Today, my friends decided that I eat too many snacks. To emphasize... - FML

By face - United States

Today, my friends decided that I eat too many snacks. To emphasize this point, they went behind my back and printed 300 pages with my face and the words "NO SNACKS" on them. They were posted in every academic building on campus, including every room I have class in. FML

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Understandable

Walk on the wild side

Fashion Police

By korbo7 - United States - Grand Island

Today, I saw a man help an elderly lady with her tray at the local McDonald's. I wanted to do something nice for him, so I added a couple extra nuggets in his meal. He later came up to me and told me I was dumb and didn't know how to count, and that was why I was working at McDonald's. FML

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By I keep failing it all - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, my dad found the Father's Day present that I spent at least ten hours preparing and decorating. I'd expected him to be extremely happy about this lovely gift. His only reaction was to ask if he could exchange it for something else. FML

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By laurencoc - Australia - Perth

Today, I dyed my hair purple. I came out of the salon and a little girl walked past and said, "Wow, you look like a mermaid!", to which her mother quickly said, "No she doesn't, she looks like her parents don't love her." FML

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By Nikki

Today, I walked into my bathroom to my boyfriend bragging about how much better his butt looked than mine, all while wearing my jeans. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Silverdale

Today, I tore my ACL while doing physical therapy that's supposed to keep me from tearing my ACL. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in a department store with my three year old daughter to buy some new jeans. I took her into the dressing room with me and as I began to take off my pants she yells, "Mommy, you can't go peepee in here!!" I am no longer welcome in that particular store. FML

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By fme - United States

Today, I was making out with this guy, and I ask him if he wants to take my bra off. He has some trouble getting it off and says, "This is strange, I do it for my sister all the time." FML

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By turning red - United States

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I was leaving the car wash when I saw my friend walking on the sidewalk. I pulled over next to her and asked if she wanted a ride. Only after getting a face full of the soda she was drinking did I realize I was talking to a complete stranger. FML

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By unsatisfying - Australia

Countdown

Today, my wife checked the time while we were having sex. Twice. FML

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By kaytiebobaytie - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. We were driving to his hockey game and he was joking around about throwing my favorite hoodie out of his window. While swinging it around, my brand new iPhone flew out of the pocket and the window, getting run over by a car. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dansville

Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat for the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML

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By Wtf

Today, during dinner, my boyfriend slowly walked up next to me, got on one knee, and in one movement pointed at my feet and shouted, "WHAT ARE THOSE?!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked out this girl I've been spending a lot of time with lately. She told me she was only hanging out with me because she thought I was gay and wouldn't try to get in her pants. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text telling me to turn the radio on to a certain station. When I did, there was a talk show on, and the host was ranting about how important it is for women to control themselves and not be emotional. My boyfriend continued texting me, asking if I was listening. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally built up the courage to quit my job. I waited an hour to speak to the boss; I finally sat down with her, and she told me I had to be let go because I'm not "reliable enough." The only time I missed work was when I had the stomach flu. I was fired before I could even quit. FML

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By 23yearoldtoddler - United States

Today, I was jumped and savagely beaten to the ground by a group of six-year-olds wearing Disney princess masks. FML

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By DopeDickDover - United States

Today, at school, a cute girl kept glancing up at me, giggling, and looking away as soon as I looked at her. So naturally I walked up to her and asked if she wanted to go out sometime. She said she didn't like me, she was just laughing at how big a zit was on my forehead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Trenton

Today, I walked from my friend's wedding to my divorce. FML

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By tyler_powellROTC - United States - Irving

Today, while practicing for a competition, someone decided to spin a rifle with a bayonet. I'm currently sitting in the ER with stitches in my foot. FML

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By WTFsalad - United States

Today, I was leaving Wal-Mart with my daughter when a man was speeding the wrong way in the parking lot. To avoid getting hit, I pulled over to the side. He thought I was going the wrong way. He got out cursing and screaming and punched a dent in my hood. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Oakville

Neighbours from hell

Today, my new neighbours moved in. I've neither seen nor spoken to them yet; all I know is that they enjoy hammering at the walls for hours on end and repeatedly setting off the fire alarm. All this in the small hours of the morning. I got two hours of sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Desoto

Today, hours after being turned down for sex, I woke up to my boyfriend sitting at the computer, jacking off to a picture of my deceased mom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I kissed my husband and said "I love you." Thats when our 5 year old son said to my husband "How can you love her so much if she's so ugly?" FML

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By Anonymous

Today, just a day prior to my vacation starting, I learned that my five-day "seasonal fever" is actually due to a blood infection from a bacteria. FML

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By Adrian James

Today, I got into a fight with my roommate's girlfriend's best friend. A few hours later, they had me evicted. FML

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By RingofFire - United States - Edenville

