Transportation: Today, my dad took a call while driving. He always yells and... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 122

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 1 615

08/10/2009 11:40

Today, my dad took a call while driving. He always yells and curses at people who talk on their cell while driving. I asked him to get off the phone because it's dangerous, and told him he's being a hypocrite. He shook his head at me and continued talking. Seconds later, we got into an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 637

You deserved it 3 878

Late term

Mother of the year

Can't do the time? Don't do the crime!

14/11/2016 11:43

Today, I discovered my own mother has been stealing money from me for months when I opened my savings box to find it empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 891

You deserved it 683

19/06/2018 19:00

Today, I found out that, after a year of separation, my ex-wife is pregnant and due in a few months. The divorce became official a few weeks ago and the father is my former best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 353

You deserved it 291

15/05/2015 23:55

Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 646

You deserved it 2 363

22/04/2009 17:02

Today, my boyfriend stopped making out with me to watch a thirty minute infomercial on the Topsy-Turvy upside down tomato planter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 303

You deserved it 7 078

22/04/2009 20:15

Today, as soon as I got home, my girlfriend was waiting for me at the door. She told me she was breaking up with me, the reason? She found a girl's shirt in my closet and that she didn't need a cheating boyfriend. That shirt was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 337

You deserved it 12 455

Chill out, dude

By Anonymous - 01/02/2017 18:00

Today, I was lectured about how emotionally immature I am by someone who, afterwards, promptly threw a chair out of anger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 068

You deserved it 534

22/08/2015 06:58

Today, I showed up to my new job early, hoping to impress my new boss. When he arrived, he walked by me and muttered "Fucking tryhard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 727

You deserved it 3 396

04/03/2013 22:24

Today, my coach held a BBQ for the whole team. He told us to eat up, because we wouldn't be working out today. He lied. After eating the equivalent of a Thanksgiving dinner, we had to do team relays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 311

You deserved it 4 840

They're still books, technically

By breakmyfall - 15/11/2020 02:02

Today my brother's girlfriend came over to visit and we got to talking about books. Thinking she'd be interested, I suggested a few. She responded that she, "only read good literature." The only books I've ever seen her read are Fifty Shades of Grey and the Twilight Saga. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 76

Unfit

By naagodinho - 09/01/2012 14:56

Today, I applied to a new gym. Now I have a hernia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 841

You deserved it 4 747

24/05/2012 02:47

Today, after dieting, rigorous exercising and a major lifestyle change, I have finally reached my fitness goal. My parents were more excited about my 17-year-old brother getting to 3rd base with his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 135

You deserved it 3 103

30/11/2010 03:03

Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 963

You deserved it 5 355

25/04/2015 12:58

Today, my boss asked if I could spare a few minutes to finish off the last of his paperwork backlog. I'm pretty desperate for a raise, so I said sure. Turns out the "small", "should-take-a-few-minutes" backlog consists of 3 desk-high stacks of documents. Goodbye, cruel world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 267

You deserved it 3 093

09/02/2013 23:26

Today, after much coaxing, I finally got my roommate to loosen up and have a couple of beers with me and my friends. It was only later in the evening that he admitted the real reason he hadn't wanted to drink: he's an alcoholic and had been sober for six months, until now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 803

You deserved it 60 416

18/10/2016 00:05

Today, the store I work at got shut down and I got let go. Three days ago I got a promotion and a raise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 414

You deserved it 761

Thanks, I hate it

By FFS - 28/05/2015 17:41

Today, I received a promotional message offering a half-off deal on an expensive coffee maker. The only reason why I received the message is because I bought that same coffee maker yesterday and I signed up to their mailing list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 165

You deserved it 2 901

09/07/2016 21:22

Today, I got pulled over and was given a ticket because my exhaust was too loud. I got this ticket while on my way to get said exhaust fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 220

You deserved it 992

20/08/2018 04:00

Today, my dentist called and told me that the surgery to remove my wisdom teeth - which I desperately need and saved for a year to be able to afford - will actually cost nearly $2000 more than originally stated. The surgery is supposed to be in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 493

You deserved it 119

28/12/2018 20:00

Today, my boyfriend called work because he is sick. Then he called me 4 times while I was working, to complain that I was working, and then he got mad when I told him I was sick and worked a double shift 2 days in a row, apparently that is insensitive of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 680

