Today, my garage got broken into and someone stole my $3000 bike....

By XxrudyxX - 12/10/2018 05:30 - Canada - Fort Saskatchewan

Today, my garage got broken into and someone stole my $3000 bike. I bought it a month ago while I recovered from a knee injury. I just got enough strength 2 days ago to ride it. I've only ridden it once. FML

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Money

Transportation

Understandable

Who's a good boy?

Hello everyone!

By Anonymous - 12/5/2009 20:56 - United States

Today, I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. Under anesthesia I told the dentist my entire love life and drug history in detail. FML

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By unicornlovet - 14/8/2019 18:00

Today, I was cleaning, anticipating my hypercritical in-laws coming to see our new house. Literally 10 minutes before they arrived, sewage backed up the basement drain. My father-in-law spent the entire visit commenting on the smell, and how he couldn’t use the washroom. FML

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By sadness1992 - 6/11/2012 18:07 - United States - San Diego

Today, my girlfriend decided to invite her best friend over for a threesome. This would've been the best day ever, had I not been at work while it was taking place. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2011 02:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a letter back from the family I will be staying with as a part of an exchange program. Apparently they own a slaughterhouse type farm, and I'm expected to kill one of their animals and eat it as a gift from the family. I'm a vegan. FML

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By That'sMyBoy - 28/5/2017 00:00 - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I put glue traps around my home to catch spiders. So far, the only thing dumb enough to get caught in one is my 10-year-old son. FML

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By Tonya - 28/6/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband was wearing my lacy lingerie. He looks better in it than I do. FML

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By wtf - 9/6/2011 15:04 - United Kingdom

Today, I shat out a staple. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2016 00:38 - Brazil - Itaja?

Today, my father is really enjoying the iPhone my mother gave him for Christmas. He's enjoying it so much that he's already installed all sorts of dating apps. FML

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By welted - 1/1/2010 05:21 - Canada

Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML

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By James - 30/7/2019 18:00

Today, I asked the restaurant manager if he could arrange to deliver an engagement ring to me and my girlfriend with our desserts. Desserts came, no ring. That guy wasn’t the manager, just a guy in a suit who legged it with my ring. FML

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By fanaticalfuckspawn - 25/8/2014 20:14 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML

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By :/ - 4/2/2013 00:26 - Netherlands - Nijkerk

Today, my mom accused me of stealing money from her purse. Being totally innocent, I reminded her that the only other person with access to it is her boyfriend. She said she trusts him because she loves him. They've been dating for 2 months. I've been her daughter for 25 years. FML

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By lovinglife - 24/12/2011 12:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I wrapped my boyfriend's Christmas presents for him, because he was too lazy to do it himself. This included my own present. FML

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By wtf fml - 20/3/2018 17:30 - United States - Hesperia

Aaand blocked.

Today, I was mourning the recent loss of a close family member. My ex's idea of comforting me was to ask if he could come over so I could “give him some bomb ass head” to take my mind off things. FML

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By NotYourLady - 4/9/2009 06:23 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting a boy who was 11 years old. He told me that he loved me and wanted to be my boyfriend. I told him that I think he is a really great kid but I'm 17 so it would never work out. He said okay. When his parents came home he told them that I hit him and started crying. FML

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By ordinaryday - 22/5/2012 12:21 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I reached a new level of commitment in my relationship with my boyfriend. This happened when he pooped on the side of the road beside my truck, while talking and making eye contact with me while wiping. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2019 11:00 - United States - University

Today, I went to take a shower, but forgot my towel and dorm key in the room. After my shower, I had to run down to the front desk butt-naked, using only a shampoo bottle as cover, and ask for a temporary key. The person running the front desk was my ex-girlfriend’s current boyfriend. FML

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By Banana_Lord - 11/9/2015 23:50 - United Kingdom - Arbroath

Today, I rode my new bike for the first time. I made it less than 100 feet from my driveway before I was almost flattened by someone driving on the wrong side of the road. Upside: I managed to get out of the way. Downside: I did it by slamming my brand new, expensive bike into a wall. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2009 04:43 - United States

Today, my husband and I were talking about names for our expectant child. I told him since I named our daughter he could name our son. He's decided on a name from 'God of War'. My son is going to be named after a make-believe cartoon character - Kratos. FML

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By Bozo - 31/8/2012 07:57 - United States - Saukville

Today, I got a perm in an attempt to prove to my family that I'd been doing well with my life since I last saw them almost a year ago. I ended up going over for dinner looking like Bozo the Clown thanks to my idiot stylist, and my brothers wouldn't stop mocking me about it. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2011 02:13 - United States

Today, I was at my sister's wedding. Everything was going flawlessly. That is, until our visibly drunk mom started a punch-up over who got to cut the cake first. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/8/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I went to the mall and saw a really cute guy. I acted all cool and started doing a sexy hair flip. On the way back up from my hair flip I hit my head on a cellphone stand. FML

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By Big Mouth - 13/11/2018 14:00

Today, my class had a debate about religion. My classmate said that Christians couldn't be circumcised because "only Jewish people are". Without thinking, I said it isn't true because I'm Christian and I’m circumcised. I accidentally gave the whole class a mental picture of my dick. FML

