Love: Today, my girlfriend refused to take a picture with me to prove...

By Wow. - 18/12/2013 18:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend refused to take a picture with me to prove to my friends that I do indeed have a girlfriend. I got so desperate that I photoshopped myself into one of her Facebook photos instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 490

You deserved it 15 114

Love

Empathy lives

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

The Phoebe Technique

By ilovezim29 - 03/06/2012 07:45 - United States - Windsor

Today, I went to Safeway. The security guard wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. When I confronted him about it he told me that they looked fake and he was making sure I didn't stuff my bra with stolen items. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 815

You deserved it 4 858

By Thatgirl112 - 08/09/2016 03:59 - United States - Medina

Today, I went on a blind date. Things got hot and heavy, but when he pulled off my pants and saw the Pittsburgh Penguins logo on my thong he stopped and told me to get dressed and that he refused to sleep with the enemy. He was a die-hard Flyers fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 939

You deserved it 4 873

By Chelstable - 02/08/2016 17:57

Today, I woke up with the worst headache of my life. I didn't get it from drinking, but rather from puking 6 times off the side of a fishing boat. Fishing was the one thing my husband wanted to do while on vacation, even though I'm 3 months pregnant and have a bad stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 639

You deserved it 1 474

Fellas, is it gay to drink Mountain Dew?

By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 18:01

Today, I was lying in bed when my sister came home. She had a Mountain Dew, so of course I asked for some. She then told me she just sucked dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 374

By Anonymous - 02/09/2015 15:41 - Australia

Today, I finally got the results of months of extensive psychological testing to determine why I did so well in my course but performed so terribly on the job. Turns out I'm autistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 882

You deserved it 1 747

By "Tick" - 12/04/2019 16:00

Today, after not dating for 2 years, I went out on 2 dates. I got stood up both times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 094

You deserved it 129

A+ for Effort

By Anonymous - 14/02/2017 22:40 - United States - Monroe

Today, being Valentine's Day, I went all out for my wife with flowers, a candlelit dinner, and tickets to a broadway show. The flowers arrived dead, the dinner sucked, and my wife hated the show. Afterwards, I tried to be intimate, but apparently I smelled like a shart trapped in a pant leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 939

You deserved it 727

By BornInTheWrongEra - 31/03/2013 06:24 - United States

Today, my neighbours came to yell at me as they could hear my "shit music" through my window during the afternoon, so I turned it off. They then began to play their definition of "quality music" into the late hours of the night. I was listening to the Beatles. They blasted Nicki Minaj. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 147

You deserved it 5 533

By bdaygirl - 03/12/2009 07:33 - United States

Today, I turned eighteen. Thinking I was going to get a big present from my parents on this special day, I eagerly unwrapped my present. They got me a bag of M and M's. Last year I got flannel bed sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 861

You deserved it 4 701

By theultimatesalonfail - 15/08/2011 00:47 - United States

Today, a girl came into my salon to permanently straighten her really long and curly hair. After several long hours, I went to the counter to charge her. She ran out faster than an Olympic runner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 624

You deserved it 3 147

By jules - 17/04/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, I was in the supermarket and I see this little boy trying to reach for something on the top shelf. I go over to him and ask if his mom knows where he is. The boy turns around. He was actually a very angry midget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 524

You deserved it 57 041

Caddy Shack

By Anonymous - 07/09/2019 14:00

Today, I've had people calling the golf course just to ask what the weather's going to be like tomorrow. I’m a golf professional, not the weather man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 351

You deserved it 148

By RedFaced - 27/05/2016 00:11 - Netherlands - Capelle Aan Den Ijssel

Today, I discovered the effect the cream has that my mom gave me. It was for my acne and it worked, in a way. Instead of having a lot of little pimples, I now just have a few gigantic ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 131

You deserved it 802

By Cracky - 27/11/2012 14:32 - United States - Baltimore

Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 351

You deserved it 1 983

By Anonymous - 18/02/2012 06:22 - United States

Today, a hobo threw up on my car while at a red light. He then asked me for money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 990

You deserved it 2 445

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 14:00

Today, I went over to my parents' house with my female, unspayed dog. I guess they haven’t had their dog neutered, because he tried to mount her. When I attempted to stop him, he knocked me into their stone fire pit, splitting my head and elbow open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 433

You deserved it 1 281

By oh no - 29/01/2013 14:51 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 385

You deserved it 3 440

By mommydearest - 04/09/2011 16:08 - Denmark

Today, my paranoid wreck of a girlfriend read a text message on my phone from a woman asking if I was coming over for dinner. The woman was my mom. My girlfriend stormed out and hasn't answered my calls all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 252

