Today, my daughter finally walked down the aisle with a man she... - FML

By Unlucky - 16/6/2009 10:49 - Saudi Arabia

Today, my daughter finally walked down the aisle with a man she loves very much. While I was escorting her, I managed to trip and fall down revealing what I've been trying to hide all of this time: my shiny gleaming bald head that showed when my wig fell off. FML

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Rock, hard place

Workaholic

Lockdown is driving us down

By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 00:25 - United States

Today, as I put my 4 year old daughter in the car seat, she dropped her crayon. She then paused and matter-of-factly said, "Mommy, I don't say 'f***' anymore when I drop things." FML

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2015 04:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2012 22:20 - Canada

Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML

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By Davios - 27/12/2010 20:48 - United States

Today, I crossed a one-way street after looking for oncoming traffic only to be hit by a car driving in reverse. FML

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By nurse4life - 18/2/2017 20:00 - United States - Moultrie

420 BLAZE IT BRO!!!

Today, a patient at the hospital where I work asked me if he and his son could light up a joint. He was on oxygen, and serious. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/8/2019 14:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was sitting in my room when my dad walked in to talk. He said I'm not the son he'd hoped for, and that he'd been let down as a father. He said I should change the way I am so that he could love me more. It was the longest conversation I've had with my dad in years. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/6/2016 05:03 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my therapist told me to write down my goals for the next five years. After thinking hard for what seemed like forever, all I could come up with was getting a girlfriend and having an FML published. And to be honest, I'm not even sure about that first one. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2009 01:53 - United States

Today, my friend got drunk. He always pukes when he gets drunk, but I decided to drive him home anyway. He didn't puke the whole ride. We arrived at his house and he got out. Right as I was about to drive away he stumbled back to my car because he forgot his wallet. He grabbed it and puked on me. FML

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By GreenMonstR - 25/4/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML

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By stuck - 23/3/2015 15:51 - United States - Bridgeview

Today, my boyfriend wrecked our car. Now I can't get to work in order to make the money we need to buy a new one. FML

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By lmao4eva93 - 2/7/2010 04:21 - United States

Today, I discovered my former boss from the job I quit 3 months is now my boss at my new job. He was the reason I quit my old job. FML

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By whitedevil - 9/10/2009 07:09 - United States

Today, I was stuck in traffic on the highway and decided it was the perfect time to pick a humongous booger out of my nose. While carefully examing and admiring it, I failed to notice that the owner of my company was staring at me from the left lane in complete and utter revulsion. FML

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By DwarvenWalrus - 16/8/2017 01:30

Today, I was at the water park in Disney World when I felt something run down my leg. I thought that I just hadn't dried off all the way, but when I looked down, there was diarrhea running out of my shorts. FML

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By woundedexwife - 16/1/2010 01:22 - United States

Today, I realized why my husband had been seemingly wanting to improve our relationship by sending little texts throughout the day for the last couple of months, asking what I was doing. It was so he could find out when would be the best time to have his girlfriend over and cheat on me. FML

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By you can't win - 10/7/2017 21:00

A Lose-Lose Situation

Today, after months of being called paranoid, distrusting and over-possessive by my girlfriend for being suspicious of her, I learned that she really is cheating on me with her coworker. When confronted, she called me ignorant, gullible and naive for believing her. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/1/2013 18:25 - United States - Unionville

Today, the girl of my dreams asked me if I wanted to go biking with her. "Just the two of us," she said. I had to turn her down because I'm 17 years old and never learned how to ride a bike. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2019 04:00 - Canada

I'm a weirdo, I'm a creep

Today, I was sitting behind some bushes in the dark enjoying the view, when some cops came and confiscated my night-vision goggles, then warned me for acting like a "creepy perv." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2014 20:07 - Switzerland

Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. Out of nowhere, a huge, apparently suicidal bird dove into the windshield, putting a crack in it. My father yelled at me as if it was my fault, and is demanding I pay for the repairs. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2015 19:16

Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her: "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home with no shopping. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2011 19:00 - United States

Today, after we got home from the doctor's office, my mom checked the voicemail. Loud and clear, we both heard my boyfriend's break-up message. My parents had already forbidden me from dating. FML

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By blaze - 17/2/2010 00:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a really sweet poem that he wrote for me. I think it was secondhand - the first letter of each verse spelled his ex girlfriend's name. FML

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By Ella - 24/7/2009 02:26 - United States

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. He said no. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2013 19:13 - Sweden

Today, I had to basically ground my own husband, after he tricked our 6-year-old son into getting his tongue stuck to a frozen pole. FML

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By scribbles1475 - 15/12/2011 05:00 - United States

Today, after trying to find the perfect picture for the guy I have a huge crush on, I finally found one and sent it to him. His return picture? Himself in a Batman mask and sombrero. FML

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By kindgartin - 23/4/2011 09:26 - Canada

Today, I was listening to my son's teacher gossip about students whilst in the grocery store. I was thrilled when she described my son as "A model student". However, she then went on to say, "Which is surprising considering that his parents are trailer trash." FML

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By Jfly25 - 23/1/2018 01:30

Today, while on my way to work, I had a tire blowout. I got the car towed and borrowed my mom’s so that I could still get to work. Her car seized and died on the expressway ramp. It’s not in any tow truck’s jurisdiction. FML

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By theman - 21/5/2009 20:49

Today, I brought some cupcakes to my class for my birthday, like all the cool kids do. When it came time to sing happy birthday, the entire class said "happy birthday to" then forgot my name. Except my teacher. She said Steve. My name's Jeff. FML

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By gamerguru13 - 21/4/2013 12:26 - United States - New York

Today, my grandmother tried to upstage me at my wedding by wearing an actual wedding dress because she "never had a real wedding". FML

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By replik - 25/1/2012 15:50 - Russian Federation

Today, I got stuck for a while in a hallway between two security doors due to a malfunction. I'm not claustrophobic, but I sure am sensitive to horrifying smells coming from a nearby bathroom stall. FML

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By crap - 24/2/2014 04:01 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML

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By vickyxanne - 13/6/2009 00:10 - United States

Today, I was cleaning out my fiancé's room while he was away so we could move into our new home. Not only did I find a few gay nudie mags, but also some interesting love letters from a nice man named Pablo. Apparently I need to do a lot more than cleaning his room to excite him. Like grow a penis. FML

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By youjustsuck - 25/7/2011 18:07 - United States

Today, I was home alone, and enjoying my freedom decided to walk around naked blaring my radio. What my mother forgot to tell me before she left was that a guy was coming to fix our dish washer today. Imagine our mutual surprise as I danced around the kitchen while getting a drink. FML

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By womanoski - 20/2/2016 17:56 - United States - Fishers

Today, while taking a bus full of loud, rambunctious elementary children to school, the bus slowly slid off the road into a ditch. After waiting 30 minutes that felt like hours, I saw the tow truck arriving from the opposite direction also slide slowly off the roadway into the opposite ditch. FML

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By vanity113 - 13/6/2013 04:04 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I woke up early to travel to the office headquarters 3.5 hours away for important meetings. After waking up at 5.30am, picking up all my colleagues and driving 40 min out of town, I realised I was wearing my woolen house slippers. They were the only pair of shoes I'd brought on the trip. FML

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By maybe if i was paid like them i would - 14/8/2015 22:42 - United States - Houston

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I had any kinks, so I told him all about them. He was actually mad because I didn't have the same 'sexy kinks' the girls in porn have. FML

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By inappropes - 8/7/2019 14:00

Start your Monday with a Song!

