Miscellaneous: Today, my friends and I were goofing off playing tag behind the...

By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 13:30 - United States - Boston

Today, my friends and I were goofing off playing tag behind the local church, when I heard a banshee-like wail behind me. Assuming it was one of my friends, I wailed right back and ran. Turned out there was actually a funeral going on, and the wail was from one of the bereaved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 264

You deserved it 7 855

Miscellaneous

Dysfunctional

You tried

Age difference

By stupidapperently - 01/02/2013 04:06 - United States

Today, while checking out a couple at work, I handed them their receipt and wished them a good day. The woman promptly pulled her husband to the side, and whispered to him about how much of a "fucking idiot" I was for making the prices so high. I work at McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 628

You deserved it 2 395

By TTR - 13/11/2011 00:36 - United States

Today, I finished a very important but annoying presentation that took four hours to complete. Only after writing a paragraph to explain the presentation and sending it to my boss did I realize that I saved the document as "Shit I have to do to get a promotion." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 900

You deserved it 44 587

By noexceptions - 11/11/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, at school, I got stuck in the elevator and was about to panic before I remembered I had my phone. I called my mother and she called the school to tell them that I was stuck. They got me out in a few minutes and then confiscated my phone and gave me two detentions for using it in school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 471

You deserved it 3 426

By Orangehead - 28/11/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, I went shopping with some friends. We were tired from walking around the mall all night, so we decided to sit and relax at a table. I was about to close my eyes when I got smacked on the forehead by an orange falling from the second floor of the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 258

You deserved it 3 889

By Anonymous - 13/10/2008 08:28

Today, during the trailers at the movies, my boyfriend elbowed me in the ribs and smiled when an ad for a weight loss institute was shown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 897

You deserved it 17 298

By heheheh - 22/08/2011 06:43 - Canada

Today, I burned my tongue. With a flat iron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 959

You deserved it 57 627

By ohwell - 09/06/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, I finally confessed to the guy I've liked for 2 years. I told him that I've really liked him for a long time and that I knew he had a girlfriend and I didn't expect anything from him, I just wanted him to know. His response: "Are you done? 'Cause I need to go to the bathroom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 158

You deserved it 17 295

I heard that

By Anonymous - 25/04/2011 09:20 - Ireland

Today, I organised a romantic day trip for me and my boyfriend to some tropical gardens. I packed lunch and paid for the tickets. He decided to bring a friend, who doesn't speak English. The only thing that he said that I understood was that, "Your girlfriend eats a lot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 196

You deserved it 4 482

By bumpyroad - 17/04/2011 14:29 - Australia

Today, my husband and I were diagnosed with herpes. We've been together for five years and were both virgins before. Even the doctor couldn't give any other explanation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 373

You deserved it 7 617

By nutsucker - 08/03/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 433

You deserved it 10 843

By motherlylove - 08/07/2018 15:00

Today, my mother-in-law screamed at the top of her lungs in front of our friends and family that I was stealing her baby away from her. I'd only suggested we go home because he had a migraine. Her baby is 24 years old and has been married to me for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 391

You deserved it 269

Gene Simmons approves this FML

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was messing around with my boyfriend, trying to get him to tell me he loved me more than KISS, his favorite band. He couldn't do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 416

You deserved it 12 164

Double crossed

By ??? - 19/07/2020 05:01

Today, I found out the best man at my wedding was banging my wife after years of being married. My best man was my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 284

You deserved it 146

By Taraa3 - 10/10/2009 10:19 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend came to wake me up with some flowers and breakfast in bed. We started getting intimate, after a short while, there was a knock. We looked out of the window and there was the window cleaner with his thumbs up and grinning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 116

You deserved it 5 021

By Katherine - 13/02/2012 21:23 - United States

Today, I was talking to a friend about how many germs live on the average cell phone. My five year old son apparently overheard me talking, and decided to give my cell phone a bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 549

You deserved it 6 471

By TriangularBanana - 06/05/2016 21:45 - United States - Cypress

Today, a girl stole my heart. She also stole my wallet, phone, and keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 003

You deserved it 1 570

By Anonymous - 22/08/2009 19:39 - Canada

Today, I found out that the crumbs on the couch that look like the oreos you just ate, can actually turn out to be very crunchy, and have legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 989

