Today, my girlfriend left her phone on a bus. With no way to... - FML

By Safe - 17/4/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left her phone on a bus. With no way to pick it up, I drove 40 miles through Friday night Boston traffic to get it from the bus company office. It took me four hours. Bored in traffic, I discovered the texts from her other boyfriend. FML

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Or he's just becoming an old goober

In my day…

Higher standards

By anonymous - 15/6/2011 18:00 - Canada

Today, I had to lie to my female roommate about what happened last night. She was drunk and spent half the night cuddling with me and trying to get me to kiss her. I've loved this girl for two years, but I promised her I wouldn't let her cheat on her boyfriend with anyone. Even me. FML

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By StupidJob - 1/9/2016 23:23 - United States - Batavia

Today I was home sick from work because my doctor gave me a new pill that made me throw up violently. My boss called. I thought she was checking on me. She fired me instead. FML

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By Dildno - 10/12/2016 08:48 - United States - Worcester

Today, I was using my iPad for a presentation. I locked it and left it connected to the projector while I prepared to present. When I turned around to begin, I realized there had been a push notification from Groupon asking if I was still interested in a dildo. FML

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By anonymous - 16/8/2013 14:05 - United States - Grandville

Today, at the yacht club I work at a girl ordered a Portabella wrap. She asked for no cheese or veggies, just the Portabellas. After she got the sandwich and ate half of it, she sent it back saying she didn't know it had mushrooms in it. FML

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By GonnaBeLonley2night - 13/9/2010 13:24 - United States

Today, my husband won't talk to me because he got mad when I asked him what he thought about 'that lame performance last night'. He doesn't believe that I really was talking about football. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/6/2016 01:59 - United States - Fulton

Today, I might have ruined my co-worker's relationship with her fiancé, with whom I share a name, because we "work together too often" and now he doesn't know who's she's saying during sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2014 21:06 - Norway - Nesoddtangen

Today, after nearly a month, I found out my wife isn't pregnant after all. She was just screwing around to win a bet with her friends on how long it'd take me to figure out the truth. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2016 04:02 - United States - Bend

Today, I had a feminine emergency. After scrounging up 4 quarters to use the machine in the women's bathroom, it dispensed a diaper. FML

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By coolguy - 6/11/2012 05:15 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I woke up and looked over to see the "beautiful girl" I slept with last night. Turns out it was the obsessive girl from my class with a man-face I had avoided all semester. In conclusion, beer goggles are very real and very powerful. FML

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By Shelbs - 5/11/2011 23:35 - United States

Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML

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By cat whisperer - 20/3/2014 04:31 - United States

Today, on my way to Burger King I got into a heated discussion with my wife about our cats. We have 15 rescues, and I've reached my limit. Guess what came running up to my car while waiting in the drive-through. We named him Pickles. FML

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By mybackhurts - 4/2/2018 15:00

Today, my doctor ordered me an EKG to help my health anxiety. I have panic attacks and feel like my heart is out of rhythm, but my doctors have all told me it’s just in my head. I got the test results. I meet with the cardiologist next week to discuss surgery. FML

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By whatno - 19/6/2013 23:40 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I caught my 16-year-old daughter and her boyfriend trying to use a latex glove as a condom. FML

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By Paige - 26/12/2011 06:35 - United States

Today, my parents gave me an iPhone. They then checked my grades online, and promptly took it away. FML

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By WTF? - 3/10/2013 16:42 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I got kicked out of English class shortly after our teacher told us we have to write an essay on how the storyline of Harry Potter is one big allegory for "the futility of socialism." Apparently, reacting with disbelief makes me a "disruptive influence." FML

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2019 22:00

Today, I found out that my mother has been telling everybody that I’m a lesbian, because both of her best friends have at least one gay child each, and she was feeling left out. This explains why people have been treating me differently the last few weeks. FML

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By hobbit - 22/5/2013 17:40 - United States - Winthrop

