Animals: Today, my dog surprised everyone by somehow managing to climb... - FML

By crazydog - 10/06/2011 20:39 - United Kingdom

Today, my dog surprised everyone by somehow managing to climb on the roof. I followed him up and spent the next hour trying to catch him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 597

You deserved it 4 172

Another great day to be alive

Yada yada yada

Facebook's moderation sucks

By not a dick-man - 12/08/2014 17:05 - Canada - Victoria

Spicy

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 589

You deserved it 31 365

By crazyhair docare - 08/07/2019 16:00

Today, after a lifetime of weaves and extensions, I felt brave enough to wear my natural hair to work. As soon as I clocked in, my manager yelled, “Holy shit! What happened to you? Stick your finger in a socket or something?” I was then sent home for being, “Out of uniform.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 417

You deserved it 285

By sandy - 17/03/2009 21:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was completely naked in my boyfriend's bed. Suddenly his mom yelled that she was coming in so that she could get to the attic. I pulled a blanket up to my neck, hoping she would think I was cold. She had to step over my bra and panties on her way to the attic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 113

You deserved it 90 512

Hope there's no dancing involved

By InjuredTriviaNerd - 09/03/2021 09:00 - Australia - Kellyville

Today, I fell on a crack in the pavement and broke my ankle. Next week, I'm supposed to fly interstate to be on a quiz show I've spent two years in the audition process for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 93

By anonymous - 25/06/2016 20:03 - United States - Lowell

Today, I was taking a hike through the Appalachians. I lost my balance in a steep area, and grabbed for a root along the trail above me. It turned to not be a root, but a large, angry snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 425

You deserved it 929

By Anonymous - 17/07/2009 05:11 - United States

Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 412

You deserved it 90 666

By me - 14/04/2016 17:33 - United States - Katy

Today, we had a surprise test at school. I was totally unprepared for any of it, so I BSd the whole thing and turned it in. A few minutes later, our teacher said we were allowed to use our notes to finish the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 611

You deserved it 5 914

By lukey_G - 20/03/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was driving me to her house against my will when I said, "Sometimes it's annoying that you always decide where we go because you drive." She replied, "Yeah, I wish I could be more of the girl in this relationship." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 561

You deserved it 81 106

By shit Music - 30/06/2016 07:32 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I forgot my headphones at home. When I got to work I found out that today was also the day the band next door had decided to practice their only song for 8 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 486

You deserved it 917

By tessykins - 22/10/2009 07:41 - United States

Today, this guy who likes me accused me of cutting myself. I asked him what he was talking about, and he said, "Don't lie, I saw those scars on your thighs when we went swimming." I have stretch marks on my inner thighs, and now I have to explain them to him so he doesn't think I cut myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 842

You deserved it 3 269

By whygod - 12/06/2016 13:45

Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old sister, naked, streaming herself eating a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 229

You deserved it 1 384

By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 04:00 - United Kingdom - Nuneaton

Today, I found out that my fiancé's sister, who only got engaged a couple of months ago, is getting married before us. I wouldn't have a problem with this if she wasn't planning her wedding to be exactly like ours will be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 643

You deserved it 1 874

By touched - 10/02/2009 11:30 - Philippines

Today, on the crowded train, a cute guy called me over and told me to stand next to him because there were less people there. We started talking, but he left before I could get his number. Just when I was about to tell my friends about it, I find out that he stole my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 320

You deserved it 5 680

By PapaW - 01/11/2013 07:01 - United States - Lehi

Spicy

Today, I got a new cell phone number and sent a text to my wife. Playing around, I said, "Hey sexy are you alone yet? I'm ready to come over." She responded with, "Hey, yeah he is at work - did you get a new number?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 246

You deserved it 7 083

By stinky - 24/01/2012 08:15 - United States

Today, my co-worker handed me a note. The note said, "If you can, please take a shower once in a while." The smell was coming from the broken bathroom next to my office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 740

You deserved it 2 653

By soapypete - 22/10/2010 13:26 - United States

Today, before a big client pitch I went into their office bathroom to quickly slick down my hair. It had two identical automatic faucets, one for water and one for hand soap. Now my hair is full of soap, and smells like industrial strength lavender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 205

You deserved it 30 865

By Anonymous - 20/07/2013 21:31 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a man stopped me on the street. He said the stretch marks on my thighs looked like cuts, and asked me if I self-harmed. Before I was able to politely respond "No", he said, "I mean, I can see why you would." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 508