You deserved it 46 066

By Anonymous - 15/01/2014 18:25 - Italy - Pistoia

Today, I found out that the generous gift from my boyfriend of a new iPhone was only given so he could use the "find my phone" function to make sure I'm always where I say I am each day. I'm being stalked by my own boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 079

You deserved it 8 921

By rescuetheduck - 10/04/2012 19:26 - Finland - Joensuu

Today, I was at the grocery store, waiting in line to pay. A man jumped me from behind, and my first reflex was to brutally elbow him in the face. I soon discovered my attacker was one of the patients at the disability house at which I work, and he was trying to hug me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 839

You deserved it 7 247

Free healthcare for all

By Anonymous - 07/03/2021 02:00

Today, I learned that my MS medication is going to cost 25k a month. My insurance won't cover a cent. I don't even make that much in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 343

You deserved it 54

By Anonymous - 09/08/2017 20:00

Today, I got a call from the wife, but I was asleep so she left a voicemail. Seems like she accidentally called while sleeping with another man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 035

You deserved it 342

By Elephant1718 - 12/06/2013 01:16 - United States - The Dalles

Today, I was looking forward to my only day to sleep-in this month while I'm balancing school and work. I was rudely awakened at 6 am by my sister and her friend trying to make pancakes, burning them, and setting off the fire alarm in my house for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 802

You deserved it 3 034

By facepalm - 06/06/2012 08:06 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, my mother is trying to convince me to divorce my husband. He has a tattoo of a skull on his shoulder and she believes this means he kills people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 998

You deserved it 3 032

By Anonymous - 23/11/2014 00:10 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to conquer my fear of blades, and tried shaving my legs with a razor. I sat on the side of my bathtub and wet my legs, but some of the water splashed. I slipped on it and fell back, hitting my head on the tile wall and slicing my leg open at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 101

You deserved it 5 944

Friend request

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 16:57

Today, I saw a man begging for change downtown. I offered to buy him a meal, just to help him out with food. He said, "Sure, does Friday work?" I told him that I didn't mean it like that. Three hours later, he found me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 154

By shelly - 08/03/2012 22:23 - United States

Today, I was locked out of my house and had to pee. I waited an hour for my boyfriend to come home. When I saw him pull into the driveway, I peed myself in excitement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 492

You deserved it 7 388

By Himynameisjacob - 05/01/2010 07:18 - United States

Today, I was told that, although I was sick on the last day before break, they would still accept the 24 page essay that I had written. Tonight, as I went to print it out, I found that my dad had "cleaned up a bit" on my computer, including the documents from last semester. I have school tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 486

You deserved it 3 315

By fantastic - 03/02/2012 18:47 - France

Today, I went to the store to get Valentine's Day gifts to decorate my boyfriend's and my new apartment. He was there shopping with his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 882

You deserved it 5 091

By soldierboy - 30/08/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, after nearly 2 years of continuous fighting in Afghanistan, my unit came home. We were booed at the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141 520

You deserved it 13 682

By mrosewrosem - 12/12/2018 05:00

Today, I woke up with a swollen face and have been diagnosed with mumps. Despite having been vaccinated against it. Twice. I have three assignments due next week and I can barely stay awake long enough to type this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 603

You deserved it 239

By Anonymous - 07/02/2011 19:57 - Australia

Today, scarcely having time to look at myself, I quickly got dressed and went to work. Only when I got there and saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror did I notice that the colour and detail of my black lacy bra could easily be seen. I work for a construction company. Full of men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 003

You deserved it 32 629

By trixanne - 06/01/2015 20:57 - Australia - Sydney

Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I went to leave my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 157

You deserved it 3 762

Hidden talent

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 14:01

Today, my son brought home his Muslim girlfriend and I had to watch my husband almost physically restraining himself from making a racist comment, especially since she was wearing a headscarf. No, I was not aware he was this much of a racist when I married him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 509

You deserved it 250

By Anonymous - 23/07/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, as I was putting groceries away, I went to open my freezer door which randomly gets stuck by giving it a good tug, and a frozen hamburger fell on my right foot. My right foot, which is currently healing from a sprain I got a couple days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 111

You deserved it 176

By Anonymous - 05/02/2017 05:00 - United States - Fresno

Today, I got a badly-needed job at a local discount store. After being hired, I found out I'm to help with the soon-to-begin store closing sale, and I'll be jobless again after 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 859

You deserved it 442

By Adam Gordon - 30/03/2017 14:00

Today, I received a Snapchat of a horse-drawn carriage version of a hearse. I replied, "That's so extra!" because I thought it was finals week at her school. Turns out, she's at her uncle's funeral. He was an officer in the Air Force and there's going to be a 21-gun salute in his honor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 126

You deserved it 2 047

By jrocks - 19/05/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 855

You deserved it 70 539

It's alive!

