Love: Today, my father told all of us that he eloped with his girlfriend...

By Anonymous - 07/09/2018 03:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, my father told all of us that he eloped with his girlfriend of two months. I am engaged to the woman's daughter, and have been engaged since before they met, but now my family is making fun of me for marrying my "sister". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 502

You deserved it 210

Love

Mama's boy

All over

White knights

By me - 16/12/2010 15:29

Today, I thought it would be funny to hide behind the ice machine at work and jump out randomly and scare people. This resulted in my first victim whacking me in the head with a skateboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 593

You deserved it 62 317

By Anonymous - 21/03/2011 17:32 - United Kingdom

TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 571

You deserved it 34 172

By Physics fail. - 11/11/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I finished up my physics project. I had to make some thing out of toothpicks and glue that will keep an egg from breaking when dropped 20 feet. It took me 10 hours to make it, but only took my dad 10 seconds to step on it and break it. It's due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 690

You deserved it 4 678

By KiloLima01 - 08/01/2009 03:59 - Australia

Today, I met a really hot chick while waiting for the bus. We spoke for 4 hours till we got to our destination. She hugged me and we parted ways. Later that day I realised she stole my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 143

You deserved it 4 211

By Anonymous - 14/09/2014 16:38 - Ghana - Accra

Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 603

You deserved it 20 794

By ScaredDad - 02/05/2019 12:00

Today, I needed to grab something from the garage. As soon as the door closed, I heard a little click sound. My one-year-old seems to have figured out the door lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 230

Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to

By Anonymous - 05/08/2020 20:02

Today, during a deep conversation with my girlfriend of 6 months, I asked her if the guy she had cheated on me once with a few months back had a bigger “tool” than me. She said yes. So I asked, "How much bigger are we talking about?" Her response was "Probably like twice the size." FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 2 932

By cmendez - 26/02/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, my mother who is 75 years old just told me and my sister that we are adopted. I'm 45 years old and my sister is 49. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 799

You deserved it 2 289

By Anonymous - 09/02/2013 16:11 - Canada - Stoney Creek

Today, my fiancé told me that it would be okay with him if I got plastic surgery to make my boobs larger. It would also be okay with him if I didn't get the surgery, but he would call off our engagement and never talk to me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 560

You deserved it 6 507

Cursed

By IHaveATypeAparently - 25/07/2021 06:01

Today, I found out one of my exes is trans. I’m very happy for her, but I’m starting to think I have the wrong type, as I have had 3 ex-boyfriends come out as gay and 3 come out at trans right after breaking up. I really hope my current boyfriend doesn’t have a secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 145

One ring to…

By bchorror - 22/04/2020 02:00

Today, I went to take out my NuvaRing. To my surprise, I couldn’t find it. I’ve had unprotected sex almost every day this month. I don’t know when it fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 902

You deserved it 1 100

By Anonymous - 01/06/2016 11:05 - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 441

You deserved it 838

By Becoming a commuter. - 04/09/2012 17:14 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I moved into college and met my new roommate. Not fifteen minutes later, she had told me about the fungus on her feet, and what happens when she forgets to take her anti-psychotic medication, all while picking at her nose and eating the spoils. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 843

You deserved it 2 093

By sniper foxeh - 29/07/2018 01:30

Today, my younger sister and I were camping when, during the middle of the night, she asked me if I could take her to the toilets as she was scared. I told her to go by herself or go behind the tent. Thirty seconds later, she peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 797

You deserved it 4 368

By anonymous - 31/10/2014 04:24 - United States - Rancho Cordova

Today, my ex-girlfriend started dating the guy she told me not to worry about when we dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 286

You deserved it 4 116

By n77 - 23/04/2011 02:17 - Switzerland

Today, at work, a customer went to try on a pair of pants. A few minutes later, she hurriedly returned and put the pants back on the shelf without saying anything. I later found out she'd come down with a bout of diarrhea and apparently didn't want to pay for the dry-cleaning. Glamorous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 129

You deserved it 3 561

By superpissed - 07/12/2016 13:07 - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, I went for a trial shift somewhere perfect for me to work. I knew loads about the place and how they worked. The trial shift went really well. Not even 2 hours after my shift, they rung to tell me I'd lost out to someone who swore at a customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 322

You deserved it 576

By loserface - 23/02/2009 22:50 - United States

Today, I was interviewing a cute guy for my journalism class, and he asked to borrow my laptop to check his email quickly. After the interview, I realized that the last thing I had searched for on my browser's Google box was "ingrown pubic hairs," and it was still up there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 230

You deserved it 36 596

By 0h_Boy - 20/04/2016 20:03 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my wife and I were Skyping, when she decided to put on a "show" for me. Seconds before she was about to climax, we lost internet connection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 768

You deserved it 2 514

By ladygrey - 20/07/2019 00:08

Today, my daughter informed me that she hates everything about her appearance and wants to get every possible plastic surgery when she’s older. She’s 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 776

You deserved it 215

By FortuneFaded - 06/05/2009 15:47 - South Africa

Today, is my mothers birthday. I decided to take her out to lunch. On the way there, we had a car accident. It was my fault. For my mothers birthday I gave her: 3 broken ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 350

You deserved it 19 001

By Bitch - 26/05/2019 00:02

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I was cheating on him. Surprised, I replied "No, Tim, of course not!" This might have been more convincing if I'd called my boyfriend by his own name, instead of the name of the guy I'm cheating on him with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 10 633

Boo!

