Today, my entire family came over for thanksgiving. It went pretty...

By guy - 25/11/2011 02:49 - United States

Today, my entire family came over for thanksgiving. It went pretty well, only four family members got in a fist fight and only one cop car was called. FML

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Miscellaneous

Compassion

Vultures

Peaky Bladders

By jobless1 - 5/7/2015 04:04

Today, I went to an important job interview, only to be told I'm not what such a "prestigious" company was looking for. This from a pimply-faced 20-something who took a personal call on speakerphone mid-interview, and actually said "lmao" out loud at his friend's joke. FML

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By cazorp - 5/1/2012 11:43 - United States

Today, my mom told me she's a drug addict, sold my bed to buy meth, and then lectured me about how I should be okay with it. FML

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By hayah - 21/2/2010 06:08 - France

Today, I decided to not go to a strip club for the second Saturday in a row, because I didn't want to appear desperate in front of the strippers. FML

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By phonesmuggler - 18/4/2013 19:30 - United States

Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML

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By Nic - 22/7/2010 16:46 - United States

Today, I put on some skimpy shorts and bent down to get something on the bottom shelf of the fridge to get my boyfriend's attention. On my way up, I slammed my head on the edge of the fridge. FML

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By eemp - 5/2/2010 05:01 - France

Today, I got sent to detention for saying, "that's what she said" after a girl in my class said, "push a little harder" while disecting a frog. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/3/2014 21:02 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, four days after making a $100 bet with my balding, pedo-stache wearing dad over who could get a girlfriend first, he came home and introduced me to his new girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2020 20:00

That escalated quickly

Today, I chipped my front tooth trying to pick up my cat. FML

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By justgreatgirl - 11/6/2010 23:00 - United States

Today, I found out that even after a really bad break up and the fact that I left him for someone else, my parents offered my ex-boyfriend to join us on a one week family vacation. He agreed. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/5/2012 03:29 - United States

Today, my Dad and I killed a cockroach with a large metal pole. It was the most bonding experience we have ever had. FML

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By anonymous - 22/1/2016 01:55 - United States - Bellefontaine

Today, I met up with my dad for the first time in 7 years. We planned to go to a nice restaurant but he changed the place we were going to, to Chuck E. Cheese. I'm 18 years old. I waited an hour for him to show up. I then ended up babysitting his daughter the whole time. FML

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By toelie - 3/3/2018 19:00

Today, at 6 weeks pregnant, I went to the ER in the middle of the night for severe abdominal pain, fearing ectopic pregnancy. Turns out it was just a wayward turd. FML

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By Skyler - 24/4/2013 19:14 - United States

Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML

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By Ca13b - 15/10/2011 07:18 - United States

Today, my brother put pepper spray on my toilet paper. FML

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By Mak1 - 5/12/2008 08:12 - Belgium

Today, my boyfriend told me in a very natural way that my mother is better at sex than me. FML

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By youreajoker - 10/11/2010 10:28 - Australia

Today, I was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week. My diagnosis? Apparently I'm the first pregnant man. After several minutes of me freaking out and him explaining how it was possible, he told me he was joking and that I'm fine, but my reaction was the best thus far. FML

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By … - 28/6/2012 14:20 - United States

Today, after three months of them dating, I finally met the guy my best friend claims she's in love with. To my horror, she's dating the douchebag that I had a one-night stand with a week ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2015 03:44 - United States - Mountain View

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to accept, but that she'd basically have to get her mom's permission first. Apparently the answer was no. The worst thing is that she really is this unhealthily dependent on her mom, and probably wasn't lying about needing her permission. FML

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By bundie - 28/12/2009 07:02 - France

Today, my cat didn't quite manage to eat the whole turkey because it was frozen. He just licked it all over. FML

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By whatarethisss - 29/1/2016 16:20 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I had to teach my 16-year-old brother how to use a toaster. He thought you just plug it in and wait for it to "pre-heat." FML

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By firsttimer69 - 20/3/2009 06:11 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2009 23:36 - Canada

Today, I was checking into a hotel with my boyfriend. A few minutes after we get to our room, the cops show up to our door asking to see some ID from the both of us. The hotel staff had called the cops on us because they thought I was underage and he was going to molest me. I'm 21 and he is 24. FML

