Today, my friend and I were arguing over whose boyfriend was... - FML

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my friend and I were arguing over whose boyfriend was better. Just as I was about to convince her, my boyfriend rang. Trying to start the perfect conversation, I put him on speaker phone and answered "Hey Tiger, I was just thinking about you". He broke up with me on speaker. FML

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Dangling modifier

Live dumping

Empathy hurts

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at the airport, a lady bitched me out for changing her departure gate. She called me incompetent and accused me of "messing with people's lives" by "making them walk." I didn't change the gate, and the other gate was less than 10 feet away. FML

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By elijah - United States

Today, my mom bitched me out, calling me a selfish pig and saying that the reason I don't have a girlfriend is because I'm so conceited. All of this because I started watching the latest episodes of Breaking Bad without her. FML

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By SwinginSolo - United States

Today, I found out that what my husband meant by "we should try swinging" is "I really want to have sex with this one friend of yours, and if you so much as make eye contact with any guy I'm going to totally flip out and threaten to kill him and you." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, I just landed in Washington, DC. Unfortunately, I also took off from Washington DC an hour ago. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, while on the train heading to my new job, my coat caught between two seats. I didn't notice until my stop. I whacked myself in the face in front of everyone trying to get it free, and ended up missing my stop. When I finally got to work, I was told not to bother coming in again. FML

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By twingirl - United States

Today, my grandma went to get birthday gifts for my twin sister and me. She returned with 2 shirts that read "I see you've met the twins" in big letters across the chest. She gave them to us and said, "Isn't this cute? 'cause you're twins!" I then had to explain to her what the shirt was actually referring to. FML

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By ollie_ollivia - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years proposed to me. Less than two minutes later, he decided he wasn't ready for the commitment. After I had already said yes. FML

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By Drunk - United States

Today, for the first time, I decided to just be myself at work. My boss thought I was drunk. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Canton

Today, I turned 35. Because I'm still single, my sister bought me a cat to help start my "inevitable collection." FML

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By Ashley - United States - Bellerose

Today, I spent my entire paycheck on a new summer wardrobe. I then left my shopping bags on the train. FML

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By wispywee - Canada

Today, I had the most exciting dream of my life. I was dreaming about catching a shiny charmander. I'm 15, and instead of dreaming of girls, I'm dreaming of Pokémon. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 17:04 - United States - El Macero

Ding dong

Today, I got an ingrown hair. It wouldn’t be so bad, if it were anywhere other than my penis. FML

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By Manstobe92 - United States

Today, I went to pick my date up at her house. When I got to the door, her dad answered. We talked for a little bit and he told me to take his 1958 Corvette. I politely refused and he told me, "If I can trust you with my daughter, I can trust you with my car." I crashed into his mailbox. FML

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By Honey Badger - United States

Today, I was at a meeting. One of the other members decided to share that their cat had passed away recently. I got an uncontrollable nervous laugh, started crying because I was laughing so hard, and left the room while everyone watched in horror. FML

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By ChopSuey - United States - West Monroe

Today, my husband returned from being away for two weeks. I eagerly got myself ready and sent him a risqué picture so he would come to bed. An hour later, he's on the couch playing Xbox with the message already seen. FML

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By FirmlyInEngland - United Kingdom

Today, the boy I have crush on at school announced that his family were moving to Australia. My friend thought that it would be funny to spread a rumour that I was moving too, in order to follow him. Everyone has heard it, and unfortunately everyone believes it, including him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Carlisle

Today, I came home early from work and found my brother in my bed with a girl I've never met. Apparently he's been using my house to hook up with girls while I'm gone. FML

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By Tickettoride - Austria - Vienna

Today, my boyfriend and I stressed out preparing for our one week holiday. We packed for the whole day, said goodbye to everyone and arrived at the airport quite exhausted after a 45-minute train ride. Turns out our flight isn't until tomorrow. The check-in lady couldn't stop laughing. FML

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By bob - United States

Today, my grandmother refused to wear clothes. FML

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By desperate905 - Netherlands

Monday morning blues

Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am. FML

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By -___- - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML

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By couldntholdit - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy that I really like. When he gave me a hug goodbye, he slid his hand into the back pocket of my jeans. It was glorious until I farted on his hand. FML

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By Takegami

Today. I had my first final exam. That would be fine if I hadn’t gotten sick 4 days ago. No one can go get my antibiotics, I feel like I’m dying and I can’t miss these exams under any circumstance. FML

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By Is McDonald's Hiring?