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure ahead of my cousin's wedding. The woman doing my nails asked if I wanted my toe hairs trimmed. I was so taken aback and embarrassed that I said yes. They charged me extra. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2012 17:09 - United States

Today, while I was washing my hands, I sneezed so hard that I smacked my head against the faucet. I now have a lump the size of a goose egg on my head. I'm not sure if it's going to hatch, or if that's just the brain damage talking. FML

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By t.hughes - 1/4/2013 14:50 - United States

Today, my fiancé dumped me because he claimed he needed to "focus on his career and his engagement." When I asked him how dumping me would help with his engagement, he immediately replied with, "No, I mean my other one." FML

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By cat lady - 30/8/2014 11:56 - Norway - Egersund

Today, I learned that while other people drunk call their exes, I drunk adopt cats. Seven cats, to be exact. FML

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By frenchie12 - 24/3/2019 02:00

Today I hooked up with a girl. The condom fell off when I pulled out. When the girl left I could not find it. I saw my roomate cat with it so I chased him and he escaped. My roomate now wants to kill me. She found the condom on her bed and does not believe me. I might have to move out. FML

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By moudly - 6/1/2010 21:28 - United States

Today, my mom finally believed me when I said I smelled mold. I lifted up the couch, and it was covered in mold. So were the bottoms of all our furniture, our beds, and my grandma's vintage chair. We've been living in mold for the past 4 months. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2019 02:33

Today, I was complaining to my friend how I was doing all the work in my group, and that they were getting all the credit. Her response? "It's OK, you're doing a shitty job anyway." FML

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By mildlyconcussed - 10/8/2015 08:32 - Italy - Somma Vesuviana

Today, I went to a gig. The drummer threw his drumsticks out at the end and I managed to catch one. With my face. Not only did I get a black eye, but the person next to me snatched the drumstick from my hands. FML

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By gmnesbitt - 7/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, it was my first time as a hockey referee, for a game played by 7-year-olds. At one point, a little boy tripped another boy. Doing my job, I gave him 2 minutes in the penalty box. After the game, I was attacked by a mob of parents. I was even given an optometrist's business card. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2015 22:17 - United States

Today, even after recovering and being able to walk again, my dad keeps peeing in a bucket by his bed. He sees nothing wrong with this, even though it smells. FML

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By Jules7594 - 12/6/2015 13:02 - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, an ultrasound tech complimented me on my "exceptionally full bladder". That's probably the best compliment I've received this week. FML

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By Lulu - 16/7/2017 00:30

Today, the first day of my 4-day weekend, I fell off my scooter. I'll have to spend the rest of my vacation bandaged and away from water. I'm on a beach. FML

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By skinnyguy23 - 10/9/2014 22:40 - United States - Briarcliff Manor

Today, I received a package. When my mom asked what I had bought, I had told her that I had ordered dumbbells and was going to start lifting. She laughed her way into the kitchen. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2013 01:44 - United States - Waldorf

Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/5/2020 20:00

Addicted to love

Today, I was half paying attention to a text message conversation with someone about how addicted we both were to social media. It's wasn't until deep into the conversation that I realized we were actually talking about porn. FML

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By Anon - 29/5/2017 12:00 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, my mother-in-law complained to me about the cost of getting old. She then spent an hour showing me her River Cruise vacation photos from several countries. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2010 15:24 - United Kingdom

Today, my extremely loud and nocturnal flatmate phoned me to tell me excitedly that he got an accordion for his birthday. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/8/2015 08:33 - United States

Today, after hearing the doctor saying my girlfriend can never be pregnant, I got a bit too excited. I'm currently on the 5th hour of the silent treatment. FML

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By awkward. - 29/12/2012 15:50 - United Kingdom - Rickmansworth

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the cinema. Or rather, she went with her other boyfriend, and I happened to see them there. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, I was walking through the store when I saw a little boy point to me and say something to his mom. I was out of earshot at the time, but I got close enough just in time to hear the mom reply, "God says we have to love everyone, even if they're ugly." FML

