Miscellaneous: Today, my friend and I were playing Oregon Trail online. I googled... - FML

By Gabby - 11/02/2012 19:10 - United States

Today, my friend and I were playing Oregon Trail online. I googled "dysentery", and sent her an IM about the mind-blowing number of cartoons of people violently shitting everywhere. I accidentally sent it to my aunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 356

You deserved it 23 293

Empathy lives

Batman

That's gross, dude

By Anonymous - 18/09/2010 06:31 - United States

Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 373

You deserved it 2 918

By Party Pooper - 25/05/2015 01:59 - United States

Today, my housemates are throwing a huge house party to celebrate finishing their finals. It's 4:30am and people are still arriving. I have my last final in 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 592

You deserved it 2 346

The cheek!

By Anonymous - 01/06/2014 16:36 - Germany - Ammerndorf

Today, my daughter used her spare key to get into my house while I was at work, then took and pawned off all of my jewelry. She only confessed when I confronted her with video camera footage. Her defense was that I told her I'd leave her everything in my will. Honey, I'm not dead yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 909

You deserved it 5 278

By LagSwitchFTW - 25/01/2013 22:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I played an intense paintball match, with me and my friends versus my boyfriend and his buddies. When we won, my boyfriend went mental and said he only lost because of "lag". When I pointed out we weren't in a video game, he reacted by firing a paintball straight into my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 988

You deserved it 5 989

By cocacola999 - 03/05/2014 10:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a party. Trying to overcome my social anxiety, I was trying to take part in conversations. So, when a girl mentioned she had a doctor's appointment next morning, I blurted out: "What kind of a doctor?" Everyone stared as she responded: "A gynaecologist." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 668

You deserved it 7 748

By Anonymous - 29/05/2016 15:15 - Denmark

Today, I decided to make the switch from pads to tampons. My boyfriend ended up having to show me how to apply them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 197

You deserved it 3 578

By Miss_Blaine - 29/06/2016 20:05 - United States - Houston

Today, I learned that my husband and I share the same taste in men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 822

You deserved it 1 254

By Sash - 06/04/2012 21:04 - United Kingdom

Today, I dressed up for a date. After waiting for hours, sending countless texts and voice mails to my date, and thinking I'd been stood up, I remembered my date is actually scheduled for tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 593

You deserved it 38 221

We live in a society

By tlowbrim - 18/11/2020 02:02

Today, I'm working retail where masks are mandatory. A gentleman comes in with his mask below his chin. I politely say, "Hey dude, if you’re gonna shop here I'm going to need you to keep that mask on properly", to which he replies, "Fuck you, you stupid little bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 179

You deserved it 240

By beka - 07/01/2019 12:00

Today, after our housing offer was accepted, I told my parents. The only response was, “That’s a much nicer house than I had when I got married, I hope you can afford furniture.” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 131

You deserved it 248

By fredfredburger - 25/06/2014 17:45 - United States - Imperial

Today, I went on a date with the girl I like, to see The Fault In Our Stars. She didn't cry, but I did. Twice, hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 351

You deserved it 13 783

By moose - 14/11/2016 19:17 - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, I bought myself a new perfume. Now, there's a sulky husband lying next to me in bed who can't get it up because I smell like his mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 140

You deserved it 2 853

By wormiformed - 03/10/2015 04:14 - New Zealand

Today, I had an emergency appendectomy, so I texted my boss to let him know about the situation. He replied that it'd be good for my continued employment prospects if I come into work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 866

You deserved it 1 526

By YoushouldsaythattoHER - 12/09/2018 22:00

Today, a guy was telling me how his girlfriend considers me a "perfect beauty". Not getting such compliments every day, I felt extremely flattered... Until he started to explain in great detail why he couldn't disagree with her more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 752

You deserved it 170

Be the hero

By Anonymous - 02/03/2021 14:01

Today, I learned I will hand my daughter off to a complete stranger in order to provide help during an emergency situation. I don't know whether I feel proud to be someone who steps up in the moment, or mortified and ashamed that I gave my kid to a bystander so easily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 231

Mismatched

By AlexSnower - 12/04/2020 02:00

Today, I'm trying to get over my OCD by wearing 2 different shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 143

You deserved it 385

By cgold - 30/04/2009 02:11 - United States

Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 102

You deserved it 8 814

By Anonymous - 18/09/2009 21:31 - United States

Today, I was in my psychology class taking the hardest test ever. After I spent most of the period trying to fill in the few answers that I knew, I looked up to see everyone with their notebooks on their desks. It was an open-note test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 054

You deserved it 58 125

By Anonymous - 08/01/2011 15:15 - Australia

Today, while on my break at work, my workmates convinced me to perform my "Indian accent" piece. Everyone laughed while I was doing it. Everyone, that is, but my Indian boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 413

