Work: Today, my friend had to leave work early for a funeral and on... - FML

By jalopenos - 29/01/2009 10:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend had to leave work early for a funeral and on his way out I wanted to say something. All I could think of was "have fun". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 738

You deserved it 22 615

Good kid

This Charming Man

Operation time!

By sarahhh - 13/02/2009 19:18 - United States

Today, I got my boyfriend a pair of concert tickets for his birthday. He loved the gift, but turned to me and said "Do I have to bring you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 492

You deserved it 3 508

By Anonymous - 17/06/2013 05:54 - United States

Today, I lost my virginity. Not only did my parents somehow find out, they posted about it on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 260

You deserved it 11 242

Inebriated utterances

By Brenden Alistair Maye - 30/07/2021 01:59

Today, after the girl I fell head over heels for asked me out last night, it turns out she was so drunk at the time, she doesn't remember and doesn't want to date me at all. I'm beginning to feel like my life is some shitty movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 87

Paternity test before the rest

By Anonymous - 26/01/2021 23:01 - United States

Today, after always laughing when my mom told me to avoid dating any guy with green eyes and thinking it was some weird prejudice, she told me the truth. My father cheated and had at least six other kids. They all have green eyes and look alike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 50

By rejected - 02/10/2014 08:56 - United Kingdom - Harlow

Today, I thought I was finally over my anxiety problem, and confidently went to my first ever job interview. Halfway through, the manager tells me that if I didn't stop being so nervous, he couldn't give me the job. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 324

You deserved it 5 013

The big C

By Anonymous - 10/12/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I had an offer for a job, and was going to receive the offer letter… only if I would postpone my oncologist appointments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 75

Get where you can!

By Anonymous - 10/06/2014 02:14 - United States - Richmond

Spicy

Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 332

You deserved it 9 755

By Anonymous - 06/10/2010 08:30 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my new boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he said: "I know women who would be really self-conscious about nipples like that. I love that you accept yourself." I had no clue there was anything odd about my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 884

You deserved it 3 708

By Scarred - 04/04/2012 03:27 - United States - Marquette

Today, while at work, I found a dead dog in a freezer. Turns out it's been in there for over 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 201

You deserved it 2 345

By Anonymous - 15/10/2011 06:58 - United States

Today, I saw an unbelievably cute guy. He caught my eye and began to walk towards me. I adjusted myself and flashed him a smile. He came up to me, smiled back, and said "Hi, do you have a minute for gay rights?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 445

You deserved it 8 349

By frgn8r - 31/05/2010 11:59 - Australia

Today, my friends and I finished a 2 day, 40km bush walk. We parked a car at the finish of the track and drove another car to the start, so we could drive back and pick it up when we finished. At the end of the trek, I realised I had left the keys for the second car in the first car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 127

You deserved it 35 887

By duuuuude - 17/04/2009 03:08 - United States

Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 902

You deserved it 23 237

By xmelissadavisx - 28/11/2015 12:21

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train looked like he was about to be sick. I quickly handed him the nearest bag I could find, a bag full of my lunch for that day. Safe to say he held nothing back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 505

You deserved it 3 530

By Js2cool - 29/09/2015 02:32 - United States - Fitchburg

Today, I went to clean my cat's litter box, not realizing she was in it. As I lifted the top half of the litter box up, she sprayed me with piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 024

You deserved it 7 087

Healthcare for all

By Anonymous - 01/10/2021 11:01

Today, I’m massively depressed and I live in a state that will prosecute you for attempted suicide, but will do nothing to help you afford mental health. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 098

You deserved it 81

By nipman - 25/04/2011 19:12 - United States

Today, my grandpa who is staying with us mistook me for a Japanese soldier and started to hit me with a bat. This is the second night in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 128

You deserved it 3 842

By Jasmine_smilee - 02/09/2013 06:47 - United States - Canby

Today, I had to finally accept that I have an eating disorder when I caught myself checking for the nutrition facts and calories on my shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 084

You deserved it 8 891

By insert pussy pun, hurr durr - 29/06/2016 17:34 - United States - Hopkinsville

Today, my boyfriend got irrationally pissed at me because his cat decided to sit on my lap instead of his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 235

You deserved it 1 137

By DrunkParents - 31/03/2015 23:32 - United States - Billings

Today, a really drunk couple staggered into the store I work at. One of them yelled at me, "Hey you! Kid! Tell us where the booze is at!" This would have been funny if these people weren't my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 775

You deserved it 2 714

By Anonymous - 01/05/2015 15:25

Today, my dad got over his aversion to tight pants, giving everyone at the DMV a good look at his package in skin-tight blue jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 398

You deserved it 2 387

By thatsmejl - 15/09/2011 13:47 - United States

Today, I had to fire an employee because she constantly calls in, or is late to work. She became very emotional and I felt kind of bad, so I walked her out myself. We then got stuck in the company elevator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 102

You deserved it 3 936

Fate, up against your will

By Gerry - 03/01/2021 17:03

Today, according to my wife of 30 years, I'm finally old enough that I look, smell, sound and act like my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 98

By badhairday - 04/09/2009 20:10 - United States

Today, was a nice day, so I opened the sunroof and all the windows in my car. My hair started flying around and at one point it went out the sunroof. My friends thought it would be funny to close my hair in the sunroof. They laughed until they couldn't open it up again. It short-circuited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 776

You deserved it 3 396

Uber sister

By Aerogal - 30/11/2020 17:01

Today, I took my sister to the airport, after she asked me to a week ago. Five minutes into the ride, she told me she wasn’t going to the one 20 minutes away, but the one an hour away instead and gave me no gas money. FM

