By BadBribe - United States
  Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML
Add a comment
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Create my account Sign in
Top comments
  easylazy  |  0

Since when is "came" the past tense of "cum"? Don't you just say "cummed"????????????????????

  DizzyDemon0  |  9

She sounds it really your fault that she got "splashed"? Not cool.

And just so everyone is NEVER okay to hit a guy in the nuts. It's up there with hitting women and touching children..just under those two. BUT ITS CLOSE!

  wienerwagon  |  0

How is it her fault and not his? Yeah, she could have avoided it, but it really isn't that hard to aim. Plus, you should have the courtesy to let the girl know when you're about to come. It isn't all that hard. Both of them are at fault here.

The nut punching was wrong, though.

  DizzyDemon0  |  9

whoa. Hope that isn't directed at my post..cas I wasn't saying it was her fault. But to be honest...I would place the blame more firmly with her. After all, when performing oral sex on a guy..she has her hands on it..and her mouth..she would not only know when he is going to finish..but be able to direct it. Don't know why he was not finishing in her mouth though...not to get all weird and sexual on here or whatnot...but that's the only way to get a blowjob...

You know how sweet it is to have a girl swallow? It's precious.

  makjon86  |  0

152--- have you EVER tried to aim that?? i mean i thought i was decent at it but today when i was beatin the beat i came (or cummed) in the trash can next to the toilet. Usually i can hit the toilet, but not today i guess. And even that didn't come (or cum) after some practice.

153--- i agree.

OP---What a cunt-nugget. I would've dumped the bitch. In front of her parents. She'd have had fun explaining that one.

  Sunshine1129  |  0

Wow, yeah, it was completely wrong of her to hit him in the nuts. If you're gonna give someone head and have a problem with them coming in your mouth, you need to be ready. Otherwise don't be so snobby and just accept that it was your fucking fault.

  sswss  |  0

Yeah ladies, it's so hard to aim. And first off, don't give head and not except to get cum on you. And be courteous and swallow. Is it really that hard??


It's her fault because she could have just swallowed, or not bribed him by accepting bodily fluids all over her fucking dress. Your implication that the OP is unintelligent is annoying because just about every dumb broad out there is capable of using sex as a bargaining chip to continue living with their daddy's girl complex.

  Spreed  |  0

I'm with you. Holy Shit I'd be pissed! She should have caught it in her mouth, or at least her hand. Damn you can't be held responsible for where your jizz goes.

  waxstigmata  |  0

uh, actuall you can, unless my boyfriend is one a the few with control over his cock (its not so hard to get your hand and move it out of the way) then, yea, it can be controlled.

  Monado  |  0

Unless you stop the pleasure, it can't be controlled. Cumming is differnt from urination, and at no point was he suppose to know it will cum all over her dress.

  nonotme  |  0

It's really, REALLY hard to control. You girls know how you jerk and spasm when you're having a real orgasm? Yeah, we do that too, except ours is like a gun. I've tried to jerk down into my hand but twitched at the last second and had it spray the TV in front of me. It's crazy like that.

"Awww, we can't go out to dinner now, you're all dirty! Let's get in the shower and clean you up."

  elara15  |  0

I agree. That sour, bitter taste can be helped. Unless men want to improve their diet for the sake of their semen, they have no business suggesting their girlfriends/boyfriends swallow.

  kellster  |  2

Exactly. OP: why the fuck are you such a rude asshole that she had to bribe you to behave like a civilized human being in the first place??? Also, learn to fucking aim. That shit's hard to get out!

  mEeLa_fml  |  0

if you're dick enough for her to have to bribe you to behave with a blowjob, you probably need to get kicked in the nuts a few more times til you learn to behave. Girls, control your men!


F his life for getting punched in the nuts. It hurts ladies, it hurts lots.

Also F his life for having to wake up tomorrow morning and still be himself.

Seriously, you had to be bribed? Are you ten??


  withered  |  30

#9 Agreed! I feel sorry for everyone whose partner is such immature idiot that they NEED to be bribed to act like decent human beings. Should have just hit him in the balls without the bribe and leave the immature brat at home if he doesn't know how to behave.