Miscellaneous: Today, my football coach thought it would be a good idea to get...

By spartanson

Today, my football coach thought it would be a good idea to get drunk, run to the other sideline, and scream, "WELCOME TO SPARTA, BITCH!" This would've been funny if he weren't also my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40301

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Miscellaneous

The smell detective is on the case

Capitalism kills

Billy no-mates

By WhereIsIt? - 25/9/2020 22:01 - Australia - North Lakes

Frustration

Today, I came home from a nine-hour shift and all I want is to sit down with a glass of Baileys. I can't find the key to the liquor cabinet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

854

You deserved it

384

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By danikka1 - United States

Today, I told my husband that after fifteen years of marriage, I wanted a divorce. His first question was whether or not he could still go on the family cruise my parents are paying for in May. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26000

You deserved it

10456

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By wasp infestation - United States - Aurora

Today, the owner of the house I'm renting said he doesn't want to pay $4000 to fumigate the home, and that he'll take care of the issue himself. I have killed 30 angry wasps in the last hour. There are thousands living in the walls, but I think their favorite place is my bathroom and my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14416

You deserved it

1000

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By kk-

Today, after my boyfriend broke up with me and I'd chained-smoked all night, I had a driving test. With only 3 hours of sleep, I literally drove through a red light during the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

719

You deserved it

2763

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By Anonymous - United States - New Milford

Today, I woke up hungover and with $13 stuffed in my bra. I'm not a stripper, and I'm not sure how it got there, but that's the most money I've had on me in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41991

You deserved it

9458

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By oops - South Africa

Today, my boyfriend opened the car door in a very kind and loving way. What wasn't so kind and loving was that my hand was still half-way when he closed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29490

You deserved it

3743

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By Ana

Today, while fighting with a girl I hate, my nose piercing got a little loose and I ended up snorting it in. That same girl had to take me to the hospital for surgery. She told everyone afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2049

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for two weeks, she couldn't contain her joy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46871

You deserved it

8694

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By ewicsmelly - United States

Today, I kept finding ants crawling all over my face. After a while, I realized that they were all coming from my beard. I have had a population of ants living in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13712

You deserved it

56635

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By bob the builder - United States - Ridgeland

Today, I'm at work on a construction site for a high rise building, on the 12th floor today. I've developed a severe case of the runs, causing me to need to rush to the nearest toilet periodically. Luckily for me it's conveniently located on the ground floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24294

You deserved it

1722

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By misc - Netherlands

Today, while in Holland, I lost the bag with my passport, debit and credit cards, license, and camera. I froze my accounts and filled out the paperwork for a new passport. My bag was found the second time I went to the police, with everything in it. Now my accounts are frozen for the 3 weeks I'm here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35709

You deserved it

7210

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By Anonymous - Puerto Rico

Today, I was messing around in computer class, when somebody called my name from the hall. Trying to be smooth, I tried rolling my chair backwards out into the hall. The wheels wasted no time jamming and sending me crashing face-first into the floor in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10184

You deserved it

26906

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By besviken - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I had the best sex of our relationship with my boyfriend. Afterwards, he took off his condom, looked me sweetly in the eyes for a few moments, then decided to slap me in the face with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44281

You deserved it

6290

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By Erin - United States - Springfield

Today, I fell in the shower, landing ass-crack first onto a can of shaving cream, which split my butt straight down the crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14369

You deserved it

1253

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By depresso - Canada

Today, I found an obituary clipping on my kitchen table. It was for my grandpa. No one told me he died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

115903

You deserved it

5071

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By Allycat - United States - Ronkonkoma

Today, I was working a kid's birthday party dressed as a clown. The child's mother made me change because he was scared of clowns. The only thing I had in my car was a princess costume that was owned by a girl co-worker. So for 4 hours I had to entertain in a tight pink dress. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47040

You deserved it

5087

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By Loho - Canada

Today, I was using my dad's cell because I had broken mine. I was texting my boyfriend all day when my dad needed his phone back. I forgot to tell my boyfriend that my dad would be using the phone. My boyfriend then texted graphically what he wanted to do to my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18877

