Love: Today, my fiancée informed me she'd invited her ex-husband to... - FML

By Tony - 17/04/2012 00:57 - United States

Today, my fiancée informed me she'd invited her ex-husband to our wedding at her parents' request. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 822

You deserved it 2 132

Triage

Dementia or hate? You decide

Own it

By Anonymous - 20/10/2013 06:21 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my job application got denied once again. I looked over it, and saw that my roommate added "screwing over customers" and "hiding dead bodies" under my skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 458

You deserved it 7 070

By AwkwardPotato - 02/07/2013 02:37 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, my mom signed me up for a swimming class to show my sister there's nothing to be afraid of. Considering I'm 17, I assumed I'd be in an advanced class. Instead, I get to spend summer blowing bubbles in the shallow end with four-year-olds as my little sister cheers me on from the steps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 852

You deserved it 3 742

Some dream…

By Anonymous - 21/04/2021 17:00

Today, I'm a full-time Investment Portfolio Analyst at one of the largest groups. It has been my dream job and I worked my ass off. I'm one of the best analysts there and people like me. Also, I haven't slept properly for 3 months, without a single day off. I'm about to get mentally sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 444

Love knows no boundaries

By Anonymous - 08/07/2020 14:01

Spicy

Today, I found out my son's girlfriend is actually a webcam porn star he pays for private sessions. He’s somehow convinced himself they have a real relationship, and is spending thousands of pounds every week, on his credit card I may add. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 127

You deserved it 229

By Nicole - 13/03/2010 19:16 - United States

Today, I discovered my mom had sold all of our summer clothes over the winter on eBay because we're short on cash. However, I am allowed to cut off the sleeves of all my long sleeve shirts and the legs off my jeans to stay cool in the summer. Nothing's more attractive than looking trashy, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 870

You deserved it 3 207

By mwja - 26/02/2011 22:59 - France

Today, thanks to a particularly spicy bowl of noodles, my nose decided it would rather be a fountain. A fountain of blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 470

You deserved it 3 929

By even axe would smell better - 04/02/2014 18:55 - United Kingdom - Aylesbury

Today, a kid in class kept chatting to his friend, and was made to swap seats. Every time the guy he swapped with moved, the stench from his armpits wafted over. It smelled like nacho cheese crossed with ball sweat. It got so bad that I eventually had to go dry heave in the toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 571

You deserved it 3 601

By tingleballs - 28/04/2016 14:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Spicy

Today, I put some of my wife's eucalyptus oil in my bath to make it relaxing. I soon found out the amount I used was about 100 times more than you're supposed to use. It took an hour of burning agony to find out the only way to get even a hint of relief was to cover my nuts in yoghurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 775

You deserved it 5 213

The I in LGBTQA+

By Anonymous - 25/01/2021 05:02

Today, like every day, I'm an intersex woman. I can't orgasm, have no vagina, and can't have my own kids. Every new partner I have requires an embarrassing explanation and biology lesson because no one knows what intersex means, even though it's quite common. At least I don't get periods? FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 273

By Anonymous - 05/07/2012 04:01 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my brother thought it would be funny to pretend my tampons were "dynamite" and run around the house throwing them at my friends and family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 254

You deserved it 2 567

By Anonymous - 12/11/2009 20:34 - Canada

Today, my roommate's boyfriend moved in. I'm in love with him. Now I get to live with the happy couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 032

You deserved it 9 622

Stranger danger

By soul0eater - 12/03/2011 07:18 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I was at the mall and I saw a kid crying. I asked her "What's wrong sweetie, are you lost?" She ran away screaming "Help me!" I ended up having to explain to a dumb mall cop that I'm not a perv. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 319

You deserved it 3 857

By iamamermaid - 20/01/2015 06:14 - United States - Hemet

Today, I decided to use an at-home waxing kit for the first time to get rid of the hair on my upper lip. After experiencing the trauma of waxing, I fell asleep. A few hours later, I woke up to see that I now have acne everywhere I had waxed. I have an acne mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 972

You deserved it 4 766

By PeepShow - 06/08/2009 06:04 - United States

Today, it was just too hot. I stripped down and, being home alone, pranced around nude, lip synching and playing air guitar to some music. I was getting really into when I opened my eyes and looked out the window to see an old man with binoculars on his terrace. He wasn't birdwatching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 227

You deserved it 46 990

By Anonymous - 10/05/2019 16:00

Today, the guy I've been talking to for two months told me he hooked up with a girl last night, before blocking me on everything. I also was with him last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 810

You deserved it 176

By rejected4555 - 03/08/2012 12:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to go to the gym with him, and I responded that we could do another kind of workout upstairs. He quickly said he'd rather just go to the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 043

