Love: Today, my girlfriend left her phone on a bus. With no way to... - FML

By Safe - United States

Today, my girlfriend left her phone on a bus. With no way to pick it up, I drove 40 miles through Friday night Boston traffic to get it from the bus company office. It took me four hours. Bored in traffic, I discovered the texts from her other boyfriend. FML

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Dangling modifier

Season finale

Heartless

By YankeeDoodle - Australia

Today, I discovered my employer is advertising for a contractor position within my team performing basically the same role as myself. Except the pay is seven times more. FML

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By banana_tree - United Kingdom

Today, I joked to a client that every time I see his name, I start singing the song 'Dr Jones' by Aqua. He looked blankly at me, so I broke into song, 'Dr Jones, Dr Jones, calling Dr Jones... ' He still looked blankly, but now also utterly horrified, as were the rest of the waiting room. FML

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By Anonymous - Cyprus - Paphos

Today, a new employee started at our office. She's about 18, barely does any work, chews gum loudly, has no manners, and happens to sit right next to me. She also threatens to report me for harassment whenever I politely ask her to not bash my chair with the back of her chair. FML

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By Why son, why? - United States

Today, for the sixth time in a row, I was driving my kid to school and he made me late for work. Why? He was whacking off instead of getting ready. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - West Hoxton

Today my coworker, who I'm secretly in love with, asked me what my plans for the weekend were. I thought she might have been about to ask me out, so I said that I had no plans. She then rolled her eyes and said that she hates talking to, "boring people who shut down every conversation starter." FML

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By HaliMali - United States - Hastings

Today, trying to do a good deed, I gave a homeless guy a $10 bill. As I walked away, he yelled after me, "You fucking bitch!" FML

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By Nyquilwtf - United States

Today, I learned that Nyquil has such an amazing effect on me, that it won't even allow me to wake up to go to the bathroom. FML

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By oh well - United States

Today, the only birthday present I got was a gift card to a steak house. Not a bad gift, but I'm a vegan. FML

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By good mom - United States - Monterey Park

Who's the worst?

Today, despite the fact that I own my home, car and have a career, I was once again told that I’ve shamed my family by being a single mom. Meanwhile, my brother has four kids with three different women and constantly hits up every family member for money. He gets nothing but just support. FML

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By Brotherssuckkk - France

Today, my mom asked me to clean beneath my brother's bed for money. I found a rotten apple, a picture of my best friend, and a dead bird. I got $10. FML

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By 4evalone - United States - Monterey

Today, I was dressed as a single girl. I wore pajama pants, hoodie with no bra, and carried a plate of pizza around. But it wasn't my costume, I just had nowhere to go for Halloween. FML

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By fmlmao

Today, I was feeling depressed, so I decided to go snowboarding with friends to cheer myself up. I fell on the first trail and broke my dominant wrist. FML

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By llozano715 - France

Today, I got the car of my dreams. My daughter also learned how to write her name. Now I have "LAUREN" across the side of my car. FML

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By racello13 - United States - Baldwinsville

Today, I've been robbed. I came home to find my oven door missing. FML

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By sirswank

Today, after giving my kids a lengthy bedtime lecture about the merits of being responsible, I thought about all the chores I had left to do, promptly ate ice cream in the shower, and went to bed. FML

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By stonehengeva - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, the drive-thru lady at Taco Bell broke my debit card and tried to hide it by wrapping it in a receipt. FML

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By Username - France

Today, I was playing with my four month old daughter, flying her in the air like an airplane. I open my mouth saying 'Weeee', and she vomited on my face. FML

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By mulligan - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I'll be moving to a different state in a few months for a new job. He now refers to me as his "girlfriend for now". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Stockton

Today, I found out the record label I was talking to was actually just my friends who have way too much time on their hands. FML

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By blood buddies - United States - Milford

Today, I was showing the guy I like something on my phone. My period tracking app decided it was the perfect time to tell me that I need to stock up on tampons, because I'm getting my period tomorrow. FML

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By cass - United States

Today, is my high school graduation. Last night I read online that you can use apple cider vinegar to help with head dandruff, so I tried it out. Now, no matter how much product or perfume I use, I still smell like a giant walking fart. My graduation is in a couple of hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2020 14:02

Oh, hai Mark!

Today, my wife got back from a "homesick" trip to NY State. She brought her boyfriend back with her. FML

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By lukey101 - 25/6/2020 17:02

Running commentary

Today, the Snapchat that I was taking of my car being washed, including my commentary like, "Oooh yeah, get into it baby," was replayed loudly through my car via Bluetooth while the workers were inside and all around washing it. FML

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By Mandy - United Kingdom

Today, I was drunk at my nan's birthday party. My boyfriend texted me asking if I could go out, to which I replied "No, I'm at my nan's house." He then dumped me, calling me a 'cheating whore.' I was confused, until I realised I'd misspelt nan and said "No, I'm at my man's house." FML

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By Anonymous

Proud

Today, I found a "White Power" bumper sticker on the back of my car. I don't know what idiot thought it'd be funny to put it there, but now my neighbors think I'm a proud racist. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Aldershot

Welcome to the world!