You deserved it 3 958

By sexyfail - 26/01/2010 08:59 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I learned that removing your boyfriends boxers with your teeth is waaaay less sexy when you accidentally bite a chunk of his pubes and yank them out in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 164

You deserved it 27 697

By poked - 06/03/2011 00:24 - United States

Today, my father who left my family over 10 years ago and never contacted us or paid child support, poked me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 820

You deserved it 4 126

By Hunter cat - 02/11/2018 13:30

Today, when I got back to my bedroom, I found my cat had left not one, not two, but four dead lizards for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 290

You deserved it 358

By Anonymous - 16/09/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, I was having an after work-out dinner with my ex-girlfriend and we were having a great time, catching up, eating good food, all the good things. Then when I got home, I realized I just talked to my ex-girlfriend for an hour and a half about how much better her new boyfriend is than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 858

You deserved it 39 941

I am sexy

By Anonymous - 19/12/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 362

You deserved it 463

By joeidk - 12/05/2013 00:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I finally convinced my mom to read Fight Club. As English isn't her first language, she occasionally asked me to translate some of the words. Her latest question: "What's a dildo?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 451

You deserved it 41 528

By Too much skin? - 18/02/2018 05:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that I have “too much foreskin” and that I’d need to get circumcised if we were going to stay together. I’m already circumcised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 549

You deserved it 365

By jess - 24/12/2018 04:00

Spicy

Today, I decided to go home and apologise to my husband for accusing him of having an affair. I came home to find him having sex with my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 985

You deserved it 303

By people will think I'm Shelley Duvall - 08/06/2017 20:00

Today, my son's yearbook came. I was pretty happy, because I also ordered a larger version of his photo because he's going to California for college and I wanted a special picture of him to keep. Unfortunately, my happiness disappeared when I saw that he was wearing a horse mask in the photo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 494

You deserved it 771

By shenmas - 08/07/2018 19:00

Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 260

You deserved it 250

By Porter_Robinson - 30/04/2013 08:50 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I sent a girl a friendly conversation starter on Facebook. She replied, "I know what you guys are like. Oh, and that invitation to a date in about 5 messages time? Not a chance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 347

You deserved it 9 160

By alucas3 - 29/05/2016 20:14 - United States

Today, I got a rental car because my car needed new tires and I had a long drive ahead of me. Today, the rental car got a flat tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 312

You deserved it 1 083

By Chubsley - 21/02/2009 07:44 - United States

Today, I realized that the beef jerky someone had left on the counter and that I'd been sneaking a few pieces of every morning had a cartoon dog holding two strips of beef jerky. I wondered why nobody else was eating it. It was beef jerky for dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 808

You deserved it 50 831

By Anonymous - 18/07/2013 18:16 - Canada - Kelowna

Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 070

You deserved it 46 699

By Brie - 05/09/2011 13:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, my grandmother pulled down her pants and screamed, "Kiss my ass" in the middle of a packed restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 067

You deserved it 3 183

By Username - 08/02/2011 16:57 - United States

Today, I wanted to propose to my girlfriend, so I bought M and M's which I had customized with the words "Will you marry me?" on them. She ate them all without reading them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 792

You deserved it 15 301

By ladylarni - 07/04/2013 08:20 - Australia

Today, my ex-husband officially became my stepdad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 893

You deserved it 4 839

By Anonymous - 19/02/2010 02:20 - United States

Today, I noticed my house smells a lot like my grandma's. Not because we use the same cleaning products or anything like that, but because I'm slowly turning into a crazy cat lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 496

You deserved it 24 915

Nerf bullets

By aproudmom - 16/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Glen Head

Today, after work I came home to find my sons trying to use my tampons as nerf bullets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 697

You deserved it 278

By anonymous - 19/10/2009 19:16 - United States

Today, I drove 100 miles from my parents house to mine. I had only a few miles left when I realized I really had to pee. I didn't want to pull over somewhere when I was so close to home, so I sped up. A cop pulled me over a block from my house. I started to sob, and ended up peeing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 163

You deserved it 15 402

By lonely dreams - 01/01/2013 17:26 - United States - Reno

Spicy

Today, I have been single and out of the game for so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I now dream about jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 301

You deserved it 6 774

By notgivingup - 01/10/2012 03:21 - United States

Today, I had to serve my boyfriend's father with a restraining order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 715

You deserved it 1 984

By steven - 24/06/2009 15:33 - Canada

Today, my friend said he'd give me 20 bucks if I would ask out the ugliest girl in school. I did it. She rejected me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 957

You deserved it 112 377

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Top comments

Miss_Michaela 10

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Saturday 11 June 2011 0:50

Well, thats doggone crazy!

