Animals: Today, my family came back from holiday to discover that my little...

By cathouse - United Kingdom

Today, my family came back from holiday to discover that my little sister had messed with the cat flap before we left. Several stray cats were able to come in, but were unable to get out, and left shit in various areas around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32813

You deserved it

4206

Favorite

Animals

Dementia or hate? You decide

Sorry…

Mr Sensitivity

By Smile - France

Today, after numerous attempts, my car door still wouldn't unlock. After going ballistic on the lock, the key broke off inside. I then realized it wasn't my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13436

You deserved it

31236

Favorite

By Tomaino

Today, my best friend got drunk and told me he's only friends with me because no one else will be friends with him. He then went on to tell me that he wasn't actually that drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1567

You deserved it

130

Favorite

By anonymous - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53062

You deserved it

8444

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after some filing mistakes, and a lot of waiting on hold, I'm finally registered for Spring classes. I was ready to enjoy this term, until I found out that my ex, who was forced into therapy after he threatened to kill me, is in half of my classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32513

You deserved it

2739

Favorite

By roark0806 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to a Bo Bice concert for her birthday. She loves him so I bought us second row seats. After we got there we ran into some friends of hers sitting way back in the lawn section, and of course she wanted to sit with them. I paid $300 to sit on the grass and watch Bo Bice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52407

You deserved it

4860

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to try and seduce my boyfriend of 2 years. He was on his laptop, and while he was on it I took off my shirt and bra, and gave him a hug from behind. What I didn't know was that he was video chatting his father the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23459

You deserved it

48218

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to go through the embarrassment and pain of telling my parents I was pregnant. I took the test and it came out positive and I was freaking out. I got grounded for the rest of the year and they're really disappointed in me. Five minutes ago, I got my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57762

You deserved it

29836

Favorite

By noeducation - Canada

Today, I found out why my parents have been trying to convince me not to go to college this year. I also found out where the $20,000 they just spent on landscaping came from. My college fund. Which is now $0. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61261

You deserved it

3008

Favorite

By Camera - United States - Rancho Santa Margarita

Today, I had to get a colonoscopy. Which wouldn't have been so bad if they had removed the camera from my rectum before waking me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31325

You deserved it

2163

Favorite

By Waheyyy - United Kingdom

Today, I was arguing with my dad. I called him a geriatric fool. He replied with, "Well at least I know who my biological father is." I have no idea if he's joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56082

You deserved it

7967

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I won employee of the month. I was then fired for being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28701

You deserved it

6968

Favorite

By budgetboss - United States - Granbury

Today, I got a call that my custom order bridesmaid dress is at the apartment complex I just moved out of. They won’t give it to me because I’m no longer a resident, but they just thought I should know. The wedding’s tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4177

You deserved it

361

Favorite

By diddlebuag - United States

Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42918

You deserved it

6225

Favorite

By Bruce - United States

Today, I discovered a bat in my new apartment. I found him in my shoe... with my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37614

You deserved it

3638

Favorite

By ToddesPizza - United States - Coos Bay

Today, I haven't shaved for so long the hair on my legs has split ends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20529

You deserved it

11546

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/9/2020 16:01 - United States - Saint Paul

Dash and dine

Today, I was on a dinner date. Went really well. She said she was excited to have date number two. It came to paying. I went up to pay. Turned around. She had gone. Number blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1517

You deserved it

103

Favorite

By thegoldenboy3 - Spain

Today, I'm in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working with them. Only the form of excitement I used apparently refers to sexual excitement. Basically, I told the kids I was sexually aroused to be working with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49118

You deserved it

14287

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my extremely loud and nocturnal flatmate phoned me to tell me excitedly that he got an accordion for his birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26193

You deserved it

2750

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at my friend's house, I decided to climb up on a shelf and pounce on him when he came back downstairs. When I heard someone coming, I assumed it was him and pounced. It was his grandma carrying the laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8744

You deserved it

44593

Favorite

By Noname - France

Today, like every month, the beautician spent 10 minutes removing the hairs from my stomach. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24813

You deserved it

2774

Favorite

By reallyman__639 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30474

You deserved it

17462

Favorite

By Kylie - United States

Today, at work at daycare, this kid was coughing really bad, so I put my hand in front of his mouth in case he was choking on something so he could spit it out. But nope he wasn't choking, he was sick. He puked right into my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13952

You deserved it

28563

Favorite

By Gwayhir - France

Today, I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang. Obviously, I let it go to voicemail. At the very moment I was about to cum, I heard my mum's voice on my voicemail: "Hi sweetheart!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

49898

You deserved it

4887

Favorite

By mohit

Today, I found out that my neighbor's son is supposed to be giving me gas money for driving him to school each morning. He's using it to buy drugs instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4558

You deserved it

344

Favorite

By random875 - United States - Owings Mills

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. I called the fire department and told them where I was. They said they'd be right there and not to panic. It's hour 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37175

You deserved it

2466

Favorite

By lovely - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53990

You deserved it

10554

Favorite

By Dunzo15 - United States

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

201893

You deserved it

51544

Favorite

By Jeanna S. - United States

Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14370

You deserved it

28142

Favorite

By It wasnt even that close - Germany - Herford

Today, while shopping, I stepped a bit closer to a couple that stood in front of a display. The girl then shot me a nasty look, grabbed her boyfriend and started pointedly making out with him. I was just trying to buy some butter. But thanks for reminding me how lonely I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25437

You deserved it

1825

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/12/2020 18:02 - Philippines - Quezon City

Happy Birthday baby!

