Today, my daughter couldn't find a hair tie and thought a piece...

By Ari - 8/9/2018 23:30

Today, my daughter couldn't find a hair tie and thought a piece of duct tape would be a perfectly fine substitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2760

You deserved it

346

Favorite

Kids

Thanks, I'm cured!

Never flip flop and drive

Workaholic

By hurley - 27/2/2011 10:10 - Australia

Today, I had my friends help me put on a suit of full plate armor for a medieval re-enactment. After the battle, my friends left. I can't get the armor off by myself and will probably have to sleep in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29919

You deserved it

9877

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/7/2020 05:02

Bye bye Tiddles

Today, while I was driving around the neighborhood, I passed my neighbors' house only to see their dog with a full-grown dead cat in its mouth. Only one family owns a cat in our neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1264

You deserved it

Favorite

By fucked by sex ed - 29/3/2013 17:18 - United States - Manchester

Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50702

You deserved it

16890

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/9/2014 21:37 - Sweden - Ume

Today, I tried to pull the old "bucket of water above the door" prank on my brother, but the bucket didn't fall when he opened the door. He noticed it, took it down, then pinned me to the floor and waterboarded me with the ice-cold water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17932

You deserved it

41417

Favorite

By WhyMe - 20/3/2011 17:42 - United States

Today, I called the car repair shop to complain to the manager about their tow driver who keeps making sexual passes at me. The girl taking my call started crying and said that their driver was her husband. I'm being sexually harassed, my car is dead, and I think I just ended a marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52474

You deserved it

4289

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/4/2016 04:34 - United States - Thibodaux

Today, I watched my high school crush pull into the parking spot next to me, and then almost immediately he started backing out once he saw me parked next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15055

You deserved it

1585

Favorite

By busfail - 22/3/2012 18:00 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, while I was on the bus to work, a morbidly obese man sat down next to me. When my stop came and I stood up to get off, he just looked at me, said with a smirk, "good luck with that," and went back to reading his paper. I missed my stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33466

You deserved it

2863

Favorite

By wellesleybanana - 17/4/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, I finally got some sleep after an exterminator came yesterday and took care of our roach problem. I woke up and kissed my boyfriend good morning. Frowning, he told me I had something stuck on the corner of my mouth. It was a roach leg. Where is the rest of the roach? FML

I agree, your life sucks

97028

You deserved it

4651

Favorite

By Tired - 19/9/2020 02:02 - United Stated

Blowin' in the wind

Today, for the third night in a row, I didn't get any sleep, because my neighbor's new dog won't stop barking when the wind blows. Where I live, we get major wind gusts most days of the week. It's going to be another long night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1015

You deserved it

Favorite

By Clader - 10/12/2008 03:09 - France

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33483

You deserved it

2844

Favorite

By gross - 2/5/2015 18:39 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I changed my toothbrush because the bristles were wearing down. My brother later asked me why I changed his toothbrush. Apparently we've been sharing the same one for the past several weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32917

You deserved it

3946

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/10/2009 07:19 - United States

Today, I was in my car studying on the campus parking lot. It was cold outside so I had the windows up. I had a severe upset stomach and was privately drowning in my own flatulence. Moments later, my crush knocks on the window to ask me something. I had to roll the windows down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33810

You deserved it

6830

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/9/2019 02:02

Boom, headshot!

Today, my boyfriend headbutted me during sex. This wouldn't be so bad if it was the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1447

You deserved it

228

Favorite

By Widowmaker - 28/11/2012 18:09 - United States - Henderson

Today, I'm recovering in the emergency room. How did I get here? Intoxicated at a coed party, I saw a hole in the host's shed and thought it funny to christen it a "glory-hole", only to be bitten by what may well have been a black widow spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7662

You deserved it

48434

Favorite

By Giggity - 21/2/2011 19:20 - United States

Today, I found out that the mysterious smell from under my bed was my cats collection of dead mice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34265

You deserved it

6495

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/6/2015 08:10 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, I laid in bed until 3am kept up by a house party. In my own house. Which my housemates didn't invite me to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29585

