By Anonymous - United States - Minneapolis Today, my girlfriend tried explaining a duck flying into our living room and taking a shit everywhere as "paranormal activity". FML I agree, your life sucks 41634 You deserved it 3744 81 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By clumsy Today, while walking on the sidewalk with my boyfriend, I slipped and fell. Not only did he not help me get up or ask if I was okay, he got mad at me for embarrassing him in public. FML I agree, your life sucks 35157 You deserved it 4685 117 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By really Today, a customer left their shopping cart behind their car and backed into it. She then came inside and threatened to sue me personally for not sending someone to collect it from where she left it. After 5 minutes of her yelling, I finally got a word in edgeways: I don't work there. FML I agree, your life sucks 6155 You deserved it 341 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I ran into one of my teachers from high school. When I told her I just recently graduated college and was starting graduate school in the fall, she said "you don't have to lie, some people just are not cut out for college. There is no shame." I wasn't lying, I graduated with honors too. FML I agree, your life sucks 36655 You deserved it 2923 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Hartford Today, my guidance counselor told me that I'll have to join my school's special education needs sector. This is because I can't attend school properly due to chronic issues with severe pain. So much for my 3.9 GPA and being in the top 5% of my class. FML I agree, your life sucks 51185 You deserved it 3341 129 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By heshay - United States Today, my boyfriend was seated in my section at work. As he sees me his face drops... he's on a date. He had forgotten I work there. I had to serve him and his date, and they didn't leave a tip. FML I agree, your life sucks 50616 You deserved it 3518 127 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By skichick54 - United States Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML I agree, your life sucks 43212 You deserved it 3716 130 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kacysospacyy - United States Today, I went on a run with the family dog. I returned home to three missed calls and a hysterical voicemail from my dad. Why? The dog was gone. Not me, his fifteen year old daughter, the dog. FML I agree, your life sucks 34977 You deserved it 4809 185 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nthor - United States Today, a man on the train asked me if i had any change. I quickly responded with "no habla engles". He then tapped me on the shoulder and said "That would've been a lot more believable if you weren't reading that paper." FML I agree, your life sucks 14652 You deserved it 140920 199 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By scorpionsurviver - United States Today, I was brushing my teeth when I looked up. There was a huge scorpion dangling on the air vent above my head. I was trapped in the bathroom for over an hour trying to build the courage to run out. FML I agree, your life sucks 25318 You deserved it 6542 167 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was the first time in four months since our baby was born, that I could really enjoy it. After we finished up we walked into the livingroom, where my white faced brother was sitting. He said we left the baby monitor on. FML I agree, your life sucks 15657 You deserved it 37165 196 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By owmyfoot - United States - Sacramento Today, while walking barefoot through my house, I saw something shine on the floor across the hallway. Curious as to what it was, I rubbed my foot across the carpet to feel it. It wasn't until it was deeply lodged in my foot did I realize it was an open safety pin. FML I agree, your life sucks 19641 You deserved it 40733 69 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Israel - Tel Aviv Today, my now ex-boyfriend actually tried to justify his cheating by saying it doesn't count as cheating if the girl's bisexual. FML I agree, your life sucks 37542 You deserved it 3087 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Meghan - 5/9/2020 08:01 - United States - New York Breaking Today, my mom told me that she had great news: we were going to meet my biological parents. I didn't know I was adopted. FML I agree, your life sucks 1597 You deserved it 81 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username - United States Today, my fiancé, the love of my life, informed me that he proposed because he was sure I'd say no. He was hoping it would lead to our breakup. FML I agree, your life sucks 48157 You deserved it 3788 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By enjoy Today, I lost my cell phone. But found it again! And then dropped it in the toilet. FML I agree, your life sucks 48300 You deserved it 23040 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MissPerspirent - Canada Today, I have come to the point in my life where I need to Google how to stop excessive back sweat. FML I agree, your life sucks 25488 You deserved it 3568 107 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By divineinstrument - United Kingdom Today, I spent hours and hours trying to figure out why the wireless internet on my laptop wasn't working, but everything I tried completely failed. At the end of the day, my older brother came home, and fixed the problem in under 10 seconds by turning the wireless internet switch on. FML I agree, your life sucks 10570 You deserved it 58282 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jhftrainer23 - United States Today, the woman I'm training at work asked, while staring intently at the keyboard, "now, which one of these buttons is the space-bar again?" She is 80 years old, types about 1 word per minute, and I have just one week to get her completely trained. FML I agree, your life sucks 32726 You deserved it 2846 190 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By missmycomp - Singapore Today, I returned home for the first time in a year, and found my entire computer missing. I asked my grandma about this, and she told me that she threw "the TV" away because it "no longer responded to the remote control." FML I agree, your life sucks 