Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML
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By
genius_man16
| 0
She was the one who wanted to bribe you. WTF is her problem?
By
pat2rome
| 0
Her fault for not swallowing. FYL
COMMENTS
By
genius_man16
| 0
She was the one who wanted to bribe you. WTF is her problem?
Reply
Boss_Tamsy
| 0
Agreed. I mean, did she not know what was gonna happen? If she didn't want it on her dress she either should have dodged it or caught it in her mouth.
Reply
slack3r9
| 0
or how about not wear the dress while shes doing it, haha
Reply
easylazy
| 0
Since when is "came" the past tense of "cum"? Don't you just say "cummed"????????????????????
Reply
laurisshnazzy
| 0
Wow, 93, you're an idiot. Cum is just slang for come. The past tense of come, as I hope you know, is came. "Cummed" has never been grammatically correct.
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Aniland
| 2
I agree. What a cunt.
Reply
Boss_Tamsy
| 0
Who? The girl, or #93?
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elara15
| 0
In any scenario, you don't take a blow job for granted.
Reply
DizzyDemon0
| 9
She sounds mean...is it really your fault that she got "splashed"? Not cool.
And just so everyone knows...it is NEVER okay to hit a guy in the nuts. It's up there with hitting women and touching children..just under those two. BUT ITS CLOSE!
And just so everyone knows...it is NEVER okay to hit a guy in the nuts. It's up there with hitting women and touching children..just under those two. BUT ITS CLOSE!
Reply
wienerwagon
| 0
How is it her fault and not his? Yeah, she could have avoided it, but it really isn't that hard to aim. Plus, you should have the courtesy to let the girl know when you're about to come. It isn't all that hard. Both of them are at fault here.
The nut punching was wrong, though.
The nut punching was wrong, though.
Reply
DizzyDemon0
| 9
whoa. Hope that isn't directed at my post..cas I wasn't saying it was her fault. But to be honest...I would place the blame more firmly with her. After all, when performing oral sex on a guy..she has her hands on it..and her mouth..she would not only know when he is going to finish..but be able to direct it. Don't know why he was not finishing in her mouth though...not to get all weird and sexual on here or whatnot...but that's the only way to get a blowjob...
You know how sweet it is to have a girl swallow? It's precious.
You know how sweet it is to have a girl swallow? It's precious.
Reply
suaveneanderthal
| 0
nut on her face in her eye or in her mouth but damn son miss the black dress
Reply
Heelix
| 0
I actually did the same thing to my girlfriend yesterday.... haha wat a coincidence
Reply
makjon86
| 0
152--- have you EVER tried to aim that?? i mean i thought i was decent at it but today when i was beatin the beat i came (or cummed) in the trash can next to the toilet. Usually i can hit the toilet, but not today i guess. And even that didn't come (or cum) after some practice.
153--- i agree.
OP---What a cunt-nugget. I would've dumped the bitch. In front of her parents. She'd have had fun explaining that one.
153--- i agree.
OP---What a cunt-nugget. I would've dumped the bitch. In front of her parents. She'd have had fun explaining that one.
Reply
malaproposDame
| 0
lmao. very well put #160.
Although it was her fault for having it on.
Although it was her fault for having it on.
Reply
Sunshine1129
| 0
Wow, yeah, it was completely wrong of her to hit him in the nuts. If you're gonna give someone head and have a problem with them coming in your mouth, you need to be ready. Otherwise don't be so snobby and just accept that it was your fucking fault.
Reply
Cheetahman103
| 0
SHE deserves it for aiming it there. Shoulda swallowed or something.
Reply
boatsandhos16
| 0
trick
Reply
sswss
| 0
Yeah ladies, it's so hard to aim. And first off, don't give head and not except to get cum on you. And be courteous and swallow. Is it really that hard??
Reply
bosniangirl27
| 21
I agree
By
slamminalex1
| 0
That's her fault not yours but...HAHAHA funny shit
Reply
Whos
| 0
Theres a sucker born every minute, but swallowers are harder to find.
Reply
dearViena
| 0
how is that her fault? he must be really dumb if she has to BRIBE HIM TO BEHAVE? wth
Reply
Leaveittosteven
| 0
It's her fault because she could have just swallowed, or not bribed him by accepting bodily fluids all over her fucking dress. Your implication that the OP is unintelligent is annoying because just about every dumb broad out there is capable of using sex as a bargaining chip to continue living with their daddy's girl complex.
Reply
IsntThisAwkward
| 0
this is fucked. he's to blame aswell. it's not difficult to say "okay okay" or something and take control to finish clean and not on a dress.
By
MeganH0LLYW00D
| 0
Sounds like a great relationship :)
Did you punch her in the boob?
Did you punch her in the boob?
Reply
Spreed
| 0
I'm with you. Holy Shit I'd be pissed! She should have caught it in her mouth, or at least her hand. Damn you can't be held responsible for where your jizz goes.
Reply
waxstigmata
| 0
uh, actuall you can, unless my boyfriend is one a the few with control over his cock (its not so hard to get your hand and move it out of the way) then, yea, it can be controlled.
Reply
Monado
| 0
Unless you stop the pleasure, it can't be controlled. Cumming is differnt from urination, and at no point was he suppose to know it will cum all over her dress.
Reply
MeganH0LLYW00D
| 0
I think us girls should do our parts and swallow those babies.
It doesn't taste that bad.
Mhmm.
x)
It doesn't taste that bad.
Mhmm.
x)
Reply
Hourglass1117
| 0
Megan knows whats up. :D
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dearViena
| 0
you don't sounds like a whore at all :]
Reply
Dragodon64
| 0
what does punching a girl in the boobs hurt more than usual? I wouldn't quite know so...
