Miscellaneous: Today, my entire family came over for Thanksgiving. It went pretty...

By guy - United States

Today, my entire family came over for Thanksgiving. It went pretty well, only four family members got in a fistfight and only one cop car was called. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29711

You deserved it

2285

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Messed up

Instadrama

Medicare for all, please

By SadFace - Australia - Newmarket

Today, my two closest friends declared that they hated each other. They're my bridesmaids. The wedding is in three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47705

You deserved it

3844

Favorite

By Kyley - United States

Today, I was broken up with via a cereal analogy. Apparently, I'm a Cheerio and all he wants is a Froot Loop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26013

You deserved it

2368

Favorite

By future brain bleach addict - Canada - Victoria

Today, I walked in on my sister apparently trying to eat herself out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76870

You deserved it

8531

Favorite

By vintage_vogue - United States

Today, I had a coffee date. The guy was waiting with coffee to meet me on the patio. I walked up to him, caught my favorite pendant necklace on the table, broke the necklace trying to get it free, and rattled the table so intensely that the guy's coffee spilled all over him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38137

You deserved it

7405

Favorite

By uncoretard

Today, I was trying out for my school's athletics team. As I reached the finish line for the 100m sprint, there was so much momentum I couldn't stop. I ended up running into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29981

You deserved it

7925

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I blacked out while hugging my dad. I woke up a minute later on the floor with my dad telling me to, "quit being lazy and get up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20161

You deserved it

1544

Favorite

By Anonymous - Iraq

Today, I had to pull guard duty. I had to guard the latrine because somebody likes to stuff whole toilet paper rolls in the toilet to clog it. Only six more months in Iraq. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37178

You deserved it

3669

Favorite

By sigh - United States - North Branford

Today, I gave the guy I've been seeing a copy of my newly published book, because I know he loves writing. He started reading and commented on how amazing it was. Then he gave it back. He didn't realize it was a gift. My awkward self didn't correct him. I'd written him a sweet letter inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19268

You deserved it

4863

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 08:08

Sounds like a keeper

Today, it's been a week since my boyfriend has touched me or even paid attention to me, because I refuse to buy him a car. I do everything for him and he owes me $3,000 already, but when I cried about using my savings on him, he said, "That’s not my problem.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1132

You deserved it

573

Favorite

By leahneedssleep - Canada

Today, trying to make a good impression and be helpful, I volunteered to look after my manager's cat while she moves house. The cat hasn't stopped meowing since he got here this evening, it's now 4 am and I have work in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27427

You deserved it

6709

Favorite

By unloved - Australia

Today, it's my birthday, and the only person that called me was my boss. He wants me to cover his shift tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36399

You deserved it

3039

Favorite

By wounded pride, intact cock - United States

Today, my wife wanted me to take her to a new restaurant in town. When I looked it up and saw their prices, I almost had a heart attack. When I said it was too expensive, she snapped "Maybe you'd like to look up 'Lorena Bobbitt' next?!" We went to the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32547

You deserved it

6751

Favorite

By Ilovelife07

Today, I got pulled over heading home from college. My car was full of my stuff from moving out, and I couldn't reach the glove box. I told the cop this, and asked if he wanted me to go around to the passenger side to get my paperwork. He agreed. When I got out of the car, he pepper sprayed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2403

You deserved it

163

Favorite

By Wraith - Canada - Holland Landing

Today, because I'm tall enough to see over the cubicle walls at work, I witnessed my 50-year-old co-worker pulling his finger out of his nose and immediately popping it into his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40604

You deserved it

4771

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a job interview at a local business with the owner who was man, and the manager who was a woman. I thought I did pretty well because I heard the manager whisper so, as I was walking out. Then I heard the owner whisper "no fat chicks." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44464

You deserved it

6799

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says "Wow, this is just too funny". FML

I agree, your life sucks

32728

You deserved it

6238

Favorite

By Sad - United States

Today, my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

217852

You deserved it

15273

Favorite

By Yudith - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I discovered a cold sore in my ear, which I need to treat with a cream. Because of health issues, I already have six different creams and lotions to apply to various parts of my body, including buttcrack and hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5550

