Today, my family came back from holiday to discover that my little...

By cathouse - 26/3/2011 19:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my family came back from holiday to discover that my little sister had messed with the cat flap before we left. Several stray cats were able to come in, but were unable to get out, and left shit in various areas around the house. FML

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Animals

Get me away from here, I'm dying

Mind your own beeswax

Property law

By masterman - 27/8/2012 06:45 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I turned on the TV just in time to see my picture on the news. I have no idea what they said about me. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2016 15:05

Today, I went to my stepdad's funeral. He was the most important person in my life, but it didn't stop my stepsister angrily saying, "Why are you crying? He wasn't even your real dad." FML

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By Noname - 2/3/2009 18:52 - Canada

Today, I decided to be a good driver and not run through the yellow light. As soon as I stopped my car another came and rear-ended me. The guy told me to go in the parking lot so we can exchange information. So I drove into the parking lot, I turned my head and watched him drive away. FML

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By Joel_mama - 27/7/2009 01:12 - New Zealand

Today, while driving home with my parents. I pretended to be asleep so mum wouldn't talk to me. They then took this time to describe what they were going to do to each other when they got home. In full detail. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/8/2015 07:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

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By 8reth72 - 11/6/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, I was helping a couple come up with a name for the baby they just had. I suggested "Joshua" thinking that it was an okay name. All sudden, the room got quiet. Turns out I had forgotten that Joshua was the name of their 3 year old son who had died a couple months before. FML

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By HeadTrauma - 20/1/2009 04:23 - United States

Today, I had a dream that I was 25, unemployed, living with my parents, and still completely in love with someone who no longer feels the same way about me. Oh wait... it wasn't a dream. FML

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By anonymous - 5/7/2013 06:11 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, while jogging, a guy tackled me and got my iPhone. Being a good runner, I caught up with him and grabbed him. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground with a policeman yelling in my ear. The guy got away. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2009 13:04 - Malta

Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML

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By half-dead in CA - 31/5/2014 16:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML

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By turriblebday - 17/12/2009 15:35 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend took me out to dinner. While at the restaurant, she went to the bathroom. She was then escorted out of the restaurant for having sex in said bathroom. I was sitting at our booth the entire time. FML

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By tomchuq - 30/8/2009 07:12 - United States

Today, I realized I can hold a pencil in my fat rolls. FML

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By Clumsy & Forgetful - 27/11/2011 06:02 - Canada

Today, I found out why I'm always let off easy when I do something wrong at work. They think I have a mental handicap. I don't. I'm just clumsy and forgetful. FML

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By maddy - 28/2/2010 17:10 - United States

Today, I had pancakes for breakfast, and without realizing it, I got syrup in my hair. After breakfast, I went to straighten my hair, only to burn the syrup and have it get stuck in my hair. There was no time to shower and it smelled. FML

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By Jack - 1/2/2009 08:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I was playing with 3 kids I look after. The middle one has just learned about sex and started chanting that I had done it with the eldest as a joke. We were in the garden and the neighbours heard. Now I am fired, have to leave the house and am being investigated by the police. FML

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By fmlimoverit - 12/9/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me because he felt "our religious differences kept us apart." We've never talked about anything religious. Ever. FML

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By beezybees - 20/2/2010 01:54 - United States

Today, I lost the beautiful necklace my boyfriend gave me for Valentine's day. I looked everywhere, and couldn't find it. My sister held the bag while I dug through the stinking trash, then after I cleaned everything up, took it out of her pocket and said she was pretending it was lost. FML

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By kb - 10/1/2015 14:35 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I accidentally sent my teacher a picture of me in my boyfriend's boxers instead of my essay. FML

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By happyasaclam - 19/2/2009 00:55 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were hooking up while watching a movie. Just as I was getting really into it, he told me to move my head. He couldn't see the television. FML

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By mockable - 6/4/2012 11:09 - United States

Today, I was informed that one of my store managers does a "great" impression of me. No one will tell me what it is, but apparently it's really funny. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2010 03:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on in his room. In a sexy voice, I asked him, "What are you thinking right now?" He replied, "I'm thinkin' Arby's." FML

