Health: Today, my favorite song came on and I started playing the air...

By Jordan - 30/04/2011 19:52 - United States

Today, my favorite song came on and I started playing the air guitar and head banging to it. I didn't realize just how close I was to the chair next to me and went face first into the metal back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 274

You deserved it 37 351

Health

Good kid

I'm trying!

Get that pup out of there!

By smeeagain - 21/10/2011 01:17 - United States

Today, I was chaperoning at my local high school's Homecoming dance. Outside the gym, I saw some kids drinking, so I walked over to stop them. One of them promptly spun around and punched me in the mouth. I had my ass handed to by a drunk 9th grader. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 456

You deserved it 6 348

Ghosts!

By Binks - 26/10/2020 12:01 - United States - Charleston

Today I woke up feeling good and ready for my online business class final, only to find that it had somehow been submitted and graded with a zero. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 108

By stinker - 22/02/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, my mother told me she was going out of town this weekend. I re-assured her that I would not throw a party. She replied "Oh, like you have enough friends to do that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 410

You deserved it 4 320

By Detroitman125 - 10/11/2018 03:00

Today, my parents told me that they think I've gone off the deep end. I don't drink or take drugs. What did I do? I got McDonald's a couple times after school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 624

You deserved it 217

By dr.mantistobagon - 27/08/2014 22:03 - United States - South Burlington

Today, it's been a few months since my grandfather passed away. Now all of his porn subscriptions are getting forwarded to my address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 912

You deserved it 3 421

By Anonymous - 23/06/2019 20:30

Today, I was on my way to work. Out of nowhere, my period started. Due to allergies, I had uncontrollable sneezes. Now, I have blood all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 934

You deserved it 118

By whaaaaat111 - 09/03/2013 12:04 - United States - Vienna

Today, while at the mall, a lady dropped her credit card while in line to buy something. I came over, picked it up and gave it to her just for her to shove it in my hand and scream, "She's stealing my wallet! My wallet!" The police came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 610

You deserved it 2 744

By AngerManagement - 29/09/2011 08:04 - United Kingdom

Today, after being in the UK for 2 months, I learned that when saying, "I'm about to blow off and kill someone", to the British "blow off" means "fart." This was pointed out to me in an open-space office after a particularly loud rant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 500

You deserved it 24 343

By Rose - 15/06/2012 05:54 - United States - Tenino

Today, I was at the mall with my friend. A lady came up to us and told my friend that she could be a model. Then the lady looked at me and said, "Oh... Nice shoes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 491

You deserved it 2 644

By Purple - 06/11/2014 01:12 - United States - Fremont

Today, my dad told me that my mom wanted to name me something "unusual." He eventually got her to compromise. I go by Violet. I now know that my legal name is Purple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 315

You deserved it 2 911

By katwingz - 19/02/2013 22:47 - United States - Fairfield

Today, after being together for only 2 weeks, my boyfriend got me a year's gym membership for my birthday in a card that said, "So u can b hott! Luv u!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 549

You deserved it 6 174

Freud intensifies

By Anonymous - 28/09/2021 01:59

Today, I couldn't bring up a close friend from college in a conversation without my mom bashing her for over ten minutes. She does this with practically all my close female friends. I suspect she subconsciously doesn't want any girl to steal her son away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 751

You deserved it 63

By just about pissed off - 11/08/2013 17:24 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, to help with my insomnia, I downloaded some relaxing rain MP3s and set them to loop. For the first time in ages, I fell asleep within minutes. Somewhere around 5, however, the sound of trickling water caused my bladder to empty itself all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 505

You deserved it 6 752

Badmouth Strikes Again

By Melissa - 08/03/2020 14:00

Today, my 7-year-old sister had to tell my mom to watch her language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 310

You deserved it 137

By Anonymous - 17/06/2013 05:54 - United States

Today, I lost my virginity. Not only did my parents somehow find out, they posted about it on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 253

You deserved it 11 239

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 06:58 - United States

Today, I was at the theatre with my 4-year-old son who was situated on my lap. Halfway through the movie, he turns to face me and states loudly, "Mommy, your legs are so furry!". Everyone watching the show turned and stared at us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 734

You deserved it 8 950

By greeenbean - 02/10/2009 10:41 - Samoa

Today, I was woken up by the massive earthquake in Samoa. I went downstairs to discover that all the hotel staff had fled and abandoned the hotel guests. I was left to run up to higher ground on foot. It was a three hour hike. By the time I got to a safe spot, the tsunami warning was lifted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 342

You deserved it 3 750

By Anonymous - 31/07/2009 03:44 - United States

Today, I covered for my friend at work because he said he was having car troubles and was going to be late. Two hours into the shift, I got a call from my roommate asking why my girlfriend had moved out. Turns out, I'd covered my friend's shift so he could help my girlfriend move out behind my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 041

You deserved it 3 262

By Anonymous - 20/10/2015 09:44 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 676

You deserved it 3 619

By inseriouspain - 22/08/2010 21:20 - United States

Today, I popped a zit and I went to put my acne medicine on it. It's in a clear bottle with a blue cap, just like the nearby nailpolish remover. I grabbed the wrong one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 427

You deserved it 14 547

By (///▽///) - 18/02/2017 21:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I learned that "prima donna" was not in fact "pre-Madonna" like I'd always thought. My family won't stop laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 559

You deserved it 2 958

I wish!

