Today, my dad uploaded his porn collection onto our family server.... - FML

By Anonymous - 24/1/2015 01:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my dad uploaded his porn collection onto our family server. My mom was convinced I did it and sat me down for a long talk. FML

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Proactive

Healthy relationship

Ambien conversations are the worst

By Bellucy27 - 27/10/2010 03:00 - United States

Today, I went to the new Walmart to buy a space heater. After dodging cones in the parking lot, and trying to open several doors while employees looked on, I checked the sign, which said "24 hours." I then realized is stated that the grand opening is tomorrow. I'm now sitting in my apartment shivering. FML

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By xxxkkxxx - 29/7/2011 15:37 - Hong Kong

Today, my parents took me on a plane ride for a vacation in Hong Kong. What they didn't tell me was that the "vacation" is extended for three years. FML

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By sdgsfvbkuhkj - 17/4/2011 23:18 - United States

Today, I started my first day of work at my new job. They had a section in the parking lot for employees only, so I parked there. Apparently, my boss didn't recognize my car, and had it towed. FML

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By good-samaritan-fail - 6/10/2009 15:56 - Australia

Today, I was at a music festival when a group of idiots decided to push over a port-a-loo (portable toilet). I rushed over and tried to hold it up to save the person inside from a very messy and embarrasing scene. Not only did the door open, covering me in excrement, but there was no-one inside. FML

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By u_n0_mE - 8/2/2009 16:30 - United States

Today, I am finally dating the girl I have liked on and off for the past year. In the school play. FML

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By juwkgo - 17/2/2010 15:05 - United States

Today, as I was about to leave my house in my brand new heels, I stepped on a dead mouse. My heel went through it. FML

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By Username - 21/8/2011 09:59 - United States

Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML

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By sandwichsex - 8/8/2009 22:39 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

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By Balphleair - 19/10/2019 13:00 - Lebanon - Saida

Fight the power!

Today, my country went on strike and is overthrowing the government, and I'm stuck on a night shift at work. FML

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By MickyIsEVIL - 9/4/2013 11:05 - Japan - Nagoya

Today, I was yelled at while I was shopping by some lady, because she saw my tattoo on my arm. She screamed that I'm the "spawn of Satan" and told me I'm going to hell. It's a fake tattoo of Mickey mouse. FML

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By Ploeboi - 4/8/2010 08:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally got a job. As a clown. FML

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By WasntMe - 17/7/2013 23:15 - United States

Today, I was at the park playing Frisbee with my friends, when I saw a boy sitting on a bench looking rather sad. "Hey!" I yelled, and he looked up at me. I lightly threw the Frisbee in his direction, and it hit him in the face. He was blind. FML

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By izu - 16/9/2011 05:40 - United States

Today, my mom decided to only speak to me through our pet cat. FML

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By bosslady12 - 21/12/2011 18:10 - United States

Today, I realized I need a new job when I had to take anti-anxiety medication before meeting with my boss. Last time we met, I had a panic attack. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2014 20:30 - United States - Randallstown

Today, I was randomly selected for a pat-down while at the airport. Being from the south, I said thanks out of pure habit. The guy replied, "No sir, thank YOU." and winked. FML

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By dontgothere - 23/2/2014 04:40 - United States - Egg Harbor Township

Today, I woke up with a strange and itchy feeling in my anus. When I told my boyfriend about it, he started laughing. I still don't know what he did. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 02:02

Who the fuck are you?

Today, I finally mustered up the courage to send a message to the girl I've been crushing on for years. I'm now blocked. FML

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By forgetful - 30/10/2015 21:16 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, our family bought a new car. When we got home, I opened the trunk to get my backpack. It turns out I left it in the trunk of our trade-in. The dealership is closed now and I have a presentation due tomorrow. FML

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By My Life Is Just PERFECT - 30/3/2013 15:29 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up for me. It was going pretty good, then he said he was going to go out to smoke. 10 minutes went by and he still hadn't come back. I called my friend and she said he doesn't smoke. FML

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By birthdayfail - 24/5/2011 07:55

