Love: Today, my ex-wife crashed my engagement party. FML - FML

By Anonymous - 24/08/2011 08:12 - United States

Today, my ex-wife crashed my engagement party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 010

You deserved it 4 031

Mama's boy

Our house, in the middle of our street

Hope there's no dancing involved

By thelistman - 13/11/2009 19:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend made me shave my chest. Afterwards, she said I looked like I was 12. She won't have sex with me until it grows back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 275

You deserved it 5 118

By BadassRumbleroar - 20/01/2012 03:46 - Canada

Today, I found out that when you are sitting on a full bench at a bus stop, some crazy person will come sit on you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 517

You deserved it 3 012

By momof2boys - 19/01/2010 09:59 - United States

Today, my two boys decided to draw in permanent marker on the leather seats of the car I have had up for sale for 3 weeks with no interest. I call my husband to tell him we're going to have to keep it. He just made an appointment with a guy who has cash and is ready to buy it tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 894

You deserved it 5 160

By Anonymous - 30/06/2019 12:12

Today, my son got an email saying he could win an iPad if he just entered his credit card number. He asked for mine, telling me that it was so he could buy some school supplies online, so I gave it to him. The internet just conned a credit card number out of a 17-year-old nitwit. And me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 631

You deserved it 959

By Dandy - 23/12/2016 17:25

Today, after having given up video games for two weeks to focus on school, I finished my last exam of the semester and finally became free. I got home to find that Steam is down worldwide. I just received an email saying every game on my wish list is on sale, but I can't log in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 199

You deserved it 790

By Anonymous - 20/12/2013 22:00 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, a man wearing a Santa hat stumbled out of a bar, staggered over to my car, and vomited through the open window into my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 765

You deserved it 4 210

By baconlady - 31/08/2012 07:06 - United States

Today, I bought some perfume that I thought smelled absolutely amazing. Later, my boyfriend walked in, sniffed, and said, "What smells like bacon?" The bottle cost $83. They won't take a refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 697

You deserved it 9 197

By Anonymous - 02/08/2015 09:16 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend hasn't showered in two weeks. He says he doesn't want his "manliness" to wash off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 186

You deserved it 2 848

By Jer - 15/07/2013 23:36 - United States - Louisville

Today, I knocked over a display case at a mall, shattering hundreds of dollars in goods. Embarrassed, I tried to scurry out of the nearest door without being seen. I scuttled right into the janitor's closet, the door automatically locking behind me. I waited for an hour to be let out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 043

You deserved it 48 653

By I suck :( - 07/05/2014 21:25 - United States - Louisville

Today, I was trolling on a My Little Pony forum. I was midway through typing a big post, calling them all a bunch of attention-seeking losers who act like morons because their parents never loved them, when I broke down in tears, realizing I'd just perfectly described myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 997

You deserved it 62 780

By brokebitch - 09/05/2019 06:00

Spicy

Today, being a broke college student struggling to make ends meet, I decided to sign up for a sugar daddy website. The first person to message me was my high school history teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 533

You deserved it 1 187

By DetergentFrog6 - 07/04/2014 20:54 - United States - Rahway

Today, while playing basketball, my friend thanked me for passing the ball to him. I was too embarrassed to tell him that that was me shooting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 807

You deserved it 5 032

By babysitter - 17/04/2009 04:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to babysit. I was told the parents would be gone when I arrived. I went and started playing with the kids. All of a sudden I heard a scream. I opened the parents' door with a knife in hand to find them having sex. I got paid so adults could get laid. While I was there. 6 ft. away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 884

You deserved it 3 741

By Anonymous - 19/05/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I was driving in my very own car that I bought and paid for myself, when I stopped at a stop light. Then I noticed the truck in front of me turn on his reverse lights. I honked desperately. He hits me, looks out the window and says "I see no damage" and drives away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 145

You deserved it 3 702

Full of…

By weman - 04/09/2021 02:00

Today, I went to the doctor to see if she could check a lump in my vagina. She pushed the lump and asked, "Does this make you want to use the bathroom for a number 2?" I said yes. Turns out, it’s hard poop pushing against my intestines and the outside vagina wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 123

By eaglesmile - 03/04/2015 04:37 - India - Mumbai

Today, during work hours, I took time off and discreetly went for an interview for a prospective job at our rival company. As soon as I reached the place, I bumped into my current boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 273

You deserved it 8 615

By *sigh* - 23/05/2010 01:24 - United States

Today, I was working as a counsellor at a special needs camp when one of the parents came up to my friend and asked her what my disorder was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 831

You deserved it 3 524

By Anonymous - 27/12/2015 00:38 - Brazil - Itaja?