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By iAmJasper - 17/9/2014 21:56 - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, my friends came over to my house to eat my food and make fun of me as they played on my Xbox. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2011 16:47 - Netherlands

Today, my little girl spoke her first word. It was ''Daddy''. Daddy left before she was born and she has never met him before. FML

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By ProAwkward - 18/6/2013 04:07 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, as I was walking home, I noticed a man and a woman arguing in their driveway. To avoid an awkward situation, I crossed the street. I then had to walk past a creepy guy watering his plants in his underwear while looking directly at me. FML

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By ashdk - 28/1/2011 09:12

Today, my fiancé and I just moved into our first apartment together. Our neighbor across the hall? My ex-boyfriend who I've had to file three separate restraining orders on. FML

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By over_due - 21/6/2016 16:12 - United States

Today, I was giving a competitive dramatic speech. I got a little too into it and punched the ground to portray my character's anger. I must be one dedicated thespian because I was angry enough to break my hand. FML

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By Gitana - 22/4/2012 19:08 - Spain - Tafalla

Today, I was trying on some clothes in the store's changing room, when someone reached under the door and grabbed my purse, shoes, and pants. FML

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By ApparentlyEmo - 18/2/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, my mom called asking for advice on how to flirt with her personal trainer. I thought she was joking and asked her what Dad would think. Turns out they're getting divorced. They decided this three weeks ago. No one told me. FML

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By cplaner - 4/2/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I was teaching swim lessons. I got felt up by a 6 year old boy. 3 times. FML

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By kenzieeeee - 30/12/2010 00:30 - United States

Today, I got stuck in a blizzard. My mother never picked me up like she was supposed to, and wasn't answering her phone. After walking around for a half hour, freezing, I finally found her. Where was she? Sitting in Pizza Hut, having a great time. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2012 07:32 - Australia

Today, I was talking to a guy I really liked, hoping that he would ask me out. Eventually he asked for my number. I was so excited that I couldn't remember it. FML

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By Angelica - 26/5/2011 03:19 - Canada

Today, I finally got the wedding dress I've been waiting months to see. It turns out that my mom ordered the dress 2 sizes smaller than my size, this way it will be "an incentive to lose weight". FML

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By daddysboy123 - 6/8/2009 15:40 - United States

Today, I found what I assumed was my laptop, though my mother has the same one. As I opened it, I was greeted by a video of my father waving. He wasn't using his hands. FML

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By post-loss - 6/6/2017 18:00

Today, in my excitement to make some new cards for the postcard exchange I take part in, I apparently spilled my bottle of glue directly into the bag that contains my entire postcard collection. I didn't notice until several hours later. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/3/2013 00:12 - France - Bourges

Today, my boyfriend still won't talk to me, after I caused him the "worst embarrassment" of his life in front of his friends. What did I do wrong? I joined their conversation and ended up confusing the fictional characters of Gollum and Yoda with one another. FML

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By peepee. - 30/9/2010 03:17 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go to the bathroom. He said "Okay baby, go drop your load." He also used the same voice as when he talks to his cat. FML

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By MBC - 22/2/2011 01:21 - United States

Today, after my two credit cards were stolen, thousands were charged before I could cancel. The thief dropped nearly $1,000 at Juicy Couture, so she/he is somewhere laughing at me in a magenta, rhinestoned "leisure suit." FML

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By apparentlyhesbusy - 23/11/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of almost a year invited me over to dinner at his house. Before leaving, I called him to let him know I was on my way. Just as he begins to tell me he'll call me back, I hear another girl in the background say, "Why don't you just tell her you're busy?" FML

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By Anonymous - 28/10/2012 16:44 - United States

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2012 16:25 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, one of my nostrils became completely blocked. At lunch time, I went out to my car to dig into my nose. When I finished, I held up the cornflake sized booger in victory. I noticed too late that my boss was in a car adjacent to me, shooting me a horrified look. FML

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Top comments

By Happygofucky | 0

#2245933 - Sunday 27 March 2011 0:20

YAY! Moar kittehs! You can never have too many kitties :3

By TraceCase_ | 19

#2245527 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:05

...aaand had a big cat orgy for sure

COMMENTS

By awardZu | 0

#2245498 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:02

Disgusting... I hate cats!

