By The Towel Molester - Australia
Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity". I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML
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One of these days one of those towels is gonna get high, and wander off. He shall be the most absorbent of all towels, pestering everyone to "use" him like his creator. Once the military catches wind though, they will want it for their own. As WMD if you will. They will steal your Xbox and demand you hand over the towel, but when you do... It's a trap! They don't have your Xbox, some foreign spies have it. They will send you to their base with a decoy towel, and once you hand it over to them, they will tell you the military lied and they have your Xbox! Then you'll be forced to become a double agent. Then when no one suspects a thing you will take the super absorbent towel back to the spies and get your baby back. Have fun being a towel-baby daddy!

  moop256  |  10

Maybe op does molest towels and just leaves them in a dark room to grow mold. Maybe the mother who has to wash the towels is the victim here, after all bring drunk brings out the truth...

  skyeyez9  |  24

No...but leaving his mess laying there for days is nasty. I would not want to be his wife having to pick up after such a messy person. If he leaves "molested towels" laying around, he probably also leaves messes laying all over the place and doesn't pick up after himself.

By  Courtney_Sanders  |  6

I really don't think your future in-laws are going to look at you any differently just because your mother got drunk and said those things. I'm assuming you have at least met them before this incident. If so, then they already know what kind of guy you are. Best of luck to you with your (hopefully) future marriage OP! :)