger than usual. I'm getting married tomorrow and there's no way I can get the ring on my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 210

You deserved it 3 179

By ch4nny - 29/08/2014 01:47 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 182

You deserved it 5 665

By thewallrules - 05/12/2009 14:10 - United States

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my dorm room. He was naked and was peeing into my water bottle. He kept asking for Chris. I have no idea who Chris is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 893

You deserved it 3 442

By nerp - 29/03/2016 19:44 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a stranger had a go at me for smoking while pregnant. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 957

You deserved it 2 653

By jobless - 07/02/2010 06:12 - United States

Today, I realized after sending out countless copies of my resume to companies, I failed to add my phone number on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 220

You deserved it 31 661

In a galaxy far, far away

By fuck Star Wars! - 31/05/2020 08:00

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a massive argument. I suggested we have a movie night. He suggested an all day/night Star Wars marathon. I’d be OK, if it wasn’t for the fact that we’ve done that at least five times in the last two months. He says I’m the one being unfair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 712

You deserved it 187

By Anonymous - 21/12/2016 05:35

Today, I got stood up by all five of my friends. I had to spend two hours getting hit on by a guy because I didn't feel safe to drive home. Their excuse? They didn't think I was serious when I said I was already at the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 346

You deserved it 740

By :( - 02/03/2016 14:13 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I had a Chinese test. Our teacher decided to wait until yesterday to tell us about it because she "knew" we wouldn't study anyway and she didn't want to stress us out. I'm pretty sure I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 217

You deserved it 1 973

By momof2boys - 19/01/2010 09:59 - United States

Today, my two boys decided to draw in permanent marker on the leather seats of the car I have had up for sale for 3 weeks with no interest. I call my husband to tell him we're going to have to keep it. He just made an appointment with a guy who has cash and is ready to buy it tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 892

You deserved it 5 160

By flowerfail - 16/06/2009 09:13 - United States

Today, I stepped outside to wait for a cute guy to arrive after arduously preparing for our first date. Just as he rounded the corner, I tripped over the last stair and landed headfirst into my mom's fresh pot of snapdragons. My mom uses compost and manure for her plants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 661

You deserved it 4 955

The curse

By Anonymous - 04/05/2020 20:00

Today, at a time when dating app usage is at an all time high, in 3 months I've only managed 4 likes and one brief match on Bumble. I'm not terrible looking by any means, yet I'm weeks away from my 8-year anniversary of being single. Am I cursed or something? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 423

You deserved it 218

By Oh dear... - 20/02/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I told my college friend that I considered her to be my best friend. She responded, "I don't think you should call me that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 241

You deserved it 4 061

By PicturePerfect - 02/03/2009 21:33 - Canada

Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me. I got bitchy about it, and said "Did I say you could take a picture?" He replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids?" I turned around, and they were right behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 395

You deserved it 546 187

By asthmattack - 25/01/2013 06:30 - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, I was suffering from an asthma attack, so I grabbed my inhaler and took a puff. This was probably very disturbing for the earwig which had somehow made my puffer its home, as I discovered when it shot into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 248

You deserved it 2 799

By paging dr. kevorkian - 16/05/2013 21:23 - Netherlands

Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner. Things went great, until my grandma arrived. She thought it would be okay to continue our friendly prank war by congratulating me on my "wife's" pregnancy. My girlfriend actually believed it, and now thinks she's the "other woman". FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 708

You deserved it 5 896

By blegh - 01/04/2011 02:42 - United States

Today, I fell going down the stairs to the subway platform during rush hour. Someone was kind enough to help me up and someone else was kind enough to steal my iPhone which had fallen out of my pocket and landed nearby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 213

You deserved it 3 824

By I don't condome that, babe - 24/07/2014 20:51 - United States - Lutz

Today, I overheard my boyfriend saying to his friends, "I never knew what real contraception was until I saw Laura's face." I'm Laura. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 625

You deserved it 4 278

By xkal174 - 15/11/2010 11:33 - United States

Today, I just found out that my ex girlfriend is gonna be my step mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 252

You deserved it 4 609

By joecool3426 - 03/10/2013 06:23 - United States

Today, I got a ticket for speeding in a school zone. The school hasn't even been built yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 500

You deserved it 9 435

By Lonelyhopeful - 05/12/2016 20:08

Today, I was driving in a busy area looking for a place to park. I happened to lock eyes with a really handsome man who was walking alongside the road. He approached my car with a huge, gorgeous smile, and as I rolled my window down he asked, "Are you my Uber?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 547

You deserved it 948

By hannahg - 24/03/2014 00:44 - United States - Romulus

Today, my dad yelled at me for being irresponsible while he watched me fold his laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 354

You deserved it 3 791

By PuppyPeeTimee. - 17/09/2010 06:30 - United Kingdom

Today, we were in the car with my puppy, who favours my sister. She had been sat on her lap for a while, when she stood up and climbed onto my lap. I was really pleased until she peed on me and then went straight back to my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 587

You deserved it 3 501

By jessica - 17/02/2009 23:56 - United States

Today, I was working the register at a local grocery store. A kid about 5 years old was having trouble zipping his jacket. I reached out to help him and he started screaming "No bad touch bad touch!" and kicked me in the knee. Everyone looked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 009