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By emily - 23/6/2019 06:45

Today, I learned in my child development class that lying in toddlers is a sign of intelligence. I clearly remember that I didn’t even understand the concept of lying until I was 6 years-old. FML

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By ByeByeBirdie - 29/6/2016 22:41 - United States - Montgomery

Today, I'd had enough of the annoying bird constantly singing in the shrillest bird voice possible outside of my window, so I chased it around the yard, shooing it away, as my cat sat there and watched. FML

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By good husband - 30/4/2013 16:03 - Canada

Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML

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By ouch... - 3/3/2010 11:13 - United States

Today, while trying to pull a nail out of some wood with a crowbar in my theatre class, my girlfriend, who was holding down the wood with her foot, thought it would be funny to move her foot and make me lose my balance. Instead, the crowbar flew up and struck me in the nuts. FML

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By chels - 17/7/2018 19:00

Plebs need not apply.

Today, when my new boyfriend told me he liked playing games, he meant a 60" TV with a professional gaming chair in the middle of his living room, and 48-hour gaming marathons where he totally ignores me, refuses to sleep or shower, and only has energy drinks and cheerios. FML

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By fmlll - 28/8/2009 15:08 - United States

Today, I wanted to be creative. I hid an engagement ring for my girlfriend inside one of her running shoes. I expected her to find it and wake me up, but she didn't. Later, when I asked if there was anything in her shoe, she responded, "There was a rock. I just shook it out outside. Why?" FML

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2013 05:39 - United States - Long Beach

Today, at the exact moment that I leaned over to show my dad a picture on my phone, my boyfriend texted me: "I'm no weather man, but you can expect a few inches tonight." FML

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By Text - 25/4/2011 16:27 - United States

Today, I asked my friend to stop texting me, because I'm on a limited plan and didn't want to go over my limit. She responded by getting a group of her friends to text bomb me. I got well over a hundred one-word texts. FML

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By Grossed Out - 13/3/2010 10:35 - Australia

Today, my dad asked me if I could convince my mother to get a Brazillian wax. If that's not bad enough, my mother heard and yelled from the other room, "I like my furball." FML

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By Mike - 20/12/2017 01:30

Today, I received the Christmas gift I bought for my sister in the mail. I also received a nearly $200 bill for shipping fees, taxes, etc. for a $50 blanket from Canada. FML

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By fencernick - 22/4/2009 10:40 - United States

Today, I was eating a hamburger on the street when a pigeon came down to take a bite. I ran and got 30 birds or so chasing me. My legs were burning, half of my burger was gone, and an entire office building was laughing at me. FML

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By holymoly - 5/9/2012 06:12 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my grandparents took me out for dinner for my birthday. After singing, "Happy birthday dear..." they froze. I had to say my own name because they'd forgotten it. FML

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By Username - 12/5/2011 11:09

Today, as I was filling out divorce paperwork, I realized that my son has had the same girlfriend through both of my marriages. He's 17. FML

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By saywhat - 26/11/2010 03:28 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house for dinner with his family. His mom cooked up a steak dinner, except that I'm a vegan, but trying to be a good girlfriend, I forced it down. Upon his mother finding out I was a vegan, she called me "disloyal to my beliefs." FML

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By Mr. Sniffles - 23/3/2015 15:43 - United States - Hamilton

Today, my teacher took my test along with another student's and gave us both a zero. Why? Because we both have colds so when we breathe through our nose it makes a sniffle noise. She thought we were using a secret code to communicate by sniffling. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2011 13:23 - Canada

Today, my boss asked for recommendations on how to improve the office. I sent her an e-mail full of my ideas. Later, my boss sent me a reply, saying, "Here's what head office thinks of your ideas." It contained a list of insults upper management made about me. FML

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By jonhapimp - 21/8/2009 20:44 - United States

Today, I found out that my Mom had taken out a loan out on my car from the repo man taking my car away. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2010 18:33 - Canada

Today, my friend asked me how I did on my test. I got an 85%. She asked me what my secret was, and I said "I'm just smart". She replied, "No you're not. How did you pull it off?" FML

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Top comments

By stormer461 | 13

#3634863 - Friday 25 November 2011 8:56

Sounds like a grand old time. I only wish I was there.

