By doggie_doo_face - United States

Snow day

Today, my dog accidentally crapped on her leash. When I flicked the leash to get the poo off, it went flying. Have you ever had warm poo hit you in the face on a cold day when there's 6 inches of snow on the ground? I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27001

You deserved it

9658

Favorite

Animals

Understandable

The student becomes the master

Child labor

By Anonymous - 14/7/2020 08:02

Lingo

Today, I was alarmed to hear my daughter's boyfriend talk about dropping the kids off at the pool. She has no children. Turns out he was referring to himself taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

677

You deserved it

1358

Favorite

By nosexforthee - United States - Katy

Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43510

You deserved it

7933

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/5/2020 20:00

Addicted to love

Today, I was half paying attention to a text message conversation with someone about how addicted we both were to social media. It's wasn't until deep into the conversation that I realized we were actually talking about porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

906

You deserved it

958

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By themonkeyman - United States

Today, I started my job as a waiter. I was excited when my first customer paid for the bill. I go over to the table, half-expecting a tip. I got to the table and no money was on the table. On the bottom receipt was written: "Ever heard of deodorant?" Apparently I smell bad. Thanks for the tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13173

You deserved it

29441

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - North Olmsted

Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4685

You deserved it

371

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36589

You deserved it

5943

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was riding in my friend's car. We passed by a group of cute guys standing by the curb with their skateboards so we slowed down to whistle at them. We then noticed the ambulance taking their friend away on a stretcher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9450

You deserved it

37307

Favorite

By confused_cashier - United States - Herndon

Today, while working as a cashier at a fast food restaurant, a customer asked me how many chicken nuggets were in our 6 count chicken nuggets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13196

You deserved it

1432

Favorite

By leigh2812 - France

Today, I was watching Free Willy with my boyfriend. It was at the part where the boy leaned into the water to give Willy a hug. I asked, "How do you even hug a whale?" My boyfriend rolled over and gave me a hug, and said, "Like this." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41702

You deserved it

14412

Favorite

By i2xl - Canada

Today, my landlady roasted a joint of beef and the whole house smelled wonderful. OK, even if I am a masochistic vegetarian and former omnivore, that was way beyond cruel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9623

You deserved it

33733

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Kent

Today, after years of bad blood, my husband decided to invite his parents to dinner. After making rude remarks about my pregnancy, his dad eventually muttered that I'm a slut. My husband punched him, his wife called the police, and now I'm all alone while he sits in a jail cell for battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33512

You deserved it

1984

Favorite

By sullry

Great solution

Today, I had a talk with my roommate that last semester my grades took a bit because he stays up late every night playing video games. And then asked him about playing less, so I can get more sleep. Today also, he gave me a pair of ear plugs and asked if they would solve the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1537

You deserved it

841

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/3/2020 08:00

There's insane and then there's this guy

Today, my idiot boss, who says he used to be an EMT, thinks that all safety precautions in the company COVID-19 response memo and everything we’ve heard from the WHO and CDC is bull and removed the gloves from everyone’s truck. We’re a plumbing and drain company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2079

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous

Complete mockery

Today, the people in my class wondered why I seem to avoid them. The same people who call me a creep and hide when they see me in public because of my disability. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2150

You deserved it

127

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad told me he has money set aside for when he has to bail me out of jail because "it's bound to happen sooner or later." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34567

You deserved it

10715

Favorite

By saintmichi - Poland

Today, after a 9 hour train journey through the Polish mountains, I mistook a small black and white cat for a penguin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8085

You deserved it

27215

Favorite

By somuchforthat - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35588

You deserved it

2502

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Kingman

Today, I still can't find a job to support myself. The only experience I have is a month in retail and a summer spent in a kitchen de-pooping shrimp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22657

You deserved it

4083

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent two hours filling out an online application and questionnaire for a potential employer. The application stated that there were no right or wrong answers and to answer truthfully. I was automatically rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27329

You deserved it

5365

Favorite

By fufu_mutt - United States

Today, I was driving with my dog. Looking out the half-open window he stepped on the switch, the window went up, causing his head to get stuck. I looked down and he had scared the shit out of himself, all over my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30681

You deserved it

10122

Favorite

By Can’t Cope

Today my fiancé is going to Planned Parenthood to see if he got herpes from a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5431

You deserved it

504

Favorite

By ouchmynose - United States

Today, I kneeled down to tie my shoe and sneezed, nailing my face off of my knee and breaking my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49196