You deserved it 9 484

By NotYourLady - 04/09/2009 06:23 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting a boy who was 11 years old. He told me that he loved me and wanted to be my boyfriend. I told him that I think he is a really great kid but I'm 17 so it would never work out. He said okay. When his parents came home he told them that I hit him and started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 854

You deserved it 3 657

By alanh69 - 26/08/2014 19:12 - United States - Woodward

Today, I asked my dad to give me a haircut. After 20 minutes of "fuck"s and "shit"s, he gave up and just shaved my head bald. I pull off the look so badly that two people I don't even know have already told me I look like a psychopath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 242

You deserved it 6 386

By NotAParabola - 07/10/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend over webcam with a cute negligee. He was doing homework. Half an hour later, he finally noticed. Apparently pre-calc is more interesting than his girlfriend. I guess polynomials are just curvier than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 239

You deserved it 39 131

By Anonymous - 02/03/2017 17:00 - Canada - Elora

Spicy

Today, I was cleaning my older brothers room in my mom's house after he had just moved out with his girlfriend. I guess I was multitasking a little too much and not paying too much attention to what I was doing and I realized 15 seconds later, I was holding a used condom in my right hand, FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 393

You deserved it 1 546

By lex31 - 14/02/2012 13:24 - United States

Today, I received my first Valentine's day present ever: a dead mouse from my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 020

You deserved it 3 739

By shameless - 28/04/2013 22:24 - United States - Canton

Today, I agreed to go on a date with the creepy guy from my Economics class because I'm so broke that I could really use the free meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 670

You deserved it 15 233

By djl - 20/12/2012 05:30 - Canada - Beaumont

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 934

You deserved it 15 303

By FoxyManicLiar - 27/09/2010 21:06 - France

Today, I got a bad cut on my dominant hand while at work. My boss decided to order me to juice lemons... all 300 of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 331

You deserved it 3 168

By RomanceFail - 02/04/2015 12:51 - United States - Crestwood

Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 981

You deserved it 3 363

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Top comments

elchiclebubalu 2

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 15:54

I thinks she wants u to pass on the legacy. Fyl.

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 15:54

That really blows! lmao

Comments

elchiclebubalu 2

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 15:54

I thinks she wants u to pass on the legacy. Fyl.

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:02

YDI for having a slutty granny

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:50

#1 wins so much

iSwag 0

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 17:26

she didn't mention my name did she? I told that bitch to keep her mouth shut >:-/ ...j/p ur grandma was awesome :D

thor89 0

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 21:30

G.I.L.F

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 21:34

mmm the good ole days =D

goodstuffboro 0

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 23:34

hmmm "iswag" u got sum sexxii ass lips....juss ta let u kno....op that's gotta suck bigtime....maybe u could tell her about YOUR life a a secret agent prostitute/history teacher??? give u guys some common ground maybe

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Thursday 18 February 2010 2:17

Is ur grandma Granny Klump?

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Thursday 18 February 2010 4:42

nice hair :D (serious no sarcasm intended) to the op, LUCKY I wish my grandma was a whore!

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Thursday 18 February 2010 6:00

lol, u make my day/night once again perdix

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Thursday 18 February 2010 7:01

I'd hit that yo

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Thursday 18 February 2010 7:02

wats up with all the grandmother fml????

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Sunday 7 March 2010 4:06

@ 65 love your hair

fizzymonsterman 0

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Wednesday 21 April 2010 7:58

win bigtime^^^^

Thabb 0

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Wednesday 5 May 2010 4:43

YDI for listening. Anti flood -_-

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Tuesday 24 April 2012 6:09

You could be a porn grand baby!

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Wednesday 3 October 2012 3:36

Wow that reminds me of something simillar. One of the guys from my friend's catholic school was telling us how one of their teachers did porn whilst in university...by any chance you don't go to Holy Cross in Woodbridge, Ontario, Canada?

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 15:54

That really blows! lmao

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:22

literally XD ^^^^^^^

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Thursday 18 February 2010 3:44

Win! ^^^^^^^

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 15:54

how old is she,anything like a milf or just old?

xundria 5

Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:18

not a milf... a gilf... granny I'd like to fuck, duhhh get it right

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Wednesday 21 September 2011 22:01

Oh baby.

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 15:55

it's good to know and get in touch with your roots :D

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 17:21

soon her grandfather will confess to being her grandmothers pimp back in the 30s :D

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 17:34

Grandpas always had a powerful pimp and and now you know why.

xoppx 0

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:03

maybe you could learn a thing or two

epictrollathon 0

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:07

Grandparents have the coolest stories!

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:11

No FML unless you ran to the bathroom to rub one out afterwards.

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:12

Win.

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:16

FYL lmao I woulda killed myself

adi2 0

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:19

o good lord, these comments are just killer!!

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:27

well u shuld be happy ur grandma was a prostitute bc thts prob y ur here today

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 16:57

true dat (:

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Thursday 18 February 2010 2:51

exactly

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 6

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 63

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 227