You deserved it

3614

Favorite

By luciaspiano - 5/2/2010 00:47 - United States

Today, I was riding a bus. After having a conversation with my friend, I looked down and saw a little boy looking at me. He asked, "Are you a boy or a girl?" As if that wasn't bad enough, when I responded that I was a girl, he said, "Oh. So, why do you have a boy voice then?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30186

You deserved it

3014

Favorite

By Khrixas_069 - 18/6/2011 07:10 - United States

Today, I was about to make love to my girlfriend at the local park when a cop caught us. I had to give him our information and hold a conversation with "Fire and Ice" lubricant on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16666

You deserved it

58388

Favorite

By xxteenhearts - 29/5/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, I seemingly misplaced my cell phone but didn't have time to look for it before work. This evening, my cell phone company calls me to tell me I have six hundred dollars worth of calls to El Salvador that I have to pay for. My cell phone was not misplaced, it was stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46002

You deserved it

4144

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/12/2011 06:21

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to take our first shower together. When he came into the room, he had swimming trunks on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40142

You deserved it

5606

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/5/2014 22:06 - Canada - Oakville

Today, while driving home, some idiot kept tailgating me, so I slowed down, hoping he'd overtake me. He didn't, so I pulled to the side of the road. He did the same, in front of me. He kept toying with me until I crashed into another car trying to speed away from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47476

You deserved it

15822

Favorite

By Noname - 5/2/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I finally stood up to a bully who had been messing with me for over a year. His response? He picked up the chair I was sitting in and threw me across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40053

You deserved it

4131

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/9/2009 16:27 - United States

Today, I was going to take my boyfriend to Napa. It's my birthday and I wanted to do something big since last year my fiancée called off the wedding. My boyfriend just broke up with me because I'm "clearly not over" my ex. This makes two consecutive birthdays alone in romantic hotels I paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44302

You deserved it

6055

Favorite

By Blueberry - 17/9/2012 02:00 - United States - Iowa City

Today, I was showering at my dorm. I had my clothes locked in a locker and my towel and robe hanging outside the stall. Someone took off with my towel and robe, which had my keys. I had to walk down three flights of stairs to get an extra key in nothing but a plastic shower curtain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25022

You deserved it

2386

Favorite

By anonymous - 25/8/2016 02:33 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I got a brand new down comforter and duvet cover that I really liked. I'd finally managed to put everything the way I wanted it, and then my roommate's dog came and peed all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11769

You deserved it

883

Favorite

By evilplatypus - 11/2/2019 14:00 - United States - Cromwell

Today, after talking to my psychiatrist about a delusion I have - that I know is a delusion but simply can’t shake - he started frowning and pulled out the DSM-V. After thumbing through it for a while he looks at me and says, “That’s not in here.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

2082

You deserved it

168

Favorite

By BackToRehab - 26/2/2011 21:53 - Canada

Today, I treated my mom to a movie and lunch after she'd attended weeks of AA meetings. She snuck in a flask to the movie, and during lunch, she started calling people muggles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33976

You deserved it

3542

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/8/2019 22:00

Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1513

You deserved it

138

Favorite

By WamBamSam - 21/11/2012 09:54 - United Kingdom - Kidderminster

Today, whilst at a red light in my car, a homeless man with a spray bottle and a dirty rag came over to clean my windows. He started with the driver's window, which was wide open, and whatever was in his spray bottle smelled suspiciously like urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29935

You deserved it

2324

Favorite

By OverweightTeen - 14/1/2010 06:59 - Canada

Today, I added some of my own money to the tip jar in the Subway I work at to make myself look less pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12932

You deserved it

24818

Favorite

By rugernut13 - 16/10/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I went out to start my car to go to work. When it wouldn't start, I popped the hood to see what was wrong. Some kind individual took advantage of the fact that my window doesn't roll up, and stole my battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27071