You deserved it

636

Favorite

By highschoolgrad - United States

Today, my family and I were about to watch the video my dad took of me walking across the stage at my high school graduation. Turns out he recorded the wrong kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44127

You deserved it

3098

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, some wannabe molester actually used the "Do you know who my dad is?!" line on me as I threw him out of a club. Turns out his dad is my boss's brother. I'm now searching for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27000

You deserved it

1966

Favorite

By Maestro - France

Today, my girlfriend told me that I was irrationally jealous. I’ve just learnt that she has a website where she masturbates in front of a webcam. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62331

You deserved it

4017

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I did my first night of open-mic standup. The first 5 minutes went badly, but I don't know if it got any better afterwards, because a drunk audience member climbed up on stage and knocked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32254

You deserved it

3966

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/1/2021 04:58

Impressive

Today, a small fly was harassing my face, then it landed on a book next to me. I waved at it to make it leave, but it didn't. I got my fingers closer to it, to scare it off. Instead, it jumped on my finger as a playful parrot pet, spent a moment there, and flew off. I cannot even intimidate a fly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

600

You deserved it

172

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I woke up to an angry text from my roommate asking me to please let her know next time I'm going to have a friend crashing on the couch. I have no idea who she's talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26812

You deserved it

1732

Favorite

By thanks..?

Today, my dentist said I have a good tongue. That's the best compliment I've gotten in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2258

You deserved it

211

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, if it wasn't already embarrassing enough to tell my boyfriend I was on my period, I had to explain what a period is in the first place, how it works, and why it means nothing can happen during that time of the month. He's twenty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49252

You deserved it

6728

Favorite

By Clive81 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34241

You deserved it

10217

Favorite

By myworstday - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was let go from an unpaid internship. The reasons cited was that I seemed unhappy at work. No, that's just my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20786

You deserved it

1989

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Austin

Today, my 12-year-old son was shot in the foot. After hours of not talking, including to the police, he finally told us that his friend accidentally shot him with his dad's gun, and that he didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to "lose any street cred by snitching." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55778

You deserved it

6714

Favorite

By kittybad - United States

Today, my wife made me moist cat food burgers as a prank. I didnt have the heart to tell her that they tasted better than the ones she usually makes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53274

You deserved it

4396

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I rubbed my face in my armpit stubble because it felt like my ex-boyfriend's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15168

You deserved it

50947

Favorite

By AnHoneyMouse

Today, while I was cooking, my dogs were messing around behind me. I suddenly felt a painful bite on my ass cheek and instinctively kicked back. I then realized it was my 3-year-old daughter, who was laying on the floor crying with a nose bleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4006

You deserved it

1342

Favorite

By dammit - United States

Today, my father's company shut down his branch, leaving him without a job. This is followed by a letter from my school's financial aid office, saying I'm not getting a penny because my family's income level is too high. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60391

You deserved it

3092

Favorite

By Ohgodithurts - 19/10/2020 11:00

Roommates from hell, part 4874

Today, I got a second degree sunburn everywhere above my waist, for which I've been using a medicated lotion. My roommate "pranked" me by switching the lotion with a similarly colored, very caustic acne wash. My chest feels like it's roasting in hell and is oozing pus and oil now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1401

You deserved it

131

Favorite

By mudafkrmas - Canada

Today, I was trying to look cute in front of this really nice guy. I sure hope he thinks smacking into a pole, rebounding backwards and knocking over an old man is cute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15578

You deserved it

33268

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25540

You deserved it

2321

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33531

You deserved it

12493

Favorite

By sucks at sucking - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39702

You deserved it

9172

Favorite

By balls - United States - Santa Clara

Today, the only reason I took a shower was because I could smell my dick sweat while still wearing underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10485

You deserved it

29870

Favorite

By fuck em all

Today, my entire family is giving me the cold shoulder, including my parents, for not going to my sister's wedding. No one seems to care her new husband bullied me so badly in high school that I still need medication for my anxiety 15 years after graduating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4636

You deserved it

395

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By stormer461 | 13

#3634863 - Friday 25 November 2011 8:56

Sounds like a grand old time. I only wish I was there.

