Health: Today, my family held an intervention and told me I needed to... - FML

By Anonymous - 04/12/2016 22:14

Today, my family held an intervention and told me I needed to lose weight. It probably would've had more impact if they hadn't done this over video chat while stuffing their faces at an all-you-can-eat buffet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 445

You deserved it 774

Vulture

Mama's boy

Hiding from the drama

By Ned - 29/08/2009 23:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 389

You deserved it 3 857

By anonymous - 29/06/2016 03:11 - United States - Charlton

Today, for the third day in a row, I have been volunteered to kill and dispose of the bugs entering my apartment. I live with two "manly" men who can't use a flyswatter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 000

You deserved it 898

Stranger Danger!

By tried to help - 07/10/2019 00:01

Today, I was going into a store and saw a woman roughly handling a screaming toddler. I kept walking, until I heard the kid scream, "Help! You’re not my mommy!” I called 911 and stood behind the car to keep her from taking off. The cops arrived to see me fending off blows from a very pissed off grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 876

You deserved it 524

By sucker - 06/01/2011 03:55 - Canada

Today, my cheating ex-boyfriend was offered the job we both interviewed for. I helped him with his cover letter before I found out about the affair. I've been unemployed for almost two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 867

You deserved it 4 212

By Anonymous - 29/04/2016 23:22 - United States - Houston

Today, I met my birth father for the first time. The first thing he told me was that if I ever get arrested, I should give him a call so his guys on the inside can look after me. I don't think there's going to be a second meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 893

You deserved it 1 706

Where is this kid now?

By randa - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I told my son that his grades are dropping and his behavior is getting out of hand. To which he replied, "Yeah, so is your weight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 053

You deserved it 16 911

By waiterrrrrrrrr - 02/08/2009 19:12 - United States

Today, I was working my shift at a fancy restaurant and it had been a really hard day. My parents came in to have dinner and surprise me. After paying, they left a note saying they would see me at home. It also said "By the way, no tip, because you stink at serving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 759

You deserved it 6 961

No thanks, mom

By Anonymous - 08/04/2020 08:00

Today, my crazed and very hormonal pregnant mother told me that I should get pregnant too, so that we can be "preggo buddies." I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 037

You deserved it 112

By thanksad - 23/08/2013 01:38 - United States - Cerritos

Today, my 50-year-old dad was in a foul mood after taking an online test that put him in Slytherin house instead of Ravenclaw where he "belongs" because he's "so smart". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 339

You deserved it 3 667

By level6 - 23/10/2010 22:11 - United States

Today, after constantly checking my email for a week, I finally got a letter saying that I was accepted to take a test for a job position. The only problem is I was scheduled to test today, eight hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 309

You deserved it 3 457

By Old and Ugly - 23/04/2015 09:04 - United States

Today, at work as a bank teller, an angry customer complained that the payments on his two credit cards had been messed up the previous month, with the wrong amount being credited to each account. I asked if he knew who'd helped him. He said, "Well, it wasn't you - she was younger and prettier!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 904

You deserved it 2 482

Say my name, say my name

By Anonymous - 28/08/2020 23:01 - United States

Today, after being unemployed for over four months, I got a call from a company I've wanted to work for for over 2 years. After they were about to set up an interview, they called me by a different name. After correcting them, they hung up on me. Turns out they had the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 997

You deserved it 157

By Anonymous - 11/05/2012 00:28 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. I was heading back to my apartment and I heard noises inside the door. Assuming it was the surprise party I'd hinted at, I flicked on the lights as two heavy guys pushed past me. I was robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 455

You deserved it 2 292

By Anonymous - 19/08/2015 05:49 - United States - San Jose

Today, my mom kissed me goodbye before I went to a big job interview. I got weird looks on the way there, but I figured it was just because I look like a massive douche in formal wear. Turns out my mom had smeared lipstick all over my chin. The person who finally let me know was my interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 899

You deserved it 2 719

By Cakeman - 08/11/2009 15:03 - United States

Today, I was at a barbecue. I picked up a piece of cake and began complaining to the man next to me about how horrible it tasted. "It tastes like a s***!" I said. His wife baked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 277

You deserved it 51 677

By righthook - 08/04/2015 19:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 723

You deserved it 8 575

By kwill256 - 15/09/2016 10:21 - Australia

Today, I had an argument with my partner, which resulted in us breaking up and me leaving. I drove for half an hour before I realised I had left my handbag, purse and licence at his place. I had to go ask for it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 215