Today, my father is really enjoying the iPhone my mother gave him for Christmas. He's enjoying it so much that he's already installed all sorts of dating apps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 876

You deserved it 1 573

By Anonymous - 30/11/2010 15:23 - United States

Today, I lied when my therapist asked why I preferred Tuesday morning appointments. It's actually because World of Warcraft is down for regularly scheduled maintenance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 718

You deserved it 37 652

By Anonymous - 03/03/2011 14:21 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my birthday. My parents, whom I live with, told me that they did not get me anything, but instead they said they would knock off a bit of the housekeeping I owe them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 071

You deserved it 8 288

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 05:53 - Mexico

Spicy

Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 102

You deserved it 56 694

Spookmagooked

By kellbell24 - 12/07/2021 14:01

Today, I went to my husband’s funeral. Not his real one, his rehearsal funeral. He just wants to make sure everything will go according to plan. As far as I know, he is a very healthy 26-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004

You deserved it 101

By newyorkers - 17/06/2013 12:46 - United States - New York

Today, getting off a bus, it was pouring rain so I got my umbrella out. A man elbowed me in the gut and grabbed it. When I told my mom about it she said, "That's New York, get over it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 863

You deserved it 5 652

By CrappyDay - 20/08/2013 17:14 - United States

Today, while working at a daycare, I had to change a kid's diaper. This may seem normal for a daycare worker, but not when it's a 7-year-old kid who is still not potty-trained and shat their pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 027

You deserved it 3 235

By Anonymous - 22/02/2015 16:09 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, my mother-in-law sent me a pedometer for my birthday. I've been confined to a wheelchair for most of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 932

You deserved it 2 137

By Anonymous - 08/11/2011 17:20 - United States

Today, after holding it in for hours, I finally managed to run to the bathroom for a pee. I thought it was impossible for rats to climb up the sewer pipes and into the toilet, but apparently I was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 811

You deserved it 2 721

By Anonymous - 05/08/2014 11:55 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, my brother decided our bathroom needed a clock so he used an old DVD player. He put it on the edge of the tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 288

You deserved it 3 814

That's creepy, dude

By Anonymous - 04/10/2021 11:01

Today, I'm 20 years-old and I was propositioned by a 42 year-old man, who turned out to be my dad's friend who helped care for me when I was 2 to 7 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 55

By Adrian16 - 18/01/2010 11:01 - Norway

Today, I was vacuuming our house because I wanted to help my parents. I wore a headset while listening to REALLY loud music. The vacuuming job took me two hours and when I took of my headset I noticed that I hadn't started the vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 388

You deserved it 65 564

Does she really love me?

By fml9124 - 07/11/2019 20:00

Today, my wife and I watch the Chargers play the Packers. Philip Rivers is the Chargers quarterback. Out of the blue, my wife says "Philip is a stupid name." My middle name is Philip. We have been married 32 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 821

You deserved it 288

By tryfailtryget11 - 05/09/2009 04:23 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were messing around and I always jokingly say "You're adopted, nobody loves you" to everybody. His reply, "That's pretty fucked up, I am adopted." He really was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 660

You deserved it 76 703

By C0r1nn3 - 07/06/2012 04:02 - United States - Santa Clara

Spicy

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 686

You deserved it 5 037

By ... - 16/06/2013 20:57 - South Africa - Port Elizabeth

Today, my boyfriend and I talked about our past relationships. He said he broke up with his last girlfriend because she was "too smart" for him, and that he felt better being with someone who "doesn't have too many lights on upstairs, if you know what I mean." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 317

You deserved it 6 182

By getmeoutofthiscountry - 19/07/2013 19:06 - United States

Today, I agreed to lend my daughter's inflatable pool to my neighbor for the day. Barely an hour later, I witnessed his son jump off their balcony, missing the pool by inches. He's now in hospital, and my neighbor has sworn to sue me, saying I'm responsible because the pool is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 048

You deserved it 4 071

No imagination

By why? - 17/08/2020 14:02

Today, I found out from my first cousin whose teenage daughter is pregnant that she has chosen to name her child after mine. I would be okay with this, if it weren’t the same first name, and if they weren’t just a couple of years apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 204

By stupidtoothpick2 - 16/08/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 190