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By scottishoatmeal - 1/2/2016 23:11 - United Kingdom - Auchterarder

Today, it's been about 8 months since I moved into my studio flat. It was already furnished, there was no bed but a fancy bedseat from Ikea. I slept uncomfortably on it for months until I realised it pulls out to become a double bed. FML

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By poohead - 9/12/2009 05:07 - Australia

Today, I was cleaning out my new guinea pig cage for the first time because one of them had babies last night. After using a spatula to shovel up the 3 inch layer of crap and placenta, I decided to hose it down. The hose came on so hard, it sprayed the dung and birth water all over my face. FML

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By blewidstepr - 16/5/2011 03:40

Today, I realized my 3 year old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year old father. FML

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By please don't get the succ - 29/6/2016 18:21 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my job as a sailing instructor, I had to stop kids from getting their asses sucked by a pool filter. FML

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By lahiros - 30/5/2014 22:05 - Australia - Bentleigh East

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad". Figuring she was either talking to me or longing for the second cumming of Christ, I turned over to see which. Turned out she was rubbing one out to some guy's Facebook photos on her phone. FML

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By mandy - 10/4/2009 15:35 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML

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By Username - 6/6/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, I used a fire extinguisher for the first time. Too bad it was on my car. FML

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By - 23/1/2020 01:00

Favorite child

Today, I heard that my mom is coming back from France, where my brother lives. I have lived in the same place, exactly 45 minutes from my mother, for 6 years. She hasn't visited me once, but has been out of state to see my sibling. FML

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By dileigh - 10/3/2009 18:37 - United States

Today, I received my graduation gift, a bath robe, from my parents. My have two older sisters also graduated. The first one got a Tiffany's bracelet, the second one got a plane ticket to Europe. FML

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By Not A Pervert - 4/11/2014 00:00 - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Today, while at work, I was shown CCTV footage of myself staring at the chest belonging to a teenager I was serving. I was accused of being a paedophile and nearly fired, all because I wanted to know what version of Spider-Man was on her T-shirt. FML

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By Cantgetno - 20/9/2011 07:45 - United States

Today, I realized my tampon goes deeper than my boyfriend. FML

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By rapturezz - 6/6/2011 07:55 - United States

Today, my ex-girlfriend told my entire family and all my friends that we broke up because I came out to her. They all believe her. Twenty two texts and counting. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2009 22:40 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. I speak 4 languages and thought if I spoke French, the Officer would let me off with a warning thinking I was a tourist. Afterwards I turned to my wife and said "I can't believe that worked." He was a few feet away and heard. FML

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By Fartini - 7/11/2016 06:47

Today, I discovered that alcohol makes me red-faced, extremely gassy and eager to discuss my virginity with everyone. FML

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By LyricalTragedy - 16/12/2016 00:08

Today, I saw my father for the first time in two years. He felt compelled to tell me about how he got involved with a BDSM group and got an STD because of it. FML

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By AnnieThrax - 18/9/2012 04:35 - United States - Holdingford

Today, I received the heels I'll be wearing at my best friend's wedding. The bride ordered them for us to match the dresses. They're six-inch platform heels. I have three broken toes and am still wearing a boot. The wedding is next weekend. FML

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By fistycunt4 - 6/12/2014 20:22 - United States - Belmont

Today, I put a picture on Facebook of me without makeup. A "friend" commented: "fuk me thts hideus!!" My dad replied: "Hideous, yes, just like your godawful spelling!" My mom yelled at my dad for agreeing with the guy, and they're still fighting. Meanwhile, my self-esteem is in the gutter. FML

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Top comments

By ViviMage | 38

#7707761 - Friday 12 October 2018 14:40

Thankfully it's insured, right? Else that must have been one hell of a $3000 ride!

By chyiochan | 30

#7707767 - Friday 12 October 2018 14:57

They knew you had it too! Thankfully an expensive bike like that wont be too common. Scout craigslist daily, keep an eye out nearby, and get a security camera! They make ones that loop recording on an SD card, or even one that uploads to a server the second it detects movement. Make the $200 investment on high-end items that can be lifted easy, especially behind an easy-open door! I hope you find it, I hope you made a discreet mark on it to tell its yours! Perhaps your homeowners insurance deductible is less than the cost of the bike, and they'll replace it?

COMMENTS

By ViviMage | 38

#7707761 - Friday 12 October 2018 14:40

Thankfully it's insured, right? Else that must have been one hell of a $3000 ride!

By chyiochan | 30

#7707767 - Friday 12 October 2018 14:57

By onceuponatime456 | 16

#7707805 - Friday 12 October 2018 16:30

Why would you be so stupid as to pay $3000 for a bicycle?

Mathalamus | 24

#7707807 - Friday 12 October 2018 16:35

Agreed. Who needs a three thousand dollar bike?

redcode5 | 17

#7707847 - Friday 12 October 2018 18:14

There are bikes that go up to 10k in price, for people who do mountain biking, downhill racing and others straining things that need a good bike a 1k to 3k bike is good for them...it is a good bang for your buck. And obviously the more you pay, generally the better the quality.