By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 16:59 - United States - Meriden

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try having sex despite her serious body image issues. Unfortunately, I couldn't get it up due to how utterly terrified she looked. Now no matter what I say, she thinks it's all because her body is hideous. FML
I agree, your life sucks 27 053
You deserved it 2 913

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you should sit your girlfriend down and tell her about all of the things that you love about her. Explain that you don't feel comfortable engaging in an anything that she's not 100% ready for. Good luck!

I can't imagine many males being able to 'perform' if their partner had a terrified look on their face. That would feel a little rape-like I'd imagine...


Ruskiy_Cherep 18

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Ruskiy_Cherep 18

Allow me to explain why, its your girlfriend Im sure theres plenty of things you could have done to get the mood going. ALWAYS start with foreplay I mean come on thats a very vital part of the process and im sure she eventually would start feeling comfortable around you and not look so terrified

He deserves it because he couldn't get a stiffy because he feels sorry for his insecure girlfriend?

Ruskiy_Cherep 18

He shoulda tried cuz now she thinks shes hideous just because he couldnt perform. I mean yeah if it was my girlfriend id feel sorry for her too but that wouldnt affect my performance

CrassKal 27

So because he isn't a sociopath who gets turned on by terrified women, he deserves it? Yeah alright.

Ruskiy_Cherep 18

Haha way to twist my words buddy. Wow though why is everyone here so damn sensitive??

Just stop talking.. It's just gonna get the crap down voted out of you.

Classic move. When people disagree with you, just call them sensitive! That'll show them! Seriously though you sound like someone who has never had a healthy relationship, let alone with someone who has body/self esteem issues. OP sounds like a good guy and in no way deserves it (nor does the girlfriend, body issues are a bitch).

That isn't twisting your words, it's stating them in simplified terms. He doesn't deserve this, he couldn't perform because he was concerned about his girlfriend and focused on how anxious she looked, which is not a bad thing. You're basically blaming the guy cause he couldn't perform or get hard, which is just terrible and wrong in general, but especially in this case because the reason was due to him seeing that his girlfriend seemed uncomfortable.

Ruskiy_Cherep 18

Whatever, I still stand my ground.

So the jist of what you're saying is... She's terrified of her boyfriend seeing her naked and your suggestion is he just gets all up in her business and it'll be okay?

Ruskiy_Cherep 18

Have u never had sex with someone who was nervous before? I mean its all up to the girl of what she feels comfortable doing! If shes terrified of being naked encourage her! Guide her through it. Only go as far as shes comfortable with no more than that but what u dont wanna do is get caught with a softy cuz then that just makes em feel unattractive. Thats speaking from personal experiance

Ruskiy_Cherep 18

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Just because she having issues and he can't get it up because she was upset makes him a concerned boyfriend. I agree with what a lot of people are saying about sitting her down and tell her why you love her. A relationship is not all about sex. And the fact that your blaming him shows me that you have never been in a long term relationship that has meaning and make him a better boyfriend then you. But don't feel bad your not alone and you still have time to grow up. Good luck

askullnamedbilly 33

Just out of curiosity, would you say the same if the genders were reversed? Like, for example, if a girl had trouble getting wet or having an orgasm with a really insecure and nervous partner because he made her feel uncomfortable? From the way you phrased your ignorant comments, I get the feeling that you think men are always up and ready to go, and if they're not, they just weren't trying hard enough. Nobody is obligated to become aroused if there's something seriously putting a damper on the mood - frankly I'd be concerned if OP looked into his girlfriend's terrified face and just shrugged and jerked himself back to hardness to continue.

Marcella1016 31

Ehh I think he's just saying the bf could've tried harder. I don't think it's necessary to attack him. I disagree because he's making the assumption that the bf didn't make any effort whatsoever, but he was basically just saying "If you know your girlfriend is insecure, do whatever the hell it takes to make sure you get hard so you don't make it worse." I definitely disagree with the YDI thing, but basically that's where this guy is coming from. No, he's not saying OP should be a sociopath, no he's not being sexist because this was a guy who couldn't get hard. I mean geez you guys are really attacking this guy lol. But like I said, although I disagree, I understand what he is trying to say and I don't think he is trying to be a jerk. No need for the dogpile attack on him lol

This guy is right. Start off slowly by caressing and kissing her. If you don't get a stiffy from that then you probably aren't attracted to her after all.

silvermoon5033 26

Tyrez, she was terrified. How could any decent man get It up if the girl he was with looked like that? I

silvermoon5033 26

She wasn't just a little nervous. OP said she was terrified. There is a difference.

what the fuck dude? you are so wierd. it has nothing to do with sex!