By Today - 29/09/2019 16:08

Today, in my school's rugby grand final, I had to take a penalty kick to win the game. Possibly the easiest kick I've taken all year. I stuff it up, and it completely missed. A crowd of 2000 people laughed, and later booed me off the field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 514

You deserved it 335

Road hog

By DanJames24 - 10/10/2021 07:00 - United Kingdom - Rochdale

Today, a girl seemed to be tailgating me while I was driving home. I ended up letting her past as I didn’t like it, so I pulled into the next petrol station. She did too, so I thought I’d ask her why she was tailgating me. She asked what I was going to do about it, before kneeing me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 220

By Anonymous - 04/02/2014 21:42 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I was ringing an elderly gentleman up at work. As I went to package up the buns he ordered, he held up a hand and told me to wait. He then looked me in the eyes, started squeezing them, then winked and told me to go ahead. I've never felt so violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 258

You deserved it 4 460

By newlysingle - 14/12/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I had been hiding the ring in the sock drawer. When I went to retrieve it, the ring was gone and in its place was a sticky note that said "NO." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 737

You deserved it 3 612

By swervelol - 14/07/2016 19:06

Today, as well as for the past two weeks, my brother has been making up songs about farts and singing them non-stop. He's 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 704

You deserved it 1 086

By raidered - 08/03/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, my three year old nephew was pointing at the TV screen and saying "Uncle, Uncle!" He thought it was me on the screen. It was Rosie O'Donnell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 447

You deserved it 4 105

By Fatty - 27/12/2009 07:15 - United States

Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 436

You deserved it 4 152

By anonymous - 10/02/2010 20:59 - United States

Today, I went to the store and bought some cream to help with a sunburn I'd gotten a few days ago. What's worse than having red, peeling, and painful skin? An allergic reaction on top of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 001

You deserved it 2 740

By moneymoneymoney - 08/10/2013 14:34 - United States - Tampa

Today, my financial troubles got so bad, I contemplated visiting a friend simply so I could swipe their deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 229

You deserved it 7 064

By Cait - 30/01/2017 20:00 - Canada - Olds

Today, my friend figured out that if you poke my neck I scratch like a dog. She has yet to cease doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 261

You deserved it 779

By 1nfected - 26/08/2009 17:07 - Canada

Today, when I arrived at work, I was greeted by my gorgeous co-worker telling me my red shirt looked awesome on me. Before I could compliment her, she added the color was fitting perfectly with my acne... I heard a couple of giggles around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 264

You deserved it 3 616

By Blue - 19/11/2008 11:02 - France

Today, I bought myself an MP3 player. Later, I was laying in bed, listening to music and eating a bowl of cereal, when I went to move the bowl of cereal on the bedside table for some shut eye. I dropped my MP3 player into the leftover milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 339

You deserved it 29 770

By cheap - 18/06/2014 13:42 - France - Toulouse

Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. On my cake stood last year's "21" candle, to which had been added a single candle. Clearly, times are tough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 958

You deserved it 6 754

By maybenot - 06/08/2012 23:25 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst on a cycling holiday, in a somewhat hungover state, I accidentally chained my bike to the back of someone else's caravan. As I walked away, I heard a loud scraping noise. I turned around and watched my bike get dragged down a long gravel road and through a pile of horse shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 805

You deserved it 29 826

By dirtythief - 18/07/2013 16:01 - Philippines - San Juan

Today, I placed an order at a fast food joint, when the elderly lady behind me cussed me out for ordering the same thing she wanted. She ranted that I was a "dirty thief", while everyone else glared at me as if I was holding up the line. What the fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 531

You deserved it 3 121

By Anonymous - 29/12/2016 02:38

Today, I walked into the living room to find my boyfriend plucking his ball hairs with the same tweezers I use for my eyebrows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 628

You deserved it 869

By Ms Yeins - 26/04/2019 14:00 - Belgium - Mechelen

Today, I was changing my tampon in a public toilet. When I threw away the used one and opened a new one, it turned out that it had no thread on it! I took another one out. Again, defective! It was the last one I had with me, and it was the second day of my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 103

You deserved it 170

By bells - 30/12/2009 06:08 - United States

Today, at the office, after a heavy night of drinking, I had to hear my boss walk around with bells attached to her shoes. She circled the office a total of 34 times today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 999

You deserved it 28 520

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Top comments

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Friday 7 September 2018 14:28

Step-sister, and since she's not a blood relation, you're not breaking the law. And who knows, their spontaneous nuptials may backfire, while you and your wife last for decades.

_Hakuna_Matata_ 12

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Friday 7 September 2018 14:00

Wow. Just wow. Never in my wildest dreams would i have seen something like this coming. Hope everything works out op. All the best!

Mary Lin 8

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Sunday 2 September 2018 22:04

One of those rare moment the song I’m my own grandpa becomes reality

Jeremy Phillips 18

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Friday 7 September 2018 13:27

Sounds like a problem better suited to Alabama not Alaska

_Hakuna_Matata_ 12

Send a private message

Friday 7 September 2018 14:00

Wow. Just wow. Never in my wildest dreams would i have seen something like this coming. Hope everything works out op. All the best!

BurnInDemonFire 32

Send a private message

Friday 7 September 2018 14:28

Step-sister, and since she's not a blood relation, you're not breaking the law. And who knows, their spontaneous nuptials may backfire, while you and your wife last for decades.