Miscellaneous: Today, my family and I were laying on my parents' bed watching... - FML

29/03/2016 05:01 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, my family and I were laying on my parents' bed watching a movie. My dad wrapped his arm around me and began rubbing my shoulder. That would have been fine, if it actually had been my shoulder and not my boob. Needless to say, we were both mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 100

You deserved it 1 967

Mother of the year

And today, on Dr Phil…

All over

14/02/2012 15:32 - United States

Today, it appears that it's Single Loser Awareness Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 289

You deserved it 6 531

09/06/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 806

You deserved it 10 732

07/11/2008 07:14 - Greece

Today, I found out my "best friends" have gone on a crazy weekend and they didn't invite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 255

You deserved it 4 822

01/09/2013 22:35 - United States - Cypress

Today, my mom mentioned how she loves certain actor's "British" accent. I couldn't help but mention that there's no such thing, and that there are lots of different accents in Britain. She got pissed and lectured me for "lying" to her and trying to make her feel stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 554

You deserved it 20 275

04/02/2015 21:49 - United States

Today, I paid a local homeless man to rake the leaves in my yard. After paying and driving him to the bus stop, I found his shit on my back porch. I need new shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 574

You deserved it 3 820

25/10/2014 17:32 - United States - San Dimas

Today, I met my neighbors for the first time, as they helped me carry my dead cat off the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 103

You deserved it 3 130

22/06/2009 02:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went out to dinner with my brother. There was a very attractive man sitting a few tables away who kept glancing at me. When my brother excused himself to the bathroom, the man worked up the courage to come over and introduce himself to me. He asked me if my brother was single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 899

You deserved it 5 169

30/04/2009 20:54 - United States

Today, my sister had her batmitzvah. During the party, there is a tradition where the batmitzvah gets lifted on a chair, and so does her family. It was my turn after my sister's. I got in the chair. They couldn't lift me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 183

You deserved it 28 532

Significant other

By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 02:00

Today, my Apple Watch notified me that my long-term exposure to loud noises may be dangerous to my hearing. I’ve been crying since my SO left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 151

Procrastination

By Anonymous - 23/04/2021 17:01 - Germany

Today, I planned a busy day of errands: cycle 16 km, pick up a thing I bought online, go to the gas station, pharmacy and 3 different shops. I’m totally exhausted now. Maybe tomorrow I’ll find the energy to actually do all those things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 599

You deserved it 310

12/06/2010 18:55 - United Kingdom

Today, my siblings overpowered me and duct taped me to a chair. Helpless, I had to wait until my dad got home so he could help me. Instead, the first thing he did was reach for his camera to take a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 996

You deserved it 8 023

25/11/2013 05:22 - United States - Dayton

Spicy

Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 207

You deserved it 6 551

Communication Breakdown

By rosie - 08/03/2021 13:59

Today, I was unable to communicate with a customer who only spoke French. As a result, my boss called me a "monolingual idiot." I speak Spanish, German, and Japanese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 030

You deserved it 55

16/05/2017 05:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I dumped my boyfriend. To celebrate being newly single, I wanted to watch some shows on Netflix. My now ex-boyfriend had already changed the password. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 271

You deserved it 10 486

24/08/2019 02:07

Today, I received the bubble wrap that I'd ordered. When I opened the box, almost every single bubble had been popped. At the bottom of the box, there was a sticky note that said, "Sorry." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 795

You deserved it 126

11/09/2016 17:10 - United States - La Grange

Spicy

Today, I accidentally mooed during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 149

You deserved it 3 128

27/06/2009 04:12 - Peru

Today, I was working at a soup kitchen with people from my church. Seeing a rather disheveled couple, I told them the line started "over there". Only then did I realize that they were from my church, and were there to help serve soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 800

You deserved it 41 099

19/02/2010 18:44 - United States

Today, I was walking to work, when I slipped and landed on my tail bone. Worse still, my hot coffee went flying into my face. I currently can't see out of my left eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 051

You deserved it 2 368

05/05/2013 05:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried to show my boyfriend's mom a picture of my prom dress on my phone. She scrolled to the right to find a picture of her son, naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 122

