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By Anonymous - / Friday 24 June 2016 21:35 / United States - Middleboro
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By  askullnamedbilly  |  33

Calmly sit her down and explain to her that she just lost access to all the devices that have an internet connection in your house, since she obviously can't handle it. No phone, no computer, tablet or whatever else she has - if she wants to earn them back, she gets to do so by volunteering at an organization that helps actual abuse victims.

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By  Comrox  |  18

If she was actually being abused, why would she think someone in that position would post about it publicly on social media?

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If anyone was actually being abused, they have a right to publicize it in any way they want, tbh. A cry for help or support in any shape or form should be accepted, not judged just because it's on social media. Maybe they feel it is their only outlet. Sometimes people want to share their stories to reach out to other people going through the same thing. Lying about abuse takes away from the real victims who need help. It's pathetic. OP, your daughter has to learn that.

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  Comrox  |  18

I never said it wasn't her right or that anyone shouldn't post on social media if they're being abused... They shouldn't be judged for it either. I'm not suggesting that. I just don't know anyone who would do that (post publicly about their abusers) in the situation, especially if they were still living with and in contact with their abusers. It sounds potentially more dangerous for the victim to post about it if the abusers retaliate before the victim can receive help.

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  kirkaygri  |  18

I think Comrox was trying to point out that most victims are ashamed and try to hide evidence of abuse, not run about posting all over social media. And while they shouldn't be ashamed, that it how an abusive relationship works, the abuser makes you feel worthless, like your opinions and feelings don't matter.

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  Comrox  |  18

Exactly 62. That is my point. Someone who is really suffering or feeling like they have no escape is unlikely (not impossible, just unlikely) to say anything about it. Is it right? Is it fair that they keep silent? Should they be? No. But it's a reality for many victims.

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I understand your point. But everyone has a breaking point. And people deal with it differently. I'm just saying although it isn't commonplace to go announcing it on social media, it does happen. I myself was abused as a child and even though I had 'friends' to talk to, none of them actually understood or had anything helpful to say. One day, I posted an article on a social network site talking about it, and the response was encouraging. Of course I did it anonymously, but I just mean I can understand why someone might post on social media to find some compassion with a wider net. I also have seen abuse victims share their stories on Facebook and the outpour of strangers who comment have actually helped encourage them to leave their situation. But yes I am 100% in agreement with you that most times, victims are too afraid to come forward so publicly, or even at all. :(

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  Comrox  |  18

I'm very sorry to hear what you went through and I hope you've fully healed, if that is at all possible for you. I guess I need to clarify a bit more now - when I say "publicly", I meant posting about the abuse non-anonymously, using an account that is known to real-life family and friends. You said you posted anonymously. That's a world of difference from posting non-anonymously. I just assumed the child (given they're old enough to use social media) would understand that in such a serious matter as abuse, victims usually don't make it widely known to their family and friends while they are still in the dangerous situation. I made the assumption from the OP that the mother is a regular user of social media and would therefore see her child's public abuse post shortly after. If OP WAS an abuser, I could see her retaliating against her child in extreme anger, and the child's life could be at risk at this point because of the publicity before being removed from the dangerous situation. I guess I just thought OP's child would think through her plan more and try to put herself in the shoes of a real abuse victim before going through with this.

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This all still confuses me a little. What if the mom did actually abuse the daughter and the mom doesn't realize that it's abuse. My mom abused me as a child and she still doesn't realize what she did wrong. All she says is that she's a great at disciplining children. Maybe this is the same situation?

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85 - That is always a possibility. I am just taking this situation at face value, but of course that could be the case, although I hope it isn't. I'm sorry about what you went through. I know all too well how damaging abuse can be. I hope you are doing well.

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  Arot6  |  17

If OP and her husband are going to get in trouble, might as well be for something they actually did, right? And because I know that some morons will not get the obvious dry humor, yes that was a joke.

By  Mathalamus  |  22

Well, I didn't expect that. Uh, maybe tell her to never, ever do that again, because it's really mean to the family. Really goddamn mean.

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  tantanpanda  |  26

I wouldn't say disown, but kick her out of the house. If she's obviously old enough to have a bf, she's old enough to know that that is not a joke. Make her learn the hard way.

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  thisguy22  |  33

Nope... why pollute a landfill instead of a river? Take it to an electronics recycling center instead. Or better yet, sell them to a second hand electronics shop.

By  askullnamedbilly  |  33

Calmly sit her down and explain to her that she just lost access to all the devices that have an internet connection in your house, since she obviously can't handle it. No phone, no computer, tablet or whatever else she has - if she wants to earn them back, she gets to do so by volunteering at an organization that helps actual abuse victims.

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  Noobish_Elk  |  18

I agree, But the part where she said about her daughter talking about being "rescued" by her boyfriend her daughter might not be in the same household. And living with her boyfriend to escape the "abuse"

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My mother knew this one guy a few years back who's daughter threatened to call DHR and tell them he beat her if he tried to ground her. He laughed at her, gave her the number himself, and told her to go ahead and call them, but if they came he wouldn't put up a fight and he'd let them take her if she really wanted to be away from him so badly and grounded her anyways. She did, they took her, and she was put in the system. It wasn't even a year of her begging later that he finally let her come home. I agree with what he did too. If kids want to make such a poor bed, they should get to lay in it like everyone else because such behavior is unacceptable.

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  CBL88  |  23

How can leaving your own children in the system, which is known for abuse, in any way be a good thing? You are supposed to love and help your children no matter what, not punish them for bad behavior by leaving them at the mercy of strangers. That's just extreme and in my view bad parenting, since it does not result in a positive, mutual understanding. Try communicating with your kids instead of abandoning them!

By  zezili  |  17

Wether you're abusing her or not she sounds like she's in need of some helps. Whatever consequences you give her, I suggest you also let her know about the psychological/counseling services she can access an how to access them. I don't mean family therapy but something she can go to alone so she is the dots priority, who can help her figure out whatever is going on in her life right now cause wether it's the boyfriend or what she needs to figure this out for her own sake.

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