Love: Today, my ex from high school is married and has kids but still...

By let it go! - United States - Hesperia

Today, my ex from high school is married and has kids but still found time to make yet another fake profile to berate me for cheating on him when we were 17. I've already blocked him, moved states, and changed my number twice. We're in our 30s. Fml

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Love

BO Central

Triage

Pull your shit together, Bezos

By stupid - United States

Today, I had to hand write a 10 page essay for one of my classes. When I turned it in I got an automatic zero. It was written in blue. Not black. FML

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By Randolph - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, a clown came over for my son's 8th birthday party. There was a moment of silence then laughter as everyone realized the clown and I were wearing the same plaid shirt. FML

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By lumacsp - United States

Today, I stopped at the light when someone crashed on to my motorcycle making me fall. The guy claimed it was my fault because I stopped too fast. I got really mad, so I attempted to spit on his face and was ready to start a fight when I noticed that I forgot to lift the helmet shield. FML

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By allyshah - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching tv when an infomercial for "male enhancement" came on. I grabbed for my phone to make a call when my girlfriend said "O honey, dont buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML

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By yerbuagalapagos wonder - Ecuador

Today, I really had to use the airplane lavatory. After I'd finished, the flight attendants continuously sprayed air freshener for two minutes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dallas

Today, I blacked out at a wedding as a bridesmaid, during the service. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mountain View

Today, at a public restroom, I caught my extremely eco-friendly daughter, who was on her period, looking through the trash. When I asked why, she said, "Because I'm looking for pads to use. It'll mean less garbage." I then had to lecture her in the public restroom about health and hygiene. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was driving 3 of my guy friends to a party that was half an hour away. There was an awkward silence for most of the trip. I just figured out why now. I've had sex with all 3 of my guy friends. They talk about it when I'm not around. FML

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By milkshake - United States - Pasadena

Today, at work at a car dealership, a seemingly overzealous customer shook my hand vigorously after we finalized a deal. I didn't think anything of it until a coworker pointed out that he was just trying to make my breasts jiggle. I'm a man. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, desperate for work, I went into a shop and asked the owner if he had any spare jobs to fill. He looked me up and down and sneered "Yes, but not for people like... you." FML

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By hc11bmd - United States - Bethel

Today, I asked a coworker what she'd bought her dad for father's day. She said that she got him some flowers, and I laughed because I thought it was a rather feminine gift for a man. I later found out that the flowers were for his grave. FML

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By Eloy Ymer - Netherlands

Today, I found out I sleepwalk. How you might ask? By awakening the moment just before I fell from the stairs. I was better off sleeping. FML

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By Langdon - United States

Today, I went to the midnight premiere of Angels and Demons. A hobo wandered into the theater and sat down behind me. I paid $10 to spend two and a half hours listening to a crazy man talk to himself and kick my chair while he loudly masturbated. FML

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By Lovestupid - Australia

Today, I woke up extremely hungover next to a guy I have been in love with for a while but hadn't seen for ages. Turns out he had a bet going with his mates. He bet he could get me to sleep with him straight away even after not calling me for a month. He was right. FML

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By Sonic - United States

Today, I was on a conference call while in the bathroom with all the important people in my district. I thought my phone was on mute, so I took the opportunity to flush the toilet. Turns out, that my phone wasn't on mute, and everyone heard it. I'm the only one who was on the conference call outside of work. FML

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By overly nationalistic redneck - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mechanicsville

Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a pansy and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML

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By aroman2312 - United States

Today, my grandpa decided to charcoal-grill some steaks. Inside the house. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hanover

Today, I finally got the girl of my dreams to come over for a movie. When I answered the door, my little brother ran up behind me, yelled "geronimo" and pulled down my pants and underwear. FML

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By Brenden - 25/1/2021 13:59

Sucker

Today, my ex-girlfriend called me say she needed her car repaired. I fixed it as fast as I could so she could get back on her way, only to find out she’s on her way to my friend's place to have her guts rearranged. FML

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By I’m screwed

Today, we’ve had a rat problem in our house for a few weeks. Recently I hid a bottle of booze in my room so my parents wouldn’t see it. But my parents saw a rat in my room and tore the whole thing apart to find it, eventually finding my bottle instead. I was literally ratted out by a rat. FML

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By freakingout - United States - Roslyn

Today, it was my first day back at school. My social anxiety is so bad that I couldn't even raise my hand to use the bathroom because I didn't want people to look at me. FML

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By FLkiki - 24/7/2020 20:00

All or nothing

Today, I found out I didn’t get a job because I'd flashed the owner whilst drunk. Guess my tits weren’t better than my resume. FML

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By over_protected - Canada

Today, I received a message from front desk that my concerned father is trying to contact me. I call only to hear that my parents were freaking out that I wasn't answering my phone. They saw me 9 hours ago. They were going to call the police. I'm in college and also don't live with them anymore. FML

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By spitt - United States - Franklin