You deserved it

104790

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By AOart1st - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was rock climbing. I had my equipment on and I saw a really cute girl. I went for the hardest climb in the gym, and while jumping up to grab the rock, I simultaneously farted, missed the rock, fell to the mat and broke my arm in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36087

You deserved it

17518

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By ohhaithur

Today, my mom accused me of stealing $350 from her. She didn't accuse my unemployed brother, who just bought a brand new iPhone. Even after he confessed to her, she thought he was covering for me. My brother has a criminal record for theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2376

You deserved it

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By NoSpirit

Today, in the spirit of Halloween and to get back at a child who repeatedly pressed the doorbell until I showed up, I quickly opened the door and yelled "Boo!" The child ended up being carried away crying with wet pants by a mother threatening to sue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32882

You deserved it

5213

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By Shelly - United States

Oh hey how are you?

Today, my boyfriend and I pulled over to have sex in his mother's car. It was going great until I leaned back onto the horn, waking up our whole neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12037

You deserved it

46031

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By ModernDayMaid

Today was just like any other normal day. Spent the day cleaning the house from top to bottom. I felt great until I went into just about every room I’d cleaned and saw that it was messed up again with zero attempts from my stepdaughter to clean it back up. I really hate preteens. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1893

You deserved it

277

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sick and laid up in bed, and my boyfriend decided to bring me some soup. Just as he reached the bed, he tripped over his own feet and spilled the soup all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29444

You deserved it

3425

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By ppd_sucks - United States

Today, my wife and I received confirmation that she has postpartum depression. When sharing this with the family, my mother exclaimed "I told you she was a psycho!" Now my wife is crying louder and more often than our newborn. Thanks, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39552

You deserved it

3574

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By saxophone911 - United States

Today, at school, I saw the guy I like at his locker. I decided to run up from behind and surprise him. I ended up accidentally slamming his locker on his fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42243

You deserved it

44273

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I found out that the friend I stayed up with for nights on end, talking out of depression and suicide, has 'politely' posted up on facebook that he secretly hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32402

You deserved it

3440

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By nmaidkieavg

Today, I got pulled over for a traffic violation. Thinking I could get away with it, I spoke with a French accent. The officer then asked me a question in perfect French. I got a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8386

You deserved it

55914

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By VroomVroom - United States

Today, at a red light, an old lady crossing the street fell right infront of my car. I got out of my car to help her. The light turned green and I was still helping the woman to her feet. An officer came by and ticketed me for "impeding the flow of traffic." FML

I agree, your life sucks

77863

You deserved it

3485

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By grann - United States

Today, while walking to my car through the snow, I noticed the sunroof was open and 2 feet of snow had poured in. Angry, I opened the door to start cleaning. That's when I noticed all the wildlife that had taken refuge inside from the cold. Not only were my seat cushions wet, they were torn open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10839

You deserved it

26218

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By coolbeans123 - Singapore

Today, my dad texted me while I was in school saying, "Your cat vomited. Covered it up with a bowl so you can clean it when you come home." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39407

You deserved it

7679

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By iHateWorms - Australia

Today, while eating a sandwich, I saw a worm. Knowing that my friend always tries to scare me with fake worms and insects, I bit it to show her I knew it was fake. It was real. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11480

You deserved it

33581

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By JMU - United States

Today, I saw a major accident then stopped to help the drivers. I was on my way to a rest stop to use the bathroom so as we were waiting for police I went into the woods and I come out to the police arresting me for public urination. One of the drivers said I was "using the woods for a bathroom." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46277

You deserved it

4528

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By Z - Australia

Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9652

You deserved it

35415

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went swimming with this guy I like at dammed river. While we were jumping off the dam, I decided to try to impress him by doing a front flip. I didn't jump far enough off, so when I went to flip, my face skidded down the concrete wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34807

You deserved it

44775

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2021 11:02

Too Much Information

Today, I found out that my cross-dressing father and my recently deceased mother were having a much more "open" relationship then they'd let on, when the sheriff's department finally gave me mom's phone back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

