Today, my father was pruning the tree in our front yard. I was...

By patrickRafael - Singapore

Today, my father was pruning the tree in our front yard. I was helping him collect the falling branches. At one point, a branch fell and I was under it. My father jumped to push me out of the way. Instead he pushed the branch into my face. FML

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Miscellaneous

Serious times

Caught red-handed

Booty pic

By GetHardOrGoHome - United States - Chardon

Today, I visited my gynecologist. As she had her fingers inside me she decided that was the perfect time to say, "I absolutely love your socks!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom talked to me and my brother about how great it was that our cousin was getting away from drugs and becoming sober, as he would have so many more opportunities opened up for him now. She explained all this while sitting on our patio, smoking a blunt. FML

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By Sisi - United States - Mesa

Today, my roommate left a bomb looking package of cookies on the kitchen counter. My sweet tooth got the best of me and I made that split second decision of, "Oh, I'll just have one." Halfway through it, I noticed the fine print, "For dogs" on the package. FML

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By DMitch - United States

Today, I went to Subway with my girlfriend. Just as the time came for her to pay, she went to the car to grab her purse. She didn't come back. I found a note on the windshield saying, "It's over." FML

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By Ducati - United States

Today, I gave my girlfriend a small stun gun I bought for her. She mentioned how she thought it was ''cute'', though it probably wouldn't help if someone was after her. She then put the tazer to my chest. When I woke up, she told me how it was my fault, for buying it for her. FML

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By Headless - Denmark - Lyngby

Today, for our anniversary, I had made a small treasure hunt for my boyfriend, tying roses with notes of poetry to lampposts across campus to lead him to where we would have a romantic dinner. He couldn't find it because people had stolen the roses, or simply ripped them to pieces and thrown them away. FML

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By JurassicHole - United States

Today, while landscaping my backyard, I was pulling a big weed out of the ground. After the last tug, the soil came free, but ended up with me punching myself full force in the nuts. I think my future children are already filing for parental abuse. FML

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By yper - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a nice new dress for a work party. But when I went in, a coworker hurried me into the bathroom saying, "Don't worry we can fix this." She thought someone had been sick on me. Thanks. That was just the pattern of the dress. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML

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By box bulge - China

Today, whilst trying on a pair of jeans, I got my genitals caught in my fly. I'm a woman. FML

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By Soon2beexhr

Today, my boss tested a candidate for my current position while I was out of the office. How did I find out? I work in HR and the test results were sent to my email. The reason I was out was to have emergency surgery. Now I get to recover and job search at the same time. FML

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By peanutprobs - Germany - Bochum

Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Vancouver

Today, my boss held my hair while I threw up. It's day two on the job. FML

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50029

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By OhCanada

Today, my downstairs neighbor is single, clever and incredibly hot, while the upstairs neighbor is loud and obnoxious, not to mention a creep. I silently prayed every day for my neighbor to leave the building, and today, my prayer was answered: my neighbor moved out. Guess which one. FML

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By send help

Help!

Today, at the Japanese restaurant I work for, we have 95 reservations and three servers. FML

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By whowhat - United States

Today, I came home at 1am to find my mom sitting on my couch, ranting about how I'm not supposed to stay up this late. I'm 26 and I don't know how she got into my house. FML

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By merse - United States

Today, my parents decided they won't pay for college because of a Fox News story that said higher education "makes you liberal." FML

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By caramelkarma - United States

Today, I woke up on my mom's couch with a wicked hangover. I made a mad dash for the toilet but felt the wave coming after two steps. I grabbed a bag of trash next to the front door and showed it no mercy. After I'd recovered and cleaned up, Mom asked if I'd seen the bag with her tax materials. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Manhattan Beach

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML

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29815

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By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 17:02 - United States

Mansplaning #2764

Today, I got mansplained for trying to help a guy secure a machine to a trailer. Not only did he bring the wrong trailer, he tried to ratchet it onto the axle. I load and unload trailers at least once a week. FML

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By MAC. - Canada - Toronto

Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML

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By 12yearsoldapparently - United States - Charleston

Today, I was finally going to break down my social barrier by going out on a date with a nice guy I recently met on a dating site. Just at the start of the date, he asked me how old I was, and out of pure nervousness, I blurted out, "12!" I'm 24. FML

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By - France

Today, after going to college for 5 years to become an architect I discover my plumber makes more than I do. FML

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By bananayellowteeth - United States

Today, I went to the dentist. After drilling my teeth for what seemed like hours, he gave me a long speech about how if I continue to smoke, the yellowing of my teeth won't be the only problem. I don't smoke. I never have. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New York

Showtime

Today, I accidentally rammed my finger into my desk, and it felt like I'd broken it. Yelping in pain, I fell over onto my bed, missed it, and landed on the floor. My dog saw this as a good opportunity to climb on top of me and start humping. FML

