Animals: Today, my family came back from holiday to discover that my little...

By cathouse - 26/03/2011 19:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my family came back from holiday to discover that my little sister had messed with the cat flap before we left. Several stray cats were able to come in, but were unable to get out, and left shit in various areas around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 836

You deserved it 4 209

Animals

Sorry…

Bad day

Stealth attack

By goodeyesight - 11/10/2012 14:02 - Brazil - S?o Paulo

Today, I went on a blind date. Sadly, I wasn't blind enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 326

You deserved it 31 626

By Noname - 10/03/2009 15:46 - United States

Today, the kids I teach informed me that I had spelled my name incorrectly on the board. I looked at it and assured them that I had spelled it correctly. I'm 22 and a graduate student, they're six and mentally challenged. Guess who was right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 210

You deserved it 69 441

By ashbeat - 01/01/2013 15:20 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 445

You deserved it 4 372

By lhazel - 17/09/2015 02:36 - United States - Mount Juliet

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about what we want to be when we grow up. He said he wanted to be a bartender, and single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 178

You deserved it 2 065

By Anonymous - 28/08/2012 23:08 - United States - Merrillville

Today, I announced to my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He immediately denied that it was his because "a childhood accident" supposedly left him sterile. He has a child from a previous relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 788

You deserved it 5 841

Taking liberties

By Bernie - 07/09/2021 14:01 - United States

Today, my live-in mother-in-law gave away the family dog because it’s "one less mouth to feed." Last week, she "accidentally" threw away the mail, thinking it was junk mail. No matter how hard I try to convince my wife to kick her out, she tells me, "But that’s my mother, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 266

You deserved it 136

By Anonymous - 09/02/2011 07:32 - United States

Today, it was my first day at work as a cashier. I was so nervous that my whole body got numb and my eye sight completely blurred. I ran to the bathroom blind while bumping into everything in the store, making sure that everyone knew I had a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 120

You deserved it 7 515

By anonymous - 14/03/2010 14:49 - United States

Today, I started to type up a mass text to tell a decent amount of my friends that I'd just come home to a surprise from my boyfriend. Trying to fix a typo, I accidentally hit send with the text only saying "Guess what?! I just came." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 863

You deserved it 11 735

By mhmohyeah - 10/11/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, I was jumping on every crunchy leaf on the sidewalk. I went especially far out of my way to step on one only to notice it didn't crunch right. I looked closer, it was a dead bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 727

You deserved it 18 431

Jaws

By Anonymous - 17/05/2020 05:00 - Australia

Today, I was violently sick. There was so much vomit forcing itself out that I dislocated my jaw. I continued throwing up with a dislocated jaw for an hour or so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 064

You deserved it 128

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 02:05 - United States

Today, I told my husband that when I get my birth control taken out later this year, I would like to take a break from it for a while. He just said, "Condoms are too expensive and I don't want to waste $2 every time we do it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 946

You deserved it 2 607

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 07:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party dressed as a Pinata. Drunk people tried to hit me all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 441

You deserved it 56 761

By an anon - 27/03/2015 05:31 - United States - San Francisco

Today, some well-meaning soul told me to just pray my depression away, which would be about as effective as praying away a knife in my shin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 965

You deserved it 3 801

Y'all need fiber.

By blondie875 - 26/05/2018 14:30 - United States

Today, I had just gotten out of the shower when I thought I had to fart, so I ripped it. instead, I shat all over myself and my floor. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 428

You deserved it 1 318

By Hello my name is - 22/02/2009 22:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I went round to my Grandparents' to help set up their new Satellite TV. When I turned it on, for some reason it defaulted to "Arab Babes TV". I was therefore inadvertently responsible for the broadcast of porn in my Grandparents' living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 806

You deserved it 4 692

By Completely Innocent - 05/03/2015 17:10 - United States

Today, a coworker told my manager that I and another girl were plotting to get her fired at the end of the month. She actually believed her. Now we're suspended without pay for two weeks for conspiracy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 505

You deserved it 2 808

By Anonymous - 19/03/2011 12:13 - United States

Today, my purse was stolen. Too bad it had all of my money and my passport. My flight is tomorrow, and the embassy is closed until Monday. Guess who gets to stay in a foreign country with no money and no identification for the next 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 095

You deserved it 4 100

By Everest - 22/11/2018 14:00

Today, I got several thumbtacks jabbed into me. Why? Because my cousin thought it would be a funny prank to superglue a bunch of thumbtacks to his nerf darts. My left forearm is still bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 746

