Miscellaneous: Today, my football coach thought it would be a good idea to get... - FML

By spartanson - 28/04/2011 10:28

Today, my football coach thought it would be a good idea to get drunk, run to the other sideline, and scream, "WELCOME TO SPARTA, BITCH!" This would've been funny if he weren't also my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 327

You deserved it 4 206

Vulture

Leave us alone

The nerve of some people

FAKE NEWS!

By cocomitchie - 07/07/2021 00:01

Today, I have a serious bladder problem, which causes me to frequently urinate. If I'm unable to, I get really bad cramps. To ensure I always can go, I got a note from my doctor stating I can go during class. My professor threw it away and claimed it was fake. Hello, cramps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 65

By lonely - 01/01/2011 17:11 - United States

Today, I posted on my Facebook wall that I'd gotten into a huge bar fight and had the shit kicked out of me, all to avoid having to tell the truth, namely that I'd stayed home all night because nobody invited me out to party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 024

You deserved it 34 403

Fashionista

By malicious_melons - 07/07/2013 23:41 - United States - Santa Paula

Today, my mother had a full-on hissy fit because of the clothes I was wearing. Not because she thought they were inappropriate, but because I was "stealing her look." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 153

You deserved it 3 512

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 00:47 - United States - Pensacola

Today, my parents searched my younger sister's phone because she had been acting suspiciously. I asked my mom if she was going to search mine too. She laughed and said, "Sweetie, your phone is probably even duller than mine!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 753

You deserved it 2 833

By Anonymous - 22/08/2017 01:30

Today, my roommate forgot to pay the water bill on time, so they shut it off. Now we're without running water for 3 days and I'm taking my morning dump in Target next to a stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 849

You deserved it 439

By LETMEOUT! - 18/09/2017 04:30

Today, despite being claustrophobic and avoiding lifts at all costs, I had to use the lift at work to carry boxes of paper to the 3rd floor. It broke down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 701

You deserved it 288

By Mintilou - 08/04/2016 03:17 - United Kingdom - Wednesbury

Today, like everyday, I got on the train heading back from my university campus in Preston. Usually, it takes 20 minutes. When I sat down, I realised it was a non-stop service to Glasgow and the doors had closed. It took me 7 hours by train and a lift from my best friend at 2 a.m. to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 027

You deserved it 4 465

By Anonymous - 18/07/2019 18:00

Today, I asked my wife who she would choose, me or the dog. She chose the dog. No hesitation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 941

By chris - 14/06/2011 05:10 - United States

Today, I saw my bike locked outside a Starbucks down the street from my house. It was stolen about 10 days ago from my communal laundry room. There was even a cop parked across the street, but I have no proof to show that bike even belonged to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 811

You deserved it 3 857

By Jedi2500 - 15/02/2012 23:53 - United States

Today, as I was leaving for work, I discovered my neighbor had just passed away. I found out when I came across his body lying in my front yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 354

You deserved it 2 148

By Anonymous - 24/12/2014 14:43 - United States - Herndon

Today, I found a hornet's nest in the backyard, so I called my brother over to take a look. He said "Hmm, wonder how fast you can run." then hurled a rock at the nest and sprinted back to the house. I wasn't so fast. I now feel like someone's beaten me half to death with a cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 036

You deserved it 3 963

Weird assumption

By Thanks Mom - 20/05/2021 08:01 - United States

Today, I asked my helicopter parent mother if I could go over to a friend's house. She said no because her parents weren't there, and if she accused me of assaulting her, I'd have no defense. We're both 16, I'm gay and she's a lesbian. My mom is well aware of these facts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 124

By Anonymous - 14/01/2012 18:26 - United States

Today, my future mother-in-law started shit-talking me on Facebook, and we got into a heated argument. She called me later in the day, saying I'll be lucky if I ever marry her son and that, "You'll suffer to your last breath." I'm now terrified to set foot outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 133

You deserved it 6 008

By Lizofsmeg - 11/05/2012 05:03 - United States

Today, I was at my new boyfriend's flat. As I came out of the toilet he walked over, took my hand, looked at me and whispered, "You washed your hands. Good." in an extremely creepy manner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 140

You deserved it 3 202

By callen5 - 10/03/2012 15:16 - United States

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend over Skype. I said I loved her and hoped we would be together forever. She responded by singing Who Wants to Live Forever into her mic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 881

You deserved it 4 177

By Unlucky taxi driver - 08/11/2018 14:00

Today, a passenger in my taxi left without paying. They left their phone, so I posted a message about it from their social media, exposing them. Turns out they'd stolen the phone from someone else. I ended up getting arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 393

You deserved it 536

By itssomething - 01/03/2016 20:15 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Spicy

Today, my closest encounter to having sex in the last four months was getting chlamydia from Russell Brand. In a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 501

You deserved it 2 612

By Anonymous - 22/10/2014 16:09 - Norway - Egersund

Today, my 17-year-old son managed to easily convince my 13-year-old daughter that if you have sex before getting married, you'll instantly get horrible diseases that will kill you. Her freaking out is how I found out she's not only gullible as hell, but sexually active as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 154

You deserved it 6 011

The system is broke!

