Today, my friend and I were playing Oregon Trail online. I googled...

By Gabby - 11/2/2012 19:10 - United States

Today, my friend and I were playing Oregon Trail online. I googled "dysentery", and sent her an IM about the mind-blowing number of cartoons of people violently shitting everywhere. I accidentally sent it to my aunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8340

You deserved it

23247

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Out of it

That'll be Kevin in accounting

Sounds like a catch

By bigmouth - 2/8/2009 07:35 - United States

Today, I was working as a host at a pasta dinner. The hostess I was working with was very attractive and we were flirting quite a bit. A large woman walked in to be seated, and I leaned over to her and dared her to ask the woman if she wanted two chairs. She leaned back and said "that's my mom". FML

I agree, your life sucks

12656

You deserved it

74663

Favorite

By Noname - 4/2/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, a guy in the library came up to me and said, "You look very unproductive. It makes me depressed just watching you". FML

I agree, your life sucks

30853

You deserved it

4749

Favorite

By amberrenee91 - 19/3/2013 03:29 - United States - Ellwood City

Today, a cute guy who works at the mall winked at me. When I met up with my boyfriend, I bragged to him about it. His response was, "Don't flatter yourself, he winked at me too." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36465

You deserved it

17765

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/8/2019 22:00

Today, after a day of walking around downtown, shopping and going out to eat, I came home to notice I had a dirty thong stuck to the back of my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1412

You deserved it

575

Favorite

By Flabbergasted - 6/2/2009 21:32 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has been having an affair with another woman. He works with me and the woman also works in the same company. She is also married and is now 6 months pregnant. They are throwing a baby shower for her on Monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38613

You deserved it

2230

Favorite

By stupidtoothpick2 - 16/8/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43158

You deserved it

8450

Favorite

By pantyripper - 24/3/2014 12:39 - Australia - Essendon

Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34245

You deserved it

21562

Favorite

By xharuki - 29/8/2010 20:37 - United States

Today, I was closing at work when someone came in ten minutes before close (2am) and placed a huge order. I couldn't turn him away because he's my manager from my other job. He was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32560

You deserved it

3501

Favorite

By openmouthinsertfoot - 7/12/2010 17:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to leave my one-night stand in my flat because I was giving a guest lecture at the local university. Halfway through, I hear someone sneaking in so I jokingly asked if they had a 'wild night out.' It was the guy I slept with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13556

You deserved it

41607

Favorite

By nick - 12/1/2015 08:23 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I refused to serve a woman alcohol, as she looked underage. She complained to my manager about "age racism". FML

I agree, your life sucks

35775

You deserved it

2715

Favorite

By Fractured - 31/3/2012 01:43 - United States

Today, I fractured a bone in my knee. Now not only do I have to wear a huge knee brace for the next two months, I'll have to sit around in a hotel room all of next week while my family has fun skiing in the mountains. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26180

You deserved it

2633

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/8/2017 20:00

Today, I'm a counselor at summer camp. I don't know how to tell the 12-year-old girl in my cabin that I can hear porn playing through her headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4143

You deserved it

283

Favorite

By Suicidal - 20/12/2009 22:40 - Australia

Today, I had a mental breakdown after going through severe depression for several years. I told my boyfriend that everybody thinks I'm useless, to which he replied, "No you're not. You cook me good dinners." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30980

You deserved it

7678

Favorite

By WesJaz - 8/1/2010 16:35 - United States

Today, I was working as a cashier and a woman brought up a suitcase. As I was ringing her up I checked inside like I'm supposed to and I very jokingly say, "Look at all the stuff you're stealing." She laughed nervously then hit me in the head with her heavy purse before running out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36400

You deserved it

4435

Favorite

By GideonSquire - 13/6/2017 20:00

Today, I walked through a car park and brutally bashed my head, leaving a tennis ball sized lump on my forehead on an overhead sign saying, "Max height 6"6'". I'm 6"4'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3720

You deserved it

410

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/1/2010 08:55 - Australia

Today, I found out that my boyfriend isn't gay. Apparently, I just give good head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30968