43686 You deserved it 3120 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Agirl - United States - El Cerrito Today, my mom called me an asshole. She was embarrassed when she saw that a visiting family member had overheard, and tried to cover it up with, "Honey, you are a casserole! You are just delicious, any guy is gonna want you sweetie!" She honestly thought this would work. FML I agree, your life sucks 33816 You deserved it 2783 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sleepless - United States Today, I let my little sister sleep in my room because she had a nightmare. She is currently snoring like an overweight 40 year old man with a cold. FML I agree, your life sucks 26653 You deserved it 3506 101 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By HBC - United States Today, my boyfriend insisted that the dog stay in our bedroom while we had sex. He said it would prove his dominance, and "show the dog who's boss." My boyfriend needs to prove his self-worth to an animal. FML I agree, your life sucks 38314 You deserved it 5102 145 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By crawfo - Australia Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML I agree, your life sucks 49194 You deserved it 12028 393 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SwordFish8 - United States Today, while on a run, I thought I'd run into a flock of geese in a field. Doing so, I learned that when you do this alone, the birds don't fly away, they attack. FML I agree, your life sucks 13841 You deserved it 64351 173 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my boyfriend sent me a text telling me to turn the radio on to a certain station. When I did, there was a talk show on, and the host was ranting about how important it is for women to control themselves and not be emotional. My boyfriend continued texting me, asking if I was listening. FML I agree, your life sucks 58058 You deserved it 14771 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By postop - United States - Far Rockaway Today, I woke up to my mother telling me to sit up and get dressed because we had to go before it was too late. I just woke up from surgery. She didn't want to be stuck in traffic. FML I agree, your life sucks 31736 You deserved it 2021 73 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ItHurtsLIkeHell - Malaysia Today, I learnt that if you accidentally sit on a hamster, instead of dying, it bites your testicles. FML I agree, your life sucks 11877 You deserved it 42932 297 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Stupid Today, I found out my son has been lying about being sick. He kept complaining so I took him to the doctor and got him some medicine. Now he’s actually sick because he took meds he didn’t even need. He did it solely so he could get an expensive get well soon gift. FML I agree, your life sucks 3918 You deserved it 849 34 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RoastedbyNature Basted High School Today, my high school decided to practice graduation outside for 4 hours instead of inside, as well as serve lunch outside. Now everybody, including myself, is going to be sunburnt in their graduation pictures, because we were told practice was inside. FML I agree, your life sucks 4405 You deserved it 380 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By calcstudent101 - 25/2/2021 11:03 - United States "Destroy me completely, then throw me away" Today, I was just beginning a calculus exam when my brain thought it was a good time to get stuck on the song "Close Every Door" from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Now that the exam is over, I'm afraid that I can foresee the future through song. FML I agree, your life sucks 510 You deserved it 112 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dammitrain - United States Today, hoping to avoid the rain because I had just gotten an expensive perm, I ducked under an awning. At that moment, the store manager shook the awning, and about 6 hours of rain dumped on my head. FML I agree, your life sucks 36394 You deserved it 8439 179 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my mom and I had to shovel our driveway after an epic snowstorm that left us with 22 inches of snow. We only needed to dig out my mom's car and not mine. After we did all that work and shoveled all the snow onto the side where my car was we found out my mom had a flat tire. FML I agree, your life sucks 27871 You deserved it 3323 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - North Adams Today, I asked my girlfriend's father for permission to take his daughter's hand in marriage. He asked me "Which one?" I said "Uh, the one I'm dating... Lisa." He belched and said, "Yeah sure, throw 'er off a cliff for all I care. Piss off, boy." So much for chivalry. FML I agree, your life sucks 38367 You deserved it 3706 99 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Screamingfirecracker - Canada Today I finally worked up the nerve to quit my job after being tortured by my boss for months. My boss responded by throwing a hard-covered textbook at me and hitting me in the face. FML I agree, your life sucks 13967 You deserved it 874 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By whyyyyyme - Canada Today, I also needed to add, "Does not currently live in a psychiatric hospital, after being declared 'Not criminally responsible for a crime'" to my list of qualities that I want in a man. FML I agree, your life sucks 22630 You deserved it 2215 37 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my mother woke me up at 4:30 A.M. to tell me our dog was running down the street. I ran for an hour, chasing after her. Turns out it was our new neighbor's dog. Ours was in our basement. FML I agree, your life sucks 29803 You deserved it 4114 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pikachu - United States Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML I agree, your life sucks 29484 You deserved it 4489 44 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 8/6/2020 23:04 Taste test Today, I went to give my boyfriend head, and his dick tasted like condoms. I'm 5 months pregnant, we obviously don't use condoms. He got scared when I stopped and told him, then he got mad at me. FML I agree, your life sucks 2322 You deserved it 219 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Wrongword - China - Shanghai Today, I congratulated a bride standing in front of a church in a white dress. Turns out she'd been stood up at the altar. She thrashed me with her bouquet. FML I agree, your life sucks 30513 You deserved it 4079 120 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CatWoman - United States Catboys rise up Today, I hooked up with a guy who has a Facebook page for his cat. FML I agree, your life sucks 11835 You deserved it 39068 178 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Deezknutz | 8 #5761245 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 7:13 How does a duck fly Into your living room? Send a private message 100 10 Reply