BeastNerd | 3

#2245536 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:07

You mad brah?

awardZu | 0

#2245601 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:15

Just brings to mind a similar event. My mother was watching my house & left a window open. I came home to cats in my house that clawed everything & shit on my carpet. I really hate cats...

Lucidium | 0

#2245727 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:32

stupid mole man, wrong phrase to use there.

grizzvolleyball9 | 4

#2245746 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:37

I agree #1. Cats suck!

iBanana | 17

#2245785 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:45

Lmao. LMFAO. just imagine all the cats strutting around his house.

A7X_LoVeee | 10

#2245788 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:46

How could you hate cats?! :O

pertained | 12

#2245844 - Sunday 27 March 2011 0:00

yeah, how could you hate cats? the own everything xD

By mmedeiros14 | 0

#2245513 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:04

thats gonna be fun to clean

hollisterluv9 | 0

#2247295 - Sunday 27 March 2011 6:52

haha thats hilarious FYL

gamercanadian | 11

#2247599 - Sunday 27 March 2011 9:04

londons ewww to the max

Ohmygiluvcookies | 0

#2247707 - Sunday 27 March 2011 9:29

looks like your cat's secret plan to have a house party while you guys were gone failed they all got locked in.
I bet they were starving!!!

Rykier | 0

#2255173 - Monday 28 March 2011 13:46

And now you see why I hate both cats and little kids.

By Xxak907xX | 0

#2245524 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:05

FYL...but I accidentally hit YDI...fail

By TraceCase_ | 19

#2245527 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:05

...aaand had a big cat orgy for sure

mmedeiros14 | 0

#2245550 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:08

LOL

sammy92 | 0

#2245645 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:22

No! bad kitty! - Eric cartman

Poffdaddy29 | 0

#2246529 - Sunday 27 March 2011 3:10

the kitty was being a dildo!

hotscar | 3

#2247208 - Sunday 27 March 2011 6:25

13, glad to see a fine ass girl knows her south park... which is where I am currently lol.

ubetrwatchBN | 5

#2247229 - Sunday 27 March 2011 6:29

Did anyone else pause at the cat flap part and wonder if it was some kind of dirty phrase that you weren't aware of? Then, I kept on reading and it was dirty in another way. X-) niceeee

By MadeToCommentOnT | 0

#2245546 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:07

Well, at least you like cats?

By L0veRebeccaBlack | 0

#2245558 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:09

How old is she?

swimmergal_14 | 10

#6210130 - Sunday 22 February 2015 21:49

I was about to ask the same thing

By amerwin | 3

#2245568 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:11

Just forget about the shit for now. With Easter just around the corner, you can have a productive Easter "egg" hunt in the near future.

By KingDingALing | 9

#2245639 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:21

Now you're the "crazy old cat lady" of the neighborhood!

By TheNinjaCat | 10

#2245643 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:21

Awh man, that stinks. Pun intended XD ahh atleast I make my self laugh XD

By TheNinjaCat | 10

#2245662 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:24

tell me about it! their viscious and un-hugable. or trainable, cant do tricks, like XD

justalilrandom2 | 4

#2246236 - Sunday 27 March 2011 1:13

1) Cats can actually be trained, contrary to popular belief.
2) "They're."

That is all.

shaneac | 0

#2246505 - Sunday 27 March 2011 3:02

3) Vicious
4) Can't
5) Get a haircut, you hobo
6) I like to say hobo

justalilrandom2 | 4

#2246533 - Sunday 27 March 2011 3:13

7) Yes they can, it takes effort.
8) Scratching a little versus getting mauled by a dog, dogs are worse. When was the last time you heard of someone being killed by their cat?
9) I agree, get a hair cut.