You deserved it

7389

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/6/2016 07:04 - United States - Bellingham

Today, I was buried in texts from two of my bridesmaids about how much they hated their dresses. Dresses they helped pick. I can either be a bridezilla, put up with this for 4 more months, or ruin two friendships. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13630

You deserved it

1165

Favorite

By titou - 5/1/2009 03:33 - France

Today, well, last night, I told my girlfriend that I'm a light sleeper, and that the slightest disturbance will wake me up. As a result, this morning when I looked in the mirror I noticed a bunch of stuff written all over my body, like "You see, you didn't wake up!", "Nor now!". FML

I agree, your life sucks

9681

You deserved it

32450

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 07:14 - United States

Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62532

You deserved it

9255

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/4/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I went to the mall with a couple of friends. While walking through the parking lot, we saw a very dirty car. You couldn't even see the inside of the car through the windows. I thought it would be funny to trace on the window, "Wash Me." After doing so, the driver got out of the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10818

You deserved it

65270

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/12/2019 01:00 - United States

Laying eggs!

Today, I've has a constant feeling like something is moving in my ear. I'm a severe arachnaphobic, and my dad is trying to convince me a spider is in my ear laying eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1718

You deserved it

200

Favorite

By some people... - 19/9/2013 05:35 - United States

Today, a man at the comic book store I work at asked me if Spider-Man is based on a real story, and verbally abused me when, thinking he was joking, I laughed. He wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38727

You deserved it

3515

Favorite

By betchyo - 1/10/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, I was talking to my best friend. After admitting to me that he's gay, I gave him a hug for support and comfort, feeling his erection on my upper thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29635

You deserved it

5462

Favorite

By Shouldaknown - 6/8/2010 05:12 - United States

Today, I decided to watch a movie I hadn't seen before to bring my spirits up, as I've been feeling down lately. How did the movie end? Everybody died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31068

You deserved it

8364

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/11/2009 17:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a blind double date with my friend. My date was actually blind. Not so bad, he seemed nice, until he told me I sound ugly and annoying. My friend laughed and agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36367

You deserved it

3351

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/12/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, I got a call from a girl I fell madly in love with 8 years ago. She disappeared from my life with no trace. Turns out she just finalized her divorce, has 2 wild kids, packed on 75 lbs, has $25,000 in debt and is taking meds to keep from going crazy. Now she wants me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40097

You deserved it

3569

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/5/2020 20:02

Johnny Weissmuller over here

Today, I was walking in the woods with the girl I like when I saw a vine overhanging a small creek. Trying to make her laugh, I took off my shirt and started swinging on the vine like Tarzan. The vine snapped and I fell into the creek. Guess who's missing half the skin on his back? FML

I agree, your life sucks

640

You deserved it

2041

Favorite

By Ali - 4/10/2020 23:02

Gas wars

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time and we were alone. He was being super romantic and snuggling with me, and then out of nowhere he let out the biggest fart I've ever heard. He then explained how I should try to compete with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

993

You deserved it

329

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/7/2015 16:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I folded a stack of 2,500 brochures for the new exhibit we're putting on at the museum where I work. As I was finishing up, I got an email. The dates have just been changed, so all the brochures have to be reprinted and refolded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29138

You deserved it

1932

Favorite

By balloonface - 18/2/2016 07:48 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I finally treated myself and bought my first moisturizer. The woman at Sephora promised it would "retexturize my face." If by "retexturize" she meant, "make it feel like a rubber balloon," then she was right on the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19706

You deserved it

2288

Favorite

By anonymous - 3/6/2020 14:06

Stinky mom

Today, my mom once again cried that I never come to visit her. I’ve tried, but her house is just unbearable. It’s always no less than 80°F inside, and she also refuses to clean up. She just burns multiple candles and air fresheners all day to mask the smell. She refuses any cleaning help I offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1651

You deserved it

121

Favorite

By Augh. - 9/10/2009 02:30 - United States

Today, I discovered that the school I transferred from last year is closing. All the people that I so happily escaped from and left behind at that school will now be flocking to my new school senior year. Faaaantastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42176