Today, I came into work early to clean equipment, with my headphones on, singing to myself. I lost track of time, and wound up with the entire office watching me belt tunes out. FML

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By ugh - 9/1/2013 01:01 - United States - Saint Clair Shores

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

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By dinosaucer - 12/10/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, I was accused of masturbating during work. I was actually just getting something out of my pocket. FML

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By munchkin - 26/10/2009 06:35 - France

Today, I ran into a car. I suffered a concussion and broke my nose. I wasn't driving. I walked right into it. It was parked. FML

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By Grounded - 3/11/2011 09:18 - United States

Today, my parents told me that they've been having a contest to see who could punish me the most this week. So far, my mom is in the lead by kicking me out of the car near railroad tracks, and making me walk the 4 miles home in the freezing rain. FML

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Top comments

By rukusrazor | 0

#312368 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 20:08

Heh. Makes me think of the commercial for wigs in Goodfellas

"Don't buy wigs that come off at the wrong time. Morrie's Wigs DON'T come off!"

"Even underwater! And remember, Morrie's Wigs are tested against hurricane winds."

Then he gets beat with a phone receiver by Robert DeNiro, and his wig comes off.

Gold.

By NoMercy_fml | 0

#312476 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 20:28

No need to "wig" out!

COMMENTS

By mayhembaby | 0

#312352 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 20:05

wowww... if you're a woman this is the most horrible fml ever.

Reply

kellster | 2

#313393 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 3:19

It says right in the post (beside the username) that it's a man. Reading fail.

Reply

Gavik | 0

#313516 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 3:50

This feature wasn't there when the first comment was posted, so the commenter didn't know. Fail.

Reply

kellster | 2

#313549 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 4:03

Actually, it's been there for the past three hours. If you didn't see it, that's not my fail.

Reply

keeeever | 0

#313730 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 5:22

well the thing is, the first comment was at 2PM.
so the past three hours from your comment would be 7PM.
there's a slight 5 hours time lapse bewteen those.

Reply

Curtieeeez | 0

#314079 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 9:04

Well said :o

But don't be ashamed of who you are. Life's too short to be like that.

Reply

Gavik | 0

#315272 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 21:26

Correct you are. However, The first comment was still there before the feature. Still fail.

Reply

keeeever | 0

#399708 - Wednesday 15 July 2009 23:33

braaaaaiinnss.

Reply

choiboy118 | 0

#956349 - Wednesday 17 March 2010 3:41

besides isnt it usually the father who walks the daughter down the aisle (forgive my idiocy if im wrong)

Reply

Cjw1220 | 0

#1160076 - Friday 30 July 2010 6:04

The op is the father.

Reply

arrow007archer | 19

#6070906 - Monday 22 September 2014 0:38

it's the most important man in the bride's life (becides the groom) who walks her down the isle as I am doing for my older sister

By Avaquin | 0

#312362 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 20:07

ha

Reply

m0tl3ycru3 | 0

#2461098 - Thursday 5 May 2011 2:43

your baldness is nothing to be ashamed of.

By rukusrazor | 0

#312368 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 20:08

Heh. Makes me think of the commercial for wigs in Goodfellas

"Don't buy wigs that come off at the wrong time. Morrie's Wigs DON'T come off!"

"Even underwater! And remember, Morrie's Wigs are tested against hurricane winds."

Then he gets beat with a phone receiver by Robert DeNiro, and his wig comes off.

Gold.

By DaBoss90 | 0

#312388 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 20:11

You fail

By filmil | 0

#312409 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 20:15

RElax ur life is not fucked. theres so many things that could of gone wrong that didnt

By boomerang247 | 0

#312427 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 20:18

that sux major time. at least she's getting married! lol

By baydestrian_girl | 0

#312441 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 20:19

aweeee no!!! super embarrassing lmfaoooooo...wonder how your daughter felt haha FYL

By Trebek | 0

#312443 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 20:20

Did you have toupee for the wedding?

By EChan | 1

#312444 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 20:20

They already knew that you wear a wig anyway long before it fell off.

Reply

claireful | 4

#2551416 - Monday 23 May 2011 7:19

exactly what I was thinking. you can always tell

By mamasharones | 0

#312447 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 20:21

oh man FYL sorry!