By ABD - 15/12/2017 01:30

Today, I found out that when I go on Medicare in January, one of my medicines will go from $45 per month to $3000 for the first month, then $425 per month for the rest of the year. I need this medicine to stay alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 367

You deserved it 338

By ashleyevans - 04/04/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, my friend and I went to a really expensive restaurant. We got really bad service, so halfway through the meal we decided to dine-and-dash. Turns out I left my purse in the restaurant. With my I.D. and everything inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 973

You deserved it 191 630

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 22:19 - United States

Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 941

You deserved it 54 369

Drunk hookup ends with a… bang

By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 417

You deserved it 520

By JTBastry - 30/04/2018 19:00

Today, after graduating from culinary school, I was turned down by Chipotle, Jersey Mike's, and McDonald's entry-level jobs because I didn't have enough experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 043

You deserved it 380

By Anonymous - 24/09/2010 11:25 - United States

Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking and I jokingly stated "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 053

You deserved it 75 176

Proof of love

By oh. - 15/12/2019 14:00 - United States

Today, I flew cross-country to see my girlfriend of three years. Once I got there, she broke up with me. I was supposed to be staying for a month and now I have nowhere to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 423

You deserved it 150

By hejdixjeln - 17/03/2013 10:25 - United States - Evanston

Today, I advised my daughter to not drink a Coke before bed. She smiled at me and reassured me that it could be balanced out with sleeping pills. I'm raising a future drug addict. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 929

You deserved it 7 511

By egged - 08/07/2014 01:41 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I had this really high fever and my sister decides I'm hot enough to fry an egg on. So I'm lying in bed now, still terribly feverish but smelling of the egg she cracked on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 240

You deserved it 3 628

By tarynfaye - 21/12/2011 11:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I gave each other early Christmas gifts. I gave him a basketball signed by his favorite player, which took me forever to find. He got me diet pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 936

You deserved it 4 830

By redriver - 18/06/2018 14:30 - United States

Today, exactly 28 days after I started my last period, I started a new period. This would be perfectly healthy and normal except that my last period was 24 days long. This has happened every month this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 428

You deserved it 292

By Anonymous - 31/10/2013 20:42 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, I heard my surgeon mutter to a nurse how easy it would be to kill me on the operating table and make it look like an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 547

You deserved it 3 528

By BluBaller - 06/04/2010 07:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, after about a month with no sex, my girlfriend told me to come up to her room and began kissing me passionately. She got me down to my underwear before informing me that she had Spanish homework left. To make things better, upon finishing up, she went straight to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 504

You deserved it 5 868

By Noname - 27/01/2009 19:42 - Ireland

Today, I found the family's pet hamster under my mattress, he's been missing for six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 867

You deserved it 3 164

By faceless_sailor8 - 31/08/2011 16:25 - United States

Today, my wife compared me to Sid the sloth from Ice Age. Same smile, same eyes, same belly, same big feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 613

You deserved it 5 708

By Anonymous - 04/03/2011 00:45 - United States

Today, I learned that if I don't clean out the litter box everyday, my cat will resort to shitting in the laundry basket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 865

You deserved it 34 885

Why would I do that to me?

By car keyer - 02/12/2013 06:41 - United States - Mary Esther

Today, I called the police to report that my car had been keyed. I remember going to a bar last night and getting drunk. A surveillance camera revealed that after my drunken self couldn't unlock the door to my car, I punched the door and hurt my fist so bad that I keyed my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 722

You deserved it 54 379

By Jane M - 25/10/2013 23:20 - United States - Lafayette

Today, my mother came over to visit, and my kids started excitedly telling her Christmas is coming soon. She freaked out, saying Christmas is a "Satanic holiday" and telling them that Santa is going to hell along with everyone who celebrates it. My children are now traumatized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 762

You deserved it 3 729

By Anonymous - 10/06/2013 05:26 - United States - Saint Maries

Today, my mother and grandmother informed me that my sixteen-year-old dog died. I was standing in Wal-Mart at the time. They then yelled at me because crying in public is "inappropriate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 588

You deserved it 4 133

By ... - 29/11/2008 11:50 - France

Spicy

Today, well actually last night, I did a full striptease for my girlfriend to "You can leave your hat on". When the song was over, I was then completely naked, she says to me : "Maybe we should have closed the shutters!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 464

You deserved it 11 951

By dancincherrychic - 25/10/2015 19:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was making sweet potato chips using my new slicer. I didn't mean to make a pinky finger chip as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 870

You deserved it 3 485

By lol112 - 02/06/2012 12:47 - United States - Monroe Township

Today, when I was ordering pizza, I got a text from my mom saying "I love you". When the man thanked me I accidentally said, "I love you too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 708

You deserved it 5 438

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

allmidnighteyes 10

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 15:57

Your dad is Charlie Sheen?

fmylife1133249 1

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 15:57

you should kick him over yelling, "THIS. IS. SPARTA!"

