By BadBribe - 24/06/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML
I agree, your life sucks 53 092
You deserved it 30 149

Same thing different taste

Top comments

She was the one who wanted to bribe you. WTF is her problem?


She was the one who wanted to bribe you. WTF is her problem?

Agreed. I mean, did she not know what was gonna happen? If she didn't want it on her dress she either should have dodged it or caught it in her mouth.

or how about not wear the dress while shes doing it, haha

easylazy 0

Since when is "came" the past tense of "cum"? Don't you just say "cummed"????????????????????

laurisshnazzy 0

Wow, 93, you're an idiot. Cum is just slang for come. The past tense of come, as I hope you know, is came. "Cummed" has never been grammatically correct.

elara15 0

In any scenario, you don't take a ******** for granted.

She sounds it really your fault that she got "splashed"? Not cool. And just so everyone is NEVER okay to hit a guy in the nuts. It's up there with hitting women and touching children..just under those two. BUT ITS CLOSE!

How is it her fault and not his? Yeah, she could have avoided it, but it really isn't that hard to aim. Plus, you should have the courtesy to let the girl know when you're about to come. It isn't all that hard. Both of them are at fault here. The nut punching was wrong, though.

whoa. Hope that isn't directed at my post..cas I wasn't saying it was her fault. But to be honest...I would place the blame more firmly with her. After all, when performing oral sex on a guy..she has her hands on it..and her mouth..she would not only know when he is going to finish..but be able to direct it. Don't know why he was not finishing in her mouth though...not to get all weird and sexual on here or whatnot...but that's the only way to get a *******... You know how sweet it is to have a girl swallow? It's precious.

suaveneanderthal 0

nut on her face in her eye or in her mouth but damn son miss the black dress

I actually did the same thing to my girlfriend yesterday.... haha wat a coincidence

makjon86 0

152--- have you EVER tried to aim that?? i mean i thought i was decent at it but today when i was beatin the beat i came (or cummed) in the trash can next to the toilet. Usually i can hit the toilet, but not today i guess. And even that didn't come (or cum) after some practice. 153--- i agree. OP---What a ****-nugget. I would've dumped the bitch. In front of her parents. She'd have had fun explaining that one.

lmao. very well put #160. Although it was her fault for having it on.

Sunshine1129 0

Wow, yeah, it was completely wrong of her to hit him in the nuts. If you're gonna give someone head and have a problem with them coming in your mouth, you need to be ready. Otherwise don't be so snobby and just accept that it was your ******* fault.

SHE deserves it for aiming it there. Shoulda swallowed or something.

Yeah ladies, it's so hard to aim. And first off, don't give head and not except to get cum on you. And be courteous and swallow. Is it really that hard??

That's her fault not yours but...HAHAHA funny shit

Whos 0

Theres a sucker born every minute, but swallowers are harder to find.

how is that her fault? he must be really dumb if she has to BRIBE HIM TO BEHAVE? wth

It's her fault because she could have just swallowed, or not bribed him by accepting bodily fluids all over her ******* dress. Your implication that the OP is unintelligent is annoying because just about every dumb broad out there is capable of using sex as a bargaining chip to continue living with their daddy's girl complex.

this is ******. he's to blame aswell. it's not difficult to say "okay okay" or something and take control to finish clean and not on a dress.

MeganH0LLYW00D 0

Sounds like a great relationship :) Did you punch her in the boob?

Spreed 0

I'm with you. Holy Shit I'd be pissed! She should have caught it in her mouth, or at least her hand. Damn you can't be held responsible for where your **** goes.

waxstigmata 0

uh, actuall you can, unless my boyfriend is one a the few with control over his **** (its not so hard to get your hand and move it out of the way) then, yea, it can be controlled.

Unless you stop the pleasure, it can't be controlled. Cumming is differnt from urination, and at no point was he suppose to know it will cum all over her dress.

MeganH0LLYW00D 0

I think us girls should do our parts and swallow those babies. It doesn't taste that bad. Mhmm. x)

Hourglass1117 0

you don't sounds like a ***** at all :]

what does punching a girl in the boobs hurt more than usual? I wouldn't quite know so...

173: Yes, and you don't "sounds" like an idiot.

Actually you cant, that shit goes everywhere. I did the same thing yesterday and it went floor... walls... ceiling.. Girlfriend...

#161: mmhmm i definitely agree with that ;)

It's really, REALLY hard to control. You girls know how you jerk and spasm when you're having a real ******? Yeah, we do that too, except ours is like a gun. I've tried to jerk down into my hand but twitched at the last second and had it spray the TV in front of me. It's crazy like that. "Awww, we can't go out to dinner now, you're all dirty! Let's get in the shower and clean you up."

The question here is, WHY does she have to bribe him to 'be good?' Nobody seems to have pointed that out.

You should have came on her face, everybody would have been happy then.

Exactly what I was thinking as I was reading this

rolltiderolll 0

My instant reaction too. FYL

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

All men should swallow a load of semen themselves before they demand their girls do. That nasty taste filling up your mouth? Not pleasant.

And you should eat a girl out before you ask your boyfriend to eat you out. Preferably while he watches.

No child left behind lol OP: You should have punched her in the left ovary :D

elara15 0

I agree. That sour, bitter taste can be helped. Unless men want to improve their diet for the sake of their semen, they have no business suggesting their girlfriends/boyfriends swallow.

wickedgrl13 0

Truee that. That's what she gets for not being a trooper. REAL women swallow =P

#117 well said. Guys just don't understand I guess.

true say bitch gotta learn to swallow

dragoongirl90 34

Exactly what I was going to say.

Not all girls feel the same. It's not that bad of a taste

That all could've been avoided if you aimed for her mouth.

So did you threated to be a dick in front of her parents or something? Or are you just your average jerk?

maxson_fml 0

You took the words right out of my mouth. :P

kellster 2

Exactly. OP: why the **** are you such a rude asshole that she had to bribe you to behave like a civilized human being in the first place??? Also, learn to ******* aim. That shit's hard to get out!

if you're dick enough for her to have to bribe you to behave with a *******, you probably need to get kicked in the nuts a few more times til you learn to behave. Girls, control your men!

LOL. My "douche" comment got deleted but the replies agreeing with me stayed and a grammatically wrong comment took my place.

lolzforfun228 3

Learn to "control you men"? nice choice of words if your trying to get support dumbass lol

F his life for getting punched in the nuts. It hurts ladies, it hurts lots. Also F his life for having to wake up tomorrow morning and still be himself. Seriously, you had to be bribed? Are you ten?? YDI

totally agree! why should she need to 'bribe' you in the first place?

But if he waz 10 that probably wouldn't be the bribing method... Just sayin

#9 Agreed! I feel sorry for everyone whose partner is such immature idiot that they NEED to be bribed to act like decent human beings. Should have just hit him in the balls without the bribe and leave the immature brat at home if he doesn't know how to behave.

That's where a swift kick in the fallopian tube comes in

do you even know where they are? good luck trying to kick a girl in the fallopian tubes...

CryingHowls 0

lmao. YOU "calm the **** down." his response wasn't even offensive at all.

Her fault for wearing a nice dress she planned to go out in while giving you a ********.