You deserved it 3 011

These boots are made for walking

By Anonymous - 08/03/2021 05:01

Spicy

Today, I went to a strip club for the first time ever and was about to enjoy a private dance when the stripper stepped onto my chair, between my legs, to climb up onto platform. Sexy. Unfortunately, she missed the chair and stood on my balls, full weight, without noticing. I didn't 'enjoy' anything after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 230

You deserved it 293

By Pip - 23/02/2010 21:13 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she said her husband was going to divorce her for seeing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 810

You deserved it 6 670

By creepedasfuck - 23/09/2012 16:50 - United States - Limington

Today, my step-brother had some serious bowel distress and rushed to the bathroom. Because he forgot to quit his group chat with his buddies, I quickly found out that the reason he's so over-protective, and hostile to my male friends, is because he wants to get into my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 093

You deserved it 2 363

By skyeraven - 16/03/2014 20:10 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, an elderly man had to give me money to pay for my grocery bill because my sister broke down crying in the store as I didn't have enough money to pay for both her milkshake and cookies. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 819

You deserved it 4 616

By seriouslylife? - 26/09/2018 03:00

Today, I was shopping at a store that hires disabled people as baggers. This is totally awesome and I love the practice, but this autistic bagger yelled out the name of every product he bagged, including "TAMPONS!" and "CONDOMS!" One of my middle school students was in the next checkout line videoing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 530

You deserved it 350

By BilletsDoudous - 15/01/2015 06:51 - France

Today, I'm a ticket inspector on a train. A suspiciously-acting guy of about 30 gets on board with two huge bags. Worried, I keep an eye on him. I wasn't disappointed when he got 5 furry toys out of his bags and started to have a conversation with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 359

You deserved it 3 370

By Ouch - 29/07/2009 05:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I look better in different kinds of light. I asked him which kind of light I looked best in. His reply? "No light at all." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 179

You deserved it 6 788

By blonde - 29/09/2010 07:08 - Australia

Today, I saw a crash on the highway. The police weren't yet there, so I pulled over to help because I know CPR. No one needed CPR, but I had locked myself out of my car. My roadside assist won't come to highways, so I had to get towed away in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 849

You deserved it 6 530

By back to cock-hunting - 15/11/2014 19:58 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, on our second date, the unemployed guy I'm seeing tried to convince me to open a joint bank account in our name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 008

You deserved it 5 000

By ShitHappens2016 - 16/04/2017 18:00

Today, my mother-in-law texted to wish me a happy birthday. She spelled my name wrong and it's not my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 798

You deserved it 314

By noraidk - 26/05/2010 18:35 - United States

Today, a few friends and I ran through sprinklers at our school until we were all soaked. Then we were told that they put fertilizer in the water. I'm soaked in manure. Now I know why it tasted weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 771

You deserved it 41 757

By Anonymous - 30/05/2018 15:00

Today, my wife informed me that she wants a boyfriend but doesn't want a divorce. Also, apparently I'm horrible for not "respecting her feelings" when I told her she can't have both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 556

You deserved it 279

By Anonymous - 02/11/2014 06:30 - United States - River Falls

Today, my boyfriend lied about having herpes, and used it as an excuse to dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 121

You deserved it 3 310

By TayRenee - 30/01/2017 14:00 - United States - Rock Hill

Today, while in an ambulance after being in a car wreck, the EMT told me I would need to sign some electronic paperwork. He held it above my head for me to sign and promptly dropped it on my my face, breaking my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 485

You deserved it 463

Left behind

By Anonymous - 01/10/2020 17:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, it was my best friend's birthday party. Her boyfriend and I agreed to organize a dinner date to surprise her and celebrate. They celebrated, but forgot me until they arrived at the restaurant and saw the dinner reservation under my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 131

By Sean - 09/09/2013 21:04 - United States

Today, I went to my insurance company to deal with some paperwork. One of their employees backed into my car before I made it into the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 797

You deserved it 2 988

By Anonymous - 15/04/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I had a playing test in orchestra, which I've pracriced over 30 hours for. After I played my part, which I thought I did very well, my teacher asked how much I had practice. Trying to show off, I said "Oh, just 30 minutes." My teacher said "It shows, that was terrible." She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 890

You deserved it 58 937

Tricked

By Dannnn - 10/06/2021 10:59

Today, I met a super gorgeous girl at the bar. We laughed together over drinks and it was all perfect, until she told me she wasn’t from this town. We hugged goodbye and she left. When I went to pay our tab, I realized I’d been pickpocketed by her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 164

By Chris - 12/08/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, I was watching TV when a Toy Story 3 commercial came on. My Mom said, "Oh, I remember when I took you to see Toy Story. Now Andy's all grown up and so are you. The only difference is Andy is going to college and you're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 166