Today, it's my birthday. My parents wished me a happy one via text message. We live in the same house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

792

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, after months of dieting, I finally reached my goal weight. Excitedly I told my boyfriend, who gave me a beautiful dress as an early Christmas present. It was a size too small. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32609

You deserved it

5182

Favorite

By Quicky5_ - United States - Jasper

Today, at work, my coworker's belongings went missing. Infuriated, she accused me of stealing, because I'm black and "stereotypes don't just make themselves." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31064

You deserved it

2471

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I heard that my ex-girlfriend was spreading scurrilous rumours about me all over our university. It appears that I distribute white supremacist propaganda, and that my sexual fantasies involve animals and vegetation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29731

You deserved it

2865

Favorite

By Anonymous - Germany

Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37880

You deserved it

2344

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I found out that what I thought was "acne" is actually an allergic reaction to a cream I've been using for years. I thought the cream was helping me with the breakouts but my doctor says the real acne probably went away naturally years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25346

You deserved it

2481

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad interrupted my job interview with a phone call, just to say "I fucked your mom." No shit, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49709

You deserved it

7867

Favorite

By just physical - Canada - Sarnia

Today, in an attempt to break up with my boyfriend, I told him, "I don't feel a mental connection between us." His reply? "Why do we need a mental connection?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31281

You deserved it

10332

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28195

You deserved it

7062

Favorite

By BloodyHands

Today, my coworker and I were written up after we dropped a glass table, which shattered and left us with big cuts on our hands and arms. We weren’t written up for breaking the piece, but because a nearby customer heard us both swear in pain and reported us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5333

You deserved it

303

Favorite

By lunchbox2353 - United States

Today, for 20 minutes, I watched my girlfriend use a mini flashlight to look for her keys in her purse. The flashlight was on her key chain. As were her keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1656

You deserved it

352

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Happygofucky | 0

#2245933 - Sunday 27 March 2011 0:20

YAY! Moar kittehs! You can never have too many kitties :3

By TraceCase_ | 19

#2245527 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:05

...aaand had a big cat orgy for sure

COMMENTS

By awardZu | 0

#2245498 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:02

Disgusting... I hate cats!

BeastNerd | 3

#2245536 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:07

You mad brah?

awardZu | 0

#2245601 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:15

Just brings to mind a similar event. My mother was watching my house & left a window open. I came home to cats in my house that clawed everything & shit on my carpet. I really hate cats...

Lucidium | 0

#2245727 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:32

stupid mole man, wrong phrase to use there.

grizzvolleyball9 | 4

#2245746 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:37

I agree #1. Cats suck!

iBanana | 17

#2245785 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:45

Lmao. LMFAO. just imagine all the cats strutting around his house.

A7X_LoVeee | 10

#2245788 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:46

How could you hate cats?! :O

pertained | 12

#2245844 - Sunday 27 March 2011 0:00

yeah, how could you hate cats? the own everything xD

By mmedeiros14 | 0

#2245513 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:04

thats gonna be fun to clean

hollisterluv9 | 0

#2247295 - Sunday 27 March 2011 6:52

haha thats hilarious FYL

gamercanadian | 11

#2247599 - Sunday 27 March 2011 9:04

londons ewww to the max

Ohmygiluvcookies | 0

#2247707 - Sunday 27 March 2011 9:29

looks like your cat's secret plan to have a house party while you guys were gone failed they all got locked in.
I bet they were starving!!!

Rykier | 0

#2255173 - Monday 28 March 2011 13:46

And now you see why I hate both cats and little kids.

By Xxak907xX | 0

#2245524 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:05

FYL...but I accidentally hit YDI...fail

By TraceCase_ | 19

#2245527 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:05

...aaand had a big cat orgy for sure

mmedeiros14 | 0

#2245550 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:08

LOL

sammy92 | 0

#2245645 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:22

No! bad kitty! - Eric cartman

Poffdaddy29 | 0

#2246529 - Sunday 27 March 2011 3:10

the kitty was being a dildo!

hotscar | 3

#2247208 - Sunday 27 March 2011 6:25

13, glad to see a fine ass girl knows her south park... which is where I am currently lol.

ubetrwatchBN | 5

#2247229 - Sunday 27 March 2011 6:29

Did anyone else pause at the cat flap part and wonder if it was some kind of dirty phrase that you weren't aware of? Then, I kept on reading and it was dirty in another way. X-) niceeee

By MadeToCommentOnT | 0

#2245546 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:07

Well, at least you like cats?

By L0veRebeccaBlack | 0

#2245558 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:09

How old is she?

swimmergal_14 | 10

#6210130 - Sunday 22 February 2015 21:49

I was about to ask the same thing

By amerwin | 3

#2245568 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:11

Just forget about the shit for now. With Easter just around the corner, you can have a productive Easter "egg" hunt in the near future.

By KingDingALing | 9

#2245639 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:21

Now you're the "crazy old cat lady" of the neighborhood!

By TheNinjaCat | 10

#2245643 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:21

Awh man, that stinks. Pun intended XD ahh atleast I make my self laugh XD

By TheNinjaCat | 10

#2245662 - Saturday 26 March 2011 23:24

tell me about it! their viscious and un-hugable. or trainable, cant do tricks, like XD

justalilrandom2 | 4

#2246236 - Sunday 27 March 2011 1:13

1) Cats can actually be trained, contrary to popular belief.
2) "They're."

That is all.

shaneac | 0

#2246505 - Sunday 27 March 2011 3:02

3) Vicious
4) Can't
5) Get a haircut, you hobo
6) I like to say hobo

justalilrandom2 | 4

#2246533 - Sunday 27 March 2011 3:13

7) Yes they can, it takes effort.
8) Scratching a little versus getting mauled by a dog, dogs are worse. When was the last time you heard of someone being killed by their cat?
9) I agree, get a hair cut.