Love: Today, my girlfriend read an FML by some guy about fight he had... - FML

By believe me now?? - United Kingdom - Ilkeston

Today, my girlfriend read an FML by some guy about fight he had with his nutjob of a girlfriend. It was so bizarrely similar to a fight we had recently that she accused me of not having any balls and bitching about her to strangers. It wasn't even my story. FML

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Late term

Taking stock

Your cooking, dude

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up from a nap and thought I felt somebody's arm in my bed. I frantically start hitting it and start screaming. I soon realized it was my own arm. I had fallen asleep on it, and it was completely numb, I couldn't feel a thing. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I went out to a restaurant with a girl I have been dating. The only conversation was about how proud she was of her fart during work earlier, and how she managed to clear out a section of the office. FML

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By Kevin - United Kingdom

Today, I wrote a fake phone number on my neck to make it look like someone had hit on me. FML

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By wastedlove - United States

Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave I decided to give him one last thrill. So I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out, when I asked why, he points behind me, my mom watched the whole thing. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Oldbury

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was too tired for sex, which she interpreted as me confessing to not wanting to have sex with her because I’m having sex with other women. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend of 5 days proposed to me at the mall. FML

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By Sting - United States - Manassas

Today, there was a gigantic wasp in my room. It stupidly flew upwards and got hit by the rotating fan. It then immediately decided to take it's revenge by stinging me. FML

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By WatchOut - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I submitted my big assignment to my teacher at 1:55pm. The deadline was 2pm. She rejected it, because her watch read a few minutes after 2pm, and she maintains that the time on her watch is the "real" time. FML

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By Alexis

Today, I took a cab ride home from a bar. After a few minutes of horrible driving, I felt sick. The cab driver got so mad she locked me in the car and started driving me to the cops unless I payed her extra. Basically, I paid $120 for a five-minute cab ride. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, at my mother's open-casket funeral, my sister-in-law went to pay her respects. As she stood in front of the body, she coughed, muttering "bitch" in the process. Either nobody else noticed or nobody cared, and she went on her way, noticeably not choked up at all. FML

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By Louis - South Africa

Today, I decided to be healthy and drink a tall glass of water whilst doing my assignment that is due in three days. I managed to spill the entire glass over my laptop. I flipped it over and used a hairdryer to dry it off. While doing that, I managed to melt my keyboard. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Storfors

Today, my brother tried to convince me to get a clitoris piercing at his recently opened piercing studio. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked a coworker if she would cover for me on Easter because I want to spend it with my 3 year old daughter. She said no because she wants to spend Easter with her kids, too. She doesn't have kids. FML

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By duderboi99 - United States

Today, I was writing a huge paper for a class as our last grade. My dog starts scratching himself. He hit the power button on the computer. Nothing was saved. FML

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By rejected - United States

Today, I was talking to my guy friend about prom. I told him I was turned down by 7 guys. So he said "Well, you could always ask me." I then said "Do you want to go to prom with me?" His response was "Nope...now that's 8!" FML

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By reckless - Canada

Today, my dad found my "list". 32 guys, 4 girls. Colour coded as to who I would sleep with again and who I wouldn't, who were virgins, etc. He complimented me on my "organizational skills." FML

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By Kim422 - United States

Today, I gave the toast at my sister's wedding which was outside. Before I started, the wind blew up my dress and wouldn't let up. Instead of giving my heartfelt speech, I spent five minutes fighting with my dress as 130 people pointed at my floral-printed underwear and laughed loudly. FML

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By hakura madada - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I mistook my dog's head for the gear shift while tearing down the highway. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lebanon

Today, my mother moved in to my 2-bedroom apartment with me. She brought her boyfriend, 4 chihuahuas, and 2 birds with her. FML

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By cbarebo - United States

Today, I went in my room to play my guitar. I found my Les Paul on the floor with all the strings missing. I later found out my grandma cut them off because I was playing "Devil's Music." FML

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By desperate905 - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Monday morning blues

Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am. FML

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By stoopidRUnner - United States

Today, I was running by a school and saw that a deer had caught his antlers in the fence. I felt bad for it so I tried to help it free. Finally, he became unstuck. Then he rammed his antlers into my hip. Now I can't run in the marathon I have been training for a year to race in. FML

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By Sunshinenwhiskey - United States - Dallas

Today, I found out why my sister hasn't been answering my texts or phone calls. Her husband blocked my number on her phone. FML

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By okaythen6 - United States

Today, I showed up on set for a film that I booked a role in weeks ago. At the time of the audition, the script was being rewritten, so today I was so excited and eager to be told what my role would entail. When they handed me the script, my character was described as a fat, ugly, awkward girl. FML

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By anonymous - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were arguing about how he was too busy for me. During that conversation, he was texting his best friend and then called by his brother to drive him home. Instead of returning to finish our conversation, he left to prepare for his fishing trip with his mates tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Watch movies

Today, I hired a babysitter to take care of my newborn. When I came home, she was having sex with her boyfriend in the crib while the baby sat and watched them. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I broke my arm, and posted a picture of my X-ray on Facebook to show everyone how bad the break is. Nobody even asked me if I was OK. FML

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By pain in my gums - Canada - St. John's

Today, I went to the dentist to get my wisdom teeth removed. The surgeon took a better X-ray to see what he was dealing with before he got started. When he came back into the room, he started to laugh and told me it was my lucky day because in the X-rays he found 2 big extra wisdom teeth. FML

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By ilovecharliesheen - United States - Phoenix

Today, I accidentally ate a cat treat instead of a cinnamon glazed pecan. I thought it must have been burnt by the way it tasted, so ate a few more before I figured out my mistake and spat them out. FML