You deserved it 40 718

By M2thaM - 29/05/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 572

You deserved it 56 670

By vargasm - 18/01/2009 12:12 - United States

Today, the girl I've had a crush on decided she wanted to see a movie with me. I tried to hold her hand during the movie and it was great for about 4 minutes. Then she said "Can I have my hand back?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 040

You deserved it 3 624

By loves the smell of burning flesh - 01/11/2011 13:22 - United States

Today, I drove past a fragrant steakhouse and my mouth began to water and my stomach started rumbling, which would've been perfectly fine if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a vegan and an animal lover. My confused body craves burning flesh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 634

You deserved it 62 604

Infectious laugh

By Anonymous - 23/02/2021 00:30

Spicy

Today, I'd always been scared of meeting someone from Tinder, so I was really reassured when my first Tinder date went really well. I kept seeing the guy. He then gave me herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 077

You deserved it 382

By Noname - 10/02/2009 20:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was on the internet with my Dad looking up information about allergies. I began to type 'allergies' into the Google Search Box and as I typed 'a', the phrase 'amazing sex positions' popped up as a search I had already looked up. My Dad asked me if any of the positions worked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 817

You deserved it 48 530

Father of the year

By Harvey knicks grandad - 10/02/2021 21:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my son told me he failed to get into the army, which I didn’t know he was trying to do. Apparently he thought playing Call of Duty non-stop counted as "experience" and that he’d become an officer rank straight away, despite being 10-stone overweight with the brains of a tree stump FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 212

People have lists?!

By Anonymous - 22/09/2020 07:02 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found my girlfriend's list of people she's slept with on her Google docs. There was 11 names after mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 750

You deserved it 190

Miserable

By Éponine - 12/06/2020 17:03

Today, as an aspiring performer, I tried to practice crying on demand by singing "A Little Fall of Rain" and "On My Own" from Les Misérables. It was all going well, until my nose started running uncontrollably and no tears actually came out of my eyes. Maybe acting isn't for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 137

You deserved it 237

By sleepy - 15/10/2009 15:48 - United States

Today, I had a Biochemistry quiz. I studied all night but took a nap to get some rest because my quiz was in the morning. I woke up at 10 feeling very confident. My quiz was at 9. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 906

You deserved it 29 248

By furious parent - 03/07/2019 18:00

Today, I caught my mother telling my 11-year-old daughter that if she wants to be happy in life, she needs to start exercising now, because fat can creep up on you, and rich guys never marry fat girls with nice personalities. I was fuming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 979

You deserved it 298

By Anonymous - 30/06/2012 09:45

Spicy

Today, in an attempt to be sexy, my boyfriend picked me up and threw me down onto the bed. I fell straight through it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 209

You deserved it 5 649

Slip of the tongue

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 23:00

Today, a few army recruiters came to my school to discuss their jobs with us. When asked to say our name and what we wanted to do when we were older, I said I wanted to be a prosecutor. Everyone started laughing. Turns out everyone thought I said prostitute, including the recruiters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 446

You deserved it 168

By skygardens - 21/08/2018 15:00

Today, I had just gotten home after being away for 8 months. My key didn’t work on my lock and while I was messing the door a man with a child opened. My landlord gave someone my apartment while I was away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 409

You deserved it 212

By HatedGrandson - 07/01/2013 00:50 - United States

Today, I visited my grandparents' house. While getting a drink from the fridge, I noticed the Christmas card my family sent them had my face scratched out. When I confronted them about it, they said it was the cat. They don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 577

You deserved it 2 148

By reb - 19/04/2014 17:25 - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, my crazily elitist parents were so desperate to get me to dump my fiancé that they threatened to divorce if I didn't. When I told them to go ahead, they bitched me out for being disrespectful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 347

You deserved it 4 168

By chassezlenaturel - 24/03/2015 12:58 - Belgium

Today, my husband used the vacuum cleaner. Proud of him for this first-ever initiative, I congratulated him. His second initiative was to stick the nozzle on my ass, yelling, "Liposuction!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 931

You deserved it 5 557

By what the fuck - 25/08/2013 19:28 - Malaysia - Petaling Jaya

Today, a customer spent ages bitching me out, because he refused to believe he needed to upgrade his computer, which still runs Windows 98, in order to install a modern game for his grandson. He ended up calling my manager and trying to get me fired for scamming him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 321

You deserved it 2 707

Same

By Anonymous - 08/01/2015 14:24 - Estonia - Tallinn

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets more pleasure out of using a Q-tip than he does having sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 850

