Today, my dad somehow found some pictures of my boyfriend having...

By omgwtfsam - 27/7/2009 00:53 - United States

Today, my dad somehow found some pictures of my boyfriend having sex with some girl and went on a rampage about how pissed he was that he was cheating on me. I had to explain to my parents that I was the girl in the pictures. FML

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Intimacy

Capitalism kills

Property law

Social distancing gone wrong

By StillLoveMyDogs - 9/9/2015 07:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to reach for a long piece of lint next to my dryer. It was a snake. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2017 06:00

Today, while fingering my girlfriend in the dark, I tried to be sexy and licked my fingers. After we turned the lights back on, we realized that her period had come early. FML

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By Jill - 25/2/2010 01:26 - France

Today, a friend of mine commented that I "have a lot of confidence for a fat girl". Ummm... thanks? FML

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By Anonymous - 16/6/2012 19:03 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my sister asked me if I was going to be getting married "for real" this time, because she didn't want to waste her money like she did on my previous engagement. The reason that one didn't work out in the first place is because she slept with my fiancé. FML

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By awk1 - 18/6/2013 00:55 - United States - Glennville

Today, I was packing up my stuff about to go home. I shut off my MacBook but was still pretending to work for the last few minutes, typing on the keyboard. A good way through, I realized my co-worker sitting across from me could see that the Apple logo was off. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2010 00:54 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a pair of ankle weights for my birthday. How utterly romantic. FML

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By shelookslikemiley - 23/9/2014 12:48 - Australia

Today, I can't go on watching season 8 of The Big Bang Theory, not because of the steady decline of the show's quality, but because I can't stand Penny's new haircut. FML

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By anonymous - 24/4/2013 04:55 - Germany

Today, I was fired on my second day of work after a year and a half of unemployment. Apparently, my "tendency to solve problems instead of just accepting them made the other workers uneasy". FML

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By no tea parties here, gran - 11/4/2013 17:16 - United States

Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2019 00:01

A Different Kind of Tension

Today, I got a text from a guy I hooked up with once before my current boyfriend. The guy told me he has chlamydia, and I should probably get tested. I had to call my boyfriend to explain what happened and tell him to get tested. I'm meeting his family this weekend at his sister's wedding. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/1/2018 15:00

Today, my husband has had a low sex drive for a while now. I've been trying all sorts of things to pique his desire. Turns out that a conversation about Neil deGrasse Tyson was all I ever needed. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/12/2015 09:49 - Australia - Corrimal

Today, I couldn't see my car in a crowded car park. I pressed unlock on my keys and saw the lights flash. As I walked over I also saw someone run from my car with an armful of my stuff. FML

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By gasbrain - 5/9/2020 20:06

Buyer's market

Today, after being unemployed for a couple of months, I got a call back from a security job I did for a week. But with a new condition: besides the security work, one day in the week they want me to cut grass, paint and clean up the grounds for the same minimum wage. FML

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By welp24 - 28/10/2018 03:00

Today, at the age of 25, for the first time in my life, I was lying mostly naked in front of a man while he was inserting something in my body. Too bad that man was a doctor and that thing was a colonoscopy. FML

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By deflower - 22/1/2013 08:09 - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, my mother burst into tears and hysterics when she found out my fiancée and I were not "pure" for our upcoming wedding. I'm 28, she's 27, and we've lived together for four years. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2011 15:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I ran into an attractive friend of a friend who I hadn't seen since a night out last month. I tried my best to be friendly and interesting, but he still seemed awkward. Later I find out that last time he saw me, I was blind drunk and vomiting after propositioning him all evening. FML

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By Wrongword - 17/4/2012 10:52 - China - Shanghai

Today, I congratulated a bride standing in front of a church in a white dress. Turns out she'd been stood up at the altar. She thrashed me with her bouquet. FML

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By MedStudent90 - 11/12/2014 18:10 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my son got in trouble at school. The kids had to solve a problem by determining whether it was better for "Edna" to repair or replace her AC unit. He said Edna is an "old person's name" and she was "probably going to die soon anyway", so she shouldn't do either. FML

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By Noname - 17/3/2009 20:35 - United States

