By Anonymous - 06/12/2012 02:32 - United States
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Who needs a talk? If I did that, one of my rents would've done the following: "pretty damn sure you know better than to do something this fucking stupid *turns around & walks out of store* and if I ever have a kid that does it, I'd do the same. Kids are fucking morons these days.
Send her to a military school. Give her some discipline and morals. The military can make some astounding citizens.
Breaking rules causes regular punishment. Grounding, loss of certain luxuries, etc. Breaking laws though. The more severe the crime the greater the time so to speak. Call me old fashioned my friends. Might be due to my upbringing. Tried and true, the proud and the few.
Military school isn't that great. The kids at the school are very diverse. In some places (like here) a lot of students smoke, do drugs, and drink. So it's not like sending your kid there is going to shape them up, unless you force them to join JROTC. But you don't need to go to a military school for that. Bedsides, paying for the school is near impossible unless you have the money.
You should have just left her there. Better yet, have the cops take her away for a night.
They don't put kids in jail. They get "arrested" meaning a police report is filed and they have a parole officer for a while depending on what they did. They don't put minors in jail, worse come to worse it would be juvi considering she seems as though she's not 18. Speaking from experience.
Not true. I live in Canada, and I got arrested when I was 15 for slamming my now best friends face on my old schools stairs. While waiting in the waiting cell, I asked an officer what they're planning to do with me and he said they're giving me a warning since it's my first offense. Then he said if I do it again I have to stay in jail for 60 days. I asked another officer if they can put me in jail and he said by-law if you're over the age of 12 they're allowed to put you in jail. If under that age, you'll be put in juvenile. I thought the law was different and told him as far as I'm concerned if you're under 18 you go to juvenile, but two cops told me the law changed and now 12+ kids are eligible to go to jail. (this was only 2/3 years ago, not that long).
Well, I guess her bail is now herChristmas present. Though, I'd personally let her sit in jail and be miserable.
I disagree. Since this is her first time being caught shoplifting, I think jail is a bit too harsh. OP should forgive and understand once and have a talk. It's not uncommon for kids to do things to get in trouble if they're seeking attention or she might be getting pressured into stealing for her friends or to fit in a clique. Many reasons why she could have done it and not even listening to her side of the story and letting her stay in jail is bad parenting. If she does it again, by all means, be stern and let her spend the night in jail.
Bailing her out makes it all the more likely she'll break the law again, possibly for an even worse offense. "So you succumbed to peer pressure? Oh, well that makes it okay then. You're free to go." Yeah, the real world doesn't work like that. Whatever the reason was that OP's daughter broke the law, the point is that she broke the law and it was wrong. She needs to face the consequences of her actions or else she won't learn anything from this experience.
Counter point, letting her spend the night as a minor for something small keeps her hopefully from doing something worse. Considering her first time would be in her owne cell and an all included lecture and tour by the real criminals, otherwise she could not get caught until shes an adult and go in under even worse condititions IE; stole some gum and gets to spend the night with big bertha...
57, everyone is different and you don't know the reason she did it. She could've been a straight A student or a problem child with behavior issues. from the sounds of this FML, it seems like this is the first time OP has noticed this behavior. I think that giving her the benefit of doubt is appropriate. Especially if this behavior is recent-- being in my early 20's, I know that as a teenager i always thought my parents were somehow "against" everything I did. My teenage sister is the same way. So I'm speaking from personal experience when i say that reprimanding the kid is not the right thing to do without even listening to her side of the story. It will probably make the problem worse. There are ways to teach your kid the right things without being outright cold-hearted about it. Listening and withholding preconceived judgement is the best thing OP could do. Teenagers are not adults and they're still kids struggling with hormonal outburst and going through tumultuous times and many parents ignore that and don't listen. Demanding an explanation and then figuring out why she felt the need to do this in the first place is the proper way to FIX this. Punishing her and hoping that will take care of the problem won't work-- it'll probably make the problem worse and OP's daughter more distant.
You know thats how it all started with my brother. If my parents had just let him sit in jail the first time he may have learned a lesson. Now he is in jail for the same thing and not getting out anytime soon. I agree teach her a lesson that in "the real world" u get punished for your crimes. Mommy and daddy wont always be there to bail your ass out when you make stupid mistakes.