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By sfabsits - United States

Today, while I was waitressing, two girls ran up a tab of $60 in drinks. They ended up not paying the bill and walking out. My boss told me it won't be the first time or last, as he made me pay their bill. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, we'd booked a spot for 20 people for my grandma's birthday. Turns out the reservation didn't go through. Now 20 people are waiting inside and outside for a group of old people to finish eating. They just barely got their food. FML

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By crazycatwaiter - 22/6/2020 23:06

Trip Advisor says no

Today, I was so excited that my favorite local spot reopened, I couldn’t wait to go there for lunch. Unfortunately, my waiter’s shirt was so caked with thick smelly cat hair, it sent me into an immediate allergy attack. Not only did I not get to eat my food, the manager refused to give me a refund. FML

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By CatLitterLover - United States

Today, I dropped my Xanax. It wasn't until after I washed it down with some water that I realized it was still on the floor and I had actually swallowed a pebble of cat litter. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, my dad uploaded his porn collection onto our family server. My mom was convinced I did it and sat me down for a long talk. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Marietta

Today, I got screamed at by a woman at work for feeding her 3-week-old infant formula instead of the bottled Kool-Aid that she packed. FML

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By Teste - Spain

Today, I passed by a cute girl who was staring intensely at me. When I glanced in her direction, she smiled. Taking this as a positive sign, I approached her. Before I could say anything, she handed me a flyer explaining the benefits of STD testing. Apparently, I look like I need it. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML

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By maggie74 - United States - Enfield

Today, I sent my boyfriend a nude picture, he sent it back to me with a mustache on my face from that iPhone app and told me he likes it much better that way. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried opening a can for the first time using a manual can opener. I tried for a half hour to open a can of ravioli, mutilating the can in the process. Only after watching five Youtube videos on how to use a manual can opener did I notice the pull-tab on the top of the ravioli can. FML

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By Oops - United States - Anchorage

Today, while celebrating my birthday, my friends hired a few escorts to make the party more interesting. This was a really bad way to learn that my sister is a prostitute. FML

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By devinchi - United States

Today, my buddy told me he was going to get an HIV test at the health department. Without thinking, I told him to "think positive". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was dressing in my apartment when I noticed I left the blinds open. Outside, a maintenance man was mowing the grass within eyeshot. I figured I'd leave the blinds open and give him a little peek of the goods. Later I found a note on my window saying, 'Next time, close the blinds'. FML

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By fuauntflo - 7/7/2020 17:01

Thanks, I'm cured!

Today, I went to the ER because of an intensely heavy flow. They kept me waiting so long that, although I was wearing a super absorbent tampon and a pad, I still bled through three times. When I was finally seen, the doctor said, "Try using a higher absorbency and follow up with your regular physician." FML

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By auraya1985 - United Kingdom

Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML

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Top comments

By Tigg3r | 3

#743447 - Tuesday 29 December 2010 20:07

Well, he was trying to save you. I mean, it wasn't like he did it on purpose! I'm still gonna call FYL though.

By Elf_My_Life | 0

#743449 - Tuesday 29 December 2010 20:07

YDI for complaining. He was trying to save you.

COMMENTS

By Perversive | 0

#743446 - Tuesday 29 December 2010 20:06

Omg! FYL indeed but I just pictured that and am LMAO!

borabora1991 | 0

#743705 - Tuesday 29 December 2010 23:04

He was trying to help you. Get over it. I thought you were going to say something like "Instead of saving me from the branch he decided to save the squirrel still perched on the branch." Not an fml.

bailo | 0

#743798 - Tuesday 29 December 2010 23:31

but that one would have been predictable. too much like so many other fmls. this one was funny instead.

BlueJeans2626 | 0

#803756 - Thursday 28 January 2010 4:04

at least he cares about you :p

missmarie97 | 0

#1030867 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 14:32

well you know he loves ya!

By Tigg3r | 3

#743447 - Tuesday 29 December 2010 20:07

Well, he was trying to save you. I mean, it wasn't like he did it on purpose! I'm still gonna call FYL though.

Dmars444 | 4

#2012286 - Thursday 27 January 2011 11:11

ditto

By Elf_My_Life | 0

#743449 - Tuesday 29 December 2010 20:07

YDI for complaining. He was trying to save you.

TurtleSmile | 14

#4822958 - Thursday 16 August 2012 21:40

You're telling me if someone accidentally shoved a tree branch in your face you'd be totally cool with it?

mysteryman98 | 6

#6635501 - Friday 24 June 2016 17:48

Well I would venture to say that if my father was trying to shove me out of the way of the branch and sacrifice it landing on him instead but couldn't get there fast enough and it still hit me, yes I might be a little forgiving.