You deserved it

7072

Favorite

By hot coffee - United Kingdom - Farnham

Today, I discovered I'd left my coffee on top of my car when it fell through the sun roof whilst I was driving, showering me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14759

You deserved it

27032

Favorite

By BigBallah93 - China

Today, I began my job volunteering at an orphanage in Beijing, China, working with 7-year-olds who just started learning english. We played a game where, if you got caught, you had to sing a song. I got caught, so I chose the ABCs. They all knew the song perfectly, I missed 3 letters. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10844

You deserved it

78654

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were exchanging some naughty pictures. I accidentally sent one to everybody on my contacts, including my ex, my boss, and even Pizza Hut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18310

You deserved it

72804

Favorite

By I don’t stink - 1/5/2020 20:00

No pain, no meds

Today, I finally got to come home after hours spent in a locked down ER after a car accident. My injuries were non life-threatening, but pretty damn painful. I asked my sister to pick up my pain meds from the pharmacy for me. She got drunk and "lost them", AKA gave them to her dirtbag boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1867

You deserved it

233

Favorite

By tylah - United States - Piscataway

Today, the mall got evacuated while I was getting my hair colored. I am now standing outside of a crowded mall, wearing a showercap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27126

You deserved it

3009

Favorite

By CaptainSosuke - United States

Today, I tripped over my own shoelace after explaining to my boyfriend that my shoes being untied were good luck for me. He then took that as the grand opportunity to tell me that we were breaking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25817

You deserved it

8361

Favorite

By hot_friend - United States

Today, my boyfriend said he was in love with my best friend instead of me. I wouldn't be so upset if it wasn't the third boyfriend in a row this happened with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56843

You deserved it

4863

Favorite

By hcflorence1 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend went on a date with her mechanic. She said it was to get discounts when she goes in for maintenance. Not only does she not see a problem with it, but she's probably getting discounts on other services too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38627

You deserved it

5236

Favorite

By Misbah Akhtar - 21/11/2020 12:59 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Child's play

Today, my 6 year-old bought down a card. On it was a turd belonging to my 4 year-old son. She got excited and grossed out, and threw it on the rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks

613

You deserved it

326

Favorite

By GoAggies - United States - Herriman

Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the same school and had a job lined up in town, he decided not to come with me because the Internet at our apartment wasn't going to be fast enough for his gaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15881

You deserved it

2480

Favorite

By fuckedbyretail - United States - Charlotte

Today, at my retail job, a woman came to my till with her purchases. After I scanned all her items, she handed me two small bags. One was filled with nickels and dimes. The other was filled with cents. Her total was $28.53. The coins amounted to $22.30. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35254

You deserved it

2721

Favorite

By 41k312

Today, while joking with my coworkers about how I shouldn't be trusted with a stapler because I managed to accidentally staple my finger last week, I stapled another finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8681

You deserved it

3551

Favorite

By [email protected] - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56474

You deserved it

4835

Favorite

By twofade - United States

Today, after a year and a half of growing out my hair, I decided to get it trimmed at a Superclips. I walked in with a full head of hair and I left bald. At least it was free. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2757

You deserved it

311

Favorite

By spellbound - Australia - Perth

Today, someone painted the "Dark Mark" on the side of my car. It won't come off and my kids refuse to get in because it means "a wizard died in there." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38489

You deserved it

4078

Favorite

By Quackadoodledoo - United Kingdom - Edgware

Today, I was on the London underground reading a newspaper. A huge guy was sitting next to me and there weren't many other people around. As I turned a page, he leaned into me, glaring, and said, "I'm not finished yet". At the next stop I put down the paper and jumped off. It wasn't even my stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39102

You deserved it

5383

Favorite

By ohsugarxo - United States

Today, I was at my only sister's wedding. She gave a speech about the person who means the most to her. She said, "She is my favorite sister who has always been there for me." Being her only sister, I got up to hug her. Turns out she was talking about her slutty sorority sister. Not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57214

You deserved it

3988

Favorite

By butterbody - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a coffee shop. As I headed over to stand in line, I tripped over my own feet. I got back up, then tripped up yet again. Everyone was staring, and I was so mortified that I went to leave. I then struggled with the door under their glares before realising it opened the other way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44865

You deserved it

6765

Favorite

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Top comments

By Yulia_fml | 0

#829787 - Saturday 6 February 2010 9:18

this gives a whole new meaning to the child's insult "poo-poo head"

and why does the snow matter?