By THE_A_TEEN | 27

#3634924 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:01

Well, the last piece of pumpkin pie is a worthy reason to get into a fist fight...

COMMENTS

By stormer461 | 13

#3634863 - Friday 25 November 2011 8:56

Sounds like a grand old time. I only wish I was there.

n_epic_fail | 14

#3634893 - Friday 25 November 2011 8:59

As long as a swat team wasn't called in you can call it a diverse.

yahoowizard | 16

#3634953 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:04

Makes our dinners seem boring as hell

blackheart24 | 10

#3634966 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:06

I bet family reunions are fun too?

n_epic_fail | 14

#3634993 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:07

Diverse? Damn iPod! *Success*

counterfit | 10

#3636210 - Friday 25 November 2011 12:13

"I'm white trash and I'm in trouble."

llamalpaca382 | 13

#3636602 - Friday 25 November 2011 14:31

38, you just made my day. Thank you very much :)

They shouldn't have had that Pabst Blue Ribbon >_>

soccerguy2 | 11

#3636777 - Friday 25 November 2011 15:28

Is anybody else wondering how much cops usually show up at op's house to consider this a success

blackheart24 | 10

#3637544 - Friday 25 November 2011 17:37

38- Love that show :)

MeeshaMeeshaPup | 8

#3638752 - Friday 25 November 2011 21:15

Similar things happen at my family reunions. Except the cops are not needed and my grandma eggs all the fights on between my relatives. My family is so dysfunctional that we haven't had a reunion in years.

addyboo | 0

#3639835 - Saturday 26 November 2011 0:30

Same here

Naitsi | 19

#3643484 - Saturday 26 November 2011 19:39

wonder what happend last year?

By Strafeh | 9

#3634871 - Friday 25 November 2011 8:57

Nice Family...

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3635321 - Friday 25 November 2011 10:02

And the Adams family is charming.
0.o

whybother8 | 0

#3637365 - Friday 25 November 2011 17:10

Sounds just like my fam

Strafeh | 9

#3637401 - Friday 25 November 2011 17:16

You through annual fist-a-thons?
Then laugh like a 10 year old when you say that out loud?

detroitsucks247 | 3

#3637905 - Friday 25 November 2011 19:00

Its a Jersey thing...

By claudio117 | 12

#3634905 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:00

Irish?

mirag | 0

#3636624 - Friday 25 November 2011 14:36

Redneck?

mnmolino | 14

#3637646 - Friday 25 November 2011 18:01

Italian?

iam_yummylicious | 12

#3637657 - Friday 25 November 2011 18:03

Black?

iam_yummylicious | 12

#3638132 - Friday 25 November 2011 19:19

Black?

By FMLandurstoo | 9

#3634914 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:01

I wish I was lucky enough to only get one cop come to me.

monicadempsy | 5

#4360743 - Friday 27 April 2012 7:38

Your picture fits perfect with that comment!

By lily777 | 0

#3634919 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:01

lucky!!

By THE_A_TEEN | 27

#3634924 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:01

Well, the last piece of pumpkin pie is a worthy reason to get into a fist fight...

By aceman1992 | 9

#3635043 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:12

Too much turkey bourbon.

By tsim_fml | 0

#3635052 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:12

Wow... with my parties, all four of my grandparents get wasted.... Who's is more crazy?

THE_A_TEEN | 27

#3635104 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:19

Holy what?

Christ?
Crap?
Shit?
Fuck?
God?
Spirit?
Ghost?
Night?
Penis?
KaySL?

THE_A_TEEN | 27

#3635116 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:21

For fucks sake, you edited your comment. Now I have a useless comment now above...

:(

By MsSoulReaper | 27

#3635067 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:14

Your family is awesome. I wish my family was as entertaining :/

By FYLDeep | 25

#3635089 - Friday 25 November 2011 9:17

Sounds crazier than today's Packer game. There was a damn penalty on every other play.

...er, you don't have any Detroit Lions in your family, do you?