Intimacy: Today, my dad somehow found some pictures of my boyfriend having...

By omgwtfsam - United States

Today, my dad somehow found some pictures of my boyfriend having sex with some girl and went on a rampage about how pissed he was that he was cheating on me. I had to explain to my parents that I was the girl in the pictures. FML

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Intimacy

Coherence dude, do you have it?

There's no helping some people

Social distancing

By justwantsomeillusionofjustice - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, I stumbled across my school bully on Facebook. She's a successful business owner and engaged to be married. I can't land a job and am hopelessly single. The b***h that served as the catalyst for my depression and suffered no repercussions is getting married on my birthday. FML

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By WeightAMinute - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend who dumped me after 2 1/2 years because I got fat. The last two years I've lost 68 lbs, am happier and couldn't wait to shove that in his face. So, of course the first time he see's me I'm alone, pushing a shopping cart full of ice cream for a party later. FML

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By razzmataz - United States

Today, I was discussing my family heritage with my girlfriend's parents. The moment I told them that I came from a German background, her seven-year-old brother pointed at me and yelled, "HITLER!" FML

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By secretsant4

Today, at an 8 a.m. spin class, I knelt on the floor to set up my bike. The bike next to me was too close, and while the girl on it was pedaling to warm up, she pedaled down hard onto my heel, breaking my ankle. FML

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By Anonymous - Switzerland - Wildberg

Today, my boyfriend ended our relationship. He called me from his mobile phone, claimed to be a trauma surgeon, and told me with a bad German accent that my "boyfriend" had been in a fatal car crash earlier in the day. What the hell is wrong with this idiot? FML

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By soontobedumped - United States

Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML

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By conspicuous - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I was late for class. I have extreme social anxiety, so I quietly slipped into the huge, packed auditiorium, trying to be as quiet as possible. When I was almost to my seat, I accidentally kicked a teacher's coffee down the steps. The entire class looked at me and clapped. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was dragged to a Super Bowl party. While there, the host's kid threw 3 cups of apple sauce at my feet, which then exploded and covered my jeans. 10 minutes later, the host's wife announced that she was pregnant with twins. All I could come up with was, "You're making more!?" FML

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By LostSoul

Today, I found out my daughter was planning a wedding and invited everyone but me. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2020 17:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Left behind

Today, it was my best friend's birthday party. Her boyfriend and I agreed to organize a dinner date to surprise her and celebrate. They celebrated, but forgot me until they arrived at the restaurant and saw the dinner reservation under my name. FML

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By cjay2200 - United Kingdom

Today, my son was eating a plum. I was busy in the kitchen, and he came running in saying "Mummy my plum is wet", I told him it was fine and bit a bit off to prove it. He looked at me and said "No Mummy! Can you wash it please, I dropped it in my potty". I feel ill. FML

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By - Australia

Today, as I walked out of a club, I slipped in my new shoes and spilled my chicken, chips and gravy on my brand new white dress. Not only did people see me do this, but my dress is ruined. FML

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By ohno - United States

Today, due to "severe cuts to the budget" at work, I had to stir my coffee with a paper clip. FML

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By hunnydoll - United States

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I was frantically searching for my cell phone. He was curious as to what I was doing so I told him. There was long silence followed by laughter. He could hardly breathe as he told me, "Honey you're on your phone talking to me." FML

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By Robyn_mori - 31/1/2020 05:00 - Canada

The difference

Today, I was shopping for socks and I went to look in the men's section. Dad said: "You don't want those, they are for men." I asked what the difference was? He looked around, and then leaned in and whispered: "Men have a penis!" FML

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By tandc - United States

Today, in a rush to squeeze out of a particularly tight parking spot, I made a hurried 12-point turn. Just to make sure I had enough room behind, I hopped out of my car. It was still in reverse. I managed to wreck my own car without even sitting in it. FML

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By Kait - Canada - Newmarket

Today, I went on a Tinder date. Sort of. I got ready and went to the bar he'd chosen. I waited 15 minutes for him to show. We exchanged ”Hellos,” then he said he was going to grab a drink and walked off. He didn’t come back. Damn, was it the way I said, “Hello”? FML

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By emmey - United States

Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I am allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML

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By flattire - Canada

Today, two really hot guys pulled up in a car next to mine. They were waving at me and pointing down, I figured they were being pigs so I flipped them off. Turns out they were trying to warn me of the flat tire I had. FML

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By uhoh901 - United States

Today, I just had a phone interview with a college. The lady asked me to spell out my password to a site so she can access my test scores. The password was "dick." FML

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By brigie - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend of two and a half years left me. To clear my head I decided to go for a drive. My car broke down on the way. The only mechanic I have ever used and trusted with my car is my boyfriend. Yes, I had to call him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, in the bathroom during the ACTs, my hair got stuck in the electric hand dryer. I had to rip my hair out. For future reference, hair + hand dryer = dreadlocks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Evansville

Today, my girlfriend announced to everyone at dinner that she was no longer a virgin. This was news to everyone: her parents, siblings, best friend, and me. FML

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By Anonymous - Bosnia and Herzegovina - Tuzla

Today, I wore a sexy nurse's outfit for a little roleplay with my boyfriend. After the main event, he said the sex was actually pretty bad and that he should file a medical malpractice lawsuit. Then he laughed at his own joke, got dressed, and went out for drinks. FML

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By hoovered - United States

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to give me a "hickey" with a vacuum cleaner while I was passed out drunk. Not only do I have to try and explain this to my girlfriend, but we're meeting her parents for lunch this afternoon. FML

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By abigiggles

Today, a spider came down from its web in front of my face. This would have been fine and I could have killed it easily if I wasn't in my car. Driving on the highway. I cried. FML

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By Dontworryaboutit - United States

Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I learned my dog had eaten a roll of vet wrap, which is like a long strip of bandage. I learned this when she tried to pass it in the yard today, and could only do so with my help. It seemed to never end. FML

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By Anonymous

Oh, hai Mark!