By epound28 | 0

#829880 - Saturday 6 February 2010 9:56

how did your dog shit on the leash? did you have it wrapped around it's balls?

and even so,

what the fuck goes through your head that makes you flick the leash.

flick it.

what the fuck?

and what the fuck does the snow have to do with warm shit making love to your facial pores?

YDI OP, YDI.

COMMENTS

By Yulia_fml | 0

#829787 - Saturday 6 February 2010 9:18

this gives a whole new meaning to the child's insult "poo-poo head"

and why does the snow matter?

epound28 | 0

#829880 - Saturday 6 February 2010 9:56

Sonfang | 19

#829886 - Saturday 6 February 2010 9:59

wow just wow...I'm in awe at your reasoning skills :) enjoy your poo pore cleanser.

Crush89 | 0

#830208 - Saturday 6 February 2010 14:16

No eye and hand coordination, sad.

me199 | 0

#830244 - Saturday 6 February 2010 14:37

the way OP wrote this completly ruined it

Kylias | 6

#830597 - Saturday 6 February 2010 17:06

I actually like the way the OP worded this. And I think she mentioned how much snow there was on the ground to make a note of just how cold it was. You don't exactly get 6 inches of snow when it's baking outside. ;)

jsignomgmt | 0

#830858 - Saturday 6 February 2010 19:10

wow

chimmy | 0

#835136 - Monday 8 February 2010 18:14

i agree with #31... i pressed ydi entirelu because of the way the op worded the fml.

chimmy | 0

#835200 - Monday 8 February 2010 18:51

*entirely
whoops on the typo... just makes me look like an ass after being annoyed about op's wording, lol

showrunner | 0

#926090 - Monday 8 March 2010 21:17

75th!!!!!!!!!

jamsackson | 0

#1122643 - Thursday 22 July 2010 7:16

I love that feeling. Reminds mee of that hooker I picked up last week to give me a Cleveland Steamer.Good times...

ampsmagss | 0

#1181171 - Tuesday 3 August 2010 13:11

YDI, for having a retarded ass dog who shits on he leash

usmc2016 | 0

#1227016 - Thursday 12 August 2010 8:04

the truth speaks!

jazzyjada10 | 6

#2640733 - Wednesday 8 June 2011 6:32

ahahahahahahah

jazzyjada10 | 6

#2640754 - Wednesday 8 June 2011 6:38

ahahahahhahahahaaahahahahahah

Phil9316 | 7

#4290126 - Wednesday 11 April 2012 18:28

Funniest thing I have ever read in the comments.

Nathan D Wallace | 5

#7968758 - Tuesday 2 February 2021 16:12

They just saying how cold it is ya know how extra that warm shit gonna feel when your face is cold af. 🤢

By muscatine | 0

#829788 - Saturday 6 February 2010 9:18

Second

ilovebradiew | 0

#829909 - Saturday 6 February 2010 10:14

yay :D

By 4NK8 | 0

#829799 - Saturday 6 February 2010 9:21

oh year?
third.
what now

Whyme8P | 0

#830287 - Saturday 6 February 2010 14:54

WTF

By jake_fml | 0

#829800 - Saturday 6 February 2010 9:21

I have had this happen, minuse the snow

kevinkuz | 0

#830295 - Saturday 6 February 2010 14:59

"minuse"

By davidhasmorefun | 0

#829843 - Saturday 6 February 2010 9:43

I have never had this happen. what makes you think that flicking your leash with poo on it is a good idea? congratulations. you are a moron.

By PhattySaxx | 0

#829869 - Saturday 6 February 2010 9:51

YDI, you suck at deductive reasoning...
poo-leash flinging motion = shit on your face

By chaos753159 | 4

#829872 - Saturday 6 February 2010 9:52

be happy you didnt hit someone else

Whyme8P | 0

#830290 - Saturday 6 February 2010 14:56

I would laugh if it hit someone else

By KurouTenshi | 0

#829904 - Saturday 6 February 2010 10:09

I bet all that acne will clear up though! :D

By Yulia_fml | 0

#829913 - Saturday 6 February 2010 10:17

i'm pretty sure #7 understood that...

By Karhu | 0

#829914 - Saturday 6 February 2010 10:17

Why did she have to mention that there was snow on the ground. Like o m g.... SNOW