You deserved it 46 021

By Anonymous - 17/06/2013 19:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that the same police officer who has arrested me twice has been sleeping with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 337

You deserved it 7 546

By Anonymous - 11/01/2011 02:24 - United States

Today, was the first day of potty training for my toddler. While watching a "How to Potty Train" video, I noticed my toddler was making a weird face on the side of the couch. I walked over to her, picked her up and a big pile of poop dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 814

You deserved it 5 669

It's gettin' hott in here…

By Alan - 02/09/2015 20:13 - Germany

Today, I agreed to stay a week with my wife's parents, who she told me were traditional Japanese. I was prepared for having to wear Japanese clothes while in the house, but I wasn't prepared for communal bathing in the same huge bath with her father, grandfather, uncle and two brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 681

You deserved it 2 477

By Sophie - 17/02/2010 05:07 - United States

Today, after recently having had surgery, I Iearnt that some extra tissue was needed to cover up the hole in the roof of my mouth. Where did they get this tissue? From a dead person. I now have the flesh of a dead person in my mouth, which by the way is now infected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 857

You deserved it 3 717

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Top comments

liinkinparkfan97 34

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 9:06

I find that kind of rude on their part. They could have waited to talk to you in person, at home or something. But anyways, I'm sorry OP. If you truly want to lose weight then you'll get it done. A little determination can go a long way! Good luck OP!

thefmlman2011 35

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 9:05

Talk about calling pot kettle black....

Comments

thefmlman2011 35

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 9:05

Talk about calling pot kettle black....

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 12:01

If you insist… The first time I read the phrase "calling pot kettle black," I knew it was a reference to the expression "the pot calling the kettle black." But for some reason, when it was written, it came out as word salad with the two nouns after the verb and before the adjective.

liinkinparkfan97 34

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 9:06

I find that kind of rude on their part. They could have waited to talk to you in person, at home or something. But anyways, I'm sorry OP. If you truly want to lose weight then you'll get it done. A little determination can go a long way! Good luck OP!

Ashamed_Sister 60

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 9:07

No matter how inappropriate that intervention was organized, the fact that they did this should be enough to take a critical look at your weight. You might be overweight and this is not healthy.

liinkinparkfan97 34

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 9:12

They still could have waited to do this when they weren't stuffing their faces with food in front of OP.

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 15:16

There's also not a one size fits all approach to health. One of my coworkers is a couple inches shorter than I am and at least fifteen pounds heavier. I still wouldn't challenge her to a foot race because she'd win. She runs marathons, I don't. Good health is less about the numbers on the scale and more about habits and practices.

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 9:08

That was their attempt to get you to start working out too. If you can make it to the buffet on foot before they leave, you get some food.

missyfiona89 28

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 9:10

The apple doesn't usually fall too far away from its tree.

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 9:18

Those who read this FML must laugh! The power of Irony compels you!

anonymuse_fml 31

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Wednesday 7 December 2016 9:23

Well, except for the fact that this would be hypocrisy, not irony.

ZombieScoobyDoo 20

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 13:33

While I agree that what they did was rude and wrong, what they were doing doesn't mean the family is fat. I'm pretty skinny and I can eat a good bit. I have a fast metabolism so I'm always hungry. Eating a lot doesn't always equal overweight. If you can, talk to a doctor first. See if the doctor thinks you need to lose weight and if so, how much? Maybe he could help tell you safe ways to lose it and keep it off. It's up to you if you want to lose weight, not your family.

DoomedGemini 37

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 20:41

I'm the same. But you see..skinny doesn't mean healthy and heavier doesn't mean unhealthy. I'll be the first to admit I'm unhealthy. It doesn't matter if you look it or not. I doubt the buffet was healthy food, which makes it hypocritical to try to tell op they are not healthy. However talking to the doctor is the best action.

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 13:56

That was the point. Even while stuffing their faces at a buffet, your weight is out of control compared to theirs. Their method is disturbing, but I'll bet it's effective.

liinkinparkfan97 34

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 18:56

No where does it say that OP's weight is worse than her family members, so you can stop jumping to conclusions. Their method of intervention was still wrong and they could have waited until a better time to talk about.

domolovesyoshi 33

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 21:09

You are just an all around asshole then huh, you have some serious issues with weight don't you? This is the second time I've seen you be outlandishly offensive to fat people on this sight today.

False_Stupidity 41

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 21:16

@15, Must be his pencil sized Richard....

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 20:01

i hope you went to a buffet after lolol

Earl_KarmasBitch 29

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Wednesday 7 December 2016 1:57

Good thing you aren't on drugs then. They'd have Skyped you while shooting up.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 4

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 6

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 087

You deserved it 143