Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we...

By BadBribe - 24/06/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 111

You deserved it 30 166

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 095

You deserved it 5 531

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 09:53 - France

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 267

You deserved it 29 218

Miscommunication

By Anonymous - 25/10/2012 05:45 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 687

You deserved it 18 554

Nice outing

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 372

You deserved it 746

Hidden

By bootyislife - 16/06/2015 20:01 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 664

You deserved it 7 394

By Anonymous - 28/07/2015 00:08 - United States

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 199

You deserved it 2 949

By man - 30/10/2009 16:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 113

You deserved it 23 450

It's getting hot in here…

By Anonymous - 17/06/2022 16:00 - New Zealand

Today, my wife surprised me with a blow job. Turns out it was a punishment for not doing the washing, as she did it with Chilli powder in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 215

You deserved it 337

No good

By :(( - 28/09/2013 21:24 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 404

You deserved it 8 025

Right in the pecker

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 23:01

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a nasty fight. After a few hours, she wanted to give me a blowjob, so I thought we weren't mad at each other anymore. Turns out she was still mad because she bit my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 085

You deserved it 462

genius_man16 0

Wednesday 24 June 2009 23:01

She was the one who wanted to bribe you. WTF is her problem?

pat2rome 0

Wednesday 24 June 2009 23:08

Her fault for not swallowing. FYL

Comments

luvbird1 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 3:33

ya well let ur unexperienced step dad peirce ur tongue lol it was a stupid choice

thebigslim 13

Thursday 25 June 2009 3:34

She is doing it all wrong if it got on her dress.... it is supposed to be in her mouth =P

dk_fml 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 3:37

Guess she should've swallowed!

I_am_stupid_also 6

Thursday 25 June 2009 3:40

If they say something, just tell her parents you gave their daughter a pearl necklace.

tgirl729 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 4:01

rofl @ 93

lgibs 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 4:11

thats really sad that she felt she needed to bribe you do do something with a sexual act to be good around her parents

starvingxartist 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 4:11

she had to bribe you to be good? ydi for being a dick, but fyl for having a girlfriend who's enough of a dumbass to put up with that kind of shit.

kristennnn 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 4:15

Why would she wear a black dress if there was a chance that something like that would happen? But even if you did come on her dress then I think it was a little harsh for her to punch you in the sack. She could of just said oh well and changed her dress...

Daysgoby 0

Friday 3 July 2009 7:04

First of all,she is not obligated to swallow. Second of all, she might have bought this dress for this special occasion, and thirdly, if they were in a rush for dinner and he demanded the ******* BEFORE they went, then it isn't her fault if she doesn't have time to change. He should behave regardless, ESPECIALLY if it's her parents.