You deserved it

3616

Favorite

By badluck_jean - 17/1/2015 13:54 - France

Today, at a ski resort, I tried to impress an attractive girl on the slopes and failed, horribly. I ended up with a mild concussion and some serious cuts after tripping, tumbling and hitting my head against the ground. I don't think she was impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24684

You deserved it

11020

Favorite

By j - 26/7/2011 02:03 - Canada

Today, I ran out of gas while driving, and had to call a tow truck. I drive a tow truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18360

You deserved it

30106

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/1/2016 16:13 - United States - Chicago

Today, I learned how it feels to sneeze after having major spinal surgery when the pain medication has almost completely worn off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25313

You deserved it

1577

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/12/2015 19:11 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, while putting a water bottle into the fridge, I suddenly had to sneeze. The force of my sneezing propelled my head against the open fridge door, causing a gushing wound to my forehead. Bless me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31014

You deserved it

3581

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 15:52 - United States

Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32453

You deserved it

5645

Favorite

By Notasinner - 24/5/2012 22:39 - United Kingdom - London

Today, a drunk man wearing a sandwich-board proclaiming that, "The end is nigh" threw some so-called holy water at me while bellowing, "It's what Jesus would've wanted" and that I should "repent for being an evil shite." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19761

You deserved it

2148

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/10/2012 20:08 - United States - Hobart

Today, while mowing the lawn, I was attacked by an underground hornet nest. I now have many stings, two scared dogs, and a mower still running outside. The hornets are swarming it and some are sitting on the lever, as if to turn it off. It's like they know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27976

You deserved it

1876

Favorite

By Just Awkward - 21/4/2017 02:00

Today, I was in class rubbing my hands together. The lecturer thought that because my hands were up, I had a question. I replied with, "Oh, no I was just playing with myself." Just as it left my mouth, I realised what I was saying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4404

You deserved it

1223

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By sarahchristinem | 3

#4023135 - Sunday 12 February 2012 1:56

Shit happens to fine assholes

By crystalnight | 19

#4023190 - Sunday 12 February 2012 2:02

I don't know why but I went to go Google it...

COMMENTS

By sarahchristinem | 3

#4023135 - Sunday 12 February 2012 1:56

Shit happens to fine assholes

grahambertus | 11

#4023723 - Sunday 12 February 2012 3:45

Everytime an FML involves fecal matter, nearly every comment is a 'shit' pun. Thank you for at least making an 'asshole' pun.

unoffensivename | 0

#4023800 - Sunday 12 February 2012 4:02

Op you deserved it for two reasons, 1 everyone deserves to play oregon trail, it's awesome,and 2 for looking at stuff like that

Swiftly | 0

#4023806 - Sunday 12 February 2012 4:06

Holy shit just stop overusing stupid puns

Mean_Mr_Mustard | 9

#4024042 - Sunday 12 February 2012 6:05

Worst comment thread EVER.

lebronesque73091 | 12

#4024146 - Sunday 12 February 2012 7:08

I don't understand this fml.

ohxdamnxkay02 | 12

#4024158 - Sunday 12 February 2012 7:15

Am i the only one who does not know what Oregon trail is ?

DEADANDDIVINE | 7

#4024235 - Sunday 12 February 2012 7:56

39-Coming from the person with the stupid pun picture. Just saying.

MerrikBarbarian | 9

#4026122 - Sunday 12 February 2012 20:33

54- probably... Which tells me you are either over 50 or a kid and probably too young to be on fml. Either way, there is this funny thing called google- use it.

ohxdamnxkay02 | 12

#4027899 - Monday 13 February 2012 6:00

#65 or i actually have a life and dont waste my time playing childish games.

SammyS2012 | 21

#5028302 - Wednesday 10 October 2012 23:14

I don't know what it is and my phone is incredibly slow, so it's hard to google things.

L2U7A_E5I9A2E8H | 20

#5891277 - Friday 21 March 2014 0:07

#54 you dont need to get all defensive its just that most kids at some point play Oregon trail. Oh and just because we know what Oregon trail is doesn't mean we dont have a life too. Most people were forced to play at school when we were learning about the westward expansion, or at least i was....