You deserved it 170

By Angie - 24/03/2011 19:07 - South Africa

Today, my twelve year old neighbour decided to give a Hannah Montana concert in her backyard, starring herself. Unfortunately, she only knew three lines of the song "The Best of Both Worlds" and screamed them repeatedly at the top of her lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 322

You deserved it 4 686

By Anonymous - 13/01/2013 05:27 - Canada

Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 113

You deserved it 5 014

By Cheese4men - 14/05/2010 23:28 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend saying, "I shall be the prince, and you shall be the princess," to his hamster. Once he saw me, he quickly turned to the hamster and said, "I have to go. The dragon is here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 541

You deserved it 8 749

By unappreciated - 25/06/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, I took my best friend out to dinner for my birthday. She gave me a gift after I paid the tab saying, "my mom thought you would like this - it was expensive." It was a lovely set of origami paper, which was the exact set I brought her as a souvenir from Japan. She was right, it was expensive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 698

You deserved it 2 793

By LostFocus - 11/12/2009 11:11 - United States

Today, after five months of working overtime and doing my own repairs around the house, such as patching my own roof to save money, I walk into my home office. I find my $2500, week old, top of the line laptop won't turn on because it's drenched in water. Apparently there's a leak in the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 993

You deserved it 25 467

By wheelmaker - 03/12/2018 17:30

Today, the girl I've had several passionate encounters over the past few weeks admitted we cannot entirely be together as she is married. She wants to make it work with me but cannot divorce as she would lose her visa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 690

You deserved it 451

By machina - 16/07/2019 04:01

Today, I approached my mother for comfort, because I've been feeling depressed and unloved by anyone lately. She replied, “Honestly, I stopped loving you back when you were a toddler.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 160

You deserved it 120

Don't stop now!

By Anonymous - 09/03/2021 03:01 - Lithuania - Klaipeda

Today, as usual during sex, my boyfriend finished first, and then he "massaged" me so I could finish too. While he was doing that, his grandma called. He actually answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 151

By Anonymous - 31/12/2012 11:16 - United States - Woodinville

Today, I sat on my own testicles while having a serious and tenderly sweet discussion with my fiancée about our future together. We were both crying, but for very different reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 384

You deserved it 5 612

By IcedTaco - 13/07/2016 19:40 - Ukraine

Today, the guy I was dating told me he thought I was a good person. His reasoning? I'm not ugly enough to be a bad person, but I'm not pretty enough, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 597

You deserved it 859

By Alex - 11/06/2019 14:30

Today, I was working at my job at a bank. A couple was waiting in the lobby, and not being busy, I asked what they needed. They told me that they were applying for a loan, so I asked if it was for something exciting. It was to pay for their 12-year-old son's burial expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 354

You deserved it 348

By youwouldbeacat - 28/04/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, I was making a nacho and grabbed some refried beans that were in a plastic container out of the fridge and put them on top of the chips. After I’m completely done eating my mom looks in the fridge and asked me if I knew where the cat food was. I just ate a small can of cat food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 731

You deserved it 53 477

By accident - 14/02/2014 22:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 925

You deserved it 5 786

By RckRagman - 30/04/2009 14:55 - United States

Today, 3 of the 4 stalls were occupied in the rest room. I took the 4th stall. Upon sitting, I let out one of the longest, loudest farts I have done in a long time. Next, I hear "Hey, how's it going?". I was CORRECTLY identified by a co-worker hearing me fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 174

You deserved it 11 453

By Jobless - 13/08/2009 01:47 - United States

Today, my 16 yr old cousin needed help making a job resume so I give him mine to see as an example. He changed my name to his and it got him a job right away. The sad part? I handed my resume out to about 30 places and I am still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 894

You deserved it 4 326

By Anonymous - 19/11/2011 19:08 - United States

Today, the first snow of the season fell. My husband celebrated by pelting me with snowballs, while I was on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 099

You deserved it 6 436

By anon - 10/11/2012 21:14 - United States - Kent

Today, I delivered a pizza to a guy so high out of his mind that I had to let myself in and set it down on a table, because he'd forgotten how to walk, and was on the ground sobbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 984

You deserved it 2 221

By wrongplacewrongtime - 22/02/2013 06:12 - United States - San Antonio

Today, l took my new boyfriend to the place where my ex and I used to hook up, only to find out that my ex and his new girl had the same idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 858

You deserved it 58 066

By LuckySperm - 12/08/2011 13:14 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad told me that after my two older siblings were born, he got a vasectomy. However, something went wrong, and the vasectomy had failed, resulting in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 332

