Today, my dad uploaded his porn collection onto our family server.... - FML

By Anonymous - 24/1/2015 01:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my dad uploaded his porn collection onto our family server. My mom was convinced I did it and sat me down for a long talk. FML

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Does it taste good?

Vultures

Incognito browsing

By fecal romance - 23/11/2013 10:32 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I swallowed and nearly choked to death on the ring my boyfriend hid in my wine glass. It's still in me somewhere, and my doctor basically told me that I'll have to "keep an eye on things" if I want to find it. FML

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By alternativefacts - 10/7/2017 14:28

Today, I confronted my neighbor because he'd been telling my kids that global warming was a myth. He responded with, "Whine all you want, but the swamp is draining and your bullshit liberal narrative is finally going down." He then dumped his trash on my lawn and retreated to his house. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2018 00:00 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were on a picnic date out in the country, things got a little heated. When we were switching positions, he screamed and started running around. Turns out neither of us noticed the beehive in the tree above us until his dick got stung. FML

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By 987564 - 22/2/2009 07:24 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was talking to my crush about making the soccer team. Excited, he congratulated me and asked for my number. I gave him my cellphone number. He laughed and said "your jersey number". FML

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By Clader - 10/12/2008 03:09 - France

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

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By iamamermaid - 20/1/2015 06:14 - United States - Hemet

Today, I decided to use an at-home waxing kit for the first time to get rid of the hair on my upper lip. After experiencing the trauma of waxing, I fell asleep. A few hours later, I woke up to see that I now have acne everywhere I had waxed. I have an acne mustache. FML

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By TordNorski - 3/10/2015 02:44 - United States - Rancho Santa Margarita

Today, I started a new job at a family owned business. About ten minutes in to training, the mother and father started an argument that ended in each of them storming off, demanding a divorce. FML

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By radicaloser - 25/3/2011 08:50 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with the guy I like. All of a sudden, he pulls out a small vial of his blood to give to me, proving his undying love. Curious, I asked where he had gotten the blood. His answer? A razor blade. In his nose. FML

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By The Christmas Grinch - 18/11/2010 22:33 - Canada

Today, I woke up to my yard covered in snow, Christmas music playing loudly, and my noisy, obnoxious aunt and her three year old twin daughters playing and screaming. They're going to be living with us until after the winter holidays. It's only November 18th. FML

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By stubby - 20/1/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend asked if I could somehow get uncircumcised so I could add an inch to my length. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2016 00:24 - United States - Denver

Today, on my way to a big convention in Chicago, I found out that when my friend said, "I live in Chicago," they really meant, "I live an hour and a half outside of Chicago." Hello traffic and hours of daily driving. FML

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By EPICfml. - 2/3/2009 19:01 - United States

Today, my dad woke me up at 6 told me to take a shower and drove me to school only to say "just kidding, happy snowday!" FML

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By Josh - 27/9/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I found out the reason why my therapist was so nice to me all of the time. Apparently, she is afraid that I'm going to stab her if she pisses me off. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2020 05:00

Stained

Today, I found out that my wife's dog had peed on my side of the bed, while I was sleeping. I thought I had just drooled in my sleep, until I noticed it had turned yellow during the day. FML

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By targe - 19/10/2011 09:40 - Australia

Today, after a stressful series of events, I went to the beach to unwind. I sat on the sand, breathed in deeply and closed my eyes, trying to find some sort of inner peace. Then a seagull shat on me. FML

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By awwshit - 13/10/2009 14:13 - Canada

Today, I told the man I've been in love with for 3 years, who also happens to be my boss, how I felt. He responds by filing sexual harassment charges against me. FML

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By Jograd - 25/9/2012 17:13 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my roommate decided to turn off all appliances in the house to "save" electricity. This included the refrigerator. FML

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By Tootsy_Roll_Pop - 23/5/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, I spent the whole day seeing how many licks it would take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop: 763. I'm 24. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 06:38 - United States