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By urgg - 5/9/2010 14:20 - United States

Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML

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By anonymous - 18/2/2012 22:07 - United States

Today, I realized that with all the money I've spent on repairs for my iPhone through the months, I could have bought a phone that doesn't die horribly whenever I so much as give it a mean look. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2014 16:27 - Canada - Saint John

Today, after ignoring my concerns and declaring that "safety equipment's for pussies", my husband went rock climbing for the first time. He only sprained his ankle, but is acting like it's broken. He's now playing video games in bed and pissing in a bucket because walking is "too painful". FML

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By badsinger - 4/6/2010 09:38 - New Zealand

Today, my fiancée told me she was having a bad day while we were lying in bed. Just as she was about to fall asleep I thought it would be sweet if I sang her a song that her Mom sang to her when she was a child. Instead, I was told to shut the fuck up and that I sucked. FML

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Top comments

By Silhouette_fml | 0

#121685 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:19

At least you found out about it and can now dump the bitch.

By oreomaple123 | 0

#121687 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:19

Wow that sucks..

I would texted back the guy and said Hey turns out I'm cheating on you and not tell her that...That would show her..

COMMENTS

By Silhouette_fml | 0

#121685 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:19

At least you found out about it and can now dump the bitch.

Reply

6969awesome | 0

#986279 - Wednesday 28 April 2010 15:00

keep the phone, say they didn't have it

Reply

Dr_Jalepenos | 0

#3113515 - Monday 15 August 2011 16:44

No texting while driving.

Reply

i_luv_dogs | 10

#5497401 - Sunday 19 May 2013 0:48

Hopefully Op's gf wasn't meeting up with one if the other boyfriends while OP got the phone...

By oreomaple123 | 0

#121687 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:19

Wow that sucks..

I would texted back the guy and said Hey turns out I'm cheating on you and not tell her that...That would show her..

Reply

ffmmllyaya | 0

#891987 - Thursday 25 February 2010 19:52

maybe the other guy already know she was double shipping. but yeah I would get evil n have some fun before making the bitch come clean

Reply

FYLyo | 0

#983422 - Thursday 22 April 2010 4:53

ha ur passive-aggressive

By lulzorz | 0

#121688 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:19

wow FYL.
waste of gas, waste of time, sounds like your gf is a waste of space.
better luck next time, keep your head up :).

Reply

bigdreamer59 | 0

#2745691 - Friday 24 June 2011 2:51

you're hot

Reply

SparkleyTurtle | 4

#4571246 - Friday 15 June 2012 22:26

Smash it on her face! >:(

By fakeredone | 0

#121698 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:22

you should have thrown her phone into traffic

Reply

pinkpolarbear | 8

#3283392 - Tuesday 13 September 2011 17:25

Exactly what i was thinking

Reply

andyyroxx | 20

#4922107 - Wednesday 12 September 2012 2:54

After all that trouble...

By nodbor | 11

#121701 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:23

not quite the reward you were looking for for being a hero, was it

By I_am_stupid_also | 6

#121702 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:24

Txt him saying she is kind of bored and wants to try new things. Like anal and threesomes.

By littlemuffet | 0

#121708 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:26

She sucks, but being "bored in traffic" is no excuse for snooping. Still, FYL.

Reply

JHPugh | 19

#6310815 - Friday 5 June 2015 0:06

There's no reason to cheat

By yes_yes_yes | 0

#121711 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:26

YES! Text HIM :D then destroy the phone saying there was a mix up... :]

By mf_fml | 0

#121718 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:29

oh fuck.

By Loe_307 | 0

#121720 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:29

Keep the phone, run HER over. No seriously, don't do that. Txting the other guy might be fun though. Txt him saying she (pretending to be her) has some nasty std's or something. Go buck wild with it.