804

You deserved it

123

Favorite

By GoldenShower - United States

Today, I was awoken by my son squirting liquid on me from a bottle. We have a high deer population in our area, so I spray urine contained in black bottle on my plants to help deter the deer from eating them. I also water my flowers with water from a blue bottle. My son used the black one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37846

You deserved it

8054

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By driverboy - United States

Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33810

You deserved it

4847

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was feeling frisky and asked my boyfriend if he wanted a blowjob. He said "Fuck no", then rolled over to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57065

You deserved it

9580

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By Anonymous - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, a colleague told me he was pretending to be me on a dating site, and that he has four pending dates. Last time I tried being myself, my first and only date pushed me down some stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22841

You deserved it

1670

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By farts

Today, my brother who routinely marred my life by stealing from me, fighting me, and isolating me from my own family, made his hollow AA apology to me so he'll feel better. My parents employ him, bought his car and house, and pay his insurance. I've been in poverty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3285

You deserved it

199

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Top comments

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#2423256 - Thursday 28 April 2011 15:57

Your dad is Charlie Sheen?

By fmylife1133249 | 1

#2423259 - Thursday 28 April 2011 15:57

you should kick him over yelling, "THIS. IS. SPARTA!"

COMMENTS

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#2423256 - Thursday 28 April 2011 15:57

Your dad is Charlie Sheen?

LunaNstars | 0

#2423289 - Thursday 28 April 2011 15:59

embarassement much? sorry dude, but parents will work as hard as they can to embarasse us.

allmidnighteyes | 10

#2423315 - Thursday 28 April 2011 16:01

Your spelling of the words embarrass and embarrassing are embarrassing.

This dad just knows how to party. Take notes, OP.

Tuesdays76 | 0

#2423443 - Thursday 28 April 2011 16:21

What an awful football coach! my football coach encourages to stay away from that crap, especially during the season! You know your coach sucks when he can't even take a game seriously.

sterlingarcher | 1

#2423450 - Thursday 28 April 2011 16:22

wow that's gotta be embarrassing haha

LunaNstars | 0

#2423761 - Thursday 28 April 2011 17:42

sweetie this ain't a spelling bee okay? All I wanted was to get my point across. And I am not EMBARRASSED to spell my words incorrectly when I type a comment in FML

C6Racer | 0

#2423776 - Thursday 28 April 2011 17:44

56, that just makes you look even more stupid.

LunaNstars | 0

#2423788 - Thursday 28 April 2011 17:46

okay :) have a nice day

dolphincheddar | 10

#2423818 - Thursday 28 April 2011 17:51

umm. if my dad did that I would love him. that's funny and badass. embarrassing yes, but something to brag about. my dads just a lame boring businessman I never see id lov to have that happen it'd make my day

Insane_Tea | 15

#2423862 - Thursday 28 April 2011 18:03

#59 Stop before you hurt yourself.

allmidnighteyes | 10

#2423876 - Thursday 28 April 2011 18:07

LunaNstars is confused!

*herp derp*

It hurt itself in its confusion!

*licks battery*

JenL_fml | 7

#2423958 - Thursday 28 April 2011 18:29

66, AFI rules.

jerseyboy732 | 16

#2424209 - Thursday 28 April 2011 19:25

win

LunaNstars | 0

#2424453 - Thursday 28 April 2011 20:12

mr allmidnighteyes you can suck ma dick :)

cldean24 | 4

#2425286 - Thursday 28 April 2011 21:25

59, I honestly wouldn't give a fuck either. If they can understand what you are saying is it really that terrible? If FML were a term paper, then I would call you out, but you aren't getting graded on this. least u don typ lyke dis.

littlemissFYL | 5

#2425431 - Thursday 28 April 2011 22:04

WELCOME TO SPARTA, BITCH!

kcluna | 6

#2425651 - Thursday 28 April 2011 23:00

Awesome dad you got there!!

TigerBloodGirl15 | 0

#2425665 - Thursday 28 April 2011 23:02

Y'all stop picking on 96. He makes human mistakes. Just cuz he is winning-challenged
doesn't mean ya'll have gotta be mean. Also his dad isn't but mine is Lol

k3l05 | 0

#2426022 - Thursday 28 April 2011 23:47

epic

firstrecon | 0

#2426339 - Friday 29 April 2011 0:32

my father would do that, with out being drunk.