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By Mak10 - United States

Today, I went out to eat dinner with my family to celebrate my 18th birthday. I playfully put 3 straws between my knuckles to make myself look like Wolverine. I turned to my 6 year old nephew and ask, "Who am I?" He then replied with, "An idiot." FML

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By Pokecousin

Today, I had to explain to my Pokemon-obsessed 6-year-old cousin that Albinos are not "Shiny People". FML

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By Steve - 3/4/2021 21:59 - United Kingdom

Don't be a dingdong

Today, my daughter's boyfriend came to the house to pick her up. As a responsible father, I had an evil plan to torture the boy who dares date my girl, but my wife preempted my plan so during his short visit, she stood behind me the whole time with her taser down my buttcrack in case I acted up. FML

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By likeyourboss - Denmark

Today, I went to the gym. I tried out a new machine where you do one-arm weightlifting. I took my time to get into a good position, then set the machine to the lowest weight possible. I couldn't even lift it an inch. A bunch of buff guys nearby saw me and burst out laughing. FML

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By Checkless chick - United States

Today, I decided I would try this feature on my banking app which lets me deposit checks by sending a picture of it. The instructions say to rip the check after depositing. The deposit didn't work and now I've got a ripped up paycheck. FML

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By oldskoolfun - United States - Warminster

Today, I woke up to my wife yelling at my 11-year-old because she found porn on the laptop. Now I have to come clean and tell her it was me so I can get him off the hook. FML

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By pathetic - Canada

Today, while getting ready for work I realized all my pants were getting a bit tight. When I got home from work I went in to the bathroom and stood on the scale which confirmed I have gained a few pounds. I then realized that I was eating while standing on the scale. FML

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By Bex

Today, I got back home after traveling in internet-scarce areas. The first thing I did when I got a solid connection was withdraw from a study abroad program I couldn't afford. Later I found the email telling me that I had been offered an all-expenses-paid scholarship. Too bad I'm not going now. FML

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By minibuch1505 - France - Halluin

Today, as I was waiting for my girlfriend in the street, I saw a woman who looked a lot like her. I ran towards her, my arms in the air ready to give her a hug, only to realise it wasn't her. I then had to pass the woman, my arms in the air, still running. FML

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By foo - United States

Today, I'm a shy guy normally, and when I talk to my friends I don't keep eye contact so I always look down even when I'm listening. My friend asked me why I always look at her boobs. FML

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By dating a manchild - Denmark - Hellerup

Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML

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Top comments

By chevygirl23 | 17

#6517775 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:28

And now she'll bitch at your for this one

By NotPatSajak | 11

#6517773 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:27

You probably are better off with someone who DOESNT flip shit over an FML.

COMMENTS

By bigbrown24 | 17

#6517769 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:26

she's a little crazy

Reply

awildwhisper | 30

#6517796 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:51

I hate people jumping to conclusions. Why don't people just ask if they are suspicious of something?

By NotPatSajak | 11

#6517773 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:27

You probably are better off with someone who DOESNT flip shit over an FML.

Reply

yenze | 18

#6517779 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:32

And the "dump her" comments begin

By chevygirl23 | 17

#6517775 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:28

And now she'll bitch at your for this one

Reply

walid820014 | 20

#6517862 - Saturday 23 January 2016 11:45

thats what i thought

Reply

cheeeksss | 29

#6517897 - Saturday 23 January 2016 14:12

Unsure if that was OP's intention though, because of his username.

Reply

Redgy22 | 26

#6518043 - Saturday 23 January 2016 18:56

Yeah, this was a lose-lose move. ...or an elaborate strategy by OP to cover his tracks. hmmmm

By yenze | 18

#6517776 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:29

Posting this FML probably will not make things better

By sabby7 | 17

#6517781 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:36

I really don't get people

By HotFrosty | 14

#6517782 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:36

I have a hard time with people blaming me for stuff I didn't do. I hope do a better job of handling this then I. Good luck.

By Kartar115 | 22

#6517784 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:36

you should have showed her your fml account to prove it wasn't you

Reply

whysobeachy | 37

#6517861 - Saturday 23 January 2016 11:45

And what if the FML in question was posted by 'Anonymous'?

Reply

kbecks87 | 16

#6517884 - Saturday 23 January 2016 13:21

I hate the idea of 'here, look through my personal accounts to satisfy your made up belief of my wrongdoings'. Relationships are built on trust, if she has to go through your things to find comfort, she does not trust you.

By MDoremis | 38

#6517785 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:36

I feel like you're intentionally trying to provoke a reaction from her now.

Reply

MurielWeathers | 9

#6518035 - Saturday 23 January 2016 18:40

How? He is venting his frustration, and sharing something fucked up that happened to him whether or not it was because of this site. The site is called FML Fuck My Life, after all.

Reply

soullyfe | 33

#6518073 - Saturday 23 January 2016 19:38

@50: Probably because of the title name he decided to use could be reason enough to assume that much...

Reply

corky1992 | 33

#6518075 - Saturday 23 January 2016 19:38

Because after she accused him of not having the balls to say something about her to her face he resorted to bitching about her to strangers just like she recently accused him of doing. So seeing this post will just make her even more mad.

By aruden | 25

#6517788 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:39

Nice tactical move OP post your side of the story on FML for her to read. hope it all works out.

Reply

Marcella1016 | 31

#6517790 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:42

Lmao I was thinking something similar...then I read his username. Hahahaha very tactical indeed. Can't wait for the follow up on this one.

By rhiley | 26

#6517794 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:48

why would you post this tho

Reply

N3766 | 20

#6517812 - Saturday 23 January 2016 9:12

to fuck his life?