Today, I helped deliver the baby belonging to the woman my husband left me for. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Rowville

Today, at a mixed-family game of rugby, my dad resorted to calling me a "goddamned accident" and eventually body-slamming me, just so I'd stop playing long enough for his team to score. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got on the train with my bike, leaning it up against the wall. After a while, it began to slide down the wall and wobble, so I dashed out to catch it. As I ran for it, I slipped and crashed into it, knocking it into an old man and busting the rear brake. FML

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By abbiexo97

Today, I had a dream that I had to abandon my shopping at the checkout due to lack of funds. Even in my dreams I don’t have any money. FML

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By jokersgirl

Today, my boyfriend and I had the wildest sex we'd ever had. I was on top of him and started going at it like crazy. I was close to finishing when the Mortal Kombat phrase "FINISH HIM!" popped into my head. It wasn't until I saw a weird look on his face that I realized I'd said it out loud. FML

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By jakestorm

Blockages

Today, my girlfriend texted me to pick her up some medicine because she’s "all plugged up." When I arrived with laxatives, she yelled at me. She meant her sinuses. FML

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By graphite01 - United States - Eugene

Today, I found out that I was never actually enrolled in the class I've been attending all semester. I guess that explains why I only got $400 dollars in student aid, not the 1,200 they said I'd get. FML

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By Kayak - United Kingdom

Today, I was verbally abused by a tourist because neither I nor anyone else in my country can speak "proper English". We're in England - clue's in the name, dipshit. FML

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By thanks guys

Today, I’ve been suffering with a fever of 104° as well as an ear and sinus infection. I asked my mom and sister if they could get me meds and fluids from the store. I sent them money through my bank app for the supplies. They took my money and went to lunch instead. I’m still sick as a dog. FML

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By anamanaguchi

Today, a 6th grader came up to me and told me I have the smallest breasts in the class. I'm their teacher. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Baraboo

Today, my loving fiancé informed me that my new perfume makes me smell like a urinal cake. FML

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By ohn0es - United States

Today, just another casual morning. I went to go drop a deuce in the bathroom. Barely being awake I didn't notice my roommates had put glad wrap between the seat and toilet, so i got piss and shit all over me. FML

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By silkysmooth - United States

Today, I was almost out of conditioner, despite having just bought some. Apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to condition his pubes. He thinks doing this will make me want to give him more blowjobs. FML

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By dhskkf - United States

Today, it was the day of my wedding. I had a massive headache a couple of hours before the ceremony so I decided to take a nap. I told my brother to wake me up an hour before it started. He forgot. Now everyone thinks I ran out on my wife. FML

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By Anon

Not the nuggets!

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing for 5 months over. We got some chicken nuggets, but didn’t eat because he stripped my clothes off and we started having sex. Out of nowhere, he said, "I can’t do this!" and left. He took the chicken nuggets with him. FML

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Top comments

By Silhouette_fml | 0

#121685 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:19

At least you found out about it and can now dump the bitch.

By oreomaple123 | 0

#121687 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:19

Wow that sucks..

I would texted back the guy and said Hey turns out I'm cheating on you and not tell her that...That would show her..

COMMENTS

By Silhouette_fml | 0

#121685 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:19

At least you found out about it and can now dump the bitch.

Reply

6969awesome | 0

#986279 - Wednesday 28 April 2010 15:00

keep the phone, say they didn't have it

Reply

Dr_Jalepenos | 0

#3113515 - Monday 15 August 2011 16:44

No texting while driving.

Reply

i_luv_dogs | 10

#5497401 - Sunday 19 May 2013 0:48

Hopefully Op's gf wasn't meeting up with one if the other boyfriends while OP got the phone...

By oreomaple123 | 0

#121687 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:19

Wow that sucks..

I would texted back the guy and said Hey turns out I'm cheating on you and not tell her that...That would show her..

Reply

ffmmllyaya | 0

#891987 - Thursday 25 February 2010 19:52

maybe the other guy already know she was double shipping. but yeah I would get evil n have some fun before making the bitch come clean

Reply

FYLyo | 0

#983422 - Thursday 22 April 2010 4:53

ha ur passive-aggressive

By lulzorz | 0

#121688 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:19

wow FYL.
waste of gas, waste of time, sounds like your gf is a waste of space.
better luck next time, keep your head up :).

Reply

bigdreamer59 | 0

#2745691 - Friday 24 June 2011 2:51

you're hot

Reply

SparkleyTurtle | 4

#4571246 - Friday 15 June 2012 22:26

Smash it on her face! >:(

By fakeredone | 1

#121698 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:22

you should have thrown her phone into traffic

Reply

pinkpolarbear | 8

#3283392 - Tuesday 13 September 2011 17:25

Exactly what i was thinking

Reply

andyyroxx | 20

#4922107 - Wednesday 12 September 2012 2:54

After all that trouble...

By nodbor | 11

#121701 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:23

not quite the reward you were looking for for being a hero, was it

By I_am_stupid_also | 6

#121702 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:24

Txt him saying she is kind of bored and wants to try new things. Like anal and threesomes.

By littlemuffet | 0

#121708 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:26

She sucks, but being "bored in traffic" is no excuse for snooping. Still, FYL.

Reply

JHPugh | 19

#6310815 - Friday 5 June 2015 0:06

There's no reason to cheat

By yes_yes_yes | 0

#121711 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:26

YES! Text HIM :D then destroy the phone saying there was a mix up... :]

By mf_fml | 0

#121718 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:29

oh fuck.

By Loe_307 | 0

#121720 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:29

Keep the phone, run HER over. No seriously, don't do that. Txting the other guy might be fun though. Txt him saying she (pretending to be her) has some nasty std's or something. Go buck wild with it.