Miscellaneous: Today, my friends decided it would be funny to scare me by tilting... - FML

By dontevenassk - Canada

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to scare me by tilting the portable street toilets while I was taking a dump in one of them. One of my friends accidentally rocked it too hard and it fell on the floor. They wouldn't even let me sit in the car after because I had shit all over me. FML

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Dangling modifier

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By Ah - France

Today, my boyfriend said we should re-enact a porn episode he saw. I jokingly said yes. He had an outfit and everything. I thought it was going to be fun, until he started playing Bon Jovi in the background. FML

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By sabz21 - United States - Naugatuck

Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist, I was saying, "May the force be with you". FML

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By dinosaurboy - United States

Today, my mom and I went to the mall to look for some boxer briefs. While looking, I saw two girls I knew from school, so I went over to say hello. At least, that was my plan, but my mom screamed, "Look! These have dinosaurs on them!" They left the store giggling. FML

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By RoyallyGrossedOut - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he hasn't been to the dentist in two years and definitely doesn't plan on it because, "That's just how the government steals more money." FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got up early and really put some extra effort into my appearance to catch the eye of a cute guy at work. I walked in and the woman that sits in the desk beside me looks over and says, "wow, are you sick? You're not looking too good." FML

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By TheFatOne - United States

Today, I had to cancel my plans to go see my grandma, because I wasn't feeling too well. I called her to apologize, but she had trouble remembering who I was. When I told her my name, she said "Oh, the FAT one." Yes grandma, the fat one. FML

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By chevygirl51 - United States

Today, I took my driving test. It was all going well until out of habit from driving with my boyfriend, I reached over and held my instructor's hand. FML

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By Anurag1903 - 8/2/2021 12:31 - India

It ain't over til it's over

Today, finally in a the right state of mind to move on from my ex, she dropped a nuke in my life by stating she's getting married. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girl and I were in bed trying to nap before class. She kept tossing and turning, obvious signs that she was having no luck. Sweetly, I ask her if there was anything I could do to help her relax. She says "you can tell me a story about your day, that always puts me to sleep". FML

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By happyturtle - Croatia

Today, someone stole my umbrella. It was pouring heavily, and I was using it at the time. FML

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By COCKYmanUSC - United States

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by. The attackers used water guns. FML

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By sorry dawg

Today, my coworker had been distraught over not being able to keep his dog after his divorce, so trying to be sweet, I'd ordered a specially-made stuffy that looked like it. I put it on his desk with a note and cookies. He thought I was mocking him and threw the plate at me. FML

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By 20lbknockout - United States

Today, I was exercising, laid on my back, lifting weights over my head. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to casually sit by my feet and suddenly tickle them mercilessly. Caught off guard, I started wiggling, laughed and dropped the weights. On my face. FML

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By someonepleasehelpme - United States - Centreville

Today, I ran into my boyfriend of 5 years. The weird thing was that he was supposed to be in Iran. The even weirder thing was that he was with his wife and kids. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/8/2020 23:02

Is this a joke?

Today, I told my wife if she wanted to get a divorce, she just had to get a cat since I'm deathly allergic. She got two. FML

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By BadKneeBackAndSinuses

Today, I found out I have to have an operation. This will be the third in 3 years, all for completely unrelated reasons. I'm only 26 and apparently my body is already falling apart at the seams. FML

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By Mervin22 - Australia

Today, I broke my arm. When I got home from the doctors with my cast, I fell asleep on the couch from the medicine. When I woke up, there were swastikas, "I love the KKK", and multiple penises written all over my cast. My dad thought it would be funny. FML

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By sleepless - United States

Today, my insomnia started back up again. It was too late to get something to help me sleep so I was lying there wondering what I should do. I decided to listen to some ambient music. It helped a lot, but when I was about to fall asleep my parents decided to start doing 'it'. FML

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By Milly

Today, it's my birthday, and my coworkers gave me a $75 gift card to a restaurant chain near my house. Later in the evening, I found out the chain of restaurants abruptly closed. All of them. FML

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By Fatty - Canada

Today, I was making out with this guy that I like. In an attempt to be romantic, he tried to pick me up and press me against the wall. He couldn't lift me off the ground. FML

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By worried - United Kingdom

Today, I heard that a boy in my class had written a song about me. Intrigued, I went to see him perform. I spent 3 excruciating minutes listening to a song about 'the girl of his dreams', his tear-filled eyes staring into mine the whole time. I have to sit next to this freak for the next 2 years. FML

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By Thai rice mistake - United States - Oakland

Today, I was super hungry and went to a Thai restaurant. The waitress left two small bowls of fried rice on the counter, and I thought they were for me. I ate one and a lady came over screaming. Apparently the small cups of rice was part of a religious ceremony. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I've spent nearly three weeks indulging my boyfriend's weird fetish, where he wears a hockey mask and I call him Jason. He just confessed it isn't really a fetish for him and that was just fucking with me. He's already told all his friends. I'm humiliated. FML

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By fuck you right back, cockspit - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the creepy guy I turned down for a date almost six years ago, sent me a box of rotting flowers with a note calling me a cunt. FML

