By The Towel Molester - 26/01/2012 14:49 - Australia

Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity". I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML
I agree, your life sucks 28 404
You deserved it 3 290
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Top comments

slick5880 22

How does one go about "molesting towels?"

113 3

Comments

ManlyDunsparce 3

She is the Towel Whisperer. They talk to her, telling her that he rapes them. But in a serious note. FYL. Big time.

60 0
enonymous 8

So did you give your towels the Morning After pill? If not YDI

45 6
ManlyDunsparce 3

Agreed. Nothing worse than raising a half human-towel hybrid species.

39 3
VoteForTaco 8

This FML reminds me of 'Towely' from south park XD

13 13
indianguyinuk 12

People say weird things when they are drunk

6 20
gojira666 7

Keep your clean up rags hidden at all times

23 2
pinkcrayola 0

Well, if you think about it this way, shes probably the one who has to wash them.

23 2
justmethough 8

Even when drunk she has such a beautiful vocabulary, bravo.

27 1
msjoyfull84 0

A bottle of wine is wrong with her, with a dash of bipolar.

5 1
BeaterOfTheDrums 15

One of these days one of those towels is gonna get high, and wander off. He shall be the most absorbent of all towels, pestering everyone to "use" him like his creator. Once the military catches wind though, they will want it for their own. As WMD if you will. They will steal your Xbox and demand you hand over the towel, but when you do... It's a trap! They don't have your Xbox, some foreign spies have it. They will send you to their base with a decoy towel, and once you hand it over to them, they will tell you the military lied and they have your Xbox! Then you'll be forced to become a double agent. Then when no one suspects a thing you will take the super absorbent towel back to the spies and get your baby back. Have fun being a towel-baby daddy!

23 7
laden_swallow09 34

77 - And also your washcloth cuh dey 'lesting everbody out heah.

1 1
MagicallyFat 12

Oh man that sucks. Hopefully they won't judge you too harshly after that comment. Good luck op

57 3
moop256 10

Maybe op does molest towels and just leaves them in a dark room to grow mold. Maybe the mother who has to wash the towels is the victim here, after all bring drunk brings out the truth...

10 4
kristabelli 19

I'd say it's time you a) get a lock on your bedroom door, and b) start doing your own laundry! (Actually, I'd say it's well beyond time...)

2 0
rockerlove2013 6

U r my new bffl lol i love Harry Potter!!!!!!

0 0
Buttsexpirate 9

Man even towelie wouldn't want to be your towel. If its true. If not then sorry for the harsh mom OP and hopefully it doesn't affect your relationship.

45 1
slick5880 22

How does one go about "molesting towels?"

113 3
HattedMad 7

The same way a guy 'molests' a sock, I suppose

49 0
Roevera 14

Come on, nothing wrong with a little one on one time with a towel!

31 0
cja101 8

I always love ur comments Alan thumb up for Alan

12 51
Ins_Knie 2

If OP gets the girl, towels are saved...

38 0
skyeyez9 24

No...but leaving his mess laying there for days is nasty. I would not want to be his wife having to pick up after such a messy person. If he leaves "molested towels" laying around, he probably also leaves messes laying all over the place and doesn't pick up after himself.

5 7
ccspanthers89 4

27 you are a kiss ass

2 4
newlove_fml 0

What the hell does she think you do to your towels, OP? What atrocities are you supposedly committing in your allegedly evil den?

29 4
bizarre_ftw 21

Well actually it's not evil, just mildly unkind and a tad crotchety, the mother was just exaggerating for emphasis

0 1
Airman1988 9

hah love op's user name

29 2
Courtney_Sanders 6

I really don't think your future in-laws are going to look at you any differently just because your mother got drunk and said those things. I'm assuming you have at least met them before this incident. If so, then they already know what kind of guy you are. Best of luck to you with your (hopefully) future marriage OP! :)

25 1
captainsuperdawg 0

Plus they'll probably be happy you're not defiling their precious daughter

4 0
flockz 19

that's why you splooge into a sock and not a towel. it also helps to imagine the sock as a furry ******.

9 13
Gregsgirl4ever 0

Wow. You are a pretty lonely dude, aren't ya? Heaven forbid the unlucky girl you pick up at the truck stop washes your socks. That's disgusting.

4 15
flockz 19

i love when people take my random word vomit so seriously. it amuses me to know that i don't care as much as other people.

19 1
TPSerigne 9

35-I was actually slightly amused. Furry vaginas are a thing of the past though.

9 1
flockz 19

au contraire, i prefer the feeling of rug burn over friction burn on my fuckrod.

11 1
TOXICxANARCHIST 0

Wow! @Gregsgirl4ever your dumb as f**k if you think he was serious…

4 0
DocBastard 38

I thought it was your in-laws that are supposed to hate you. You're thinking outside the box!

24 1