Today, my girlfriend read an FML by some guy about fight he had... - FML

By believe me now?? - United Kingdom - Ilkeston

Today, my girlfriend read an FML by some guy about fight he had with his nutjob of a girlfriend. It was so bizarrely similar to a fight we had recently that she accused me of not having any balls and bitching about her to strangers. It wasn't even my story. FML

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Relationships sink

Emergency haircut

One law for me…

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after lunch with my frail, disabled, 87-year-old father, I reached into my purse for lipstick. I didn't recognize the cute cylinder I pulled out, but thinking it was a flashlight, I pressed the little button, spraying my dad and myself in the face with pepper spray. FML

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By Bridget - Canada - Orangeville

Today, I found out I have something in common with three other girls. We all have the same boyfriend. FML

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By Moron with reflexes

Today, I thought I felt a spider crawling by my eye. Having a huge fear of spiders, like an idiot, I lamped myself in square in the eye. I now have a partial black eye because of what turned out to be a feather. FML

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By Iabnysmwytm - 29/7/2020 14:01

Yeah, that's the same

Today, we were talking about discrimination. I shared my story of being denied housing and a job offer because I'm trans. Some idiot tried to compare it to the time he was denied a car loan due to not having credit history. FML

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By syle - France

Today, my son forgot to log out of MSN. He had written, "When am I getting out of this place?" and his username was "mother fucker". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I heard my asshole neighbor had died of a stroke. I was outside and said, "Well it's about goddamn time!" I turned around to see his wife walking her dog and staring deep into my soul. FML

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By Miko - United States

Today, my friend caught me watching a movie on Oxygen instead of the Super Bowl. I'm a guy. FML

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By shewantsmedead

Today, I ran into my mother-in-law, who I absolutely can't stand, with my car at 5mph by accident. She jumped out in front of me after a particularly nasty argument, but my husband won't believe me and neither will the police. FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, my co-worker insisted there must be an underlying, romantic reason for why I spend so much time teaching him everything, and that I didn't mean it when I told him that's what I'm paid to do. I'm actually supposed to train this guy for three weeks. Two more weeks to go. FML

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By fakelaugher - United States

Today, I found out that my friends have been "fake laughing" whenever I make a joke just so that the situation doesn't get awkward. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I walked into a public restroom to find that they had set up a free health clinic for the homeless; by that I mean that I found one bum inspecting and cleaning the infected, bloody genitals of another bum. FML

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By ugh - South Africa - Durban

Today, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, my father looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon. The 'other' pink meat", then winked suggestively at my mother. I don't think I can ever eat fish again. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, after changing his mind 3 times, my long distance fiancé told me he wasn't coming to see me for Thanksgiving. Out of anger, I threw his clothes, car magazines, and whatever else I could find in a huge, messy pile. During this, he walked into the room. He was going to surprise me. FML

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By je_regrette_tout - France - Livry-gargan

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

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By hmmm - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, my boyfriend's dad said he'd given my boyfriend £100 to take me out for a meal last night and he hoped I'd enjoyed it. Last night my boyfriend and I went to Pizza Hut, shared a pizza and split the bill. Turns out my boyfriend had simply pocketed the money without telling anyone. FML

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By lawdwhy

Today, my sense of smell is severely impaired by a bad cold. As a result, I inadvertently ate some highly questionable dairy. I figured this out after my roommate sniffed my yogurt and gagged, just before my bowels had their opportunity to object to my meal. FML

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By U_U - United States

Today, my husband confessed his pregnancy fetish to me, and now wants me to wear a fake belly when we have sex. FML

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By CrappyLuck - United States

Today, I took my 8 month-old to the Urgent Care due to extreme constipation. I spent $25 for my son to poop on me the second the doctor had me remove his diaper. FML

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By Olz

Today, I received my 12-month diet plan from an online coach. It said, “Eat less calories lol.” I just lost £175. FML

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By cyantist - United States

Today, I'm sick. I got the flu shot for the first time ever this year and for the first time in my life, I have the flu. FML

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By ugh - United States - Concord

Today, I told someone about my degree in technical theatre with a concentration in lighting design. They looked at me and said, "You're paid $52,000 a year to turn lights on and off?" And technically, that's correct. FML

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By spaz - United States

Today, my dog started barking very aggressively. Thinking she'd started another gruesome fight with my older dog, I jumped up from the couch, spilling my coffee all over my laptop and dress, and knocked over a vase my grandmother gave me. She was barking at her own shadow. FML

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By ryuken23 - United Kingdom

Today, after breaking down in front of my therapist over some really sensitive issues, she decided to also break down. Not about my story but about her own life. I'm not being paid to comfort and console my therapist. FML

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By aloneagainnaturally - Denmark - S?borg

Today, we were all put in groups to make a presentation together. And by "together" I mean I pulled an all nighter to finish it by myself. My group criticized my work. FML

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By not4geeks - United States

Today, I went out on a first date with a cute guy. Turns out we won't be going on a date again because I didn't know the difference between "Star Wars" and "Star Trek." FML

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By insurgent - Belgium - Antwerpen

Today, I'm so lonely, I wrote my number on a desk at my university, hoping someone would text me. FML

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By Lyingg - United Kingdom

Today, I had a job interview. The only moment I impressed the interviewer was when I talked about drama. He started to talk about a play I hadn't seen, but I decided to agree on everything he was saying. Suddenly he said, "the play doesn't actually exist." I silently left the room. FML

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By thanks for the $5 gift voucher - United States - Randleman

Today, my parents bought my 11-year-old brother a MacBook for my birthday. FML

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By mcadabax - Canada

Today, during my friend's group's science project presentation, the teacher yelled at me, "Stop making stupid faces at the presenters!" I was smiling. FML