By HKCgrimmjow | 15 #5761319 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 8:22 Paranormal quacktivity is a more likely explanation Send a private message 74 2 Reply
By Deezknutz | 8 #5761245 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 7:13 How does a duck fly Into your living room? Send a private message 100 10 Reply
Reply KasiaLilith | 13 #5761251 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 7:16 #1 I assume through the window Send a private message 44 2 Reply
Reply jamiejones10 | 8 #5761254 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 7:16 Or it escaped from the tub Send a private message 20 1 Reply
Reply UrYousername | 15 #5761256 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 7:18 By using its wings. Send a private message 57 3 Reply
Reply HKCgrimmjow | 15 #5761319 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 8:22 Paranormal quacktivity is a more likely explanation Send a private message 74 2 Reply
Reply LowExpectations | 30 #5761776 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 18:52 I think the bird is just ducking nuts. Send a private message 9 3 Reply
Reply Jaaared_ | 15 #5762040 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 22:42 66, is your autocorrect on? Send a private message 2 15 Reply
Reply annihil8or | 15 #5762546 - Thursday 21 November 2013 7:31 72, is your sense of humor on? Send a private message 10 0 Reply
Reply killuhand | 12 #5761266 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 7:27 said the duck Send a private message 24 2 Reply
Reply Codezlol | 21 #5761289 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 7:42 Then what did the fox say? Send a private message 9 38 Reply
Reply packrat | 26 #5761309 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 8:09 #26: "Thanks for dinner!" Send a private message 27 1 Reply
Reply speakersboom | 19 #5787867 - Wednesday 11 December 2013 5:16 paranormal quacktivity... Send a private message 2 0 Reply
Reply Kazze | 31 #6300327 - Sunday 24 May 2015 20:42 The duck was just trying to find a lemonade stand. Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By Blizztastic21 | 17 #5761248 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 7:15 Duck flying into the house..still better paranormal activity than the movies. Send a private message 48 7 Reply
Reply Gingerette | 8 #5761656 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 16:28 I would say the girlfriend was trying to make a pun, but it's really loosely related, if she was.. Send a private message 5 0 Reply
By lzmo | 20 #5761252 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 7:16 Wait, what? Send a private message 5 25 Reply
Reply killuhand | 12 #5761269 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 7:28 ..said the duck Send a private message 22 2 Reply
Reply zandalee | 19 #5761301 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 7:57 Then what did the fox say...? Send a private message 2 28 Reply
Reply Rainhawk94 | 27 #5761583 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 14:58 Shut the front door Send a private message 5 0 Reply
By UrYousername | 15 #5761253 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 7:16 Paranormal activity isn't all that it's quacked up to be. Send a private message 73 5 Reply
By justtheotherguy | 12 #5761255 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 7:17 Doesn't that make you feel like a ghost ? Send a private message 1 18 Reply
By KasiaLilith | 13 #5761257 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 7:18 if it was a rubber ducky, I'd be suspicious too! Send a private message 9 21 Reply
Reply iAlissa | 34 #5761277 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 7:34 Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think rubber ducks have the ability to shit. Send a private message 23 0 Reply
Reply jamiejones10 | 8 #5761304 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 8:03 They let out tiny bubbles every now and then Send a private message 14 0 Reply
Reply TheAbstract | 15 #5761349 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 9:17 Wouldn't that be passing gas then? Send a private message 7 0 Reply
Reply jamiejones10 | 8 #5761363 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 9:46 Yes it would Send a private message 2 0 Reply
By ajh557 | 22 #5761260 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 7:20 You've got to be ducking kidding me, that is a quacktasticly strange explanation Send a private message 25 12 Reply
Reply iAlissa | 34 #5761287 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 7:41 You tried Send a private message 2 15 Reply
Reply BMTHsuperfan | 18 #5761288 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 7:41 It was a good pun up until "quacktasticly" Send a private message 23 1 Reply
By autotuneyoureyes | 2 #5761262 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 7:21 by definition that is in fact. paranormal. "beyond the rage of normal" activity. yeah...she is sort of right and you're sort of being a jackass. Send a private message 1 3 Reply
By EmmaMK | 35 #5761263 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 7:22 Lunch does not get much fresher than that! Send a private message 15 5 Reply
Reply RedPillSucks | 31 #5762050 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 22:51 I like my lunch not to be still shitting when I'm trying to eat it. Send a private message 6 0 Reply
Today, barely able to pay rent while working 3 jobs, I decided to give in to the idea of making online sex work photos and videos. Everyone else seems... I agree, your life sucks 668 You deserved it 223 5 Comments
Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML I agree, your life sucks 522 You deserved it 217 4 Comments
Into your living room?