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Saturday 11 June 2011 0:56

he's spider dog!!! SPIDER DOG SPIDER DOG DOES WHATEVER A SPIDER DOG DOES

Comments

Miss_Michaela 10

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Saturday 11 June 2011 0:50

Well, thats doggone crazy!

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Saturday 11 June 2011 0:51

It's Underdog!

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Saturday 11 June 2011 0:58

Meh, dogs suck anyway.

Miss_Michaela 10

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Saturday 11 June 2011 0:59

I don't know who or what that is. So I'm going to just smile, and agree. :)

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Saturday 11 June 2011 0:59

how the fuck did your dog climb on the roof?

instnt1nfction 17

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Saturday 11 June 2011 1:00

how not did he climb a roof

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Saturday 11 June 2011 1:02

it's a dog... last time I checked, dogs can't use ladders or scale the side of a house. but that's just me

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Saturday 11 June 2011 1:08

he's making you fetch. now who's the bitch? :)

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Saturday 11 June 2011 1:21

at least your not the dog! haha youd be lost and furry. freak? i think so? YDI bitches

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Saturday 11 June 2011 1:38

Hey Redneck, maybe the dog is on crack. You never know.

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Saturday 11 June 2011 2:11

I know many dogs who are even afraid to jump off the edge of a bed. If your dog is running away from you, on a roof, then you are doing something wrong.

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Saturday 11 June 2011 2:35

my dog does that if we leave our ladder set

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Saturday 11 June 2011 2:50

26. my dog can climb a 5 foot ladder up and into my pool.

EagorLuvsBigFoot 8

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Saturday 11 June 2011 3:42

68 now ur just lying to start an argument

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Saturday 11 June 2011 4:24

hahahah!

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Saturday 11 June 2011 4:29

Should of had a V8.

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Saturday 11 June 2011 5:34

^ Exactly

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Thursday 23 June 2011 8:57

every time I read your comments I have to read it In joes voice from family guy cuz of your profile pic!!!

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Tuesday 31 January 2012 1:07

Who let the dogs out What a overplayed song

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Saturday 11 June 2011 0:51

that's why I like cats. they do what they want and no one questions it

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Saturday 11 June 2011 0:52

What about climbing trees?

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Saturday 11 June 2011 1:42

i hate cats. i have ailuphobia. hahaha look it upp.

Alexstraza_fml 5

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Saturday 11 June 2011 1:43

Only a retard would try to get a cat from a tree; if they can get themselves up on their own, they can get back down on their own.

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Saturday 11 June 2011 1:44

What? That doesn't make sense because obviously the dog was doing what he wanted.

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Saturday 11 June 2011 2:16

#53 - It's ailurophobia, not ailuphobia.

taylorisrandom4 0

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Saturday 11 June 2011 4:52

i love cats

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Saturday 11 June 2011 5:26

54- I wonder why they always show them being rescued by fire fighters on tv...

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Saturday 11 June 2011 0:51

that's just your dog helping you exercise

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Saturday 11 June 2011 1:16

I agree. The dog was tryna tell u something op..

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Saturday 11 June 2011 0:51

and hence I hate dogs!!!! yuckieee

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Saturday 18 June 2011 8:47

And McDonalds hates you v

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Saturday 11 June 2011 0:52

holy crap that's a smart dog!!!!!!!

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Saturday 11 June 2011 1:27

Problem?

TheObnoxiousNarw 1

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Saturday 11 June 2011 0:54

what a pro

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Saturday 11 June 2011 0:54

did you fall?

YacL 15

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Saturday 11 June 2011 0:54

You're dog's a troll.

YacL 15

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Saturday 11 June 2011 0:57

your*

CanWeMicrowaveIt 11

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Saturday 11 June 2011 9:51

He corrected himself? Fail troll

kut19 6

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Saturday 11 June 2011 0:54

you should have spared yourself and waited for him to come down on his own instead.

thebestof1984 0

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Saturday 11 June 2011 0:56

Your dog is a fucking genius!!!

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Saturday 11 June 2011 1:40

Like UR bike riding dog...

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Saturday 11 June 2011 1:40

Like UR bike riding dog...

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 7

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 68

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 43