Today, it's my birthday. At my workplace, we always get a cake for whoever's birthday it is. They somehow forgot about me. I've been working there for a year, and my grandparents and my dad own the restaurant I work at. FML

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By jcstpierre - 24/4/2009 10:41 - United States

Today, I received a mass email from my boss saying we had a position open at the daycare I work at. I knew my boyfriend was looking for a job so I insisted he apply. Later at work, my boss takes me into her office and tells me my employment is being "terminated". My boyfriend is replacing me. FML

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By DrunkParents - 31/3/2015 23:32 - United States - Billings

Today, a really drunk couple staggered into the store I work at. One of them yelled at me, "Hey you! Kid! Tell us where the booze is at!" This would have been funny if these people weren't my parents. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/7/2012 20:45 - United States - Clay City

Today, I went to buy some beer using my fake ID, when the cute cashier and I started flirting. When he asked me how old I was, I said without thinking, "Nineteen." FML

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By lonestar - 3/2/2010 13:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend accused me of deleting my texts from my phone because I'm afraid of him finding out about another man in my life. Truth is, I don't have a life outside of him. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2014 09:34 - Australia

Today, my mother took me to go and see my grandfather, who I hadn't seen since I was 4. The first thing he said to me was, "Pfwoarr, look at those tits." FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2017 06:00

Today, I moved back to a small town after 4 years in the city. I was looking forward to getting away from the light pollution until I woke up in the middle of the night, peered into the pitch black void above my head, and had a panic attack. I need a night light at 23. FML

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By painfetish8021 - 17/9/2012 00:50 - United States - Winston Salem

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his parents. My boyfriend is Japanese, and I wanted to introduce myself in Japanese so I'd asked him. Little did I know he'd taught me how to say, "Hello, I love your son's cock." I almost got kicked out of their house. FML

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By lonelyinlondon - 21/8/2009 02:06 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend threw me a going-away party. During the party, I caught him in my bedroom hooking up with my friend because "you're leaving soon anyway so it doesn't matter." I'll only be gone for 6 weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2011 15:47 - United States

Today, a lady came into my workplace to pay her $120 bill in one dollar bills. I kept losing count. FML

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By InnocenceBlue - 20/7/2019 04:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, after I've been nauseous for a week straight, barely eating or sleeping, I was going to see my doctor. She then called in sick and I can't get an appointment for another week. FML

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By Monday - 2/12/2011 14:40 - Australia

Today, I was terribly nervous for my patient interview exam as a 4th year medical student. In my nervousness I learned that just because a patient is wearing a T-shirt and shorts, has a short hair cut and a moustache and is named 'Chris', it is not safe to assume that they are male. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/9/2010 06:31 - United States

Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2017 01:00 - United Kingdom - Halstead

Today, I was on a date with my boyfriend when he suddenly got down on one knee and proposed. A waiter tripped over him and spilled our food all over him. FML

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By Sick - 24/2/2009 20:34 - Canada

Today, I stayed home, sick in bed. I had been sleeping on my arms. I got up quickly to grab the phone. My numb left arm rocketed and punched me in the (now cut) lip, which threw me off balance, making me smash my (now bloody) nose off of the headboard. It was a telemarketer. FML

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By Charly - 5/1/2009 06:16 - France

Today, I sent a text message to this girl I've been flirting with for a while now saying "How about coffee?". To which she answered "Great idea, I'll go and make myself one right now". FML

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By hearingthings - 26/6/2012 02:59 - Australia - Perth

Today, in a drunken, depressed state I thought I heard my deceased mother trying to make contact with me from beyond the grave. It took me a moment to realise that the soft voice was from the music my neighbours were playing. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2020 08:08

For the life of him indeed

Today, my significant other decided it’s safe to travel to Brazil for Christmas break, even though they are heavily impacted by Covid. He doesn't understand for the life of him why we should skip this year. FML

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By Dinger1992 - 23/10/2012 13:19 - United States

Today, my dad was teaching me how to drive. He told me that stop signs with white outlines are "optional." I ran through the next one I saw and got pulled over by a cop. My dad is making me pay the ticket for being "that stupid." Thanks dad. FML