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, I decided I'd take a nap in my car because I got to work very early. As I was waking up from my nap, I saw a cop looking right at me. Turns out, a lady who'd parked her car right next to mine after I was asleep had called the cops on me because she thought I was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 568

You deserved it 4 342

By keifer13 - 03/06/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, it was my high school graduation. I brought my camera to capture these last memories, only to discover that the batteries were dead. When I got home and went to change them, I realized they were not dead, they were just put in the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 604

You deserved it 56 135

By Jaclk - 24/04/2012 21:28 - United States - Needham

Today, my parents went out of town and I was home all alone. I put up party decorations such as streamers, balloons and confetti. Then, I drank out of red cups, crushed them up and put them all over the house. I didn't have a party, I just wanted to convince my family that I'm not a loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 840

You deserved it 19 734

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Top comments

fifi125 21

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Thursday 28 January 2016 0:10

Now the mourner will forever hold the thought that their deceased loved one wailed right back at them in their time of need. Good on ya OP!

UUUHQ 11

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Thursday 28 January 2016 0:09

wail you certainly done goofed now didn't you?

UUUHQ 11

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Thursday 28 January 2016 0:09

wail you certainly done goofed now didn't you?

fifi125 21

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Thursday 28 January 2016 0:10

Now the mourner will forever hold the thought that their deceased loved one wailed right back at them in their time of need. Good on ya OP!

irwingiggles 26

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Thursday 28 January 2016 0:10

Why on earth would you be goofing around behind a church, kind of a strange place to meet up with your friends

heirofhope 38

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Thursday 28 January 2016 0:22

Some places in towns are in open areas like a field or such, people hang out by my school just because there's free space around it to do whatever, so they probably met there to have fun and then started a game. It's not very unusual if you come from a small town or suburban background.

GhostFox 33

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Thursday 28 January 2016 1:10

Graveyards are the only place to play hide and seek type games where I live. Everywhere else is either flooded, flat grasslands, or private woods with owners that have guns...or some combination of the three. Might be the the same in OP's case.

khaoticpanda 28

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Thursday 28 January 2016 3:50

Different towns have different hangout spots, it happens.

AgentSkyeBarnes 16

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Monday 1 February 2016 11:05

welcome to small-town America. When you're underage in a small town, you get your kicks in the weirdest ways

lui_pg 21

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Thursday 28 January 2016 0:12

Did you tag them?

corky1992 33

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Thursday 28 January 2016 0:15

Being by the church should have been your first clue..

SpyroMello 29

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Thursday 28 January 2016 3:19

Not necessarily. You could go to church for many reasons and where I'm from, we have a church with a large cornfield behind it, so when they harvest it, kids like to go back there and play. Pretty normal to me.

heirofhope 38

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Thursday 28 January 2016 0:18

In your defense that's pretty intense, funerals are supposed to be relatively peaceful in respect to the other attendees who want their final moments with the deceased to be tranquil and bring closure. Hopefully they didn't see you before you got away! Sounds like something that would happen to me and my friends :).

Jaadde 24

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Thursday 28 January 2016 2:09

I'm not sure I'm convinced that funerals are 'supposed' to be peaceful, if someone needs to cry or wail as part of their grieving process they should be able to. We've done something weird to grief in the West, it's expected to be a silent and/or private thing but that's not necessarily possible or healthy.

OrganicSistah 17

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Thursday 28 January 2016 4:33

In my culture, funerals are anything but peaceful. I was raised in a culture where we love our loved ones hard. That's not to say that others don't, but when we loose one of ours, we don't hold back. We let it ALL out!! There's no such thing as sniffling quietly when it is someone you are closed to. That's just the way we love our own kind, because tbe rest of the world hates us.

gosh_mate 30

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Thursday 28 January 2016 0:18

Should be more aware of you're surroundings OP. If you're playing by a church, chances are the people attending my be in a time of great need or after some peace.