By Anonymous - 17/09/2021 11:00

Today, my sister saw an empty bottle of squirty cream in my bedroom, and now her and my siblings keep teasing me about how I must have a really kinky sex life. Truth is, I ate the cream by myself with cake, chocolate and biscuits, because I was depressed about it actually being 2 years since I had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 195

Cheap-ass perv!

By Allison Arsenault - 07/06/2020 08:08

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 5 years thinks that it is too expensive to get married, go on vacations, concerts, etc., but spends $100+/month on Hentai. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 809

You deserved it 428

By Anonymous - 23/08/2013 21:58 - Mexico

Today, I have to get an ultrasound at the hospital. In order to get a clear picture, I need to have a full bladder. I've been waiting my turn for 2 hours now, desperately needing to pee. There are still multiple patients ahead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 701

You deserved it 3 079

By anon - 30/08/2015 06:20 - United States - Springfield

Today, at work, one of the elderly residents dropped a turd on the floor. I went to go get the nurse but couldn't find her. Upon returning to the scene, another resident picked it up and placed it in my hand, thinking it was mud. Now my nickname at work is 'Nugget'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 052

You deserved it 1 850

By Anonymous - 28/01/2015 01:24 - United States - Rochester

Today, I spent over an hour shovelling the walkway and driveway, snow blowing in my face and down my coat. When I was finally finished, a guy started going through the neighborhood plowing everyone's driveways for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 407

You deserved it 2 959

Growing old gracefully

By OldBitch - 16/08/2020 02:01

Today, I realized my breasts look like sweat socks and my ass is sagging so much, it slaps the back of my legs. My neck has grown three chins, and I have put on 40 lbs. Yes, the golden years are here at last, and they can certainly kiss my ass. Happy 50th to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 221

You deserved it 419

Very mean

By graham - 11/01/2020 14:00

Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 786

You deserved it 331

By prostitutes boyfriend - 21/10/2011 14:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't go to work, she's actually been seeing another guy purely for sex, and each time he gives her money to "support her unemployment." Pretty sure that means I'm dating a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 225

You deserved it 4 366

By Anonymous - 07/10/2010 19:28 - United States

Today, in the middle of class, I sneezed out the biggest, wettest booger I have ever seen in my life. I'd used the inside of my elbow to cover my nose, but I neglected to notice that my hair had fallen over my shoulder. I couldn't get it all out of my hair and I don't think any believed me when I said it was hair gel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 121

You deserved it 5 949

Bad day

By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 02:04 - United States - White Plains

Today, I woke up feeling like I was on top of the world, until I got to work and I was demoted. Then I ordered Uber Eats for lunch, the driver was late and gave me the wrong meal. The worst part was when I got home and was dumped by my girlfriend via text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 66

By fmlpanda - 29/05/2010 04:14 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. It was going well until our braces got caught. Out of pain, I tried to pull away, which made my eyes water. Then I sneezed in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 796

You deserved it 8 343

By grossesfesses - 15/05/2013 06:58 - France - Compi?gne

Today, in the doctor's waiting room, a little boy asked me for a cookie. I told him that I didn't have any. He replied, "But my mom says that ladies with big butts always have cookies in their handbags." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 799

You deserved it 6 403

By Mel Ancholy - 18/02/2012 02:04 - United States

Today, I was talking to my husband about a work colleague, whose boyfriend is always sending her flowers and fawning over her. I mentioned how I've never been treated like that. He glanced up from his video game and said, "Shit, Mel. Get a boob job then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 267

You deserved it 8 170

By Anonymous - 30/08/2019 22:00

Today, I told my boyfriend about a friend-with-benefits that I had before him, and he dumped me because I’m still friends with that person, and I didn’t tell him about him right away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 2 546

By Anonymous - 07/03/2014 18:25 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, I asked my grandmother what she looked like when she was young. She casually replied, "I was ugly, sweetie. Just like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 244

You deserved it 4 456

Useless

By Albert - 26/04/2020 17:00

Today, I used up the last of my deodorant for a business meeting on Zoom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 617

You deserved it 1 305

Happy Birthday!

By Kryoyo - 07/07/2021 20:01

Today, I held my daughter’s fifth birthday at the park. What started as a fun playdate with all her friends turned into a day of horror, when a pair of teenage boys started running around our pavillion, screaming, “Babies come from sex! Babies come from sex!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 105

What are you doing?