Today, I was standing on the patio when one of my upstairs neighbors threw a cigarette butt over the balcony. It landed on my head and burned some of my hair. FML

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By Foreverathome - United States

Today, after months of telling my parents I was going to live on my own, I finally moved out. Not even 24 hours being out of their house, some reject burned down the apartment complex I live in. Guess who's moving back home. FML

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By disturbed - Ireland

Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML

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By well_f_u_too

Today, I took a night train for the first time. I woke up at 4 am to the beeping of smoke alarms and thick white smoke everywhere. The train had caught on fire. FML

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By youredisgusting - United States - Merced

Today, my roommate yelled at me yet again for using the dishwasher because it's "unsanitary." This is all while a mountain of her dishes were going mouldy in the sink. FML

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By foxbrat - United States

Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing hysterically and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML

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By ClumsyKatey

Today, due to an incident with the dishwasher, a coatrack and my bathrobe, I ended up locked out of my house naked as a jaybird. I had to hide in the backyard for several hours until my family got home from their various activities to get back in. They still haven't stopped laughing at me. FML

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By Oops

Today, I submitted some honest negative feedback to the customer service team of all my favourite games, Today is also the day all my accounts got permanently banned from my console and I have lost all my progress. Bye bye 22 years. FML

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By Garry - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that my staff doesn't take me seriously. I walked in on my chef, who had just spent an hour and half a block of cheese carving cheddar goggles for himself. When I confronted him, he pulled up his t-shirt to reveal a cocktail sausage taped to his stomach. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was telling my students that it's unnecessary to put arrows on the bottom of the page to tell me there's work on the back, I check it anyway. At the end of the day, at least 6 kids came up to me asking to change their grade because I forgot to grade the back. They hadn't put arrows. FML

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By The V Sal - United States

Today, I was helping supervise a 5 year old's birthday party in an inflatable obstacle course. I was playing hide and seek with them. I saw the birthday boy and crept around the corner and yelled "Found you!" He peed his pants. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Puyallup

Today, my mother shared my phone number with my brother, despite my explicit wishes that she didn't. He immediately went and put it on Craigslist and several other websites. This is the fourth time I've had to change my number for that very same reason. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was told that I don't meet the minimum requirements for a job I applied for. I currently hold the same job, at the same facility, but just wanted a day shift. Apparently I'm not qualified for the job I've had for 2 and a half years. FML

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Top comments

By cococola | 0

#57962 - Wednesday 25 March 2009 19:59

wow your friends are assholes

By SonofVBeach | 0

#57979 - Wednesday 25 March 2009 20:05

Clearly you snack too much, and you have friends who care...you are a loved gorger.

COMMENTS

By cococola | 0

#57962 - Wednesday 25 March 2009 19:59

wow your friends are assholes

Reply

MagnoliaFrog | 0

#965530 - Sunday 21 March 2010 4:45

lmfao that's awesome. good prank

Reply

WTSchool | 0

#1346253 - Friday 3 September 2010 22:59

I would love your friends. xD

Reply

fence4good | 0

#4337848 - Sunday 22 April 2012 6:13

I dont get how this is a problem....

By Toxic_John | 0

#57964 - Wednesday 25 March 2009 20:00

dude they took it a lil to much

Reply

abrons | 0

#4918169 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 5:16

To far**

Reply

SomeRandomGuy15 | 18

#5394011 - Tuesday 5 March 2013 17:31

*too far.

By JackTheRipper_fml | 0

#57966 - Wednesday 25 March 2009 20:01

well they're doing you a favor fatty

By vvtumblesbee | 0

#57974 - Wednesday 25 March 2009 20:04

they're pretty crappy friends.

By TEAZO | 0

#57975 - Wednesday 25 March 2009 20:04

well i wouldn't say they were ur friends if they do shit like that.

By nicelander | 1

#57976 - Wednesday 25 March 2009 20:04

Don't feed Don Vito!

Reply

troyboyd05 | 0

#903136 - Monday 1 March 2010 5:59

It's don't feed Phil. Dumb fuck.

Reply

wrest13 | 0

#1520451 - Saturday 9 October 2010 6:14

So close, but no.

By SonofVBeach | 0

#57979 - Wednesday 25 March 2009 20:05

Clearly you snack too much, and you have friends who care...you are a loved gorger.

By kwbuzz23wk | 0

#57983 - Wednesday 25 March 2009 20:06

thats fucked up, doctor a photo of one of them fucking a blow up doll or something.

By mushroomcloud | 0

#57984 - Wednesday 25 March 2009 20:06

LMAO. AMAZING

By greenman_fml | 0

#57986 - Wednesday 25 March 2009 20:06

is this an FML also because it's a weed reference? or just because you're fat and prolong your fatness with snacks?