You deserved it 3 110

By ashley - 30/04/2009 20:54 - United States

Today, my sister had her batmitzvah. During the party, there is a tradition where the batmitzvah gets lifted on a chair, and so does her family. It was my turn after my sister's. I got in the chair. They couldn't lift me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 186

You deserved it 28 535

By Anonymous - 16/05/2017 16:00

Today, I've been yawning every few minutes. Which would be fine, except every couple of yawns my jaw dislocates, and I have to put it back in place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 128

You deserved it 322

By AlonsoKold - 07/04/2014 23:39 - United States - Jackson

Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I don't like her Facebook statuses enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 184

You deserved it 5 848

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Top comments

Happygofucky 0

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Sunday 27 March 2011 0:20

YAY! Moar kittehs! You can never have too many kitties :3

TraceCase_ 19

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Saturday 26 March 2011 23:05

...aaand had a big cat orgy for sure

awardZu 0

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Saturday 26 March 2011 23:02

Disgusting... I hate cats!

BeastNerd 3

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Saturday 26 March 2011 23:07

You mad brah?

awardZu 0

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Saturday 26 March 2011 23:15

Just brings to mind a similar event. My mother was watching my house & left a window open. I came home to cats in my house that clawed everything & shit on my carpet. I really hate cats...

Lucidium 0

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Saturday 26 March 2011 23:32

stupid mole man, wrong phrase to use there.

grizzvolleyball9 4

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Saturday 26 March 2011 23:37

I agree #1. Cats suck!

iBanana 17

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Saturday 26 March 2011 23:45

Lmao. LMFAO. just imagine all the cats strutting around his house.

A7X_LoVeee 10

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Saturday 26 March 2011 23:46

How could you hate cats?! :O

pertained 12

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Sunday 27 March 2011 0:00

yeah, how could you hate cats? the own everything xD

mmedeiros14 0

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Saturday 26 March 2011 23:04

thats gonna be fun to clean

hollisterluv9 0

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Sunday 27 March 2011 6:52

haha thats hilarious FYL

gamercanadian 11

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Sunday 27 March 2011 9:04

londons ewww to the max

Ohmygiluvcookies 0

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Sunday 27 March 2011 9:29

looks like your cat's secret plan to have a house party while you guys were gone failed they all got locked in. I bet they were starving!!!

Rykier 0

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Monday 28 March 2011 13:46

And now you see why I hate both cats and little kids.

Xxak907xX 0

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Saturday 26 March 2011 23:05

FYL...but I accidentally hit YDI...fail

TraceCase_ 19

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Saturday 26 March 2011 23:05

...aaand had a big cat orgy for sure

mmedeiros14 0

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Saturday 26 March 2011 23:08

LOL

sammy92 0

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Saturday 26 March 2011 23:22

No! bad kitty! - Eric cartman

Poffdaddy29 0

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Sunday 27 March 2011 3:10

the kitty was being a dildo!

hotscar 3

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Sunday 27 March 2011 6:25

13, glad to see a fine ass girl knows her south park... which is where I am currently lol.

ubetrwatchBN 5

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Sunday 27 March 2011 6:29

Did anyone else pause at the cat flap part and wonder if it was some kind of dirty phrase that you weren't aware of? Then, I kept on reading and it was dirty in another way. X-) niceeee

MadeToCommentOnT 0

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Saturday 26 March 2011 23:07

Well, at least you like cats?

L0veRebeccaBlack 0

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Saturday 26 March 2011 23:09

How old is she?

swimmergal_14 10

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Sunday 22 February 2015 21:49

I was about to ask the same thing

amerwin 3

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Saturday 26 March 2011 23:11

Just forget about the shit for now. With Easter just around the corner, you can have a productive Easter "egg" hunt in the near future.

KingDingALing 9

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Saturday 26 March 2011 23:21

Now you're the "crazy old cat lady" of the neighborhood!

TheNinjaCat 10

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Saturday 26 March 2011 23:21

Awh man, that stinks. Pun intended XD ahh atleast I make my self laugh XD

TheNinjaCat 10

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Saturday 26 March 2011 23:24

tell me about it! their viscious and un-hugable. or trainable, cant do tricks, like XD

justalilrandom2 4

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Sunday 27 March 2011 1:13

1) Cats can actually be trained, contrary to popular belief. 2) "They're." That is all.

shaneac 0

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Sunday 27 March 2011 3:02

3) Vicious 4) Can't 5) Get a haircut, you hobo 6) I like to say hobo

justalilrandom2 4

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Sunday 27 March 2011 3:13

7) Yes they can, it takes effort. 8) Scratching a little versus getting mauled by a dog, dogs are worse. When was the last time you heard of someone being killed by their cat? 9) I agree, get a hair cut.