Today, I had a gymnastics meet. I thought I was done with my period, but when I was up on the beam warming up my routine, one of my coaches called me down and told me that I apparently wasn't. My coach goes around asking my teammates moms if they had any pads. My dad caught this all on tape. FML

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By Tyrez - 14/8/2015 23:38 - United States - Boulder

Today, my stepbrother's attempt at making a snack resulted in the microwave catching on fire and the everlasting smell of burnt pizza rolls. FML

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By whippingpost - 8/3/2020 04:56

Drunken lout

Today, I learned a co-worker called and awoke my boss at 3 a.m. to complain that I'd been "rude" to him. All I'd done was make a disapproving face because he'd been drinking and he was slobbering drunk, and wanted to charge his purchase to his employee account, a definite no-no when not on the clock. FML

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By Julie - 31/3/2009 01:43 - Canada

Today, the C-train was packed and I was stuck with a homeless man pressed up against me. He was staring at me intently, and two minutes into the ride he got an erection, which was rubbed against me at every single bump and turn of the train. FML

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By NoComparison - 14/5/2009 00:59 - United States

Today, I was accepted to Harvard's law program. Prestigious right? After hearing the good news the only thing my parents talked about over dinner was who they wanted to win American Idol: Adam, Kris or Danny. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/3/2010 02:37 - United States

Today, I was talking to my best friend about a cute guy that girls are afraid to even speak to, so I then decided to march right up to him and say hello. When he smiled at me, I stood there with my mouth wide open, but I made non-coherent words. He asked me if I was a foreign exchange student. FML

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By Sir Davos of Shit Creek - 13/5/2016 20:00 - Canada - Frankford

Today, my boss asked if I'd finished my work for the day. I've been binge-watching Game of Thrones this week, and I accidentally replied "Yes, Your Grace," British accent and all. He told me to stow my "sarcasm" or I'd be looking for a new job. FML

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By Stupid_Chick - 1/6/2010 01:09 - Canada

Today, I found out that my family hides food from me. FML

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By Garfield - 21/1/2016 04:41 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was starting to get freaky with my boyfriend when his dad came in with no warning to let the dog into my boyfriend's bedroom. His dad noticed what was going on and covered the dog's eyes instead of just leaving. FML

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By Lola - 26/12/2008 06:32 - France

Today, I dressed in my sexiest clothes to meet my new boyfriend at a restaurant. As I was a bit early, I took the opportunity to smoke a cigarette outside while I waited. The restaurant owner came out and said, "Hey, you. Go and 'work' somewhere else, please." FML

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By deadhamster - 3/2/2012 18:29 - United States

Today, I woke up to one of my hamsters cannibalizing the other. FML

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By DormHater - 23/8/2010 23:09 - United States

Today, I helped move my current boyfriend into his new dorm room. This would've been fine if I didn't have to do this while avoiding eye contact with my ex-boyfriend, who just happens to be my boyfriend's new roommate. FML

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By AFSDALK:AFSDQWE - 23/11/2013 18:33 - United States - Hillsboro

Germaphobe

Today, my boss made me cover for him by working two extra hours, because he had to rush home early to deal with an "emergency". The emergency was taking a shit, because he claims to have a phobia of doing them anywhere but at home. FML

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By dajfleasd - 25/7/2009 22:22 - United States

Today, I was getting ready for a date. I spent extra time getting ready in the shower, making sure I was all shaved. I was shaving my upper lip to make sure I didn't have a mustache. I cut my lip really badly, leaving the most noticable razor cut on my face for my date. I'm a girl. FML

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By bianca131 - 10/11/2015 03:42 - Australia

Today, I was having sex with someone I've been casually seeing. He got all weird during it, and said, "That's a good girl". Once he left, I told my housemates about it. Now every time I do something nice for them, they respond, "That's a good girl". FML

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By lifeonfire12 - 16/4/2012 01:13 - Canada

Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2016 21:10 - United States - Southfield

Today, I found out it's possible to dislocate your jaw just by yawning. Now I'm in the ER, looking like a total psycho. FML

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By yikes - 21/4/2012 08:36 - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML