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 156

By Stupidteach - 11/11/2009 12:47 - United States

Today, I asked my father for some help paying my college tuition. He told me he'd help me after I become more accredited than he is. My father has 2 PHDs. I'm studying to be an elementary school teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 011

You deserved it 3 928

By VahnSeiro - 20/02/2010 06:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me, drunk, telling me how much anal sex hurts with some other guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 340

You deserved it 2 720

By Anonymous - 14/01/2012 18:26 - United States

Today, my future mother-in-law started shit-talking me on Facebook, and we got into a heated argument. She called me later in the day, saying I'll be lucky if I ever marry her son and that, "You'll suffer to your last breath." I'm now terrified to set foot outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 144

You deserved it 6 008

Nothing

By Anonymous - 26/02/2020 01:00

Today, I realized that I'm on the top of not having my drivers license/ state ID (I was submitting my taxes and needed it) I also threw away my brand new passport because I thought it was trash in my boyfriends car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 2 381

By heatproblems - 19/12/2009 20:10 - United States

Today, I can't get my heat to turn off. It is currently 87 degrees Fahrenheit in my house, and my heat is running non-stop. It's about 20 degrees outside with over a foot of snow on the ground, so a repairman can't come out to fix it. My electricity bill will be about $1000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 760

You deserved it 3 548

Watch out for them slappers

By Anonymous - 30/03/2021 14:01

Today, my medium-sized poxer dog was sitting on my lap. He shook his head, managing to slap me in the face with his ears three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 249

By M - 20/09/2015 23:59 - United Kingdom - Clevedon

Spicy

Today, during a work meeting, my boss leaned over to me and whispered, "I suggest we fuck". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 159

You deserved it 2 505

One man and his lawn

By Anonymous - 14/09/2021 16:00 - United States - Little Rock

Today, my husband, who rarely helps with big projects around the house, offered to help me with our mess of a backyard. An hour and a half into the project, and an hour and a half after he disappeared from the backyard, I found him mowing and edging the front. Our front yard was immaculate and didn't need mowed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 97

He bangs the drums

By PhilDavisDied? - 30/09/2010 10:33 - France

Today, after pulling up to my girlfriend's house for dinner with her parents, one of my favorite songs begin to play on the radio. After my 3 minutes of air drumming, I look up to see my girlfriend and her parents bouncing with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 109

You deserved it 34 971

Nice guy

By LucklessNiceGuy - 05/12/2011 07:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was fired from my job on account of "sexual harassment" toward female employees. The harassment? Jokingly offering them foot massages when they were complaining about how their feet ached after a long shift, and complimenting them about their appearance when they felt down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 453

You deserved it 43 742

By Anonymous - 26/07/2014 15:35 - United States - Pittsfield

Today, I found out my sister stole my phone, pretended to be me, and tried breaking up with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 268

You deserved it 4 738

By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 22:00 - Canada

Today, I went to my Calculus lecture, one of a class of 200 people. As I looked down I noticed that a guy a few rows in front of me was on Facebook. When I took a closer look, I noticed he was viewing my profile. He stalked the profile for a full 45 minutes. I have never met this guy in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 263

You deserved it 5 441

By shnigel - 27/02/2010 20:04 - United States

Today, I got sent out of the class for "inappropriate" behaviour. The teacher later forgot about me and sent a notice home to my parents stating that I skipped class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 349

You deserved it 7 301

By htothecr - 03/05/2009 21:05 - United States

Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 176

You deserved it 140 888

By Angelica - 26/05/2011 03:19 - Canada

Today, I finally got the wedding dress I've been waiting months to see. It turns out that my mom ordered the dress 2 sizes smaller than my size, this way it will be "an incentive to lose weight". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 466

You deserved it 6 138

By EconM - 03/10/2013 15:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I went to one of the United States Mints since he enjoys coins. He looked at the money and seriously said, "I have such a hard on". He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 139

You deserved it 5 328

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Friday 6 March 2009 8:16

whoops

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Monday 30 March 2009 1:47

I said that to my first girlfriend, they get over it soon enough, just be sure to remind them you were nervous :P

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Friday 6 March 2009 8:16

whoops

BurnBabyyBurn 0

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Wednesday 18 March 2009 16:16

hahaha my friend had to go to a funeral, and i didnt hear her right, and i was like "oh really what for?" shes like my aunt had a heart attack. i bust out lauging...

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Monday 30 March 2009 1:47

I said that to my first girlfriend, they get over it soon enough, just be sure to remind them you were nervous :P

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Thursday 2 April 2009 3:01

hey, funerals can be fun too

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Saturday 3 April 2010 8:17

yeah especially if you can throw your voice.

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Thursday 20 December 2012 10:33

especially if it is someone you dont like

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Friday 12 June 2009 7:39

There is nothing wrong with saying have fun. It being a sad event your saying try and smile and see the good in the bad. So people are just not ready for grown conversation so they act like children and see only bad

eggbrtshootsfire 0

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Friday 12 June 2009 23:14

You should have told him to "put the 'fun' in 'funeral'"

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Saturday 10 October 2009 21:11

thats awesome dude

fuzzybrownbear 0

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Tuesday 13 October 2009 13:51

Its a natural response to anything, so its fine. And they should try and have fun by remembering the good memories of the person, not think of the bad things

Bethanynel813 0

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Saturday 16 January 2010 19:15

Oopsie

pingpongpickle 8

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Friday 30 April 2010 1:26

whoa! it is

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 7

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 879

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 1 080