You deserved it 224

Pay up, sunshine

By DebbiemontG - 19/09/2019 16:01

Today, after a whole summer of waiting, I went to check my school's website so that I could start my first year again since I had some complications the first time round. I found out that they'd blocked my account and that the fee I'd have to pay was now triple the original. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 460

You deserved it 218

Let it all out

By Vomitron - 02/04/2021 00:30

Today, I spent an hour and twenty minutes throwing up at a toilet from a shopping mall because I ate rotten food without realizing it. At least during that time I made two new friends, a gay couple who were making out in the next toilet cubicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 76

20/04/2013 23:40

Today, I woke up feeling awful, having caught the same illness my boyfriend had last night. When he was sick, I skipped my friend's baby shower to take care of him. Now that I'm sick, he goes to a friend's place, says to call if I need him, then turns his phone off. Seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 005

You deserved it 7 544

Back to the drawing board

By BackIGo - 15/01/2021 02:01

Today, I finished birthday shopping for my husband, my son, and a close friend, who all have birthdays within a week. I was proud of myself for being organized, until I remembered: my husband has a twin sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 149

24/01/2011 08:08

Today, I was driving to a blind date my friend set me up on. Feeling pretty excited, I started singing to Katy Perry. I look over to see a man laughing at me, I flipped him the bird and drove off. Little did I know, he was my date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 629

You deserved it 37 592

17/09/2009 07:05

Today, I was diagnosed with diabetes. I went to tell my grandpa, who immediately said, "I'm sorry, let's go get ice cream to cheer you up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 858

You deserved it 3 919

Soul searching

By Anonymous - 26/07/2021 13:59

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years came out as gay. I guess I know now why sex was infrequent and made me feel like he wasn't attracted to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 94

29/05/2012 02:51

Today, I went to visit my husband's grave. I was unable to mourn in peace because some teenagers were smoking pot and talking about a government conspiracy "to change the way gravity works" on the next grave over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 512

You deserved it 2 288

17/10/2009 02:27

Spicy

Today, I heard some rhythmic moaning from the apartment next door. It took me 10 minutes to realize that my neighbor was not having it off, she was actually vacuuming her apartment. It's been so long since I've had sex that I can't even recognize the sound of other people having it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 896

You deserved it 4 460

14/09/2012 20:47

Today, I learned that you can be so sleep deprived that you sleep through your alarm, a construction crew outside your house, and your bladder completely voiding itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 045

You deserved it 2 772

17/06/2019 00:01

Today, I received a tip in Monopoly money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 783

You deserved it 126

03/03/2010 02:37

Today, I was talking to my best friend about a cute guy that girls are afraid to even speak to, so I then decided to march right up to him and say hello. When he smiled at me, I stood there with my mouth wide open, but I made non-coherent words. He asked me if I was a foreign exchange student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 037

You deserved it 29 493

02/02/2017 16:00

Today, I locked myself out of my apartment. I've just realized that I could have spent $30 on an Uber or Lyft to my parents' place to grab the other set of keys instead of calling a locksmith and paying $280 for him to drill a hole through my doorknob, rendering all my keys useless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 151

You deserved it 4 318

10/01/2012 06:04

Today, I found out that when my mom says she's going to kick me in the head to wake me up for an important interview, she actually means it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 085

You deserved it 21 481

25/04/2016 05:38

Today, while trying to open the packaging to my new headphones, I got startled by my cat suddenly meowing and cut through the headphone wire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 897

You deserved it 3 227

23/12/2018 14:00

Today I sent a message out to a support group to get and give support following a sexual assault, the person who responded and was giving advice was the person who assaulted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 664

You deserved it 168

06/08/2012 23:25

Today, whilst on a cycling holiday, in a somewhat hungover state, I accidentally chained my bike to the back of someone else's caravan. As I walked away, I heard a loud scraping noise. I turned around and watched my bike get dragged down a long gravel road and through a pile of horse shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 804

You deserved it 29 813

27/10/2013 15:26

Spicy

Today, I reminded my husband that I was on my period, so he wouldn't try to fool around with me. A few hours later, his goldfish-like memory kicked in and he stuck his hand down my pants while we were going to bed. I was wearing a maxi pad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 595

You deserved it 5 766

14/09/2016 11:29

Today, after years of listening to my coworker complaining about everything in her life, including her job, I finally stood up to her and bitched at her for complaining and not doing anything about it. She went to my boss, and now it's in my job description to listen to her when she complains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 931