You deserved it 4 102

By hateskool888581 - 12/01/2010 00:28 - Mexico

Today, I went to a nearby nightclub with some friends and the girl I've been flirting for weeks. We were having a good time until this girl and two of her friends got back complaining about some "drunk-old-perverts harassing them". It looks like my dad and his friends are having a good time too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 822

You deserved it 2 334

By teepee - 13/11/2009 15:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell asleep in a lecture. I laughed at something amusing in Dreamworld, but the laugh came out as a prolonged creepy groan in Lectureworld. I woke up to see everyone within a 5 meter radius staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 059

You deserved it 13 966

By Ouch - 28/02/2015 02:25 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I broke my leg. My mom told me I still have to go to tennis class tomorrow because the course isn't refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 694

You deserved it 2 416

By gkid92 - 16/08/2011 16:16 - Canada

Today, I found out that if I don't get fillings in at least ten of my teeth within the next year, I could lose them all. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 416

You deserved it 42 970

By nomorefreehugs - 27/06/2011 23:34 - United States

Today, I saw a guy with a "free hugs" poster. Since nobody else was hugging him, I decided to. He had a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 652

You deserved it 41 139

By Anonymous - 03/11/2014 18:03 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, I told my boss I'm going to quit, after months of being abused, doing meaningless work, and working late every day. I was soon given so many new projects that I didn't even have time to write my resignation letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 599

You deserved it 5 821

By StupidCar - 07/02/2009 20:56 - United States

Today, I spent 600 dollars to have my brakes fixed on my car, they weren't squeaking. I got my car back and now the brakes squeal and my air conditioning won't work. I just spent 600 dollars to break my car even more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 974

You deserved it 4 845

By Milly - 23/05/2018 05:00

Today, it's my birthday, and my coworkers gave me a $75 gift card to a restaurant chain near my house. Later in the evening, I found out the chain of restaurants abruptly closed. All of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 806

You deserved it 183

By RckRagman - 30/04/2009 14:55 - United States

Today, 3 of the 4 stalls were occupied in the rest room. I took the 4th stall. Upon sitting, I let out one of the longest, loudest farts I have done in a long time. Next, I hear "Hey, how's it going?". I was CORRECTLY identified by a co-worker hearing me fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 174

You deserved it 11 453

By Anonymous - 30/05/2013 15:20 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I uttered the phrase "the pot calling the kettle black" in class. Moments later, I'd been called a "racist twerp" and kicked out of class by the same English teacher who once tried to have another kid suspended for using the word "titillate", because apparently it's "pornographic". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 913

You deserved it 4 344

By rolled - 27/01/2018 01:30

Today, my angry ex-girlfriend ordered a bong to my house in my name. I came home to my parents screaming at me, demanding to know where "the weed" was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 193

You deserved it 479

By sunny_ca559 - 03/03/2010 01:03 - United States

Today, my husband admitted to me that he has a mental block about touching my boobs, because he's afraid that breast milk is going to spurt out at him. I had my son 5 months ago and I don't breast feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 497

You deserved it 4 084

By Anonymous - 21/10/2012 01:59 - Canada - Waterdown

Today, I forgot to pay for my train ride for the first time. Today was also the first time I've ever seen transit security checking for people's tickets and kicking offenders off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 608

You deserved it 5 584

By jigglypuff100 - 20/12/2011 00:56 - United States

Today, while working at the zoo, I noticed a boy throwing candy into the warthog's exhibit. The fastest way to get there was to go through the exhibit, and speak to the kid from inside. I must have said three words when a lollipop hit me in the eye. Then the warthog peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 260

You deserved it 4 171

By sel2207 - 06/01/2009 03:27 - France

Today, I lent my brand new earrings to one of my friends. Everyone told her that they are pretty, and look really great on her. I've been wearing them for the last 3 weeks, and no one has ever mentioned them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 105

You deserved it 2 548

By Anonymous - 18/07/2016 11:51 - Belgium

Today, my boss refused my resignation and acted like nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 045

You deserved it 1 158

By Anonymous - 16/08/2014 04:30 - United States - Olney

Today, my car got towed. My money is in my car and they won't let me open my car to get money until my car is "released". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 185

You deserved it 5 218

By toobad - 29/11/2011 19:29 - Canada

Today, it's cold and rainy. I would like nothing more than to drink hot chocolate and watch a movie with the woman I love; the same woman who cheated on me and took the TV with her when she left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 299

You deserved it 4 002

By Nakdnathan - 16/09/2009 16:19 - United States

Today, I got written up for not making a drink right. While getting yelled at by my boss, my co-worker made the drink the same exact way I made it. I pointed it out. My boss responded with, "He is allowed to because I like him, I don't like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 984

You deserved it 3 928

A for effort

By NotsexyEnough - 23/11/2009 03:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to be sexy and take off my clothes with his teeth. He ended up biting my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 388

You deserved it 6 460

By vibratorgirl - 08/03/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, I left my parents house to drive 90 minutes back to college. As I was getting off the exit for my school, I realized I left my bright pink vibrator sitting on my dresser back at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 031

You deserved it 73 729

Unexpected visitor

By Anonymous - 07/02/2021 21:30

Today I went to a much-anticipated job interview. I've been out of work for a month and I really need and wanted this job. I then realized that yesterday's hike was not a good idea when a tick crawled across my forehead in the middle of the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 149

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Top comments

Welshite 39

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Wednesday 18 December 2013 23:37

That's called stalking. Does your girlfriend know she's your girlfriend?