Comments

allmidnighteyes 10

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 15:57

Your dad is Charlie Sheen?

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 15:59

embarassement much? sorry dude, but parents will work as hard as they can to embarasse us.

allmidnighteyes 10

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 16:01

Your spelling of the words embarrass and embarrassing are embarrassing. This dad just knows how to party. Take notes, OP.

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 16:21

What an awful football coach! my football coach encourages to stay away from that crap, especially during the season! You know your coach sucks when he can't even take a game seriously.

sterlingarcher 1

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 16:22

wow that's gotta be embarrassing haha

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 17:42

sweetie this ain't a spelling bee okay? All I wanted was to get my point across. And I am not EMBARRASSED to spell my words incorrectly when I type a comment in FML

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 17:44

56, that just makes you look even more stupid.

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 17:46

okay :) have a nice day

dolphincheddar 10

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 17:51

umm. if my dad did that I would love him. that's funny and badass. embarrassing yes, but something to brag about. my dads just a lame boring businessman I never see id lov to have that happen it'd make my day

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 18:03

#59 Stop before you hurt yourself.

allmidnighteyes 10

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 18:07

LunaNstars is confused! *herp derp* It hurt itself in its confusion! *licks battery*

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 18:29

66, AFI rules.

jerseyboy732 16

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 19:25

win

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 20:12

mr allmidnighteyes you can suck ma dick :)

cldean24 4

Thursday 28 April 2011 21:25

59, I honestly wouldn't give a fuck either. If they can understand what you are saying is it really that terrible? If FML were a term paper, then I would call you out, but you aren't getting graded on this. least u don typ lyke dis.

littlemissFYL 5

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 22:04

WELCOME TO SPARTA, BITCH!

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 23:00

Awesome dad you got there!!

TigerBloodGirl15 0

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 23:02

Y'all stop picking on 96. He makes human mistakes. Just cuz he is winning-challenged doesn't mean ya'll have gotta be mean. Also his dad isn't but mine is Lol

k3l05 0

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 23:47

epic

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2011 0:32

my father would do that, with out being drunk.

ItsADreamWithinA 0

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2011 6:05

56-you stand up to that grammar nazi woo!

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2011 6:27

Just give him some carrots and tell him 2 shut the fuck up XD

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2011 8:05

155 your picture is amazing! and your dad ftw!

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2011 23:31

stop with the carrot crap.

Send a private message

Saturday 30 April 2011 8:02

carrots<3

Send a private message

Saturday 30 April 2011 20:49

win

fmylife1133249 1

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 15:57

you should kick him over yelling, "THIS. IS. SPARTA!"

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 16:33

then looked at your team and yelled...SPARTANS, PREPARE FOR GLORY!!!

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 19:53

lmfao. ^ win after win.

comepoopwithme 0

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 23:32

you ruined the win chain^^^

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2011 5:14

how is this a fml i wish my dad was part leonidus :(

Send a private message

Friday 7 October 2011 5:11

my schools team is the spartans :)

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 15:57

Is this Sparta?

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 16:43

No

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 21:22

No, this is Patrick.

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 22:27

^^WIN!

aRedditorette 3

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 15:57

your dad is awesome

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 21:08

agreed- anyone'd be lucky to have him as a ather, I know I would!!!

chunkeechunks 0

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 15:57

No, its still funny.

Idonebeenhad 17

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 15:58

THIS! IS! SPARTA!!

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 16:00

haha I kinda like you're dads style!

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 17:14

ikr

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2011 3:51

dirtbikes ftw

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2011 11:15

yeah!

Sniper_Fidelis 1

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2011 11:45

Slipknot and 2-stroke dirtbikes!

princesstay17 0

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 16:01

your dad is amazing!! lol

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2011 12:57

look at her dad, her dad is amazing!

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 16:04

Treasure your father. He is a great man!

ydi_4_suking 20

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 19:34

he is drunk at his sons game... and he also happens to be the coach... how is he a great man?

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 19:52

I never thought I'd have to explain what a joke is so many times on one site.

mk58 31

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 21:16

87, it's called sarcasm. Ever heard of it?

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2011 0:38

the facts u just stated makes him a great man.....at leases he's got the balls to do it, drunk or not

capt_awesome1 11

Send a private message

Thursday 28 April 2011 16:04

hectic dad, should've joined him.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 7

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 68

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 43