By StopMe - 20/05/2019 12:00

Today, I went to a hobby lobby with the director of the play my daughter is in. He leaned in to grab a bottle of blue paint, and I mistook it for a hug. When he looked perplexed, I hugged him again, this time jumping in celebration of finding the blue paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 422

You deserved it 508

#notyourmaid

By Anonymous - 17/05/2018 01:30

Today, at work, someone shat outside the bathroom door. Not outside the stall, but in the actual hallway. Guess who got fired for refusing to clean it up! I’m a cashier at a tool supply company and the only female employee. Four dudes refused before I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 451

You deserved it 348

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Top comments

ShrukiantheMad 0

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Sunday 1 May 2011 1:46

Ouch man. Maybe you can't handle metal yet.

Malkria 1

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Sunday 1 May 2011 1:28

pow! right in the kisser!!!

tarabelle 7

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Sunday 1 May 2011 1:21

ouch :(

largefoofighter 0

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Sunday 1 May 2011 1:27

you're rockin and you're rockin and you got one more

pertained 12

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Sunday 1 May 2011 1:28

This is why you leave guitarin for the guitarists

stfuitscindeeeh9 3

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Sunday 1 May 2011 1:34

Hope it didn't scar!

whiskuit 0

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Sunday 1 May 2011 1:52

WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT. NO! WE AIN'T GONNA TAKE IT! WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT. ANYMORE!!!! bah nah nah nah nah nah nah

ZX6Rninja 0

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Sunday 1 May 2011 2:29

man i thought your knees where like some gargantuan tits until i zoomed in

flashback.miss 28

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Sunday 1 May 2011 2:29

you will take it and like it! lolx j/k

Hide_Yo_Kids 0

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Sunday 1 May 2011 3:03

#34. the fuck is up with your picture???

Katie_the_Great 6

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Sunday 1 May 2011 3:07

33 is that your bike? Because it looks awesome!

Predental 5

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Sunday 1 May 2011 4:05

Face first? then surely you would have seen the chair there.

staceysgenesis16 0

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Sunday 1 May 2011 4:42

ahahhh !! woww lololololololol

MissBunny25 0

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Sunday 1 May 2011 4:45

metal head

GeneralGreivous3 0

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Sunday 1 May 2011 5:36

If you wanna head bang, make sure there is nothing to bang your head on.

littlemissFYL 5

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Sunday 1 May 2011 6:37

41, I agree. it looks like someone just climbed into the girls window and snatched her people up.

KJLD5 0

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Sunday 1 May 2011 7:37

bahahhqhahaha blbkiddhkkkvc thats frikimg hilariooouuuuus

Jimster1712 0

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Sunday 1 May 2011 9:08

talk abt " metal"

JRBradley 9

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Sunday 1 May 2011 1:21

smooth!

xo_kat_xo 0

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Sunday 1 May 2011 2:27

agreed :)

mrjmaster1234 0

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Sunday 1 May 2011 1:21

bam

calley1011 0

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Sunday 1 May 2011 1:21

ouch:(

slynoble32 11

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Monday 2 May 2011 4:57

its friday friday lmao

cheeturtle 0

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Monday 2 May 2011 8:37

113- lol I bet u that was the song he was listening to :D

aquariusangel420 0

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Sunday 1 May 2011 1:22

HAHAHA YDI SMART ONE next time get a real guitar lol

MarcyMarc 4

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Sunday 1 May 2011 1:23

haha, that's hilarious!

Malkria 1

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Sunday 1 May 2011 1:28

pow! right in the kisser!!!

ChickenInMyKitch 4

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Sunday 1 May 2011 2:54

FAMILY GUY REFERENCE!!!

ChickenInMyKitch 4

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Sunday 1 May 2011 2:54

FAMILY GUY REFERENCE!!!

Uncle_Moe_Lester 3

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Sunday 1 May 2011 5:03

55 it can reference both get off his back

CaptainPickles72 18

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Sunday 1 May 2011 5:39

55- Ah, the 1950's..........where spousal abuse was funny. XD

IbanezSprinter 0

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Sunday 1 May 2011 6:46

originally a Honeymooners quote...

Insane_Tea 15

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Sunday 1 May 2011 1:28

The wannabe rockstar thing worked after that, right?

hiyourcute 0

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Sunday 1 May 2011 1:31

YDI for headbanging

SirfinBurd 0

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Sunday 1 May 2011 10:33

It was my belief that in order for one to headbang, you need something to bang your head into. I don't see what the OP did wrong here.

FreakoHolm 6

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Monday 2 May 2011 0:52

Who doesn't like headbanging, it's awesome

dudeman1212 22

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Saturday 3 March 2012 5:09

I can't live in this world anymore. You've stepped on everything I live for.

mk58 31

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Sunday 1 May 2011 1:31

Tsk tsk, OP. Don't you know that it's actually possible to get minor concussions from head banging?? And of course there's always the risk of hitting your head...