Today, my ex-boyfriend convinced my current boyfriend to break...

By why - 4/10/2018 07:30 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend convinced my current boyfriend to break up with me because "bros before hoes". They met for the first time last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3245

You deserved it

373

Favorite

Love

Nice neighborhood

Banished

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By shadowsonicstar - 14/1/2011 01:17 - United States

Today, I had to do 40 squats with a medicine ball. I always made fun of medicine balls my whole life because they looked so easy that even senior citizens did them. I passed out in the middle of the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7770

You deserved it

40491

Favorite

By kstaa - 10/2/2010 11:47 - Australia

Today, I was sitting on the train wondering what that putrid smell was. As I got off the train I realized there was vomit all over the back of my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29056

You deserved it

4500

Favorite

By TheEnglishOne - 23/1/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, in class, I asked my teacher for a "rubber". I didn't realise that in America "rubber" doesn't mean "eraser", it means condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66651

You deserved it

8583

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/3/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, I volunteered at a nursing home. I approached a lonely, old man who had a type of nervous tick. I went over to speak to him, and not even four sentences into our conversation he says, "I'd really like to make love to you." What I thought was a tick was actually him stroking himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70198

You deserved it

4529

Favorite

By mwja - 26/2/2011 22:59 - France

Today, thanks to a particularly spicy bowl of noodles, my nose decided it would rather be a fountain. A fountain of blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31431

You deserved it

3920

Favorite

By meowitzer - 22/4/2020 05:02

All over the place

Today, a close, funny friend who has quite the attitude, received a long email from a long-time friend of hers, telling her how difficult she is. When I told her it doesn’t matter, that she is still wonderful, she went off on how bad a friend I am for saying that, and then deleted me off WhatsApp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1283

You deserved it

174

Favorite

By Badabim - 30/4/2018 20:30

Today, 5 minutes before closing, a customer was taking a bike from the row while I helped someone else. The customer ended up pushing the whole row down and left instantly without even apologizing. It took me about an hour to pick up the bikes and check for damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3493

You deserved it

193

Favorite

By Charles - 21/6/2011 16:59 - United States

Today, I was sitting at the computer browsing various websites. In my attempt to scoot the chair forward, I hit my knee against the desk that my computer was on, and ended up breaking it. I literally broke my knee sitting on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33425

You deserved it

8251

Favorite

By MrsFart - 18/8/2018 01:30

RIP

Today, I thought I was all alone in the class, so I lifted up my leg and ripped a huge fart. One of my students was still in there. He told everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2533

You deserved it

1681

Favorite

By bittenbyadonkey - 28/1/2011 17:23 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my family. Everything went well until my mum started hitting the brandy. While kicked back in her chair, she asked my boyfriend how satisfactory I was in bed, and if he enjoyed going down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36967

You deserved it

3527

Favorite

By Heknowsnothing - 13/7/2016 21:09 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I got my giant Game of Thrones tattoo finished. Despite the fact that I had spelt it out for him, the artist wrote 'You no nothing John Snow'. It's the focal part of the tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12243

You deserved it

6794

Favorite

By bluehairedfreakgirl - 1/6/2009 03:12 - United States

Today, I was walking down the sidewalk and heard a little girl ask her dad why I had blue hair. He said, "Sometimes drugs will make people do stupid things." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45384

You deserved it

38638

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/10/2009 18:48 - United Kingdom

Today, the guy I'd been talking to online and liked came to my house party with a bunch of mutual friends. He spent the night sitting in the corner on the sofa talking to my cat. I woke up later to see that not only had he crashed for the night, but he'd curled up in the dog basket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32502

You deserved it

9233

Favorite

By Messiahman - 30/10/2011 01:31 - United States

Today, I was playing twister with my girlfriend at the school carnival. I jokingly squeeze her butt, only to find her mom standing right above us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13869

You deserved it

33911

Favorite

By poopshooter101 - 30/6/2009 11:53 - United States

Today, I was at walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong she said that I'd "killed her nose". FML

I agree, your life sucks

62603

You deserved it

9258

Favorite

By the critic - 18/6/2012 10:22 - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I realized I have been single for far too long when I was turning off porno after porno because I couldn't stand the horrible acting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26198

You deserved it

5970

Favorite

By Stargirl - 28/2/2017 07:00 - United States - Modesto

Today, in an attempt to support and encourage my efforts in getting a new job, my boyfriend said, "Imagine having triple what's in your bank account right now!" Triple what's in my bank account right now would be exactly $38.94. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5912

You deserved it

705

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/7/2019 00:01

Today, due to recent changes in my local transit system, the bus that I take to work and back is a unidirectional loop instead of bi-directional. So my morning commute is the same, but the commute back is now an hour-and-half instead of 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1653

You deserved it

102

Favorite

By mybossisanass - 23/4/2013 08:17 - United States

Today, I discovered why my boss kept on scheduling me to work doubles almost every day. It wasn't because she knew I needed the extra money; she was hoping that my boyfriend would break up with me because I'm never home, and date her instead. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71918

You deserved it

4672

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 07:35 - Singapore

Today, I went shopping with my parents. Halfway through, I got separated from them and tried to call them only to find out my cell phone battery was flat. A few minutes later, an announcement was made for a lost child. It was by my parents. I'm 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36041

You deserved it

5177

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/10/2010 02:04 - United States

Today, I woke up finding out I had a wet dream last night. About someone other than my girlfriend. I don't remember anything about the dream, but my girlfriend remembers everything, aparently I talked through out my dream, she was right next to me listening. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34613

You deserved it

5884

Favorite

By JeffeeBojangles - 28/2/2012 12:46 - United States

Today, my grandma seemingly decided that it was a really nice day to put my cat in the dryer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33332