83, Like I said, it doesn't matter WHY she did it. Regardless of the circumstances or any problems she had, she did not HAVE to shoplift. She should have the personal strength and integrity to do what's right (or in this case, not do something wrong) despite any difficulties she may have been facing. Judges don't care about your personal problems or if you're an otherwise blameless person. While a judge may take those things into consideration and lighten your sentence, they won't simply let you off because of it, because judges are subject to the law too and if they just pardoned all first time offenders there would be a hell of a lot more second time offenders. That's the same reason it's in this girl's best interest that her parents teach her this now by not protecting her from the consequences of her crime. It's not "cold hearted" to teach your child to be a law abiding citizen. That is GOOD parenting. If this is out of character for the girl, then that's all the more reason to make her suffer the consequences of her actions, because that means she should know better. It also means that she has real potential in life and that her parents must therefore stop her from squandering it by continuing on this destructive path she's heading down. She may not like it now, but trust me, she'll be a lot better off in the long run. My grandmother used to do everything she could to protect my uncle from the consequences of his numerous crimes. He started life as a good kid and a good student, and even earned a college degree, yet because he could always count on his mother to stand between him and prison he died an unemployed alcoholic. It would be cruel for OP to let his daughter throw away her life away like that.
The parents should still talk to the girl, but she needs to be punished; maybe in jail for one day. If not, she'll learn that committing a crime is okay if there's an excuse; "people are telling me that I need to steal to look cool". Sure she needs to be talk to her parents, but she still needs consequences for her lapse of judgement. That's how you learn. And also, this may not be the first time she stole; just the first time she was caught.
95, I agree with you in that I do think that every crime should have a consequence but I just don't agree with letting her spend the night in the jail. I might be biased here because I recently got a parking ticket and had to go to court and was terrified so I can't imagine spending a night in the jail. I would probably be scarred for life (not exaggerating!). Realistically speaking, parents usually love their kids and don't want to see them suffer. I am almost positive all of you would bail your kids out if they were in a similar situation at least the FIRST TIME. Now if it happens again, I do think it's time to let them suffer the real consequences of their actions. I'm only applying this to teenagers, first time petty theft contenders. For everyone else who replied back with anything else, I can't really comment on that since that's not what I was talking about. 95, I probably won't be back on this thread to check the comment but if you read this, just know that yes, I do agree with most of what you've said.
Ive rarely seen how punishing to the letter was a good technique. Uselly if there in tears they have lurned there lesson and there is no point in going futher. I guess the question is are you teaching your kid a lesson or are you mad at them and wonna get them back. There is a sirious difference.
Don't be to hard. I know shoplifting is bad but she's just a kid o: at least she sounds like a kid. (: good luck op
I think getting arrested for shoplifting is enough punishment. You don't want to punish her too much cause then it will probably just make her want to rebel more and make her cause more trouble and all you really want is for her to learn her lesson and I think she probably did now. I know I would have.
You are the reason our kids are horrible, selfish, and retched. Parents need to enforce and punish. If I did that I'd get a spanken, grounded and everything I thought was remotely fun - including a broken rubber band - would be taken away. But God forbid! Kids have no respect anymore. And it's your fault. I hope you don't procreate.
Well Respect is necessary from kids I don't disagree with that. But everyone is different and you can't just treat every kid like the way she described in her comment cause I'm pretty sure not every single kid would turn out respectful from that kind of treatment. Besides its kids who choose to be respectful. You can punish them all you want but its up to them To decide if they want to be respectful. You can't change anyone. But it's great that kids love her cause she does not seem like she would give a damn about kids. But good for her that she has respectful kids.
You need to know your kids. When I was arrested for shoplifting and kept in the police station for a couple of hours, locked away after bars, with no companion whatsoever, I felt truly miserable. I didn't dare to steal for a couple of months. Then, I tried again, but was caught. If I didn't run away (which I did, as hard as I could, passing six policemen in the way), I would have gone to the same police station as the first time and the memory about that miserable experience made me feel so afraid that, since then, I didn't steal again. I know for sure that it would not have made a difference whether my parents punished me the first time or not, because I'm terribly stubborn. But like I said, you need to know your kids.
Don't worry! Im sure it was just a silly mistake! Tell her off but don't be too harsh! She is probably embarrassed enough...