You deserved it 78 739

11/09/2015 17:25 - United States - Blairstown

Today, someone photoshopped my head onto some nude girl's body and spread it around at school. It was shockingly convincing. Now everyone's calling me a slut, and the worst part is I have no idea which photo the person used or where they got it from, so I can't prove it's a fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 493

You deserved it 1 736

01/04/2015 17:46 - United States - Latham

Today, a coworker and I pulled a April Fools' joke on our boss. She "borrowed" his keys and rolled down his window. I took a car window from a scrap yard and sprinkled it on the ground near his door. His response was to kick the nearest object in anger. The nearest object happened to be my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 205

You deserved it 11 496

02/06/2009 12:19 - Israel

Spicy

Today, I got an "Enlarge your penis" email for the millionth time. I was about to dismiss it when I saw the FW: from my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 240

You deserved it 7 743

04/07/2014 20:29 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I hit rock bottom; I watched one of those shitty infomercial channels, without even being forced into it at gunpoint. Even worse is that I practically creamed myself over a damn fruit juicer, all because it was 50% off and I could actually afford it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 094

You deserved it 7 399

09/08/2014 03:19 - United States - Scottsbluff

Today, my girlfriend and I tried out a website where you upload pictures of two people, and it shows you what their future children might look like. She actually started crying because the kid we were shown wasn't cute enough for her liking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 271

You deserved it 4 405

16/07/2014 18:56 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 932

You deserved it 3 978

Gratitude

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 19:01 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, it's my 35th birthday. My wife greeted me naked, and with an itemized list of what's off limits. A list of what was on the menu would've been much shorter and might have had better spelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 168

20/05/2015 08:45 - Australia - Canberra

Spicy

Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 009

You deserved it 3 602

11/11/2018 05:00 - United States

Today, to get back at me for our recent breakup, my ex put a "9/11 was an inside job!" bumper sticker on my car. I work for the government in New York City, and I just got a text saying that my manager wants to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 300

You deserved it 239

09/03/2019 14:00

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend at the mall at Victoria's Secret. We got separated, after which I saw 3 of my students. I teach middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 168

You deserved it 255

25/01/2012 06:32 - United States

Today, I fell and sprained my ankle while trying to step into my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 848

You deserved it 6 656

14/10/2010 03:08 - United States

Today, I allowed my friend to practice driving in my car. As she began to let the car roll forward, she looked at me and very seriously asked, "Brakes is the right pedal, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 973

You deserved it 29 930

07/06/2011 09:28 - United States

Today, I learned how unhappy my husband is in our marriage. Apparently he also can't find a good woman. We didn't have a heart-to-heart, I read his woes in a blog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 752

You deserved it 3 594

25/10/2011 18:46 - United States

Today, it was my first day on duty as a rookie cop. Everything was going great, and even the veterans on the force were warming up to me. That is until my mother came into the station carrying a brown bag for my lunch. Written on the bag was, "Lunch for my big boy. I love you, pumpkin." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 936

You deserved it 6 306

Fussy eater

By germaphobe - 19/08/2021 20:59 - United States

Today, my kids and I went to have dinner with a coworker. After everyone ate, the kids went to play while I helped clear the dishes. To my horror, instead of individually wrapping the kids leftovers, she scraped all the uneaten food back into the main pots. I wanted to puke on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 115

12/05/2015 12:53 - Australia - Tarragindi

Spicy

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend at work. Because she was "bored and didn't feel like seeing me" she thought it would be funny to call security and claim that I was stalking her. There is now a picture of my face at her workplace, and anytime I "pester her again" the cops will show up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 283

You deserved it 4 922

24/02/2015 15:10 - India - Tuticorin

Today, my fiancé and his family accused me of being with him only because he's rich, refusing to go ahead with the wedding. I accepted his marriage proposal 4 years ago, when he was penniless and unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 065

You deserved it 2 943

14/02/2013 07:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 079

You deserved it 59 252

Is this Brexit?