You deserved it 6 050

By arh - 28/08/2012 00:10 - Australia - Newport

Today, I wore an expensive vintage blazer which I'd purchased at a market in Paris. Turns out my colleague has the exact same one, only hers is from a clearance rack at Target. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 619

You deserved it 8 783

Better Call Saul

By Anonymous - 03/06/2021 14:01

Today, after working for the same company for over 20 years, someone from upper management told me they’d accidentally been overpaying me all these years, not a huge issue, but would I mind giving the money back in one lump sum by the end of the month? UM, WHAT? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 350

You deserved it 50

By Professionally Curtious - 09/07/2017 18:30

Today, I was offered my dream job. When I gave my current employer my 2+ weeks notice so they'd have time to find a replacement, I was told to pack up and leave immediately. Now I'm out a month's pay because I gave notice instead of just leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 986

You deserved it 413

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Top comments

sarahchristinem 3

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Sunday 12 February 2012 1:56

Shit happens to fine assholes

crystalnight 19

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Sunday 12 February 2012 2:02

I don't know why but I went to go Google it...

Comments

sarahchristinem 3

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Sunday 12 February 2012 1:56

Shit happens to fine assholes

grahambertus 11

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Sunday 12 February 2012 3:45

Everytime an FML involves fecal matter, nearly every comment is a 'shit' pun. Thank you for at least making an 'asshole' pun.

unoffensivename 0

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Sunday 12 February 2012 4:02

Op you deserved it for two reasons, 1 everyone deserves to play oregon trail, it's awesome,and 2 for looking at stuff like that

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Sunday 12 February 2012 4:06

Holy shit just stop overusing stupid puns

Mean_Mr_Mustard 9

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Sunday 12 February 2012 6:05

Worst comment thread EVER.

lebronesque73091 12

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Sunday 12 February 2012 7:08

I don't understand this fml.

ohxdamnxkay02 12

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Sunday 12 February 2012 7:15

Am i the only one who does not know what Oregon trail is ?

DEADANDDIVINE 7

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Sunday 12 February 2012 7:56

39-Coming from the person with the stupid pun picture. Just saying.

MerrikBarbarian 9

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Sunday 12 February 2012 20:33

54- probably... Which tells me you are either over 50 or a kid and probably too young to be on fml. Either way, there is this funny thing called google- use it.

ohxdamnxkay02 12

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Monday 13 February 2012 6:00

#65 or i actually have a life and dont waste my time playing childish games.

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Wednesday 10 October 2012 23:14

I don't know what it is and my phone is incredibly slow, so it's hard to google things.

L2U7A_E5I9A2E8H 20

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Friday 21 March 2014 0:07

#54 you dont need to get all defensive its just that most kids at some point play Oregon trail. Oh and just because we know what Oregon trail is doesn't mean we dont have a life too. Most people were forced to play at school when we were learning about the westward expansion, or at least i was....

vikingsfan1228 0

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Sunday 12 February 2012 1:56

my comment is total shit

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Sunday 12 February 2012 2:04

I'm still waiting for all the "shitty situation" comments

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Sunday 12 February 2012 2:30

Waiting for those comments is a shitty situation.

noncomposmentis 6

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Monday 13 February 2012 12:45

Shitty shituation.

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Sunday 12 February 2012 1:56

Rule 34.

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Sunday 12 February 2012 4:37

Does not apply here

DarksideDoll 31

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Tuesday 1 July 2014 4:19

Rule 34 applies to everything.

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Sunday 12 February 2012 1:57

Booty situation.

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Sunday 12 February 2012 6:27

How does that in any way make sense?

keepingitnasty 15

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Sunday 12 February 2012 1:58

That game was the shart!

Morgannnnuhhh 1

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Sunday 12 February 2012 2:00

Hahaha, I bet your aunt had a heart attack.. My aunt freaks out on me if I accendently burp in front of her.

melbournearsenal 18

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Sunday 12 February 2012 2:01

Here we go again with the shit puns !

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Sunday 12 February 2012 2:04

How many people just went and googled it?

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Sunday 12 February 2012 3:11

i did :(

grahambertus 11

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Sunday 12 February 2012 3:51

Brace yourselves, shit puns are coming...

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Sunday 12 February 2012 22:47

I don't want to hear your shit.

crystalnight 19

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Sunday 12 February 2012 2:02

I don't know why but I went to go Google it...

DarksideDoll 31

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Tuesday 1 July 2014 4:21

I have to now that it was mentioned. Damn it...

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Sunday 12 February 2012 2:03

Edited comment is edited xD

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Sunday 12 February 2012 2:03

Why would you even send something like that to anyone?

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Sunday 12 February 2012 3:04

Why wouldn't you is the true question

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Sunday 12 February 2012 3:27

And somehow I agree with both of you...

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 75

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 167

You deserved it 285