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By shary - 12/1/2021 01:59

Unreasonable

Today, I was terminated from my job because my boss “felt like it.” My parents have made it clear to me that if I am ever fired from a job, for any reason, they will kick me out on the street and never speak to me again. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML

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By Infadel - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was prepping for an interview after several months of unemployment. I had just finished brushing my teeth when I reached back and grabbed a towel behind me to wipe my face. Turns out it wasn't a towel, it was my newly dry-cleaned suit jacket that my wife had put there for me. FML

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By ineedanotherdrink - United States

Today, I went out drinking with a female friend I've been crushing on for a while now. After we'd been talking and had a few, She said 'Man, I haven't gotten laid in months! Do you mind?'. Surprised but hopeful, I nodded. She leaned over, hugged me, and went to hit on a guy at the bar. FML

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By akasoor - Canada - Hythe

Today, I went to the local pet store to purchase a large dog bed so my dog wouldn't sleep in mine. After I got home and set up her bed, I realized I forgot to buy dog treats. When I came home again, her new bed was torn to shreds, and she was still sleeping on my bed. FML

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By Akashi - 22/7/2020 14:00

Nutfirecracker

Today, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the couch and his legs were on my lap. We heard a loud firework from somewhere outside our window, we both jumped and I felt the pain of him kicking me in the nuts. FML

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By bestiality, not even once - Ireland - Waterford

Today, I walked into the living room, only to find my brother wanking off to an episode of My Little Pony. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girfriend of two years told me she wasn't actually a lesbian and our relationship was more of a 'learning experience'. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, on a dating site, I was matched with my brother, again. FML

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By Colin - France

Today, I phoned up my bank's customer service department. I waited eleven minutes on hold with the lovely music, and when a woman finally picked up, I ran out of phone credit. FML

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By ohyey - Norway

Dead bed

Today, I discovered that my wife isn't cheating on me after all, as I'd feared. We just don't have sex anymore. FML

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By Anonymous

The Candidate

Today, my sister-in-law announced she would like me to be her surrogate, so that her body doesn't look like a stretched wobbly mess after childbirth. Apparently, I'm a perfect candidate, as "we won't see a difference." FML

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By iLuvsIt - Australia - Belmont

Today, my friend joked to my co-workers that my kitty-cat of a husband was going to beat me for spending $200 on shoes. Later on, my rather large dog was so excited to see me when I walked in the door, he split my lip. Somehow, I don't think they'll believe me when I get to the office tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was having trouble sleeping, and I was almost asleep when I got a call from one of those spam places. They left a voicemail, which I made the mistake of listening to. The voice was so slowed down, it was very creepy, especially late at night. I don't think I'll be sleeping at all tonight. FML

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By fmlfmlfml - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend rekindled the romance with his ex, at my 21st birthday party. One of the few reasons I'd invited her was to show that I trusted him, and I no longer felt threatened by their continued friendship. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, as part of the treatment for my bulimia, my doctor informed me that I will not be allowed to go to the bathroom unsupervised. Meaning there will have to be another person in the bathroom with me at all times. I have a nervous bladder. I couldn't go if I wanted to. FML

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Top comments

By ostensibly | 0

#296963 - Friday 12 June 2009 12:04

That's so fucking vile--I don't even know what I'd do. Probably jump in the nearest lake.

By biancagolden | 0

#296966 - Friday 12 June 2009 12:04

That's so shitty of them D:

COMMENTS

By ostensibly | 0

#296963 - Friday 12 June 2009 12:04

That's so fucking vile--I don't even know what I'd do. Probably jump in the nearest lake.

Reply

grovyle210 | 3

#1311278 - Saturday 28 August 2010 7:48

...*barf*

Reply

domking1315 | 20

#5135659 - Saturday 10 November 2012 22:33

Cuss

By biancagolden | 0

#296966 - Friday 12 June 2009 12:04

That's so shitty of them D:

Reply

writergirl69 | 0

#1141010 - Monday 26 July 2010 4:51

quite literally

By hypothetically | 0

#296967 - Friday 12 June 2009 12:05

Recreating volume 1 of Jackass!

Reply

Humanspider | 18

#3680808 - Sunday 4 December 2011 13:21

I HATE THAT FUCKING SHOW SO MUCH!

By ostensibly | 0

#296976 - Friday 12 June 2009 12:07

Also, you got your shit rocked.

By 9six7four4 | 0

#296979 - Friday 12 June 2009 12:09

FYL for sure but you should've just sat ON their car and rolled around a little bit then.

By shimmyya88 | 0

#296987 - Friday 12 June 2009 12:13

You should've just jumped in the car anyway, they deserved it. Sorry man.

By wtrplochica | 0

#296991 - Friday 12 June 2009 12:14

Ewwww that's nasty. Your friends suck. I agree roll on the car or something...sure it was on accident?

By Cat135 | 0

#296998 - Friday 12 June 2009 12:18

hahahahaha that's so funny! nothing better than a shit-shower!

By Jimboom | 11

#296999 - Friday 12 June 2009 12:18

Forgive your friends and give them a great big hug!!! :)

By CykoX | 0

#297002 - Friday 12 June 2009 12:20

This FML stinks.