You deserved it

6434

Favorite

By fuckyouverymuch - 26/10/2013 19:48 - United States - Salida

Today, a friend sent me to a guy he knows who repairs various electronics for a very low price. Good news: he fixed my malfunctioning iPad. Bad news: it took me several hours to notice that he'd carved the words DOUCHE and HIPSTER into the back panel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41477

You deserved it

7808

Favorite

By Derek Lee - 22/5/2011 13:53 - United States

Today, I sold my Xbox 360 on Craigslist. I met the dude at the mall. I gave him my Xbox and a handshake for buying. I left without the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18839

You deserved it

70178

Favorite

By poo_shoe123 - 31/3/2009 20:47 - United States

Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

106962

You deserved it

10097

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 22:26

Today, I text messaged my mom from Afghanistan to let her know everything was okay. She responded, telling me not to message her so much because "the price of text messages really adds up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41451

You deserved it

3611

Favorite

By failedparenting - 7/9/2016 16:44 - United States - Bronx

Today, I figured out why I have been feeling so drowsy and lethargic for the past week. My daughter had been slipping sleeping pills into my coffee as payback for taking her phone away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15735

You deserved it

1701

Favorite

By skygardens - 21/8/2018 15:00

Today, I had just gotten home after being away for 8 months. My key didn’t work on my lock and while I was messing the door a man with a child opened. My landlord gave someone my apartment while I was away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3352

You deserved it

208

Favorite

By itwasajoke - 25/12/2016 21:23

Today, I ran into an old friend for whom I used to have feelings. I hadn't seen her in years, so I thought it would be funny if I went up to her and said, "Hey, you look familiar, do I know you?" She thought I had really forgotten her and burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8339

You deserved it

2298

Favorite

By Jif_Creamy - 28/2/2016 05:00 - United States - Washington

Today, at my college, someone snatched my laptop out of my hands, so I chased him. Turns out I'm so overweight and slow that he moonwalked away facing me, while I sprinted my heart out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21756

You deserved it

7075

Favorite

By bels12 - 5/1/2010 05:15 - Australia

Today, I bought a new Siamese Fighting Fish. I was so happy with my new fish so I bought him an expensive lovely bowl, some weeds, and a toy for the bowl. I left the room to get the fish food. When I returned, the fish was gone, and the cat was sitting on the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26809

You deserved it

9285

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By TxKitten79 | 10

#7689922 - Saturday 8 September 2018 23:33

oh dear. how old is this kiddo?

By user53658 | 15

#7687615 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 12:30

We all learn best from experience.

COMMENTS

By user53658 | 15

#7687615 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 12:30

We all learn best from experience.

By TxKitten79 | 10

#7689922 - Saturday 8 September 2018 23:33

oh dear. how old is this kiddo?

By melisssa87 | 30

#7689929 - Saturday 8 September 2018 23:51

Just cut it off, it’s the easiest when she gets lice at some point too

By ChromoTec | 24

#7689932 - Sunday 9 September 2018 0:10

She should be the one writing this FML

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7689958 - Sunday 9 September 2018 1:17

Next time she should use a rubber band.

Amanda Jaworski | 23

#7690157 - Sunday 9 September 2018 13:25

Only someone who knows that pain would write such a comment. Me too. Me. Too.

By routerere | 10

#7689963 - Sunday 9 September 2018 1:37

Letting kids do stupid things as kids and facing the consequences themselves hopefully teaches them not to do stupid things as adults.

By acmariner99 | 23

#7689968 - Sunday 9 September 2018 2:01

You mean it isn’t?

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7689972 - Sunday 9 September 2018 3:06

Damn you, MythBusters! You said duct tape could be used for anything! You lied to us!

adelaine782002 | 17

#7689998 - Sunday 9 September 2018 5:38

love that show!

Agent JPN | 9

#7690511 - Monday 10 September 2018 4:26

It can.. she just used it wrong

By awildwhisper | 30

#7690004 - Sunday 9 September 2018 6:36

And that day she learned a valuable lesson on the chemistry of adhesive and hair.

By Deadputz57 | 4

#7690288 - Sunday 9 September 2018 18:01

Well, at least you won't have to save for college.