DeoVolente 13

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Wednesday 18 December 2013 23:38

You could've just said that you wanted it as a phone background. She probably would have allowed that one

Welshite 39

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Wednesday 18 December 2013 23:37

That's called stalking. Does your girlfriend know she's your girlfriend?

xMnky 8

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Wednesday 18 December 2013 23:40

Well that depends on if they went on a romantic walk at night but only one of them knew about it!

lilpsyco 16

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Wednesday 18 December 2013 23:40

She just doesn't know she loves him yet, but I'm sure he'll help her figure that out soon enough.

Sir_ND_Pity 35

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Wednesday 18 December 2013 23:46

1 - They've been together for two years, but this is the first time OP's girlfriend has heard about it. Eventually, she'll get a restraining order on OP because he keeps being "a creep", but she'll never understand his love for her. What a tragedy. *sigh* I should really talk to the parole officer and explain my situation. He'll understand :3

jazzy_123 20

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Wednesday 18 December 2013 23:52

well I don't know... I met my boyfriend's best friend's mom a couple weeks ago. She loves my boyfriend and he's always at their house, and when I finally met her she said, "oh lord so it's true! you DO have a girlfriend.. it was about time!" haha she didn't believe him, it was funny.

euphoricness 28

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Thursday 19 December 2013 0:55

Why does he need to prove he has a girlfriend? That insecure?

CallMeMcFeelii 13

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Thursday 19 December 2013 1:53

From personal experience, 36, I know I pick on my pals that insist they do indeed have a woman, just poking fun at em til' I actually meet the poor girl who chose to date any single one of my buddies. OP probably got sick of all the constant "No girl would ever date a hairy bastard like yourself" comments, and decide to prove that even the son of Sasquatch can get a date every once in a blue moon.

wcc7777777 5

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Thursday 19 December 2013 5:30

#45- You seem like you need to lie down and talk about that

bubblyhayley 16

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Thursday 19 December 2013 9:59

is this the guy from the fml above about not knowing her 'boyfriend'

grace31297 14

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Thursday 19 December 2013 23:03

Did you surprise her with flowers and chocolate?

DeoVolente 13

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Wednesday 18 December 2013 23:38

You could've just said that you wanted it as a phone background. She probably would have allowed that one

cheshirecat13242 32

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Thursday 19 December 2013 0:29

I saw Op's phone background...it was totally 'shopped..

gc327072 30

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Thursday 19 December 2013 0:30

30- could you tell by the pixels?

cheshirecat13242 32

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Thursday 19 December 2013 2:46

31--yes sir, that's exactly how I spotted it!

RenoTheRhino 30

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Wednesday 18 December 2013 23:38

It's alright OP. Introduce your girlfriend to your friends so they know you're not lying.

Zarniclopsindorf 24

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Wednesday 18 December 2013 23:39

I'ld love to hear the girlfriend's side of this story......

CJB3228 17

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Wednesday 18 December 2013 23:41

"Today, this weird guy I've barely known for a month asked me to take a picture with him just to prove he could get a girlfriend. FML"

PancakeSlap 23

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Thursday 19 December 2013 1:22

Maybe she just didn't want to take a photo. It doesn't necessarily mean she is ashamed of OP.

imaxmain 24

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Thursday 19 December 2013 7:57

Today, this guy I had a blind date with once came up to me claiming that I'm his girlfriend. He wanted to take a photo with me to prove it to his friends. FML

HeadlessSparrow 20

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Wednesday 18 December 2013 23:40

Did you try making it Facebook official? But there should be many opportunities where you can introduce her to your friends!

EvilPotato 14

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Wednesday 18 December 2013 23:41

I wonder why she refuses to have her picture taken with you. Not a very good sign.

jkmartinjk 16

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Thursday 19 December 2013 0:35

If OP told her that he wanted the picture just so he could show his friends she probably feels used so that he can be "cool."

Siererrr 13

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Thursday 19 December 2013 2:19

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years and he refuses to take pictures all the time. He just doesn't like taking pictures and isn't a huge fan of social media in general.

darthjulez 11

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Thursday 19 December 2013 19:38

I actually live with my boyfriend and have been for over a year and there isn't any photo evidence of him even existing, so no one believes me. Some people don't like photos being taken.