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By screwed - 10/2/2013 10:41 - United States

Today, I finally figured out why I've been getting diarrhea so often over the past six months. It only happens whenever I do something "sneaky". My body reacts strongly to how I stress over potentially getting caught. I'm a private investigator, and I apparently need a new career. FML

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By xXitslolaXX - 4/6/2009 05:33 - United States

Today, I volunteered for a school play. During rehearsal, I was playing the part of an average housewife. The teacher asked for a volunteer to be my husband. Thirty seconds go by and no one raises their hand. The teacher ended up playing the part because no else wanted to. FML

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By Pauper - 11/1/2010 07:20 - United States

Today, I talked myself out of buying $1 candle at the Dollar Tree. That's how broke I am. FML

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By Peterrulesall - 25/9/2020 17:01 - United States

Bad joke, dude

Today, as a joke, I put a picture of a sonogram on my girlfriend's facebook. Now her entire family hates me, and her mother has started the 2-hour drive to come pull her out of college. Whoops. FML

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Top comments

By lyndis_fml | 0

#433282 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:23

Why the hell were these pictures somewhere where your parents could see?

By banerkblue | 0

#433267 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:17

lol. I would've let them think it was someone else!

COMMENTS

By ghadir | 2

#433261 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:15

haha! woww that must've been awkward lol
yay michigan! *sigh*

Dmaster22 | 0

#434391 - Monday 27 July 2009 19:04

YDI for not hiding em good enough

DenBriZel | 31

#5566192 - Friday 5 July 2013 1:15

How the hell did your dad find a picture that private anyway?

By thtnerdykid | 0

#433265 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:17

awkward...

Wombats111 | 0

#434021 - Monday 27 July 2009 16:42

I hope your dad didn't have them for masterbational purposes.

By banerkblue | 0

#433267 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:17

lol. I would've let them think it was someone else!

By lyndis_fml | 0

#433282 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:23

Why the hell were these pictures somewhere where your parents could see?

aduck | 0

#433839 - Monday 27 July 2009 15:35

I doubt she left them lying around. There was probably at least a vague level of snooping on her dads part.

minax24 | 0

#1921888 - Sunday 2 January 2011 22:59

maby they were on the Internet and her dad was looking for porn and found those instead

By americayay | 0

#433290 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:27

YDI for taking pictures. I'll bet money you regret those for very different reasons one day.

drinkupgorgeous | 0

#433294 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:28

AMEN.

rolguru | 0

#433300 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:29

Agreed

Alexgoesfml | 3

#433754 - Monday 27 July 2009 14:48

Nicely put!

Nonnag | 0

#433785 - Monday 27 July 2009 15:08

Who says she knew they were taken?

tko | 0

#434409 - Monday 27 July 2009 19:11

yea, ur a dumb bitch for taking pics. shoulda took video ;)
lol jk

Rouge_Plague | 0

#435609 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:46

Agreed. With sex (in their case) its kinda like murder. You gotta make sure no one else finds out.
Terrible analogy so lets just ignore it and get on with our lives. =D

By curlyfriez | 0

#433298 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:29

well youre stupid. things like that should be hidden somewhere safe.

By jem1991 | 0

#433308 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:33

i dont think i will ever understand why people
make videos and take pictures of themselves doing
the nasty

Puolukka | 4

#433476 - Monday 27 July 2009 11:25

and I don't think I will ever understand why people call having sex "doing the nasty" o.O

genius_man16 | 0

#433806 - Monday 27 July 2009 15:17

because "sex" is an evil word that you will go to hell for saying. Like bitch or something. Duh

By curlyfriez | 0

#433310 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:34

well you're stupid. I want to say that these pictures must have been posted somewhere because if they were in you're house or computer, then your dad would of obviously assumed you were the girl, given the fact you had them.

By ohaiyaz | 0

#433337 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:43

I bet your parents will be looking at those tonight when they're getting it on.

OH and great job at hiding them,you're a winner.

alexm501 | 0

#3675035 - Friday 2 December 2011 23:24

Gross.

By midwestjerk | 0

#433346 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:49

I'll bet he got hard looking at the pics, too.