You deserved it 6 277

By so so old now - 16/09/2014 23:23 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, my co-workers threw me a surprise 30th birthday party. After lighting sparklers on the cake and singing happy birthday, we all enjoyed a few moments of sparkly, happy fun time. Then the building's fire alarm tripped and over 200 people had to be evacuated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 333

You deserved it 4 465

By scardeycat13 - 08/01/2012 05:38 - United States

Today, I went snowboarding for the first time. I was so scared I passed out. I was only on the kiddy hill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 196

You deserved it 10 705

By Stank - 06/05/2018 19:00

Today, my husband is going on his 5th consecutive day without a shower. He’s been working 16-hour shifts, and though I'm empathetic to his exhaustion, his foul body odor has overtaken the bedroom and his excretions have discolored his side of the bed. I fear the worst. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 215

You deserved it 380

By Christian - 28/09/2013 15:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. We are on a cruise together. She has already found another room to sleep in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 691

You deserved it 3 543

By Anonymous - 14/05/2019 20:00

Today, a girl came up to me on a club dance floor and said, “Shut up and dance with me,” like the song lyrics, only I fell over on her while dancing, and she dislocated her ankle. I don’t think this woman is gonna be my destiny after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 670

You deserved it 302

By SadAndDeaf - 02/09/2014 23:38

Today, my sister introduced me to her new, deaf boyfriend. She proudly proclaimed that she was trying to learn sign language for his sake, so he wouldn't have to read her lips. I'm also deaf and have been trying to get her to do the same for me for 20 goddamn years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 640

You deserved it 3 102

Let people believe

By Anonymous - 02/01/2021 16:58

Today, I told a friend I had become more religious lately. He immediately started mocking me for being a 'stupid creationist bigot'. When I told him how offensive that was, he acted bewildered and started condescendingly lecturing me about how 'science has proven God does not exist'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 732

By dane - 29/06/2010 18:07 - United States

Today, I bought a used car from a friend of mine. After getting the car home and further inspecting it, I found one of my wife's earrings in the backseat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 411

You deserved it 4 548

By Nicole - 20/02/2012 01:14 - United States

Today, while in Walmart, I noticed an old man who had been following me for about five minutes. I politely pulled over with my cart and smiled at him so he could pass. He then said with a creepy smile, "So it's your turn to stare at my butt now?" It's the most attention I've gotten in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 485

You deserved it 3 274

By anon - 24/05/2012 18:59 - United States - Pasadena

Spicy

Today, I am on vacation in the Smoky Mountains with my parents. They just decided to take me to the place I was conceived seventeen years ago: a bench at a public park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 363

You deserved it 2 645

By pistonsunshine - 10/10/2009 18:06 - United States

Today, I took a girl out I've been seeing for two months on our first real date. I had saved all my money for the week for this. I took her to a beautiful restaurant uptown. She got hammered, hit me and screamed that I would never be as good as "Marshall." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 730

You deserved it 3 322

By Anonymous - 25/07/2019 20:00

Today, I found out why I get so red all over at parties. Turns out I'm allergic to alcohol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 761

You deserved it 191

Ten years, going strong

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 14:00

Spicy

Today, it's the 10th anniversary of the last time I had sex, and that was a drunk pity shag down an alley that lasted less than 30 seconds, due to me getting my period and his whiskey dick. Since then, all my sexual encounters have included the internet and rechargeable batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 290

By LindsayK - 09/04/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, my step-mother threw a surprise party on my acceptance to college. People kept telling me how delightfully shocked and happy they are for me. "UPenn" was written everywhere, when I really got into Penn State. Everyone thinks I'm going to an Ivy League. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 378

You deserved it 5 112

By Ariel_Mariaa - 04/11/2011 23:25 - Canada

Today, I went to see the latest Paranormal Activity movie with my mother. We were terrified and held hands at one point. The person sitting behind us thought it would be hilarious to abruptly scream into my mother's ear. She reacted by flailing and driving her arm straight into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 474

You deserved it 4 265

By AwkwardMoments - 26/01/2017 14:00

Spicy

Today, while napping on the couch, I had a very vivid dream about a girl I like. I woke up to my mother and father choking back laughter and recording me on their phones. I don't know what's worse: waking up with a boner in front of my parents or finding out I was also talking dirty in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 827

You deserved it 674

By Notabum - 31/08/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I received official notification that my license was being suspended for multiple DUIs. Apparently, my brother is a drunk and has been using my ID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 019

You deserved it 2 878

By highschoolsucks - 21/01/2015 02:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, I let out a monstrous fart at the gym. They said it didn't even sound human. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 995