You deserved it 1 875

22/05/2014 05:51

Today, I was creeping on an old coworker's Facebook and noticed they'd tagged my face in an old group photo as another girl. According to the comments, the girl they'd tagged me as thought it was her too. I worked there for two years and nobody mentioned the mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 234

You deserved it 5 613

Medicare for all

By US_Healthcare_Sucks - 30/07/2021 14:01

Today, I went to a doctor's appointment, being concerned about some abnormal swelling and soreness in one of my testicles. They fondled my balls for 20 seconds before saying, "Yeah, that's abnormal. You should probably go get an ultrasound somewhere and maybe take some ibuprofen for the pain. That'll be $265." FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 74

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Top comments

Leon_S_Kennedy 0

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Thursday 8 October 2009 16:23

Not really a FML. more like my dad's a fucking moron

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Thursday 8 October 2009 16:05

fyl, and he deserves it! Hope he learned a lesson and that your okay.

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DemonicAngel151 0

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Thursday 8 October 2009 16:04

O.O Are you okay?! Did you get hurt?! O.O Edit: I'm sorry but I just have to do this First!

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Thursday 8 October 2009 16:29

Looks like you really "called" this one

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Thursday 8 October 2009 20:46

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=4204033829

Reyo 2

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Thursday 8 October 2009 22:11

Are you kidding me? that would be a win in my book (provided I was ok). Oh he would hate me so much since I'd never let him live it down. Dad: *complains about car repairs* Me: *reminds him of why said repairs need to happen*

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Thursday 8 October 2009 16:05

fyl, and he deserves it! Hope he learned a lesson and that your okay.

marisamaroo93 0

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Monday 18 April 2011 7:34

you're* not your

TalkToMeNerdy 0

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Thursday 8 October 2009 16:18

Oh god, that's JUST like my dad. ahahahah. hope no one's hurt!

Leon_S_Kennedy 0

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Thursday 8 October 2009 16:23

Not really a FML. more like my dad's a fucking moron

busdrivertohell 0

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Saturday 10 October 2009 2:40

agree'd

22cute 17

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Saturday 5 May 2012 7:15

Be careful!

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Thursday 8 October 2009 16:28

his fml. today I was driving and someone called me. my kid reminded me that i shouldnt use a cell phone in the car, but I was busy and ignored him. minutes later, i got in a crash. fml

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Thursday 8 October 2009 16:30

well maybe you should have shut your trap instead of creating even more distractions... perhaps bringing it to his attention initially and confronting him after... but I gues and arguement works well while he's driving too... NOT!!!

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 1:46

So if YOUR dad is talking on the phone while driving, you're just going to sit there and let him chat? Is that what you expect OP to do, just sit there? Because that's worse, in my opinion. Waay more dangerous.

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Thursday 8 October 2009 16:34

I hope he didn't deny all responsibility for the accident and blame you.

redbluegreen 40

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Thursday 8 October 2009 16:43

Mmm, sounds exactly like my dad and I. Good thing there's a law now. And I don't live with my dad.

Brave_Sir_Robin 4

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Thursday 8 October 2009 16:46

This sounds phone-y. (hears crickets in the background and a tumbleweed blows by) Screw all of you.

Brave_Sir_Robin 4

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Thursday 8 October 2009 17:03

=) Can I have the atomic bomb falling, then?

XOfiestypixie 0

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Thursday 8 October 2009 17:27

i see your comment mercy =) & i love your name, Brave_Sir_Robin. Monty Python & the Holy Grail reference by any chance?

Brave_Sir_Robin 4

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Thursday 8 October 2009 17:39

Of course. It's been an online handle of mine for a while, but it is inspired by the character Eric Idle played so beautifully in that movie. (boss comes around the corner) @#%$! RUN AWAY!!

paks7 0

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Friday 9 October 2009 8:52

no it's not illegal everywhere it is however illegal in new jersey, where this poster is from

m311 6

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Thursday 4 November 2010 7:18

illegal in australia

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Friday 16 December 2011 13:12

Faggots

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Thursday 8 October 2009 16:57

your dad is a hypocrite, he needs to be put in jail!

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Sunday 15 April 2012 17:40

Dude, you have the creepiest description on your profile!