Today, after a big presentation, people sent an open invitation to dinner. When I asked which restaurant and what time, I was told that I wasn't invited. I've been here for three years. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while stocking shelves with canned goods, a kid no older than ten ran down the aisle, knocking down everything in his path. He was followed by his mother who was laughing hysterically. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, as a camp counselor, I was discussing how stupid the idea of santa is to a co-worker, and how every parent should tell the truth to their kids. The intercom microphone was on. I single handily told a group of 100 six year olds that santa was not real. FML

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By NoFriends - Australia

Today, I found out that my friends from high school have yearly meet-ups to catch up and talk about what they've done since school. They've done this for 3 years. I havent even been invited once. FML

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By Chey1309 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if I looked alright for our date. He said, "Honey, you look fine, just don't go out in public like that." FML

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By Bride to be - United States - Dayton

Today, after religiously eating healthy, getting good sleep, and trying to keep my stress level low, I'm stuck in bed with aches, fever, sore throat, the shits and throwing up. My wedding is in 2 days. FML

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By DyingOfShame - United Kingdom

Today, I got a text from my boyfriend whilst on the train home from spending the weekend with him at his grandparents' house. It said, 'Gran says to tell you that the bin beside the toilet is actually for storing spare shampoos and toothbrushes, so could you not put your tampons in it next time?' FML

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By jensoulstealer

The Omen 4

Today, my year and a half old daughter has discovered the joy of temper tantrums. She is now throwing them constantly. Everywhere. Anytime. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I gathered the courage to participate in a class discussion. My professor laughed at me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I gave my name for a lunch order, I even spelled it out for the cashier. When my food was ready, they screamed "Labia," in the restaurant full of people. My name is Nadia. FML

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By singlesummer - United States - Compton

Today, I was watching a movie alone, after receiving a text from my boyfriend saying that his grandma was at the hospital, so he couldn't go with me. I caught him on a date with another girl, at the same movie screening that I went to. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my fiancé played Rockband drums from the bathroom while taking a crap. He actually managed to properly hit notes. FML

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By NotAsGoodAsATruck - United States - Ludington

Today, after my boyfriend had been away for months, I invited him over to have sex. He said he hurt his back too badly to do anything. Don't worry though, it doesn't hurt enough to stop him from working on his truck for several hours. FML

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By mazey93 - United Kingdom - Newport

Today, I passed out on the way to work. Some lucky passerby took this as an opportunity to help themself to my purse. FML

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By What. - United States - Pawtucket

Today, my father bought a riding lawn mower. We don't have a lawn. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent an hour deleting 70 of my status posts from the past week so I don't look so addicted to Facebook. Damn, I need a life. FML

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Top comments

By Phillycheeze | 20

#7731299 - Saturday 1 December 2018 22:14

Time he grow up. Sometimes a broken heart never mends.. I noticed a comment that said tell his wife. If you think you have problems now involving his wife will most definitely create a storm of crap for you. Regardless of why he dislikes you, keep ignoring him.
If it goes beyond the petty crap on Facebook. You may have to seek legal help.

By PenguinPal3017 | 19

#7731335 - Saturday 1 December 2018 23:24

Cheaters deserve something, but this is wayyy too long for this to still be happening, unless you cheated on him with his dad or something.

COMMENTS

By Emma Marshall | 19

#7721930 - Sunday 11 November 2018 22:37

Tell his wife lol

Jaelkus | 28

#7731343 - Saturday 1 December 2018 23:46

Cause that can’t possibly go wrong at all. You sound like the person that would use a match to check if a gas tank was empty.

By Phillycheeze | 20

#7731299 - Saturday 1 December 2018 22:14

By whiskey'swino | 15

#7731310 - Saturday 1 December 2018 22:46

If he is this obsessive over a high school romance it would be very concerning if his wife ever left.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7731311 - Saturday 1 December 2018 22:46

You’re still “the one.”

Does his daughter have your name?

RichardPencil | 30

#7731384 - Sunday 2 December 2018 2:19

And his kids.

By protoskore | 27

#7731314 - Saturday 1 December 2018 22:56

time to make screen captures and call his wife

By onceuponatime456 | 16

#7731318 - Saturday 1 December 2018 23:01

Have him charged for stalking.

By Jeremy Phillips | 18

#7731326 - Saturday 1 December 2018 23:16

Will part of me believes that you deserve some of this for cheating on him when you were 17 I feel this should have ended a long time ago. He obviously has some unresolved issues and these need to be addressed.

By PenguinPal3017 | 19

#7731335 - Saturday 1 December 2018 23:24

Cheaters deserve something, but this is wayyy too long for this to still be happening, unless you cheated on him with his dad or something.

By chosha_fml | 25

#7731361 - Sunday 2 December 2018 0:30

Dude needs therapy.

By Cody Vertigo Bonthoux | 15

#7731366 - Sunday 2 December 2018 1:08

how is he married