You deserved it 6 953

By Ihatemyjob - 24/04/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, my boss told me that he didn’t want to promote me because my, “scores were too good.” He then told me that I would be getting twice as much work to do than my coworkers, without a raise. I work minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 365

You deserved it 166

By ppd_sucks - 29/12/2010 20:03 - United States

Today, my wife and I received confirmation that she has postpartum depression. When sharing this with the family, my mother exclaimed "I told you she was a psycho!" Now my wife is crying louder and more often than our newborn. Thanks, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 585

You deserved it 3 578

By quadropheniac - 09/06/2009 16:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked into the bathroom and found my sister cleaning her vibrator. With my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128 271

You deserved it 8 076

By mapleleafs34 - 17/01/2010 19:24 - United States

Today, I realized that the only boy that shows up at my door is the pizza boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 180

You deserved it 7 285

By hatemebeforetheyevenhatch - 24/02/2015 00:08 - United Kingdom - Clydebank

Today, I ordered Chinese and told them I was allergic to eggs. I took a bite and I found some egg, quickly spat it out and took my antihistamines. When I returned with it and complained about my potential demise, they gave me a free orange to apologise. I'm allergic to oranges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 663

You deserved it 5 821

By Anonymous - 02/11/2009 02:40 - United States

Today, I flew to see the guy that I've been in love with for 3 years. We spent the day at Walmart. To buy a plunger. After I blocked up the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 937

You deserved it 9 629

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 8:35

As long as your fiance's ex does not perform a drunken toast i think you're safe.

supervacaneous 4

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 8:40

WATCH OUT, OP. YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO TED MOSBY.

Comments

darlingdollie 24

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 8:32

Sorry op, that really sucks! Congrats though xx

gamercanadian 11

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 10:11

He's her ex for a reason bro, you'll be fine.

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 8:35

As long as your fiance's ex does not perform a drunken toast i think you're safe.

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 17:06

I doubt he'll even bother to show up. Don't expect a gift from "the ex" either.

syki 22

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 8:37

Today, I found out my fiancée was a man. FML

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 8:39

only so you could rub it in his face that you got her!

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 10:11

I was thinking that it was so the parents can rub one in. Ex: so here I am at this wedding, what do you want me to do? Parents: Nothing, we just wanted to show off to you that our daughter is doing much better now that you two are divorced. Ex: What?!?! How? Parents: She's getting married, and look at the new husband (OP). He's so much better than you.

MyChemicalSmosh 4

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 8:39

OP is a male and his fiancée is a female... Not even his parents, it's his parents-in-law.

supervacaneous 4

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 8:40

WATCH OUT, OP. YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO TED MOSBY.

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 11:12

You mean Jed Mosely?

KunoKanashimi 3

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 11:28

Ked Moseby? I don't understand the game...

TovaglioloViso 5

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 14:47

I think you mean Fred Hoseby

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 15:29

Ted Mosby a character in how I met your mother.*

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 16:55

To everyone who doesn't watch the awesome show, Ted Mosby got left at the alter, and had a movie mocking him with his character was named Jed Mosely. THIS IS NOT A RHYMING GAME

egc573 40

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Wednesday 18 April 2012 1:17

Neither is the show all that awesome. Early on it was all right, but just because most other sitcoms on TV suck doesn't mean people should elevate the mediocre ones. That episode was decently funny, though.

sayyestothedress 24

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Monday 1 September 2014 17:05

#7 LOL!!!! I was thinking the same thing!!!

DontClickOnMe 28

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 8:41

She could've just said no to her parents. If it really bothers you, try to talk to her about it.

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 10:35

Yea just tell her how you feel about it even though it should be obvious how awkward it is that her ex is coming And ohmigosh your profile pic scared the shit outa me >.>

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 17:13

I agree, it's your wedding as much as it is her's.

DuffleBagHero 4

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 8:46

I would so do that just to show off how good of a life I have to my ex. But then again , just make sure there's no objections or things could get messy... Fast.

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 8:54

Hmm sucks that your soon-to-be in-laws like your fiancée's ex more than you, but not much you can do about it. Haters gonna hate. FYL OP.

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 8:58

U the one getting marry doesnt matter If they dnt like u it about u and your soon to be Wife

Azail 15

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 15:34

You're the one getting married. It doesn't matter if they don't like you because it's about you and your soon to be wife. I'm sorry I had to correct that horrendous spelling. Next time learn to spell before commenting.

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Wednesday 18 April 2012 17:25

Thank you 51 you helped me decipher that comment.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 44

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 25

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 85

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 33