All these keyboard warrior bitches down voting your comment cause they can't handle someone getting criticized

You don't think having sex with someone who looks utterly terrified would feel a little like commuting rape? If you think that's okay you must be a sociopath

use boner pills

Why was this thumbed down? My friend and I had a great laugh at this.

People don't know what a joke is.

No one is chastising you for having a giggle. The rest of us, however, simply didn't think it was funny, joking or otherwise.

DeadxManxWalking 27

explain that you want her to enjoy it too.

Maybe try telling her that you just didn't want to hurt her? Sounds like you're fucked though, OP.

well he wasn't fucked in the way he wanted to be.

you should sit your girlfriend down and tell her about all of the things that you love about her. Explain that you don't feel comfortable engaging in an anything that she's not 100% ready for. Good luck!

Communication is the key to everything! Casually mentioning how you love her/find her sexy/etc as well as letting her explore her feelings in a safe environment. Also, in my experience, it's nice to just casually pet and touch (not in a sexual way) when watching movies or whatever to let her know you're comfortable and just enjoy being with her and her body. Oh, and don't feel bad if you can't help her with some aspects because a lot of it has to come from self acceptance and only she can do that. When I first met my partner i had awful body image issues and now I love my body. Time and love helps. (: Sorry for the ramble but I relate so much. lol.

askullnamedbilly 33

Actually, I don't think that's going to be enough in that case. OP's girlfriend needs therapy. The person you're dating should never have to fill the role of a professional therapist - unless you're actually with a psychologist, they have no training to help you, can't stay impartial and will probably become overwhelmed with the responsibility. Small issues are fine, but body image problems that severe are going to cause the end of their relationship if she doesn't get help.

Even still, it is emotionally stunting when you have to play the role of a psychologist when In a relationship, even if you do it professionally. It can be hard to separate feelings from facts and to push the right ways.

That is the nicest and best advice I've ever seen on FML. thank you, and that was lovely.

Do it with the lights off.

ALittleFreak 15

Oh, you're THAT guy.

blazerman_fml 17

Can't do mate, Boogieman's gonna get ya :(

I think he's just suggesting that the girlfriend may feel more comfortable if the lights were out for the first few times. I think this may be a good idea. She may feel more relaxed and calmer if she knows he can't see her, but yet he can still enjoy her, which may make her feel good knowing that he obviously responds to her. Then after she's comfortable doing it with the lights out, they can work on keeping them on. Baby steps.

Reassure her that you wouldn't date her unless you found her physically attractive and that the only reason you couldn't perform was because she looked terrified and you were worried for her.

saxaddict122 14

That could work, but it could also totally backfire if she took it as a "if I let myself get ugly he'll leave me" kind of thing. Which obviously no decent guy would ever insinuate about his girl, but she might think so if she has an image problem.

Physical attractiveness shouldn't be what determines a relationship, anyways. I would be extremely offended if my boyfriend told me he wouldn't date me if I wasn't physically attractive.

Why? It's not saying it's the ONLY reason, just that they wouldn't date you if they found you unattractive. Many people need physical attraction as well as mental and emotional attraction and there's nothing wrong with that.

In a relationship you need to be attracted to someone...If you don't find them attractive there's a problem. It's not like he said he On my dated her because she was attractive

Tell her beautiful you think she is homie! Then make sure you get it up next time!

ALittleFreak 15

No idea how this is negative thumbs, it's the best comment so far.

So just ignore everything about her facial expressions telling you NO and simply get hard out of nowhere? Jay-nyuss!!

That's rough OP, just make sure you take any and every opprotunity to let her know she is beautiful. :)

I would try pointing out that you have now seen more of her and she is still the object of your desire despite the failed attempt and if you were really disgusted you wouldn't be wanting to try again you would just tell her that it's okay and you'll just not have sex.