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By Kassiopia - United States

Today, my Dad decided to take his medicine before eating. He passed out with his face in a plate of chocolate cake. He wasn't responsive so I called the paramedics. When he got to the hospital, the doctor asked him if he knew why he was there. He replied, "Because my stupid daughter over reacted." FML

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, I worked in a clinic as a intern. A nurse was called to dry a woman's hair. I followed her, trying to be a good intern. After the nurse was done, the 72 year old woman took off her bathrobe. While looking at me she sat down, her legs wide open. And, yes, she knew she was naked. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/8/2020 23:01

Drained

Today, after following the directions and drinking a gallon of what can only be described as an industrial strength laxative for a scheduled colonoscopy. I shit my brains out for nearly 12 hours. The hospital then called and canceled my procedure an hour before my arrival time. FML

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By - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, after a 3-month dry spell because I am recovering after having a baby, I was finally in the mood to get intimate with my husband. Foreplay was great, the sex was great until my back gave out right as I was about to cum. I can't move without intense pain. I just wanted to orgasm! FML

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By Jamestown of Vagina - United States - Houston

Today, I had an important oral report to deliver with a partner. Not only did he come in late and high, he pronounced Virginia as "Vagina" the whole way through. FML

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By coffee girl - Canada

Today, the gift my mother had mailed me for my birthday finally arrived. It was a gift card for Starbucks. A gift card that had already been redeemed. FML

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By Bug8Frog - United States - Anchorage

Today, I bought a device that plays a high-pitched sound to teach my dog to quit barking. She's smart enough to learn that as long as she barks loud enough and long enough, she can't hear it. Quite the opposite effect to what I was anticipating. FML

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By no selfie for me - United States - Pasadena

Today, I was at the park unsuccessfully trying to take a selfie. A stranger walked up to me and offered to take the picture for me. I agreed and gave him my phone. He took it and ran off. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/4/2020 02:00

Deal or no Deal

Today, my boyfriend's farts got so bad that we made a deal: every day that he doesn't fart, he gets a blowjob. Suddenly, he's not letting gas out anymore. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Puyallup

Today, my mother shared my phone number with my brother, despite my explicit wishes that she didn't. He immediately went and put it on Craigslist and several other websites. This is the fourth time I've had to change my number for that very same reason. FML

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By good job brain - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a job interview. I was asked what my dream job would be. I blurted out, "The president, because I think it's a very cool and important job." I don't think I'm getting this one. FML

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Top comments

By chevygirl23 | 17

#6517775 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:28

And now she'll bitch at your for this one

By NotPatSajak | 11

#6517773 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:27

You probably are better off with someone who DOESNT flip shit over an FML.

COMMENTS

By bigbrown24 | 17

#6517769 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:26

she's a little crazy

Reply

awildwhisper | 30

#6517796 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:51

I hate people jumping to conclusions. Why don't people just ask if they are suspicious of something?

By NotPatSajak | 11

#6517773 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:27

You probably are better off with someone who DOESNT flip shit over an FML.

Reply

yenze | 18

#6517779 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:32

And the "dump her" comments begin

By chevygirl23 | 17

#6517775 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:28

And now she'll bitch at your for this one

Reply

walid820014 | 20

#6517862 - Saturday 23 January 2016 11:45

thats what i thought

Reply

cheeeksss | 29

#6517897 - Saturday 23 January 2016 14:12

Unsure if that was OP's intention though, because of his username.

Reply

Redgy22 | 25

#6518043 - Saturday 23 January 2016 18:56

Yeah, this was a lose-lose move. ...or an elaborate strategy by OP to cover his tracks. hmmmm

By yenze | 18

#6517776 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:29

Posting this FML probably will not make things better

By sabby7 | 17

#6517781 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:36

I really don't get people

By HotFrosty | 14

#6517782 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:36

I have a hard time with people blaming me for stuff I didn't do. I hope do a better job of handling this then I. Good luck.

By Kartar115 | 22

#6517784 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:36

you should have showed her your fml account to prove it wasn't you

Reply

whysobeachy | 37

#6517861 - Saturday 23 January 2016 11:45

And what if the FML in question was posted by 'Anonymous'?

Reply

kbecks87 | 16

#6517884 - Saturday 23 January 2016 13:21

I hate the idea of 'here, look through my personal accounts to satisfy your made up belief of my wrongdoings'. Relationships are built on trust, if she has to go through your things to find comfort, she does not trust you.

By MDoremis | 38

#6517785 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:36

I feel like you're intentionally trying to provoke a reaction from her now.

Reply

MurielWeathers | 9

#6518035 - Saturday 23 January 2016 18:40

How? He is venting his frustration, and sharing something fucked up that happened to him whether or not it was because of this site. The site is called FML Fuck My Life, after all.

Reply

soullyfe | 33

#6518073 - Saturday 23 January 2016 19:38

@50: Probably because of the title name he decided to use could be reason enough to assume that much...

Reply

corky1992 | 33

#6518075 - Saturday 23 January 2016 19:38

Because after she accused him of not having the balls to say something about her to her face he resorted to bitching about her to strangers just like she recently accused him of doing. So seeing this post will just make her even more mad.

By aruden | 25

#6517788 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:39

Nice tactical move OP post your side of the story on FML for her to read. hope it all works out.

Reply

Marcella1016 | 29

#6517790 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:42

Lmao I was thinking something similar...then I read his username. Hahahaha very tactical indeed. Can't wait for the follow up on this one.

By rhiley | 26

#6517794 - Saturday 23 January 2016 8:48

why would you post this tho

Reply

N3766 | 20

#6517812 - Saturday 23 January 2016 9:12

to fuck his life?