Today, I found out that my husband never wanted to marry me, he only did because I wouldn't quit pestering him to propose to me. FML

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By svunimportant - 28/5/2015 15:40 - United States - Morehead

Today, my daughter cried for ages after finding out that Nick Amaro was written out of Law and Order: SVU. She barely reacted when I told her that her mom and I are getting a divorce. FML

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By THANKS4theINFO - 23/5/2010 23:15 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie at my girlfriend's house with her and her parents. There was a part where a brother and sister kissed, so I said "where'd they come from, Alabama?" Today is also the day I found out my girlfriend's parents are from Alabama. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/8/2013 10:49 - Australia - Redfern

Today, during an otherwise promising job interview, I was asked how much I thought was too much for a "good hit of blow". I must have stayed speechless for too long, because the guy's next words were, "Yeah, you're not cut out for this." I'm shocked and baffled too. FML

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By juliearis - 6/7/2013 19:45 - United States - Westport

Today, my husband received the "antique" samurai sword that he bought on Craigslist with $399.99 of our money. He only shared my outrage at the waste of money when he opened the package, only to find a toy sword along with a note saying, "HAHA, TROLLED." FML

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By What? - 19/4/2012 01:15 - United States - Needham

Today, I overheard a conversation between coworkers, during which my name was mentioned, then, "and then I followed her around for a bit, but she didn’t do it again." Everyone laughed. I've no idea what I did that was so funny. FML

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By KMO - 26/2/2012 04:09 - United States

Today, I decided to take a peek in my fiancé's vow book to see how far he's got. The only thing in there was the lyrics to a song from the movie Shrek. FML

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By nosymptoms - 10/2/2012 00:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three months told me he's going to get tested for STDs, because he's worried about a previous partner. I'm grateful for his thoughtfulness, but I'd be even more grateful if we hadn't already slept together several times. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/3/2020 21:10

The Good Grandson

Today, I had to drive all the way across town to clean my grandfather's toilet for him. FML

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By soontobedivorced - 19/4/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML

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By hawkknight - 23/2/2017 15:00 - United States - Portland

Today, at work, I broke the drinks machine for the third time. The first two times I broke the key, this time I switched it off and couldn't turn it back on after my manager warned me not to mess with it AFTER I had switched it off. The best part? The key is still broken from last time. FML

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By fannylover - 18/2/2010 20:12 - United States

Today, I finished my classwork and my homework early. Since we weren't allowed to leave the room, I decided to draw. My teacher noticed and gave me detention for "goofing off" when I should be doing my work. When I told the teacher I was already done, they gave me a second detention for "attempting to defy them". FML

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By Cottagecheeseha - 20/8/2012 04:03 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, I pulled out a book and my bookmark fell out. My crush picked it up and a weird look came across his face. I then realized I had used toilet paper. Now I'm the girl who reads while taking dumps. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2013 16:14 - United Kingdom - York

Today, a family of geese nested outside my halls of residence. They have started attacking everyone who tries to get in or out of the building. I'm basically being placed under house arrest by birds. FML

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By homework - 21/7/2009 07:34 - India

Today, whilst cleaning out his desk, my dad "accidentally" threw away my summer homework. That's 100 pages, over a duration of 2 months. School starts in 3 days. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/8/2014 20:24 - United States - Chandler

Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML

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By M3DO - 3/8/2016 01:04

Today, I got called for a job that I applied to 2 months ago, just to ask me if I had an older brother that could work for them. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/10/2011 22:26 - United States

Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML

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By EwwEwwEww - 19/2/2017 03:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I noticed that the floor outside our bathroom was covered in toenail clippings. I asked my husband what had happened. Turns out, he saves time by clipping his nails onto the floor and then sweeping them out into the hall, where they get lodged in the carpet. FML

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By DumbLackofLuck - 22/12/2009 21:54 - United States

Today, I waited until the last minute to do my Christmas shopping. Today, I also discovered that my bank account has been frozen due to suspicious activity. FML

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By s13495 - 24/10/2013 15:52 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, I had my first interview in over a year. I panicked and passed out. FML

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By Hmmwtf - 10/12/2009 10:38 - Australia

Today, I didn't get promoted, but the guy who showed up to work drunk a few weeks ago did. FML

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Top comments

By Exodiafinder687 | 58

#6182278 - Saturday 24 January 2015 12:09

"Come on mom! It's obviously dad's collection. My collection wouldn't fit on one server."