By THE_A_TEEN | 27

#3634924 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:01

Well, the last piece of pumpkin pie is a worthy reason to get into a fist fight...

COMMENTS

By stormer461 | 13

#3634863 - Friday 25 November 2011 8:56

Sounds like a grand old time. I only wish I was there.

n_epic_fail | 14

#3634893 - Friday 25 November 2011 8:59

As long as a swat team wasn't called in you can call it a diverse.

yahoowizard | 16

#3634953 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:04

Makes our dinners seem boring as hell

blackheart24 | 10

#3634966 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:06

I bet family reunions are fun too?

n_epic_fail | 14

#3634993 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:07

Diverse? Damn iPod! *Success*

counterfit | 10

#3636210 - Friday 25 November 2011 12:13

"I'm white trash and I'm in trouble."

llamalpaca382 | 13

#3636602 - Friday 25 November 2011 14:31

38, you just made my day. Thank you very much :)

They shouldn't have had that Pabst Blue Ribbon >_>

soccerguy2 | 11

#3636777 - Friday 25 November 2011 15:28

Is anybody else wondering how much cops usually show up at op's house to consider this a success

blackheart24 | 10

#3637544 - Friday 25 November 2011 17:37

38- Love that show :)

MeeshaMeeshaPup | 8

#3638752 - Friday 25 November 2011 21:15

Similar things happen at my family reunions. Except the cops are not needed and my grandma eggs all the fights on between my relatives. My family is so dysfunctional that we haven't had a reunion in years.

addyboo | 0

#3639835 - Saturday 26 November 2011 0:30

Same here

Naitsi | 19

#3643484 - Saturday 26 November 2011 19:39

wonder what happend last year?

By Strafeh | 9

#3634871 - Friday 25 November 2011 8:57

Nice Family...

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3635321 - Friday 25 November 2011 10:02

And the Adams family is charming.
0.o

whybother8 | 0

#3637365 - Friday 25 November 2011 17:10

Sounds just like my fam

Strafeh | 9

#3637401 - Friday 25 November 2011 17:16

You through annual fist-a-thons?
Then laugh like a 10 year old when you say that out loud?

detroitsucks247 | 3

#3637905 - Friday 25 November 2011 19:00

Its a Jersey thing...

By claudio117 | 12

#3634905 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:00

Irish?

mirag | 0

#3636624 - Friday 25 November 2011 14:36

Redneck?

mnmolino | 14

#3637646 - Friday 25 November 2011 18:01

Italian?

iam_yummylicious | 12

#3637657 - Friday 25 November 2011 18:03

Black?

iam_yummylicious | 12

#3638132 - Friday 25 November 2011 19:19

Black?

By FMLandurstoo | 9

#3634914 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:01

I wish I was lucky enough to only get one cop come to me.

monicadempsy | 5

#4360743 - Friday 27 April 2012 7:38

Your picture fits perfect with that comment!

By lily777 | 0

#3634919 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:01

lucky!!

By THE_A_TEEN | 27

#3634924 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:01

Well, the last piece of pumpkin pie is a worthy reason to get into a fist fight...

By aceman1992 | 9

#3635043 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:12

Too much turkey bourbon.

By tsim_fml | 0

#3635052 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:12

Wow... with my parties, all four of my grandparents get wasted.... Who's is more crazy?

THE_A_TEEN | 27

#3635104 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:19

Holy what?

Christ?
Crap?
Shit?
Fuck?
God?
Spirit?
Ghost?
Night?
Penis?
KaySL?

THE_A_TEEN | 27

#3635116 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:21

For fucks sake, you edited your comment. Now I have a useless comment now above...

:(

By MsSoulReaper | 27

#3635067 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:14

Your family is awesome. I wish my family was as entertaining :/

By FYLDeep | 25

#3635089 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:17

Sounds crazier than today's Packer game. There was a damn penalty on every other play.

...er, you don't have any Detroit Lions in your family, do you?