ItsADreamWithinA | 0

#2427888 - Friday 29 April 2011 6:05

56-you stand up to that grammar nazi woo!

FuniiBunii | 0

#2427987 - Friday 29 April 2011 6:27

Just give him some carrots and tell him 2 shut the fuck up XD

claireful | 4

#2428260 - Friday 29 April 2011 8:05

155 your picture is amazing! and your dad ftw!

kathcduri | 3

#2430624 - Friday 29 April 2011 23:31

stop with the carrot crap.

ps3broski | 0

#2433133 - Saturday 30 April 2011 8:02

carrots<3

pdk420 | 0

#2435468 - Saturday 30 April 2011 20:49

win

By fmylife1133249 | 1

#2423259 - Thursday 28 April 2011 15:57

you should kick him over yelling, "THIS. IS. SPARTA!"

ImaWiseGuy | 5

#2423507 - Thursday 28 April 2011 16:33

then looked at your team and yelled...SPARTANS, PREPARE FOR GLORY!!!

damselchelle | 4

#2424361 - Thursday 28 April 2011 19:53

lmfao. ^ win after win.

comepoopwithme | 0

#2425830 - Thursday 28 April 2011 23:32

you ruined the win chain^^^

ieatcats | 0

#2427619 - Friday 29 April 2011 5:14

how is this a fml i wish my dad was part leonidus :(

revanche | 2

#3399359 - Friday 7 October 2011 5:11

my schools team is the spartans :)

By cradle6 | 13

#2423261 - Thursday 28 April 2011 15:57

Is this Sparta?

Sathian | 0

#2423557 - Thursday 28 April 2011 16:43

Rocker909 | 0

#2425272 - Thursday 28 April 2011 21:22

No, this is Patrick.

hawty12345 | 0

#2425504 - Thursday 28 April 2011 22:27

^^WIN!

By aRedditorette | 3

#2423263 - Thursday 28 April 2011 15:57

your dad is awesome

coltsluvr123 | 2

#2425218 - Thursday 28 April 2011 21:08

agreed- anyone'd be lucky to have him as a ather, I know I would!!!

By chunkeechunks | 0

#2423266 - Thursday 28 April 2011 15:57

No, its still funny.

By Idonebeenhad | 17

#2423271 - Thursday 28 April 2011 15:58

THIS! IS! SPARTA!!

By Krilleee | 5

#2423306 - Thursday 28 April 2011 16:00

haha I kinda like you're dads style!

xamyelex | 0

#2423677 - Thursday 28 April 2011 17:14

ikr

yama_dawgg | 0

#2427276 - Friday 29 April 2011 3:51

dirtbikes ftw

Krilleee | 5

#2428799 - Friday 29 April 2011 11:15

yeah!

Sniper_Fidelis | 1

#2428857 - Friday 29 April 2011 11:45

Slipknot and 2-stroke dirtbikes!

By princesstay17 | 0

#2423319 - Thursday 28 April 2011 16:01

your dad is amazing!! lol

Krilleee | 5

#2429022 - Friday 29 April 2011 12:57

look at her dad, her dad is amazing!

By CitrusGirl | 0

#2423330 - Thursday 28 April 2011 16:04

Treasure your father. He is a great man!

ydi_4_suking | 20

#2424251 - Thursday 28 April 2011 19:34

he is drunk at his sons game... and he also happens to be the coach... how is he a great man?

CitrusGirl | 0

#2424357 - Thursday 28 April 2011 19:52

I never thought I'd have to explain what a joke is so many times on one site.

mk58 | 31

#2425250 - Thursday 28 April 2011 21:16

87, it's called sarcasm. Ever heard of it?

CPgwave19 | 0

#2426383 - Friday 29 April 2011 0:38

the facts u just stated makes him a great man.....at leases he's got the balls to do it, drunk or not

By capt_awesome1 | 11

#2423331 - Thursday 28 April 2011 16:04

hectic dad, should've joined him.