By Anonymous - 05/09/2019 05:03 - Canada - Toronto

Today, in the same sentence, my boyfriend told me that he wanted to "spend the rest of his life with me," and "I want to break up with you because I can't face your family." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 133

01/09/2010 23:11 - United States

Today, my minivan broke down on the side of the highway. I'm out of work and can't afford a cell phone, so I resorted to standing at the back of my van holding a "HELP" sign. About an hour went by, in which time I was passed by a cop car, a firetruck, and a car that said "Roadside Assistance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 841

You deserved it 3 665

22/04/2009 19:42 - United States

Today, was my birthday. I purposely didn't log onto facebook all day so that I could read all my birthday wishes at once. When I logged on at the end of the day I had one notification. My "friend" had commented on a picture of me, saying I looked like jabba the hut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 910

You deserved it 9 438

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 14:13

I'd like to unread this ty

12ig12 12

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 14:15

I could just imagine both of your expressions as you noticed. Scared4Life

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 14:13

I'd like to unread this ty

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 14:17

what's that profile pic?

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 15:02

that's a pokemon obviously!!

domolovesyoshi 33

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 15:31

It looks like a wolf pup

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 20:51

I think it's a baby red panda

blazerman_fml 17

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 22:25

A baby Growlithe :3

Steffi 26

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Wednesday 30 March 2016 1:30

I google image searched it, it's a baby red panda :D

12ig12 12

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 14:15

I could just imagine both of your expressions as you noticed. Scared4Life

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 20:18

** scarred :)

soapysurprise 12

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 23:17

I would imagine they were scared and scarred.

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Thursday 31 March 2016 23:40

what I want to know is this: I could see how he didn't notice right away, bit how could she not? but then think about this tho she never said she didn't. any ideas for explanations there?

EnJey0 19

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 14:15

I hope it wasn't for more than a second... Breasts and shoulders should feel very different, if that's not the case for you consult your nearest Doctor

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 18:01

Seriously. I'm concerned for you. The fact he "began rubbing" implies he didn't immediately stop. And shoulders and boobs feel nothing alike. Make a doctors appointment for (insert generic symptom, like constant headaches), and report it/talk to them about it. Or talk to a school counselor.

interesting33 36

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 18:30

I don't know, if they had a certain bra on it could have felt hard enough to be mistaken for a shoulder

sweetpotato301 7

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 18:35

Oh don't be ridiculous 26. I'm sure OP would be quite aware if her dad was the type to do this. She made it quite clear in the FML that it was an accident.

sweetpotato301 7

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 18:38

Like someone has already pointed out, if you're wearing a particularly padded bra I can see how you might mistake it for a shoulder if you're only touching it lightly.

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 20:28

I don't think it goes that deep. He probably wanted to Netflix'nChill with mom, but didn't realize it wasn't her.

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 14:16

Well I could've gone without reading this story fyl OP

senor_octubre 24

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 14:17

Put your family to the test! Seriously though FYL how do you mistake someone's boob for a shoulder??

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Wednesday 30 March 2016 1:06

See the thread under #3's comment.

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 14:23

You must have some really squishy shoulders or some really hard boobs.

ThrottleJockey 34

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 15:53

Shoulders like fresh baked bread and boobs like cannons on a battleship.

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 14:35

This happened with my sister once, I had my hand on what I thought was her shoulder but quickly realised my mistake ! It wasn't as awkward though, we had a laugh about it ; with my father it'd have been a different story...

crudeandrudeguy 29

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 14:48

I think I saw a porno start just like this... FYL indeed.

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 17:32

What kind of porn are you watching???

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 23:29

Was it not obvious enough?

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 15:05

Shoulders are not that soft! Unless you have seriously hard boobs.

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 15:07

Why the hell were you all laying in your Parents bed watching a movie? Thats scary enough.

domolovesyoshi 33

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 15:41

Why not?, it's comfortable and relaxed, if you're a close nit family unit and a big enough bed I don't see a problem with it.

TheMathMajor 26

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 16:51

... I did this with my siblings and parents when I lived at home. Nothing scary about it.

Unused_Account13 25

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Wednesday 30 March 2016 5:51

Hell, I wish my family did stuff like that together. I'm lucky if I can get them all to eat dinner in the same room lol

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 284

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 69