You deserved it

2538

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/6/2019 00:01

Today, I was friendzoned by my boyfriend due to the fact that we never fight. Apparently, if there's no fighting, there's no passion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1807

You deserved it

152

Favorite

By tanksfan - 5/1/2010 05:55 - India

Today, after secretly smoking for more than 2 years, I decided to quit. I come home from work and I see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7378

You deserved it

41705

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/5/2020 05:00 - Australia

Jaws

Today, I was violently sick. There was so much vomit forcing itself out that I dislocated my jaw. I continued throwing up with a dislocated jaw for an hour or so. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2001

You deserved it

106

Favorite

By child of a crazed women - 7/4/2013 09:19 - United States - Halethorpe

Today, it is my birthday. Since my parents are in the middle of a divorce, my mom thought it was perfectly reasonable to burn the gifts my dad got for me in the fireplace. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57046

You deserved it

2911

Favorite

By sassy_girl144 - 29/5/2015 10:58 - United Kingdom - Newbury

Today, I learned one of life's great lessons: it is possible to squeeze a Ketchup bottle so hard that the plastic breaks and everything lands on your face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25315

You deserved it

6213

Favorite

By BadtoWorse - 23/3/2010 14:51 - United States

Today, after thinking I smelled the aroma of stale alcohol, I asked my husband, who is a recovering alcoholic, if he has been completely honest with me about all that he has been doing. Bracing myself to hear about his fall off the wagon, I instead heard a confession of adultery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36810

You deserved it

4430

Favorite

By flopsy - 3/12/2010 16:19 - Australia

Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52202

You deserved it

11308

Favorite

By unlovedd - 22/3/2009 05:45 - United States

I agree, your life sucks

66575

You deserved it

4670

Favorite

By during - 19/5/2010 12:12 - United States

Narcissism

Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56220

You deserved it

7297

Favorite

By Can't Believe It. - 3/2/2014 20:11 - United States - Fairview

Today, I dreamed that Robert Downey Jr. kept flirting with me and asking me out. Each time, I refused him, because I'm taken. When I proudly told my boyfriend, he said, "What the hell? I could've kissed the mouth that kissed the Iron Man!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

46138

You deserved it

9171

Favorite

By xBubbles38 - 18/7/2011 15:17 - United States

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43796

You deserved it

6246

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/12/2009 09:47 - Canada

Today, my very traditional grandmother has decided it's time for me to get married to Kevin. She's called half the town and informed them of the good news. I'm 17. I've never met Kevin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46590

You deserved it

2318

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/5/2013 19:28 - United States - Warren

Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63477

You deserved it

6432

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/12/2012 00:37 - Norway - T?nsberg

Today, I sent a cute, jokey text to my girlfriend saying, "Just in case the world ends, I love you." Not only did she dump me because I was an "idiot for believing in the doomsday", which I don't, she also wrote a Facebook status about it. Now everyone thinks I'm mentally unstable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40431

You deserved it

7016

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/10/2013 04:35 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I went to a haunted house with the girl I like, thinking that she would get scared and turn to me for comfort. I ended up running out, and was put on the Wall of Shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38672

You deserved it

20895

Favorite

By dickwebs - 22/11/2010 03:42 - Germany

Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39825

You deserved it

5200

Favorite

By tannerrosetx_1 - 6/4/2015 11:44 - United States - Irving

Today, I was pickpocketed. I didn't realize until I stopped to get breakfast. I went back home to see that my dog had taken my wallet and had ripped and torn it up. I was pickpocketed by my own dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30008

You deserved it

3698

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/6/2020 14:00

Unsanitary

Today, I demanded to know why my boyfriend takes so long in public toilets. He admitted his ex was such a nasty ho, she would drag him into public toilets whenever she wanted dick in public. So now every time he goes in one, he gets a boner and has to "get rid of it" before he can come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1729

You deserved it

269

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Kyrstin Budd | 11

#7703830 - Thursday 4 October 2018 15:10

Sounds like you dodged a bullet on both accounts.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7698220 - Monday 24 September 2018 3:47

To Hell with both of them. You'll find the right guy eventually, OP.

COMMENTS

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7698220 - Monday 24 September 2018 3:47

To Hell with both of them. You'll find the right guy eventually, OP.

By Kyrstin Budd | 11

#7703830 - Thursday 4 October 2018 15:10

Sounds like you dodged a bullet on both accounts.

By onceuponatime456 | 16

#7703846 - Thursday 4 October 2018 16:08

Why is this being re-posted? I read it at least 2 weeks ago!

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7703947 - Thursday 4 October 2018 19:41

First time was probably in the Nearly FML section. That's where I read it, and posted my comment.

By ameliakate | 9

#7703848 - Thursday 4 October 2018 16:09

True bros before tha hoes

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7704676 - Saturday 6 October 2018 13:52

If you live by that rule, you must never get laid.

By Jorn van der Ar | 13

#7703914 - Thursday 4 October 2018 18:16

Keep dating idiots and your life will be always like that.

By Inline4 | 7

#7703924 - Thursday 4 October 2018 18:50

Guess they are brothers from different mothers

By TxKitten79 | 10

#7703968 - Thursday 4 October 2018 20:13

If it was that easy, he wasn't all that into you and you're lucky to find out now rather than later.

By mekiswrite | 19

#7703969 - Thursday 4 October 2018 20:16

Maybe don't introduce your current boyfriend to your ex next time.

By BeachMammal | 8

#7703995 - Thursday 4 October 2018 21:15

He'd fit in with the Senate Republicans.

By LAUGHINGKOMODO | 25

#7704100 - Friday 5 October 2018 5:37

TRUTH