Today, I was sternly told that if I didn't pass more students, I would be out of a job. I then went to my class to collect papers, and was stymied by how I could be giving passing grades to the 12 of 24 who didn't turn anything in. College students. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I am two months pregnant. Being super hormonal, I was crying about how much I was crying. My husband put his arms around me to comfort me, and I sobbed so hard that I threw up all over him. FML

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By fatface - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me when my face was going to go back to normal after being swollen from having my wisdom teeth taken out last week. My face is back to normal. FML

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By facepalm - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I received my first negative feedback on my otherwise flawless eBay record. The woman who bought the item said it wasn't as delicious as she was expecting, so there must be something wrong with it. What was I selling? A new and unopened lipstick. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working the drive-through, a woman ordered a large coffee with four creams. I handed her the coffee, and she took a sip. She then hurled it at me, screaming, "I said four creams, not five!" and sped off, leaving me drenched in hot coffee. FML

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By sad_unicorn

Today, my mother in law likes to baby my partner. Gets him drinks, kisses him on the forehead, talks to him like he's 8, does everything for him. And she gives me death stares, especially when she hugs him when I'm around. FML

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By InPain

The joys of public transport

Today, while riding the train, some druggie got into a dispute with some random passengers. Even though I didn't even look at them fighting, he decided I was a threat and punched me, a pregnant woman, and some bikers. Now I've got a black eye. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2020 23:01 - United States

Thanks for the support!

Today, I told my mom that I struggle with depression. She then told me that she thinks that I always seem to suck the life out of a room. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my neighbor brought a ruined napkin holder over and claimed that we drilled a hole through his wall and ruined it. I apologized, not telling him that it was actually a bullet that my boyfriend shot through the wall. FML

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By nikaea - United States - Everett

Today, some girl's mom gave me a load of abuse for endangering her daughter's health. How? By deleting my Facebook account, which caused her to have a serious panic attack. Apparently she thought we were best friends, and that I was ditching her. I'm confused too. FML

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By makinascene - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office because I was sick. The male nurse led me back and when he weighed me, he said "Why do I get all the beefy girls today?". FML

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By mathgenius - Norway - Kolltveit

Today, I passed my math test with flying colors. My dad thought I had cheated, so he emailed the school and told them that I had. They lowered my grade. FML

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By so pray to ariel about it, dipshits - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, two of my friends condemned me for being "narrow-minded", because I couldn't help but laugh at the thought that someone would believe mermaids actually exist. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/8/2020 23:01

Sounds reasonable

Today, my husband refuses to have sex with me, ever since I told him I wanted to try for a baby. When I asked him why, he said it was because he likes lack of responsibility and money in the bank more than the thought of a screaming baby, no sleep and strong suicidal urges. FML

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By David - United States - Seattle

Today, my mother-in-law moved in because she has a hip problem. I don't know what's worse, her constant complaining and slob like tendencies, or the eight cats she brought along with her. FML

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By theraarman - France

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has to pretend to have another boyfriend who is not me because her siblings and cousins do not accept me. FML

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By wtf bro - 20/3/2020 07:00 - United States - Hesperia

King Dick

Today, after returning from some caveman type "men’s retreat" with his buddies, my husband is now refusing to cook or help out with the house and kids as it’s "women’s work." He also expects to be fetched beer on demand and referred to as "King" from now on. I don’t know rather to laugh or cry. FML

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Top comments

By kewlcat | 0

#475255 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 0:55

hahaha sucks

ps. never go on speakerphone with your boyfriend with friends around.
also its better than him texting you..i guess

By ChasinParkedCars | 0

#475262 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 0:57

Is it just me or did she just call her ex "tiger"?