Reply
Leaveittosteven
| 0
173: Yes, and you don't "sounds" like an idiot.
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Logica42
| 0
At #174- yes. It does.
Reply
Heelix
| 0
Actually you cant, that shit goes everywhere.
I did the same thing yesterday and it went floor... walls... ceiling.. Girlfriend...
I did the same thing yesterday and it went floor... walls... ceiling.. Girlfriend...
Reply
damnyoufork
| 0
#161: mmhmm i definitely agree with that ;)
Reply
nonotme
| 0
It's really, REALLY hard to control. You girls know how you jerk and spasm when you're having a real orgasm? Yeah, we do that too, except ours is like a gun. I've tried to jerk down into my hand but twitched at the last second and had it spray the TV in front of me. It's crazy like that.
"Awww, we can't go out to dinner now, you're all dirty! Let's get in the shower and clean you up."
"Awww, we can't go out to dinner now, you're all dirty! Let's get in the shower and clean you up."
Reply
cronagorgon
| 11
Lll
By
L10N
| 0
lmao that sucks
Reply
cuddly_scorpion
| 4
The question here is, WHY does she have to bribe him to 'be good?' Nobody seems to have pointed that out.
Reply
alr158
| 18
At long last someone asked!!
By
fuckmavie_fml
| 0
You should have came on her face, everybody would have been happy then.
By
pat2rome
| 0
Her fault for not swallowing. FYL
Reply
Spl4sh_D4m4g3
| 0
couldn't have said it better.
Reply
axislave
| 0
Exactly what I was thinking as I was reading this
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SushiChef
| 0
my thoughts exactly
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Sappheyes
| 0
Amen.
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rolltiderolll
| 0
My instant reaction too. FYL
Reply
KronikDysentery
| 0
Too many negative votes, comment buried.
Show the comment
Reply
kitkatkelly
| 0
All men should swallow a load of semen themselves before they demand their girls do. That nasty taste filling up your mouth? Not pleasant.
Reply
pat2rome
| 0
And you should eat a girl out before you ask your boyfriend to eat you out. Preferably while he watches.
Reply
razzumfrazzum
| 0
No child left behind lol
OP: You should have punched her in the left ovary :D
OP: You should have punched her in the left ovary :D
Reply
happyvalleygirl
| 0
exactly.
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elemenopyqrstuv
| 0
YESSSSSS
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elara15
| 0
I agree. That sour, bitter taste can be helped. Unless men want to improve their diet for the sake of their semen, they have no business suggesting their girlfriends/boyfriends swallow.
Reply
wickedgrl13
| 0
Truee that. That's what she gets for not being a trooper. REAL women swallow
=P
=P
Reply
lissssa_fml
| 0
agreed
Reply
Spongii101
| 12
#117 well said. Guys just don't understand I guess.
Reply
quin01
| 0
true say bitch gotta learn to swallow
Reply
holycrapitsjake
| 2
Sour and bitter?
Reply
dragoongirl90
| 34
Exactly what I was going to say.
Reply
daisylolly
| 3
Not all girls feel the same. It's not that bad of a taste
By
samusfox
| 0
That all could've been avoided if you aimed for her mouth.
By
thecheekyone
| 0
So did you threated to be a dick in front of her parents or something? Or are you just your average jerk?
Reply
maxson_fml
| 0
You took the words right out of my mouth. :P
Reply
kellster
| 2
Exactly. OP: why the fuck are you such a rude asshole that she had to bribe you to behave like a civilized human being in the first place??? Also, learn to fucking aim. That shit's hard to get out!
Reply
salmonoid
| 0
Exactly...douche
Reply
mEeLa_fml
| 0
if you're dick enough for her to have to bribe you to behave with a blowjob, you probably need to get kicked in the nuts a few more times til you learn to behave. Girls, control your men!
Reply
drybamboo
| 0
LOL. My "douche" comment got deleted but the replies agreeing with me stayed and a grammatically wrong comment took my place.
Reply
lolzforfun228
| 3
Learn to "control you men"? nice choice of words if your trying to get support dumbass lol
Reply
Jackthestripper
| 0
F his life for getting punched in the nuts. It hurts ladies, it hurts lots.
Also F his life for having to wake up tomorrow morning and still be himself.
Seriously, you had to be bribed? Are you ten??
YDI
Also F his life for having to wake up tomorrow morning and still be himself.
Seriously, you had to be bribed? Are you ten??
YDI
Reply
Azlin_22
| 0
totally agree! why should she need to 'bribe' you in the first place?
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Awesomehobo44
| 3
But if he waz 10 that probably wouldn't be the bribing method... Just sayin
Reply
withered
| 30
#9 Agreed! I feel sorry for everyone whose partner is such immature idiot that they NEED to be bribed to act like decent human beings. Should have just hit him in the balls without the bribe and leave the immature brat at home if he doesn't know how to behave.
By
HeyitsPheddy
| 0
That's where a swift kick in the fallopian tube comes in
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foreverisabelx3
| 0
haha, good one.
Reply
_FACKMYLIFE_
| 0
do you even know where they are? good luck trying to kick a girl in the fallopian tubes...
Reply
HeyitsPheddy
| 0
God its a joke, calm the fuck down
Reply
CryingHowls
| 0
lmao. YOU "calm the fuck down." his response wasn't even offensive at all.
By
qwerty123456789
| 0
Her fault for wearing a nice dress she planned to go out in while giving you a blow job.
Reply
redbluegreen
| 40
Exactly my thought.