You deserved it 8 460

By umyuck - 03/05/2015 16:55 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I noticed my shower drain wasn't draining well. I cleaned it out, thinking it was just a rat's nest of hair. Wrong. It was an actual dead rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 424

You deserved it 2 507

By megangubler - 26/05/2014 22:34 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, my mom insisted on making my lunch. She didn't know that knives are banned at my high school, and packed me a steak knife for cream cheese. I'm now suspended for 7 days, and she refuses to say that she did anything wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 618

You deserved it 5 256

By Tib - 18/12/2009 06:42 - United States

Today, I had to take a urine test. I drank a lot of water so that I wouldn't force it. When I got there, I had to pee really bad. The cup was too small and when I relieved my bladder, it was a jet that rebounded off of the cup and overflowed going all over my hands, clothes, toilet, and floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 334

You deserved it 26 389

Sign your name across my…?

By bitchonia - 28/03/2020 17:00 - Canada

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he'd think of me getting his initials tattooed over my heart. "That's awesome, babe," he answered enthusiastically. "But could you get them on your ass instead?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 1 483

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 15:56

How'd she know of your engagement? Don't let her ruin it. Make her leave she can't stay.

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 15:59

did she bring a present?

Comments

GoodLookingGeese 10

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 15:56

whoa.. What does that mean???

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 16:06

I would've thumbed that up f it didn't say fml team -.- that's fun

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 16:54

Yeap.u got it.

Buttsexpirate 9

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 15:56

"it's time to smack a bitch" This is your time. Don't let her ruin it for you and your new obviously better wife. Argh!

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 15:56

How'd she know of your engagement? Don't let her ruin it. Make her leave she can't stay.

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 16:12

How would she know? One guess: Facebook. Other guess: similar friends (on Facebook).

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 17:14

Beat her with a stick untill she coughes blood. Helped with me!

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 17:50

Or she's the stalker type. Probably why he divorced her in the first place.

LiveLaughFML 10

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 18:00

#10: 1.) facebook 2.) mutual friends on facebook

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 18:52

Or maybe mutual friends outside facebook? Or maybe they recently had contact about something? Maybe OP had a kid with his ex? Who knows.

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 20:00

My husbands ex knows everything because of his cousin.. Drama drama drama, surely it's not THAT hard to live without? If it was me I wouldn't WANT to know...

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 20:02

niiice. howd she find out about it tho? she must be friends with someone from the inside.

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 20:35

That's a good idea actually... Ur a cutie btw canadianbabe :)

LakersFanatiC 3

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 20:38

Facebook is the #1 when its time to crush someone's life

Jaxx66 21

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 21:32

-10. Omfg Facebook has ruined lots of lives. Lol. I use a fake name for that very reason!!

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 22:44

Somebody still has attachment issues...

saIty 17

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 15:57

So you didn't like the way she smashed in through the roof, doing a 10 landing?

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 20:01

Some crazy arse bitch all pumped up on cheese cake & Adele. I'd hate to turn up, outta the blue uninvited; but I couldn't stay away, couldn't fight it."

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 15:59

did she bring a present?

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 16:44

Yes, a boiled rabbit

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Thursday 25 August 2011 1:51

Haha. Thats a good one. My answer is NO.

nissanman_fml 16

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Thursday 25 August 2011 4:23

Great movie reference, loserman67.

IWATCHYOUSLEEP 7

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 16:00

So did she just walk in casualy and slap you or kick a door down and go ak-47. shoot anythjing that moves ? :)

hannahmorgan06 7

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 16:04

hahahaha uhhh-ohhhh.

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 16:22

I can tell by the relevance of this comment that it's only your second on this site. . .1

hannahmorgan06 7

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 17:12

soo?

hannahmorgan06 7

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 17:53

hahaha :)

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 18:10

14 I can tell you're an ass who insults people for doing nothing wrong.

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 19:51

I think that #7's comment was more than adequate, just saying :)

hannahmorgan06 7

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 20:54

thank you number 62!! :) and 47 haha

socialdisease 1

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 16:14

At least it wasn't your wedding.

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 16:41

If she crashed the engagement party, who's to say she won't crash the wedding too?

anencephalic 14

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 21:44

An assassin ...

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Saturday 27 August 2011 6:22

Yes. That's next.

hmmmmmmmmmmmm 0

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 16:16

beat her ass!!!

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 16:21

reunited, and it feels so good!

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Saturday 27 August 2011 7:44

lol

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 47

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 131

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 45