COMMENTS

By kewlcat | 0

#475255 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 0:55

hahaha sucks

ps. never go on speakerphone with your boyfriend with friends around.
also its better than him texting you..i guess

Reply

well_this_sucks | 0

#475403 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 1:36

haha ikr!
and texting isnt as bad as email. i know a girl who got dumped through an email. after a 1 year relationship. i felt soo bad for her.

but i guess we know who the better bf is now

Reply

Phillay632 | 0

#475869 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 5:49

Well, I guess you showed her. Kudos.

Reply

pwnrzero | 0

#476084 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 8:32

the people who said ydi just are sick of fmls where the boyfriend/ girlfriend breaks up on speakerphone

Reply

pingpongpickle | 8

#1024138 - Tuesday 8 June 2010 19:32

16, that would suck because I never even check my email.

Reply

Lx416 | 0

#1043151 - Friday 25 June 2010 17:03

that's why you should never brag... haha YDI for bragging. sucks for you OP

-Ł

Reply

Cavelallemant | 0

#2389562 - Friday 22 April 2011 20:26

Tiger Woods xD

By ChasinParkedCars | 0

#475262 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 0:57

Is it just me or did she just call her ex "tiger"?

Reply

Brooklynxman | 0

#475486 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 2:13

Perhaps he broke up with her because she called him tiger?

Reply

Destinyx | 0

#476304 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 10:55

Unless his name is Tiger,
Which for her dignity's sake, i hope it was.

Reply

Alexgoesfml | 3

#476540 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 14:06

I actually like that pet name. Meh, maybe it is a british thing. I would hate it if my gf would say 'hey sexy', that shit annoys me. Also back to the FML, were you two actually having an argument over who's boyfriend is better? YDI for trying to show off and holding your bf like a trophy, grow up!

Reply

DoomJeff91 | 2

#477060 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 17:47

Maybe she was dating that steroid abusing cereal mogul.

Reply

Destinyx | 0

#486562 - Friday 14 August 2009 19:15

"Thaaaaaaaaaaats great!" :D

Reply

pingpongpickle | 8

#1024142 - Tuesday 8 June 2010 19:34

um 68 that would be Tony ,not tiger

By jyn_fml | 0

#475270 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 0:57

haha guess hers the better one for now lol

By Nothingness1 | 3

#475274 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 0:59

Lol that sucks. Sorry.

Reply

Hbkbryan | 0

#976028 - Wednesday 7 April 2010 23:48

that's what you get for dating Tiger Woods..

Reply

pingpongpickle | 8

#1024144 - Tuesday 8 June 2010 19:36

hahah. exactly op, u shouldve seen that one coming!

By xLovey | 3

#475277 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 1:00

You deserve it for calling him "Tiger" XD

Reply

awoodenhouse | 0

#475291 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 1:03

word

Reply

DameGreyWulf | 0

#475375 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 1:24

Aw, really? I think "tiger" is pretty great.
Because he's a TIGER in BED!

Though "tiger" is often used by dads for boys...

But what the hell? Debating over whose boyfriend is better?
Man I hope I never get so petty. Is that supposed to be normal?
Also, putting him on speaker phone? Without him knowing? What if he wanted to tell you something in private? Jeez.

I must say YDI.

By StingMunFizzy | 0

#475289 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 1:02

LOL.. Ah.. You deserve it for debating on who's boyfriend is better.. I bet if he'd known you were doing that he woulda broke up with your ass for just that;)..

By sodahhhr | 0

#475333 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 1:16

buy a toad

Reply

baby_love | 0

#475480 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 2:09

lmfao O.o

By cmac86 | 23

#475353 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 1:21

FAIL.

By somethingawesome | 9

#475355 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 1:23

Now you know who the better boyfriend is.

Reply

trip_toke_thrash | 0

#475991 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 7:08

you really think his actual name is tiger? you suck.

By NEWTROLLINTOWN | 0

#475369 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 1:38

wooo #12

YDI FOR HAVING A FATHER