By StickyPickles | 33

#6182275 - Saturday 24 January 2015 12:06

I hope he had decent material at least and nothing weird. . Son, why are there 143 videos of pregnant Asian women and German Shepard porn on here? Or something equally disgusting

Comments

By Typicall | 21

#6182274 - Saturday 24 January 2015 12:05

Someone is in denial.

Reply

WhoopteDo | 26

#6182300 - Saturday 24 January 2015 12:23

She's jealous that he'd rather watch it then spend time with her.

Reply

tossaway2321 | 5

#6182577 - Saturday 24 January 2015 19:59

Than

Reply

alex1022 | 11

#6182607 - Saturday 24 January 2015 20:29

that statement actually works with either than or then...

Reply

riffehunter | 16

#6182849 - Sunday 25 January 2015 2:01

@6 I think the issue is her lack of participation.

By StickyPickles | 33

#6182275 - Saturday 24 January 2015 12:06

I hope he had decent material at least and nothing weird. . Son, why are there 143 videos of pregnant Asian women and German Shepard porn on here? Or something equally disgusting

Reply

xlord | 27

#6182446 - Saturday 24 January 2015 15:57

That is an oddly specific example you gave there. Maybe we need to have a long talk about it........

Reply

riffehunter | 16

#6182852 - Sunday 25 January 2015 2:04

that fetish concidered discusting? well then.... now I have to do something else with this external hard drive I just bought.

Reply

sabbyheartswhat | 23

#6183394 - Sunday 25 January 2015 16:27

Someone is being a little judgmental...disgusting? Maybe a little outside the box, but not disgusting.

By Exodiafinder687 | 58

#6182278 - Saturday 24 January 2015 12:09

"Come on mom! It's obviously dad's collection. My collection wouldn't fit on one server."

By yeti37 | 16

#6182288 - Saturday 24 January 2015 12:18

Rename the file "Dad's Hentai Porn" so that you don't confuse it with yours.

By Jasim | 17

#6182299 - Saturday 24 January 2015 12:23

Is it at least good?

Reply

Freda92 | 12

#6182344 - Saturday 24 January 2015 12:55

Yeah, something worth being accused of ;)

Reply

Jasim | 17

#6182501 - Saturday 24 January 2015 17:36

Well I'm glad. Now we know your dad has a fine taste.

Reply

Freda92 | 12

#6183441 - Sunday 25 January 2015 17:53

I'm not the author...I was only kind of finishing what you'd started saying.

By HeWillBeLoved105 | 22

#6182352 - Saturday 24 January 2015 13:18

I think you should sit your dad down for a long talk.

Reply

cakefete2 | 30

#6182514 - Saturday 24 January 2015 18:07

Yes, to compare notes.

By Tannasgh | 22

#6182356 - Saturday 24 January 2015 13:25

I would delete "your" porn from the server to make her happy.

By timb1234 | 13

#6182364 - Saturday 24 January 2015 13:39

Lest your not in it

By feven | 32

#6182376 - Saturday 24 January 2015 14:10

Why would he upload it into the family server anyways? Sounds smart.

By AscendV | 19

#6182384 - Saturday 24 January 2015 14:23

If I was his wife Id be pissed that he had a whole collection lol

Reply

doctorhook86 | 24

#6182710 - Saturday 24 January 2015 21:57

#12: I fear that the Internet Age will not be kind to you.