Today, my boyfriend's antisocial father actually decided to talk to me. Too bad I couldn't respond, due to the fact that I still had his son's penis in my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I had to walk through an extremely crowded pub wearing a dorky prisoner outfit to get to a dress-up party at the back. When we got there, I soon realised it wasn't fancy dress, but just black-and-white themed. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

Today, a classmate at college accused me of stalking her. All because I walked past her house. I was walking to the supermarket. FML

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By samboob - United States

Today, I saw one of those candies that you spray on your tongue. Only after spraying some in my mouth did I find it was actually perfume. FML

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By Alex - Belgium

Today, I was notified that I've been going to the wrong courses for 4 weeks. A friend of mine was the only person to tell me that the administration had taken the privilege to change my courses. I have now failed 5 courses due to absences and have been suspended from college for 6 months. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I was accused of stealing when I dropped a $20 bill in front of my boss. His logic: I'm too poor to have a $20 bill and there's no way it was a tip, since our customers are "so stingy". It was a tip and it was going to get me through the rest of the month. He won't give it back. FML

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By mick

Today, on my and my wife's very first camping holiday, someone cut a hole in the tent wall while we slept and stole everything, including my keys and the car. Finally getting home, it seems the thieves got our address from the car's sat-nav and burgled the house as well. FML

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By liquorless - Canada - Hamilton

Today, my girlfriend's mother came over for a few hours. After she left I went to grab a drink, only to find that three bottles of expensive liquor were missing from our liquor cabinet. FML

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By princess - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 3 year old daughter's Halloween costume finally got delivered. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my family threw me a surprise party for my 29th Birthday. My brother-in-law sent me a text telling me they were all waiting for me to arrive. Thinking it was at my sister's home, I drove two hours there. It was actually at my parents' house. I missed my party and they ate my cake. FML

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By WaterNeeded

Shortage

Today, I came back from a holiday with in-laws who don't speak English. After taking a dump and not being able to flush, I realised they had turned off the water prior to the holiday. I had to show them my poop to explain they had no running water. FML

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Top comments

By lyndis_fml | 0

#433282 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:23

Why the hell were these pictures somewhere where your parents could see?

By banerkblue | 0

#433267 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:17

lol. I would've let them think it was someone else!

COMMENTS

By ghadir | 2

#433261 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:15

haha! woww that must've been awkward lol
yay michigan! *sigh*

Dmaster22 | 0

#434391 - Monday 27 July 2009 19:04

YDI for not hiding em good enough

DenBriZel | 31

#5566192 - Friday 5 July 2013 1:15

How the hell did your dad find a picture that private anyway?

By thtnerdykid | 0

#433265 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:17

awkward...

Wombats111 | 0

#434021 - Monday 27 July 2009 16:42

I hope your dad didn't have them for masterbational purposes.

By banerkblue | 0

#433267 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:17

lol. I would've let them think it was someone else!

By lyndis_fml | 0

#433282 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:23

Why the hell were these pictures somewhere where your parents could see?

aduck | 0

#433839 - Monday 27 July 2009 15:35

I doubt she left them lying around. There was probably at least a vague level of snooping on her dads part.

minax24 | 0

#1921888 - Sunday 2 January 2011 22:59

maby they were on the Internet and her dad was looking for porn and found those instead

By americayay | 0

#433290 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:27

YDI for taking pictures. I'll bet money you regret those for very different reasons one day.

drinkupgorgeous | 0

#433294 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:28

AMEN.

rolguru | 0

#433300 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:29

Agreed

Alexgoesfml | 3

#433754 - Monday 27 July 2009 14:48

Nicely put!

Nonnag | 0

#433785 - Monday 27 July 2009 15:08

Who says she knew they were taken?

tko | 0

#434409 - Monday 27 July 2009 19:11

yea, ur a dumb bitch for taking pics. shoulda took video ;)
lol jk

Rouge_Plague | 0

#435609 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:46

Agreed. With sex (in their case) its kinda like murder. You gotta make sure no one else finds out.
Terrible analogy so lets just ignore it and get on with our lives. =D

By curlyfriez | 0

#433298 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:29

well youre stupid. things like that should be hidden somewhere safe.

By jem1991 | 0

#433308 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:33

i dont think i will ever understand why people
make videos and take pictures of themselves doing
the nasty

Puolukka | 4

#433476 - Monday 27 July 2009 11:25

and I don't think I will ever understand why people call having sex "doing the nasty" o.O

genius_man16 | 0

#433806 - Monday 27 July 2009 15:17

because "sex" is an evil word that you will go to hell for saying. Like bitch or something. Duh

By curlyfriez | 0

#433310 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:34

well you're stupid. I want to say that these pictures must have been posted somewhere because if they were in you're house or computer, then your dad would of obviously assumed you were the girl, given the fact you had them.

By ohaiyaz | 0

#433337 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:43

I bet your parents will be looking at those tonight when they're getting it on.

OH and great job at hiding them,you're a winner.

alexm501 | 0

#3675035 - Friday 2 December 2011 23:24

Gross.

By midwestjerk | 0

#433346 - Monday 27 July 2009 9:49

I'll bet he got hard looking at the pics, too.