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By Flarewolf - 4/6/2011 18:09 - United Kingdom

Today, my family went and visited my nan. She ushered me in close and asked, "When are you going to knock it off with all this emo cockshite?" FML

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By Anonymous - 25/2/2018 13:00 - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, my younger brother, who still lives in our parents' basement and has never held a job in his life, announced that his girlfriend is pregnant with their third child. I'm a college graduate living on my own and I've never even had sex. FML

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Top comments

By Exodiafinder687 | 58

#6182278 - Saturday 24 January 2015 12:09

"Come on mom! It's obviously dad's collection. My collection wouldn't fit on one server."

By StickyPickles | 33

#6182275 - Saturday 24 January 2015 12:06

I hope he had decent material at least and nothing weird. . Son, why are there 143 videos of pregnant Asian women and German Shepard porn on here? Or something equally disgusting

COMMENTS

By Typicall | 21

#6182274 - Saturday 24 January 2015 12:05

Someone is in denial.

Reply

WhoopteDo | 26

#6182300 - Saturday 24 January 2015 12:23

She's jealous that he'd rather watch it then spend time with her.

Reply

tossaway2321 | 5

#6182577 - Saturday 24 January 2015 19:59

Than

Reply

alex1022 | 11

#6182607 - Saturday 24 January 2015 20:29

that statement actually works with either than or then...

Reply

riffehunter | 16

#6182849 - Sunday 25 January 2015 2:01

@6 I think the issue is her lack of participation.

By StickyPickles | 33

#6182275 - Saturday 24 January 2015 12:06

I hope he had decent material at least and nothing weird. . Son, why are there 143 videos of pregnant Asian women and German Shepard porn on here? Or something equally disgusting

Reply

xlord | 27

#6182446 - Saturday 24 January 2015 15:57

That is an oddly specific example you gave there. Maybe we need to have a long talk about it........

Reply

riffehunter | 16

#6182852 - Sunday 25 January 2015 2:04

that fetish concidered discusting? well then.... now I have to do something else with this external hard drive I just bought.

Reply

sabbyheartswhat | 23

#6183394 - Sunday 25 January 2015 16:27

Someone is being a little judgmental...disgusting? Maybe a little outside the box, but not disgusting.

By Exodiafinder687 | 58

#6182278 - Saturday 24 January 2015 12:09

"Come on mom! It's obviously dad's collection. My collection wouldn't fit on one server."

By yeti37 | 16

#6182288 - Saturday 24 January 2015 12:18

Rename the file "Dad's Hentai Porn" so that you don't confuse it with yours.

By Jasim | 17

#6182299 - Saturday 24 January 2015 12:23

Is it at least good?

Reply

Freda92 | 12

#6182344 - Saturday 24 January 2015 12:55

Yeah, something worth being accused of ;)

Reply

Jasim | 17

#6182501 - Saturday 24 January 2015 17:36

Well I'm glad. Now we know your dad has a fine taste.

Reply

Freda92 | 12

#6183441 - Sunday 25 January 2015 17:53

I'm not the author...I was only kind of finishing what you'd started saying.

By HeWillBeLoved105 | 22

#6182352 - Saturday 24 January 2015 13:18

I think you should sit your dad down for a long talk.

Reply

cakefete2 | 30

#6182514 - Saturday 24 January 2015 18:07

Yes, to compare notes.

By Tannasgh | 22

#6182356 - Saturday 24 January 2015 13:25

I would delete "your" porn from the server to make her happy.

By timb1234 | 13

#6182364 - Saturday 24 January 2015 13:39

Lest your not in it

By feven | 32

#6182376 - Saturday 24 January 2015 14:10

Why would he upload it into the family server anyways? Sounds smart.

By AscendV | 19

#6182384 - Saturday 24 January 2015 14:23

If I was his wife Id be pissed that he had a whole collection lol

Reply

doctorhook86 | 24

#6182710 - Saturday 24 January 2015 21:57

#12: I fear that the Internet Age will not be kind to you.